Hakim Drops the Ball!

Unimpressed Breesus understands your pain, Aaron Rodgers

2012-01-16T11:18:00.002-06:00

(Photo by Getty Images)

Unimpressed Breesus gives, receives dap

2012-01-16T11:17:00.000-06:00

(Photos by Getty Images)

Unimpressed Breesus understands Bill Barnwell's logic

2012-01-13T09:22:00.001-06:00

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Unimpressed Breesus respects Kendall Hunter

2012-01-12T12:57:00.001-06:00

(Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images North America)

Unimpressed Breesus knows what the Niners D can do

2012-01-12T12:05:00.002-06:00

(Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)

Unimpressed Breesus meme continues

2012-01-11T15:00:00.001-06:00

(Photo by Kevin C. Cox of Getty Images)

Drew Brees unimpressed

2012-01-10T11:44:00.002-06:00

(Photo: Ronald Martinez / Getty Images)

Get yo internet snark on!

2012-01-09T16:32:00.003-06:00

You can HAVE Megatron, Lions fans...

2011-12-04T15:55:00.002-06:00

We've got "LEGatron" bitches!

NFL Power Rankings (Week 13 - 2011)

2011-12-02T23:00:00.007-06:00

Yeah, so one Skittle-riffic game was already played, whatever... It's not like the Seahawks or Eagles were moving THAT much. As always, I've ranked teams 32nd to 1st, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth.

In honor of the new Muppets movie, I'm tossing out some Muppet bits for this edition of the Rankings. Sorry, Facts and Chicks blog, maybe next time...

Mahna Mahna, folks.

32. Indianapolis Colts (0-11)
31. St. Louis Rams (2-9): Steve Spagnuolo is not to blame for this team sucking as much as it has. Injuries and a slew of holes across the roster are to blame. That and their receivers are a bunch of #nocatchingmotherfuckers
30. Minnesota Vikings (2-9)
29. Cleveland Browns (4-7)
28. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-7): And to think, Jaguar fans, you guys could have had Tebow... #wanking
27. Kansas City Chiefs (4-7)
26. Miami Dolphins (3-8)
25. San Diego Chargers (4-7)
24. Philadelphia Eagles (4-7): Well, their season sure went tits up in a hurry...
23. Washington Redskins (4-7)
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneeers (4-7)
21. Carolina Panthers (3-8)

Here's the one sad thing about the new Muppets movie: Statler and Waldorf are barely in it, but they've been getting watered down for years to begin with. Take a look at the above video. They're trading barbs with MILTON BERLE, for fuck's sake! These guys were biting, sarcastic and clever.

20. Arizona Cardinals (4-7)
19. Seattle Seahawks (4-7): Marshawn Lynch's favorite beer: Skittlebrau
18. Buffalo Bills (5-6)
17. New York Jets (6-5)
16. Denver Broncos (6-5): Hope everybody on the set of First Take carries a poncho to work if Tebow makes the playoffs. Skip Bayless will spooge like the scene in Scary Movie 2.
15. New York Giants (6-5)
14. Oakland Raiders (7-4)
13. Tennessee Titans (6-5)
12. Chicago Bears (7-4)
11. Atlanta Falcons (7-4)

Sam the Eagle, FTW. No, seriously, I think he'd win the GOP nomination at this point. And he'd probably beat Pres. Obama. I would look forward to an "the Eagle/ Fozzy Bear" administration. Fozzy's not qualified, you say? He's cuddlier than Joe Biden and Dick Cheney, that's for damn sure...

10. Detroit Lions (7-4): Enjoy this visit in the Top 10, fellas, cause you may be off it next week.
9. Houston Texans (8-3): Since they're on their backup to the backup and have signed Jake Delhomme to be THAT guy's backup... (checks watch.) Yep, the Texans collapse is right on schedule.
8. Cincinnati Bengals (7-4): Still relevant this season, folks. Bully for them.
7. New England Patriots (8-3): God, I hate the Patriots...
6. Dallas Cowboys (7-4): But not as much as I hate the Cowboys...
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3): And nowhere NEAR as much as I hate the Steelers!
4. San Francisco 49ers (9-2): Still the number 2 seed with five games to go. They play the Rams twice, the Cardinals and Seahawks, and the Steelers. Any chance they lose at least two of those games?
3. Baltimore Ravens (8-3): Which looks more ridiculous on Joe Flacco: eyebrows or facial hair? Ugly jokes, folks. That's why you've come here.
2. New Orleans Saints (8-3): If I were Tom Condon...first thing I'd do after Breesus signs his new contract is I'd go down to Walmart, buy every copy of every Madea movie on DVD and Bluray, bring them home and take up skeet shooting.
1. Green Bay Packers (11-0): I am yet to feel any animosity toward Aaron Rodgers. I ought to at least not like the guy for this season, but nope; dude's alright in my book. But anywho...fuck Brett Favre as always...

Purple Friday, folks! Why LSU wins by more than 2 TDs

2011-11-25T11:07:00.002-06:00

Today's "Black Friday" post comes courtesy of my "Guy Who Knows A Guy." You thought he wasn't real, right? WRONG! Not only does he continue feeding me full of information, he also dropped this dime on me today: LSU is going to win by more than 2 touchdowns. Continue reading to get his take on Tigers v. Razorbacks. (Note: And sign I'm not the GWKAG...I like college football, but I don't like it enough to go through all this trouble analyzing it.)

In the meantime, I hope you guys had a very Gaga Thanksgiving. Whatever the fuck that means...

LSU-Arkansas.....lots of texts on thoughts on LSu game tomorrow and pt spread and thoughts. Game sits at 11.5 or 12 pt spread depending on who you talk to. Opened at 14. Why that much? LSU is real good at home and Tiger Stadium is one of the toughest road venues in college football. When Vegas factors Tiger Stadium in, instead of the usual 3 or 3.5 pt addition to the spread added in for the home team, Vegas will go w/ 4-5 pts. The additional points despite Arkansas being just a one loss team.

Here are some stats to back it up and why LSU wins by at least 17 tomorrow.

LSU has rushed for 210 yds per game, avg'ing 4.8 yds per carry. Ark's def has allowed 164 yds per game on the ground and 4.3 yds per tote.

LSU's def has given up just 90 yds per game rushing, 2.7 per carry. Arkansas' ground game - 146 per, which isnt too bad, and 4.6 per carry.

If something gives here, it will be the Hog defense going against LSU's running game. many other teams, including Alabama, a much better defense than Arkansas, stacked the line of scrimmage and the Tigers had success running the football at times.
Richardson and Lacy had 26 carries total for 64 yds when you take away each of their longest runs.

LSU has had success w/ 4 of their staple runs this year and in this order 1) iso, 2) power, 3) zone, 4) counter. If you went back and counted up the running plays, they would tally out in that order. Power and zone would be close.

In the turnover ratio game, LSU is +18 while Ark is +1. LSu forces turnovers on defense, we all know abt Mathieu's exploits, but the front creates pressure and the secondary has the best depth in the country. LSU has only lost 3 fumbles all season on offense, while their QBs have just thrown 3 INTs all year, tops in the country. While people continue to question the ability or usage of the 2 QBs for the Tigers, they have used their talents to help LSU to an unblemished record through 11 games - 1 of 2 of the 120 1A teams to accomplish that feat.

LSU has allowed just 10 pts per game through 11 games, while Ark has allowed 21 pts per. Both offenses have scored around the same amount of pts, w/ the Hogs 1.4 pts better than LSU - both in the upper 30s. Divide the pts for vs pts against and LSU has a 3.79 # while Ark has a 1.86 #. Double the difference.
yards per pass att differential is the passing stat to look at, not yds passing or efficiency, etc. LSU has a 3.10 figure in the category, while Ark has a respectable 1.86 number.

B/c of that yds per pass attempt differential figure and LSU's clamping down on opponents returning punts, the Tigers have enjoyed a big field pos advantage all year. WIng has been as good as any punter in the country w/ any type of kick needed. hairston has been good for a true freshman and the kick cov team has been solid. LSU gives up 1/2 yard on punt returns to opponents, while Ark gives up 11 yds per punt return. If the teams trade 5 punts, LSU would have a 5 first down advantage on paper.

If either team wins the toss, they will defer and put their defense on the field 1st. LSU - b/c their defense is one of the two best in the country. Ark - b/c they lead the nation in touchbacks w/ 34.

So.....1) LSU has a big advantage stopping the run and should do so vs Ark 2) LSU will have an adv running the football against Ark's run defense, which will open up the play act pass, where Tiger Qbs have had plenty of success this season 3) Spec teams continues to win out for LSu w/ their punting and coverage teams 4) LSu will create turnovers on defense, as they have all year and not turn it over. Ark does not create turnovers like LSU does.

Chaing Gang: A Boner-Inducing Rushing Attack!

2011-11-11T10:40:00.005-06:00

Each week here at Hakim we bring together a group of Saints bloggers to discuss all things Saints during the week. Here is their email chain. This week we had Grandmaster Wang from moosedenied, Dave Cariello and Andrew Juge from Canal Street Chronicles, and Ralph Malbrough from WWLTV.com. And the boss man, Kevin Held.

RALPH:
At this point I'm not sure what's left to say. The Saints have rushed for 200 yards the last two home games. They didn't create any turnovers but they really only let Blount get loose on one long run.

I still don't trust them on the road.

I know we all had Ingramania and were pumped to get him but looking at how awful that front 7 on defense is maybe the Saints should have traded back up to get another defender.
I get they were worried about Ivory's foot and all the running back injuries

But at this point I think I'd rather have Sproles, Thomas Ivory and a 2012 #1 pick than Ingram.

This defense is going to have to be rebuilt AGAIN. New DT, new linebackers. All of it. I asked the question on the podcast and I'll ask it again, "What does this defense do well?" I think the answer is NOTHING so the question becomes what is realistic for it to do well the rest of 2011?

Maybe create turnovers or stop the run? If you could pick one what would it be?

I think I'd go turnovers and just try to ride Breesus far as you can.

WANG:
I just finished the podcast and I agree that the answer is "not a goddamn thing." Not consistently, anyway. I will say that I thought both Will Smith and Cam Jordan were killing it yesterday. Especially 91, especially in the second half. For a while there it seemed like Smith was about a half inch away from Freeman on every single snap. He was straight abusing Tampa's LT. Which was nice, but like you and Kevin were talking about, the middle was wide open all damn day. Roman Harper had a pretty decent game too.

But I still come back to the nagging feeling that yesterday was at least as much about Tampa shitting the bed like the Saints did down in Tampa, as it was about the Saints playing a particularly strong game on defense. And Blount being in his first game back off an injury explains a lot of him rushing for "only" 72 yards. Tampa looks like they might be getting dangerously close to imploding. And I do mean imploding, as in from within.

Ralph, seems you were right on about that whole home vs. away thing. Or at least other people are now coming to that conclusion too. I still think it's mostly about the Saints half-assing it a lot of the time, but that does seem to happen a lot more on the road than at home. I don't see any other explanation for the difference in the performance of both lines from week to week aside from just sometimes they half-ass it and other times they use their whole asses. I mean, you can't convince me the return of Zach Strief makes THAT big a difference. The d-line also looked like a whole different line than they usually look like, and it can't be just because Tampa was missing Jeremy Zuttah.

It still disturbs the hell out of me that these guys seem to need stupid motivational shit like the baseball bats to get it through their skulls that they can do better. The bats were cool that one time in the playoff game against Arizona, but doing it several times a year is retarded, and SHOULD be unnecessary.

Good win though. I just wonder how much of it was due to the "fact" that Tampa might very well be circling the drain at this point. They're still better than the Rams though, so we've got that going for us. I look at the rest of the schedule and I don't see an "easy" one left. Not a single one. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe they'll be able to stay "motivated" now without the need for souvenir baseball bats and shit.

Ralph, I hear you about "did we really need Ingram?" but with all due respect, hindsight. And hell, for that matter, we're still just about halfway through (assuming playoffs.) How much money are you putting down that Pierre and/or Ivory are gonna stay healthy for the next 7+ games? I suppose it could happen, and that would be great. Until yesterday, Ingram was the Saints' leading rusher, and he still leads the team in rushing TDs. We're gonna need him again before it's all over.

But, sheesh, what a thing of beauty it is when the Saints' rushing game is working like it was yesterday. Huge throbbing boner.

You're right about the defense needing to be rebuilt (again) though. And that's gonna be a tall order.

RALPH:
I think everyone underestimates how playing on the road affects the o-line. Crowd noise, snap count, etc. Plus the Saints were way behind in Tampa and St. Louis and that means teams can just tee off and forget the run. To me the best things to have on the road is good lines and the Saints have neither.

As for the Saints not needed to be motivated. NFL players need it because while Brees might be a freak and want to be the best, hall of famer, etc the majority of NFL players are just like most of us. They show up to their job, do the best the can, but do they really give a shit? Yes they want to do a good job and keep their job but they simply aren't going to be geeked every week. It's a huge part of Sean Payton's job to get them focused and motivated every week. I think overall Payton has done a fairly good job and the Saints haven't laid many turds in his 5 and a half years.

Also I think part of the Saints completely sucking in St. Louis is they didn't make any plays to build any sort of momentum until the fumble recovery. I think especially on the road somebody has to make a play to sort of get things started. A team can't get emotional unless they start playing well. If a team is flat or sleep walking the only thing that snaps them out of it is a big play.

This week will tell me everything I need to know about the Saints. Three straight road duds and it's official; 2011 is a one and done playoff game at best.

I'll be interested to see how Gregg Williams schemes to stop Michael Turner and without Porter I wonder if the CBs can hold up against Jones/White.

KEVIN:
Just so we're clear...This season is a failure if the Saints don't make the postseason. Am I correct in this?

As for the running game, I'm glad we've got Ingram. Yeah, hindsight being 20-20, etc., maybe we should've taken a LB or some other help in the secondary.

Like I said in an earlier thread, I think the Saints need to be defense specific in this draft. And yes, that means, GET A LINEBACKER. Vilma isn't going to be around forever and is already showing cracks. And Scott Shanle is Scott Shanle. Shaun Rodgers is done after this year, right? Please say "yes," somebody.

PS - Boner-inducing running games are a great thing.

ANDREW:
Yes, Rogers has a 1 year deal.

The bye week isn't necessarily coming at a great time because the Saints are fairly healthy at the moment, but it'll be nice to recharge. Show good intensity at Atlanta and then get a little break. This Atlanta game is huge. The winner of this game has a really good chance to take the division. The Saints come back from the bye to host the Giants and Lions. Those are brutal matchups. They need some leeway with a division lead and a tie breaker as insurance going up against those teams... which is why this Falcons game is a must win. They need to scratch, fight and claw like they did in Atlanta last year. This may be week 10 but it has the feel of week 17, plus it's the hated Falcons. We're not amped and hyped on it yet because of the emotion of this past weekend with LSU and the Bucs game... but trust me, by mid week this will hit all Saints fans across the head with a "holy shit, wait a minute, this game is HUGE". It's 6-3 vs. 5-3 for the division lead. If the Saints lose, they can recover. If the Falcons lose, at home, they're toast. This is the Saints' chance to bury them. I hope they take it.

RALPH:
Andrew, just saw your defensive grades. Will the Saints be better off playing Dunbar again this week and give Vilma even more rest? My initial thought was yes because Falcons have Turner but can Vilma help on Gonzales? Or I'm I completely wrong though because Gonzo will be covered by Shanle or Casillas not the middle linebacker.

ANDREW:
Vilma is typically covering backs out of the backfield. The tight end is either Shanle or Harper's responsibility depending on the coverage assignment/blitz package. Part of the reason why Dunbar fared ok against the Bucs is they didn't really have a receiving back threat with Earnest Graham injured. And still, Lumpkin was wide open a few times including once for a touchdown and Freeman missed him. Jacquizz Rodgers is a threat, but overall I think this is another favorable matchup to have Dunbar in there because you're facing a physical in between the tackles back in Turner. So overall, yes, I think the Saints are better off with Dunbar this week. Tuner isn't a big threat receiving at all. They do throw to Ovie Mughelli in short yardage and the red zone, though, so the Saints will need to keep an eye on that. I would say that Vilma is a MUCH better option when the Saints are playing backs like Matt Forte, for example. That's a horrible matchup for Dunbar.

Is it just me or is the buzz surrounding this game at a flat line? WTF? This is the Atlanta Falcons for F's sake! 6-3 @ 5-3 with the winner taking over the division lead. I mean, do games get any bigger? Can we all please start spitting fire and get more motivated? I'm not blaming us for the lack of fire, but as Saints bloggers it's on us to get the hype started. Have we forgotten what Roddy White said? Have we forgotten they signed Brett Maxie, Bobby Hebert, Morten Andersen, Joe Horn etc etc etc... Or Aaron Stecker the week of the matchup to get intel on the Saints? Have we forgotten that for 44 years this rivalry has been for the pride of the South? Have we forgotten that UNACCEPTABLE face Jerry Glanville had every time they scored points on us that to this day makes me what to take an axe to everything in my house? (ok that was psycho, sorry.) I know the LSU game last weekend took all of our collective focus but it's time to move on. This is Saints vs. Falcons baby! The most underrated rivalry in all of sports. Come on, someone give me something. Dave, tell me you're semi hard for Dave the Falconer and the Falcons "aren't that bad" to at least get my blood boiling. Wang, come up with some witty piece about how Roddy White is a crime against humanity. Kevin, rant about how Deion Sanders high stepping on the fleur de lis is forever etched into your brain akin to that time you were picked last in touch football after a girl with down syndrome. Ralph, bitch about how Olin Kreutz belongs on the Falcons. Hans, give me a hot read post about how Matt Ryan enjoys feeding strawberries naked to Joey Harrington. Come on guys. Give me something. THIS IS SAINTS-FALCONS. Is no one fired up???

RALPH:
I agree that the buzz hasn't gotten cranked up. I really think there's this attitude among the fanbase that think if the Saints just need pull their head out of their ass and not sleep walk then 2009 will be HERE ANY MINUTE.

They don't realize the 2011 Saints are in a fist fight to the death to win the NFC South. I finally accepted the 2011 Saints for what they are at halftime of the Rams game. Their shitty tendencies like no run defense, horrible line play on the road, Brees throwing picks, and defense not getting turnovers aren't bugs in the system they are FEATURES built into the 2011 version.

The whole off season theory of Franklin/Rogers upgrading the defense is a failure so far although Franklin looked good and you grading confirmed it so there is a little hope.

I guess it's sort of a good thing the fanbase has become a little spoiled and has great expectations. But come on it's TIME TO HATE THE FUCKING FALCONS, that's like 35% of the fun being a Saints fan.

WANG:
Heh. Nice. Just for the record, I believe Mughelli is on IR (???)

Hate to say it, but I think Dunbar > Vilma at this point in most situations.

I think the Penn State story is dominating most sports fans' attention right about now. Might explain a lot of the lack of being fired up about this weekend.

Personally, though? There's the Penn State thing, but also, and I can't believe I'm about to confess this... I don't have any particularly extraordinary hate for the Falcons. For me, they're just another opponent. Not really sure why, but that's always been true for me. Sure, I want them to lose at every opportunity, but it's no different from how I approach Tampa and Carolina, and back in the day the Rams & 49ers. No extra juice there just because it's Atlanta.

If Kevin Held and I ever meet face to face, he's welcome to slap me in the face for saying that. I deserve it.

RALPH:
"But come on it's TIME TO HATE THE FUCKING FALCONS, that's like 35% of the fun being a Saints fan" - well said, except the number is more like 83%.

And congratulations Wang, you've officially brought my blood to a soft boil (hehe, soft). Way to be a Roddy White lover. Dave can still raise the temp with a plug of his physical relationship with Dave the Falconer. Come on Cariello, you know you want to shout it from the rooftops.

KEVIN:
Oh, I hate the Falcons, maybe not as much as Ralph does, but I hate them for sure. Wang's right in that most of us are consumed by this Penn State thing. I just read the full indictment for the first time today....do yourselves a favor AND DON'T READ IT. Your soul will get blacker just for looking at it.

Yeah, I kinda approach the NFC South roughly the same, but the Falcons get a nod above Tampa and Carolina. The Falcons are up there with Dallas and Pittsburgh and San Francisco for me. My hate is strong.

NFL Power Rankings (Week 9 - 2011)

2011-11-06T22:17:00.013-06:00

I've ranked teams 32nd to 1st, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth.

32. Indianapolis Colts (0-9)
31. St. Louis Rams (1-7)
30. Arizona Cardinals (2-6)
29. Miami Dolphins (1-7): Reg-gie...Reg-gie?
28. Seattle Seahawks (2-6)
27. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-6)
26. Cleveland Browns (3-5): Somebody add "Peyton Hillis" to the "Madden Curse" Wikipedia page!
25. Washington Redskins (3-6): Can we combine Rex Grossman and John Beck to form "Rex Beck"? It's not as cool as "Max Power," but it'll do...
24. Carolina Panthers (2-6)
23. Minnesota Vikings (2-6): Ponder will be a good quarterback for this team in a couple years. As long as AP stays healthy.
22. Denver Broncos (3-5): It's Jesus Boy, jump for joy!
21. San Diego Chargers (4-4): Phillip Rivers has morphed into Aaron Brooks or something...

This game trailer is 13 kinds of amazing. And for the record, my wife is terrified by having to look at skinny Jonah Hill. Oddly enough, she sat through an entire episode of "Allen Gregory," so I don't know what to tell you people.

20. Oakland Raiders (4-4): Look, I think if they play Denver on a neutral field, they'd win. Simple as that.
19. Tennessee Titans (4-4)
18. Kansas City Chiefs (4-4)
17. Philadelphia Eagles (3-5): Not out of the playoff race just yet. But they're getting there...
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-4): This team looks ready to implode. They're arguing on the field and on the sideline. Never a good sign. Keep that shit to the locker room. That or just settle it with a pillow fight.

(NOTE: Honestly, I could see every team above this spot making the playoffs in fine style. Nearly half the league. How's THAT for parity?)

15. Dallas Cowboys (4-4)
14. Chicago Bears (5-3): Protect Cutler, good things happen.
13. New England Patriots (5-3)
12. Houston Texans (6-3): Who from the Patriots D is going to stop Foster and Tate, Attorneys-at-Law?
11. Buffalo Bills (5-3)

Never mind how awesome that was ... I want that fucking hoodie! Actually, I should really go all out for one Halloween and dress up as Ezio Auditore. Spend money and everything! (Checks bank account.) Oh. Nevermind. (Kicks rock.)

10. New York Jets (5-3): The AFC East is what we'd like to call "IN FLUX."
9. Atlanta Falcons (5-3)
8. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3): Hope my old boss drowned in a pool of his own tears Sunday night. I'm sorry, was the microphone on?
7. Detroit Lions (6-2)
6. New York Giants (6-2)
5. New Orleans Saints (6-3): Real good home team. Shaky road team. Yeah, they'll be a fun bet for the postseason...
4. Cincinnati Bengals (6-2): This is still not a mirage...
3. Baltimore Ravens (6-2): Sweep the Steelers? You're all right in my book. I wipe my taint with the 'Terrible Towel'. There, I said it.
2. San Francisco 49ers (7-1): The two-seed in the NFC is theirs to lose. I have them ahead of the Ravens because their D is actually better. And dare I say it...Alex Smith has looked more consistent this year than Joe Flacco.
1. Green Bay Packers (8-0)

"Like a shotgun, needs an outcome / I'm your prostitute / You gonna get some"

Wise words. Wise woman.

Chain Gang: Horrors in St. Louis Edition

2011-11-04T11:12:00.003-05:00

Ralph Malbrough:

I was listening to Sean Payton on Sirius radio driving to work and holy shit the man managed to almost put me in full scale panic.

Payton explained Carl Nicks yelling at offensive line coach Aaron Kroemer by saying He told Kroemer to yell at the lineman to not walk off the field late in the game. Kroemer does what he's told and Nicks yells back. I know Nicks apologized after the game but doesn't that sum up the whole Payton in the booth issue; He has to relay most game day messages through someone else. That scares the crap out of me going forward. The Boss has to be the boss and can't lead through others on gameday. I hate to say it but to me the Saints offensive line is like Mike Martz and the Bears; you DO NOT TRUST THEM ON THE ROAD UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Andrew, I'll be very interested in your grades. The tackles got worked but I thought De Puente fell back to earth but I can't be sure until i re-watch.

Wang, I'm done with Sedrick Ellis. He's just a guy. He's never coming around, making the leap , whatever. And could they give Pierre Thomas all the carries? I'm not asking for more running plays because we know that's not likely to happen but Thomas to me is clearly better than Sproles/Ivory running inside.

This team feels like 10-6/11-5 with a home playoff game and then an ass whipping road loss in Green Bay/San Fran. And that's the best they could do. Worst would be 8 or 9 wins. They are the classic good at home bad on the road team. As Saints fans we've never really seen this in a long time because Sean Payton's teams have traditionaly been very good on the road and mediocre to ok at home. Hell, Haslett sucked at home and was good on the road usually. In 2000 they were 7-1 on the road. I know they are 2-3 on the road which isn't awful but the two wins were a so so win in Jacksonville and a Drew Brees comeback in Carolina. No world beaters those two. Tampa Bay always was a must win because they can't lose twice to division opponent.

Grandmaster Wang:

I think Jeff Duncan nailed it and it'll be the subject of my post tomorrow. To me it's real simple, this team needs to sack the fuck up already. It's all between the ears, and quite frankly it always has been, and it starts at the top with Sean Payton and Drew Brees who are as guilty as anybody. They know all the right things to SAY, and so do most of the other guys on the team. Being humble, not taking any opponent lightly, maintaining focus, all that good shit. Guess what? It's just words. Talk is cheap, and performances like that make it obvious that they don't practice what they preach.

It's becoming more and more apparent that 2009 was the exception, it was the year where they managed to come out on top despite themselves. They had scares against bad teams that year too, for all the same reasons, yet in 2009 the ball was bouncing their way and they came out on top anyway. But that was the exception, and 2007, 2008, 2010 and 2011 are the rule. Every year this team throws away 2 or 3 games for no apparent reason. They strut into a stadium thinking the opponent is gonna shit their pants just because "Oh shit, it's the SAINTS!!!" and invariably they end up getting their asses handed to them.

These guys do read their own press clippings and buy into their own hype, that much is obvious at this point. They can deny it all they want, but it's true. The evidence is on the field. And that's what's holding them back as much as anything else. Until they figure that out (or I should say unless, because I'm not convinced that they ever will) they'll continue to be an underachieving pseudo-contender.

Testicular fortitude. This team doesn't have it. They barely even TRIED in the second half. They wait until midway through the 3rd quarter down by 24 to start running the ball? When it's already too late? On what planet does that make sense? Punting with 6:00 left in the game down 10? Huddling, lining up in a fuckin I formation, dink and dunk 3-yard dumpoff passes. YOU'RE THE GODDAMN SAINTS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! They weren't even trying to push the ball downfield. And I know that the o-line was getting abused and trying to get yards in chunks might have made it even worse. But fucking TRY! It was like they had already accepted the loss, and just wanted to throw a few garbage points on the board to make it look better. That's some pussified shit, and it was absolutely disgusting.

People will point to the last 2 minutes of the first half when all hell broke loose and scream FLUKE! But it was the second half that was truly disturbing. Zero fight. It was like they were just waiting for the Rams to remember that they're the Rams and lay down.

I said it last week, the whole thing about Sean Payton all of a sudden figuring out that the Saints weren't playing to their full potential and giving a "Hey, play better!" speech and everybody being so proud of "how well it worked" was seriously disturbing. Big time red flag that these guys are satisfied half-assing it and think it ought to be good enough. Yesterday just cemented that. Again. In retrospect, it's what we should have expected, because it's what they are. It's what they've been for 6 years now. And that includes Sean Payton and Drew Brees.

Ralph Malbrough:

You make them sound like the underachieving San Diego 'fucking' Chargers. They do have three playoff appearances, 4 playoff wins, and A Super Bowl. The Brees Payton era has two mediocre years, three good ones, and 2011 is undecided. I still say the complete meltdown in Atlanta 2008 is the worst performance in the Sean Payton. They got housed,had Shockey Brees scream fest, and had more on the line. Yesterday was second.

I do think they were flat as shit yesterday and if they don't score that defensive TD I really think they might have got shut out. I love Brees but that INT before half was BRUTAL. He can't make that shitty a decision when Rams have all the momentum.

Wang, I just think at this point they are a 6 or 7 win team at home plus 4-4 if they are lucky on the road. They fucked up letting Goodwin walk and those tackles won't hold up in raucous away environment.

Andrew Juge:

Yeah I said I'd be in panic mode if the Saints weren't 6-2, so true to my word I'm panicking. The o-line was atrocious. Top to bottom. I actually thought de la Puente was the best of the bunch and that's REALLY not saying much. The tackle play was atrocious. Bushrod and Brown killed the Saints. The tackles on this team are a complete liability and it doesn't help that Graham blows as a blocking tight end. Hopefully Strief comes back and we get a mediocre performance out of right tackle (as oppose to alarmingly horrendous). Did you guys see how the Rams came out? This was their Super Bowl. And the Saints sleepwalked. They should it was a gimme. And you know what, it should have been.

The Saints' defense is just not good enough to win a game for this team when the offense plays poorly. It's either light up the score board, or lose. Brees has no flexibility in playing "marginal". It's either lights out, or it's a loss. I'm starting to doubt the NFC South crown pretty seriously. At this point that's all we can hope for. The Saints aren't going to catch the Packers. Catching the 49ers is feasible but I don't think we can look that far. At this point the goal has to be the NFC South. Next week is the most important game of the season. MUST WIN.

Kevin Held:

At what point should we have started telling Sproles, "stop running out the end zone"? And when should the Saints have decided to give up the screen pass? And it seemed like they didn't get Jimmy Graham involved nearly enough. Maybe the Rams were covering him really well? But couldn't they have found Colston? Or Moore? We have 1,439 weapons, but that shit don't matter if the opponent pulls his six-shooter out faster and puts one between your eyes first.

Hans:

Kevin, I was at the game, and I was SCREAMING IT to him after the second one, but he must not have heard me.

And do you know what the deal is with the "St. Louis Fucking Missouri" t-shirts they were selling downtown?

Grandmaster Wang:

Thanks a lot for declining the opportunity to punch stooj in his stooj face, Hans.

Hans:

You're welcome.

I liked last Halloween's game a LOT better. Beating the Steelers on SNF to go 5-3 and feeling like the Saints were ready to roll through the next five games - good times...but not so much this year. Goal-line stands, timely turnovers, crucial catches, will the NOLA kids and families get to trick-or-treat or will they get to watch the game? The drama lived up to its hype, and it was fun because they played like they wanted to win, and they did.

This 2011 5-3, although it has losses eerily similar to the ones in the 2010 5-3, feels completely different.

Maybe I'm oversimplifying or overgeneralizing, but look at this...2010's 5-3 included: 2 WTF? how did we lose this game? losses (Arizona, Cleveland) and one close-fought one we could have won (Atlanta).

2011's 5-3 includes: 2 WTF? how did we lose this game? losses (Tampa Bay, St. Louis) and one close-fought one we could have won (Green Bay).

But this year, we're not looking up at Atlanta, and we might still be able to salvage one playoff game at home...as Ralph or Kevin or someone already pointed out. But they might also continue to stink on ice every other week, and they're looking at 9-7, 8-8, and watching the playoffs from home.

Ralph Malbrough:

Andrew your grades were just depressing to read. Maybe you should start grading the offensive tackles on the turnstile scale

1 turnstile: Good game QB only knocked senseless one and increase the turnstiles the more Brees gets a beating.

Charles Brown had a 45 turnstile rating Sunday

Andrew Juge:

I'm done with Charles Brown. I'm officially convinced he doesn't have the head makeup to cut it.

Ralph Malbrough:

Yeah, I think he is one of those guys Scouts and coaches love because if you built a tackle from scratch he would look like Brown and so coaches are like, "I know he screws up on film and makes mental errors BUT I CA COACH HIM UP!"

Andrew,you break down the film and since the Saints can't get new lineman in the middle of the season what is best case scenario for this line?

Andrew Juge:

Best case scenario is Zach Strief comes back healthy and plays the rest of the year and there are no more injuries. Best case also includes David Thomas coming back healthy and adding much needed technique and ability off the edge because Jimmy Graham is KILLING the Saints' running game. Best case scenario is Bushrod plays at the level he's been playing at prior to the Rams game, Nicks improves to last year's level, Evans maintains level, De La Puente maintains level, and Strief holds down RT best he can. It's not a very good line. The two guards are as good as you can get but the rest is shaky. Any injury kills them and makes it even worse.

I think a big part of the problem is how predictable the Saints gave gotten in their sub packages. Lance Moore in the game? Pass. John Gilmore in the game? Run. Jed Collins, or an extra tackle off the edge? Run? Chris Ivory/Mark Ingram in the game? Run. Pierre Thomas in the game? Screen pass or delay.

The Rams clearly did their homework. You know the Bucs will too, and they always seem to play well against Brees. I don't feel good about this game. I think the offense will struggle again.

Ralph Malbrough:

I just read an article on ESPN Insider and it nearly made me pee my pants in fear, I'll quote it

"the Rams were able to exploit a weakness in the Saints' defense. The Saints are giving up 124.1 rushing yards per game, 23rd in the league, but the biggest reason they rank even that high is because their offense usually scores so many points that opponents must pass to try to catch up. The Saints have faced only 22.7 runs per game, the sixth-lowest number in the NFL. New Orleans is last in yards allowed per carry and also last in Football Outsiders' second-level yards (5 to 10 yards past the line of scrimmage) and open-field yards (more than 10 yards downfield) given up per rush. The Rams' defense stopped the Saints from building a big lead, and that gave Steven Jackson a chance to bust loose. He ran 25 times in Week 8 -- the first runner this year to get 20 carries in a game against New Orleans -- and ripped off six 10-yard runs, none bigger than a 32-yarder on fourth-and-2 in the third quarter."

So basically the run defense is horrible and it would be even worse but teams haven't run the ball a lot on the Saints.

One last quote that cheered me up a little

"To beat the Saints, then, a team must generate pass rush without blitzing, cover screen passes and tight ends, and it helps if it can break a couple long runs. The Atlanta Falcons and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the two teams sitting a half-game behind New Orleans in the division, can't do many of those things. Tampa Bay is in the bottom 10 in all four categories, including last in covering screen passes. Atlanta at least has the home run threat of Michael Turner and has had a little success against tight ends, but it's still in the bottom five in sacks and screen pass defense."

Tampa will attempt to grind them into the dirt with Blount but I expect the Saints offense to bet better than it was in Tampa.

I'm not feeling good about this at all.

Andrew Juge:

I'm just really not sure what to expect. The Bucs game was a surprise and the Rams game was a shock. The run defense is definitely poor but there are elements that can be successful against it: Dunbar, Ellis, Franklin. Those three have to step up. More than anything the drop off of this defense to me is all about the drop off of Jonathan Vilma. When the heart of our unit isn't beating it's hard to excel. He has missed so many tackles due to being one step slow to the play this season, plays he made in his sleep 2-3 years ago. He's getting clean paths to these runners sideline to sideline and he's just not getting his hands on them. It's not that Vilma is awful, he's just not elite anymore. I tell you what terrifies me after watching the Saints attempt to stop Jackson: the Atlanta Falcons. Michael Turner is a very similar runner. He's a load, he's pretty fast for his size and he's impossible to tackle... historically he's always been tough against the Saints but that is a nightmare matchup if the game stays close. I do think LaGarrette Blount will be rusty this weekend so him playing is almost to the Saints' advantage. Few players come back from being out 2-3 weeks and play that well right away traditionally.

I'm going to stay optimistic here though and say that I think we'll get a great performance out of the Saints Sunday. They are pissed, embarrassed, and this is the biggest game of the season... at home. No excuses, they have to win this one. I'm going to be shocked if they don't come out looking for blood. If they can't respond and win this game with stakes like this you can pretty much write off the season. I know the Rams game is fresh on the mind but this is still the same team that beat the Colts 62-7. We all know what the offense is capable of when firing on all cylinders.

Ralph Malbrough:

Wang, I'm liked your last column but I just don't think it's as simple as the Saints being flat or focused or whatever. I really think it's a case of them not being elite any more and they are a 10-6 team. Maybe 11 wins if it breaks right.

All the Saints emotion/fire/ass kicking comes from their offense. They were flat as shit against St. Louis because the offense was stuck in park and I think it's going to be that way on the road alot the rest of 2011.

Mediocre offense on the road because of the shitty o-line is the new normal.

Also Juge I gave you a serious shout out in my column on WWLTV.com. Loved your sub package stuff and figured the people needed to hear it.

Paying up on the Slap Bet

2011-11-01T15:39:00.002-05:00

Don't get so cocky about an upcoming game that you go around making a 'slap bet' with your buddy about the outcome. CAUSE THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU...

NFL Power Rankings (Week 7 - 2011)

2011-10-25T13:00:00.011-05:00

I've ranked teams 32nd to 1st, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth.

32. Indianapolis Colts (0-7) - Jim Caldwell had on his best Kathleen Blanco face on the sideline Sunday night.
31. St. Louis Rams (0-6) -
30. Miami Dolphins (0-6) - Dolphins done got Tebowned on Sunday. Lord be praised!
29. Arizona Cardinals (1-5)
28. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5)
27. Denver Broncos (2-4)
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-4)
25. Minnesota Vikings (1-6) - Ponder looked good in the loss. Meanwhile, McNabb's mom dined on free soup for 3,008th straight day.
24. Cleveland Browns (3-3)
23. Kansas City Chiefs (3-3)
22. Washington Redskins (3-3)
21. Carolina Panthers (2-5)

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS TIME!

20. Philadelphia Eagles (2-4)
19. Tennessee Titans (3-3)
18. Dallas Cowboys (3-3)
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-3)
16. Oakland Raiders (4-3)
15. Chicago Bears (4-3)
14. Atlanta Falcons (4-3)
13. New York Jets (4-3)
12. Houston Texans (4-3)
11. Baltimore Ravens (4-2)

KATE UPTON ALERT!

10. Detroit Lions (5-2)
9. San Diego Chargers (4-2)
8. Buffalo Bills (4-2)
7. New York Giants (4-2)
6. Cincinnati Bengals (4-2) - Here's your "WTF?!?" of the week.
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2)
4. San Francisco 49ers (5-2)
3. New England Patriots (5-2)
2. New Orleans Saints (5-2)
1. Green Bay Packers (7-0)

E-mail Roundtable: Losses make us forlorn!

2011-10-21T00:04:00.004-05:00

Ralph Malbrough:
Listen, to me it says alot about the Saints that they had 4 turnovers, lost their coach, let Earnest Graham run for 100 yards, and yet still were in position to win. They were a train wreck and still almost won.
They'll be ok but they do have a couple issues.
1. Kevin and I chatted on the phone about Olin Kreutz and I asked, "What if the Saints looked at him and said. Yeah he is struggling in Chicago but their line sucks. But him between Evans and Nicks and he'll be fine." Not bad theory but in practice it's a fail. Teams will figure it out if they haven't already.
2. Defense is a blitzing team that can't get sacks. Bad. Gregg Williams ain't changing so I'm not sure what changes they can make except hope it gets better and hope is not a plan.
And by the way, I thought the first down play calling in the second half was awful. The Saints ran up to gut against a defensive line that was whipping them.
Just because Drew Brees didn't get sacked doesn't mean the line didn't play like crap.
3. Saints can't afford to have a bumpy month because the 49ers are winning 12 games with their defense and schedule.

Wang:
Absolutely BRUTALLY demoralizing loss. I haven't done shit today except mope, and that's how I plan to spend the rest of my day. I hear you about "Yeah, but they still almost won" but there are no moral victories, and even if there were, I don't see anything about yesterday that would qualify. The Saints got their asses handed to them in all facets of the game by a team that's mediocre at best. Division game, 3rd straight road game, pissed off opponent looking to bounce back from a trouncing, I don't care about any of that stuff.
I think I'm finally ready to come over to the dark side (and/or jump off a bridge) about the defense. I've been trying to defend them and stay optimistic that they'll get better, but I'm just about done. They're not gonna get any better, not without yet another infusion of personnel. And I don't trust them to hold anybody, ever. You guys were right all along. We got sold a bill of goods on the so-called "new and improved" defense. They're slow, old, undisciplined, weak, and soft. Tracy Porter flat out blows at this point. The linebackers are atrocious. Roman Harper isn't even very good at Roman-Harper-stuff lately. There are no pass rushers on this team. None.
Kreutz is terrible. Absolutely wretched. Complete whiff of an acquisition and he ought to be not just benched but released. Give me Brian de la Puente over this guy, if you refuse to play Tennant.
Lots of people blaming the offense this morning and trying to absolve the defense. Sure, turn the ball over 4 times and only score 20 while not running the ball for shit and you don't stand a chance. I get that. And it certainly wasn't a good day for the offense either. Plenty of blame for everyone yesterday. But that speaks to the larger issue, no? We're right back to 2008 where if Drew isn't 100% supernatural and the offense doesn't put up 30+, we've got no chance because the defense is all-but-fucking-helpless out there.
The good news is that I do think the offense will continue to put up 30+ more often than not, and I still fully expect the Saints to win 10+ games and the division. But the defense is circling the drain. Most of the time it looks like they're just hanging on for dear life out there.

Ralph Malbrough:
Wang, I'm not into moral victories either. I guess the only point I'm making is Saints dropped a big fat F- on the road against the second best team in the division and still almost won which means the division is shit.
I want different guys to bitch at on defense at least. Play Wilson more, play Gallete more. I also think it may also be a case of the NFL figuring out Gregg Williams. As Mike Lombardi says, "The Saints need Gregg Williams to have a great game plan to succeed because their personal is average at best."
Your point on Porter is dead on. Jesus, he looks like Ashley Ambrose on his second tour with the Saints. Old and slow. Just because he is young doesn't mean his body isn't shot.

Kevin Held:
Does Payton just hand over the draft reigns to Gregg Williams this off-season? Basically say, "we're going for defensive improvement." And will Loomis sign a LB this off-season? I'm saying off-season because it's patently obvious that these guys are interested in riding and dying with the defense they have.
We beat ourselves in this game, especially on offense. We ran up the middle for nothing so many damn times I thought I was watching Coach Conlin's later Brother Martin teams. BA-ZING!
Long story short: Saints need to skull drag the Colts and Rams. If they can't beat those two teams, we might as well relegate the season to a dogfight for a wildcard birth and a trip to San Fran or some shit.

Ralph Malbrough:
Gregg Williams is AWFUL at personal decisions. If the saints want to rebuild the defense in the drat fine but Williams can't have big say on players.

And listen, they tried to fix the d-line with Franklin/Rogers. And it might be a case of Vilma and Will Smith getting old at the same time. It happens.
Wang, I do think they'll be better than 2008 on defense just because all the blitzing will create some weeks where they get turnovers. And I'm not convinced teams can just cram the ball down their throat.
Besides Patrick Robinson is anyone on defense having a good year?

Wang:
Yeah I don't think Gregg Williams ought to be the guy making those decisions, but I'm not sure it ought to be the regular Saints braintrust either. Sedrick Elllis? Just a guy. Tracy Porter? We'll always have 2009, but he's just a guy too. Malcolm Jenkins? Last year everybody thought he was on the verge of becoming a perennial pro bowler, and by no means have I given up on him, but this year he's looking like just a guy. Cam Jordan? Too early to tell, but I don't have much hope that he's gonna be anything more than just a guy. Patrick Robinson has been looking pretty good so far this year, but time will tell if he's anything more than just a guy. I've defended Roman Harper for 5 years, because he doesn't suck nearly as much as people say, but if you combine his + production as an inside the box guy and his - production in pass coverage, you've got... just a guy. Usama Young? Just a guy. Martez Wilson, Jo-Lonn Dunbar, Jon Casillas, Junior Galette, all just guys. Al Woods? Ha!
This administration hasn't drafted for shit on D. I mean we're talking about 3 first round picks, 2 second rounders, 2 third rounders over 6 drafts, and the BEST they've done is "just a guy." (Pending Jenkins/Robinson, I concede that it's too soon to tell there.) Just a guy ain't nearly good enough, that doesn't get the job done. Not with first day draft picks. So I'm not sure who they ought to hand the draft over to and say "Draft us a defense" (oh by the way, without a first rounder) but I don't think he's "in the building."
Hell, for that matter, it hasn't been much better with acquiring vets either. Vilma gave us a couple good years (and I'd make that trade all over again) but he's always been a little overrated, and evidence is starting to mount that he might be done. Alex Brown? Shanle? Fujita? Simoneau? Dan Morgan? (Ha!) Bobby McCray? Franklin and Rogers? All just guys at best. I'd call Vilma a "hit" and I'd definitely call Greer a "hit." (Of course, they kinda lucked into Greer because Ron Bartell wouldn't sign with us.) Sharper was lightning in a bottle for 1 year. (And for that matter, they lucked into Sharper too because Gerald Sensabaugh wouldn't sign here.) Fujita and Shanle maybe qualify as "hits" just for the longevity of their contributions, even though they're average players at best. But there's been just as many if not more misses. And even the hits are just "meh" for the most part.
Honestly I think the whole franchise is pretty much rudderless as far as defense goes. I mean, look no further than the last two drafts. It comes out this week that they had their eye on Adrian Clayborn, but then when Tampa took him they went with Cam Jordan. Could the two players be any more different? And in 2010, they were drooling over Jerry Hughes, but then when the Colts take him, they completely switch gears and go with a corner. I know they'll scream "BEST AVAILABLE PLAYER REGARDLESS OF POSITION!!!" and that's fine and all. But at the same time, it could be taken as an indication that they're directionless. They don't have a firm goal, they're not sure who they want to be or how they want to construct the defense. They just plug in guys and hope for the best.
It's not that they don't try, because clearly they've been trying. Over and over again. But they haven't hit a single home run (except the inside-the-park home run on 2009 Sharper.) It's like the best they can hope for is to occasionally stretch a single into a sliding double.

Ralph Malbrough:

Yeah the defense acquisitions have been mostly bad. By the way Jerry Hughes is a big pile of fail right? At this point who's the best player on this defense through 6 weeks?
I have no idea really as no one has stood out except Robinson.
I do think they will be able to create a pass rush at home. They did against the Bears and late against Houston. Their pass rush is alot like the Bears offensive line. Cutler gets protection at home(Like last night) but get that shit offensive line on the road in a full stadium and it falls to pieces.
Saints defense might be the same. A loud Dome crowd, o-line has to go silent count, etc. At least at this point it's the only hope I got Wang.
#hopingformiracle

Wang:
Junior Galette!!! Heh. Yeah, I guess it's gotta be Robinson so far. Hell, he's got 2/3 of the whole team's takeaways. So... uh... yeah I guess it's him. Him or Shanle.
The whole Payton thing has the potential to be a big, BIG deal too. 8 weeks before he's even able to get up on crutches? Ouch. That's mid December, and even then they might not want to risk Payton being on the sideline if he can't move and get out of the way when another play comes his way. He gets rolled up on again and it could cripple him for life. So where does the buck stop on the sideline now? Who's in charge down there with Payton in the booth? Gregg Williams? Drew Brees? Maybe I'm overreacting, but I think potentially it could be almost as big as losing an actual player. An important one. And that's just on gamedays. He's not gonna be able to crack the whip at practices either. The lack of mobility could be a huge limitation as far as being able to monitor players' performances effectively during the week, and of course that's what a lot of his gameday decisions are based on. Etc. etc. etc. It could be a huge hinderance to his effectiveness as a head coach, in lots of different ways. And don't even get me started on the V word.

Yesterday did one hell of a number on me. My head is exploding over here. I'm all "OH SHIT!!!" about EVERYTHING right about now.

Ralph Malbrough:
Payton issue is HUGE DEAL. I think the biggest thing I worry about Wang is when the Saints are struggling and he is in the booth and not on the sideline and can't go over to the o-line and communicate to them about a blitz pickup, chew ass, etc. It's a huge deal but I think having Brees makes a huge difference. I think Brees can sort of do the whole Peyton Manning QB/coach thing at least on game days as far as sideline stuff for the offense.
The more I think about it though the more it worries me. The over/under on how many games Payton is on the sideline the rest of the year is 1. I'm taking the under.

Kevin Held:
You know how you're always talking about "the little signs from the football gods" or how certain teams "get the lucky bounces or the right calls at the time"? I think/fear we'll be looking back at Jimmy Graham getting shoved out of bounds into Payton's knee as a turning point.
/unsubstantiated rabble'd
Dave Cariello:
Saints are fucked....

Andrew Juge:
You guys all sound like a whining wife. The Saints just went 2-1 on a 3 game road trip and lost to the Packers. Big deal. 4-2 is an acceptable record at this point. The Packers proved last year it's all about getting hot late. The Saints can win on the road if Brees gets hot. Does the defense blow? Absolutely. Are they going to stay at a .5 takeaways per game ratio? Doubtful. Brees is still healthy and I'll be SHOCKED if they aren't 6-2 in two weeks. Then it's Tampa at home again. They'll be ready for that one. Are you guys still going to be crying at 7-2? It's all about making the playoffs. Sure I'd prefer home games, but none of us should be that picky. Playoffs beat no playoffs. After that, it's all about 1 game at a time.
If the Saints were 2-4 or even 3-3, with @ New England and vs. Atlanta coming up... Then yes, id be panicked like you all. But they're 4-2 with Indy and the Rams. 6-2 doesn't get anymore cupcake. If they lose either, then I'll panic. At 6-2 they'll be in terrific position.
You're telling me down the road you don't think the Saints can win in Detroit, San Fran or New York if they have to? Please. The only team I'm not convinced they can beat is GB and they almost did this year.
Ralph Malbrough:
I really like your grades this week, especially on Charles Brown. I can see why the Saints picked him and also why he dropped to larte 2nd Round. He'll look so good for two plays be mediocre on 3 and awful on 1. I can definitly see how a Saints coach would watch his college film and say, "I'll get him to play consistent."
I'm wondering about Payton's injury and my biggest concern is if he struggles physically in the booth to call plays effectively would he give up play calling duties for awhile? He's said in the past he loves calling plays and would never delegate them. I just wonder if he would be capable of saying, "You know my leg is so fucked at least for the next two or three weeks I'm going to game plan during the week but on game day I'm go to just be like Joe Paterno and oversee everything from the booth."
We really don't have any template for how a team handles this.
Andrew I think you right to say the Saints are in ok shape. The St. Louis game scares the shit out of me though. Their offense is moving the ball and I think they'll still win 3 or 4 games.

Wang:
Vicodin, bitches!

Ralph Malbrough:

Whatever it takes Wang. Do you think at any point the rest of the year someone else will be calling plays for the Saints?

Kevin Held:
As the chief officer of the "St. Louis Bureau" I can assure you that the Rams' offense can't move shit. Literally. They're all about bowel obstructions up here. These cats are fucking useless. Now if Brandon Lloyd shows up in Week 7 and has a good day and helps open things up for the Rams, THEN AND ONLY THEN, I might be worried. I'm more worried about the hapless Colts then the Rams.

Ralph Malbrough:
Wang, has the President of #wegotthis resigned? Great read and I think you have like a 80% chance of being right.
The only argument I can give is I think the 2008 secondary was a crime against humanity
Jason David
Randell Gay
Mike McKenzie
Kevin Kaesviharn
Roman Harper
Josh Bullocks
I'm saying Greer/Robinson/Porter at CB is way better and so is Harper/Jenkins at safety. 2008 defense couldn't do shit and Gary Gibbs bend/don't break was the equivalent of asking to get kicked the balls repeatedly while hoping the person would eventually miss and you could limp away. At least Gregg Williams blitzs will eventually at least I think lead to run of turnovers. 2011 defense can maybe start to create some big plays(not like '09) but something. If I don't see any the next two weeks then I'll admit you are 100% right.
I guess the difference is this year at least I can scream for Jenkins, Greer, Robinson or Harper to make a play. In 2008 we didn't even have that hope. Oh and Brees wants to get paid. I don't think we can underestimate that.

Wang:

Nah, he'll be back I'm sure. He's just confused and irritable right at the moment.
As far as this defense vs. 2008? I'd love to agree with you Ralph, and I definitely agree that there's no reason this team SHOULDN'T be a shitload better than 2008. Problem is, it ain't exactly working out so far....
2008: 23rd in total defense, 26th in scoring defense, 393 points allowed, 30 takeaways (15 INT, 15 FR)
2011: 17th in total defense, 26th in scoring defense, 403 points allowed*, 11 takeaways* (8 INT, 3 FR)
*on pace for that over 16 games
On pace for one third as many takeaways and 10 more points allowed. Over 2008! Yikes!

Ralph Malbrough:
Wang, I think the next two weeks will tell us a lot as far as the defense. If they can't get right against the Colts and Rams and improve those awful projections then It's 2008 part II.
If they can't hold the Colts/Rams under 20 points and create at least two turnovers per game then daddy will need to buy more crown for the rest of 2011.
Andrew Juge:
It blows my mind that this team only has 3 interceptions. Considering the accuracy problems of Josh Freeman, Cam Newton, Blaine Gabbert, Matt Schaub and Jay Cutler, how the heck do they only have 3 picks?!?! Aaron Rodgers was the only guy that was dead on accurate all game long. Schaub was like that for a half. The rest were all over the freaking place. Some of the incompletes we've seen in those games miss their targets by miles. Some of that has been poor luck, some of that has been bad hands by: Jonathan Casillas (at LEAST 2-3 times), Shanle (at least twice), Roman Harper, Malcolm Jenkins and Patrick Robinson. All those guys have dropped picks this year. Casillas has been hit in between the numbers twice, including once where he juggled it before flipping it to a Texan for a touchdown. I just don't understand that total. It would be one thing if the DB's were getting shredded by superior QB play, but that's not the case. If anything, I think this defense has been fortunate the accuracy of the quarterbacks they've played hasn't been better. I feel like the LSU DB's would have had 8-10 picks by now with the same balls.
I'm going to go ahead and offer that the Saints lack playmaking potential and HANDS on this defense. No one can catch. Sharper's 9 picks, most of which came in the first half of the season, made a HUGE impact in 2009. Jenkins through 6 games now has ZERO. That's the answer to improving this defense I think. Jenkins needs to be less of a headhunter and more of a ballhawk. That's what will turn this thing around. I'm convinced of it. I'm not sure if he's capable of that, and if he isn't, maybe he needs to get moved to SS and we need to find a better ballhawk at FS.

Kevin Held:
HONEY BADGER knows how to ball hawk!
/goes back to work

Ralph:
I'd like to publicly thank Wang for sending me the stat comparing the 2008 and 2011 saints defenses which gave me my Friday column idea. By the way I know it's not Saints related but I'll be so pissed if LSU loses to Auburn because the Honey Badger had to get high. I was so looking forward to reading Peter Finney write two weeks of columns waxing nostalgic about the Bear and Charlie Mac leading up to Sabangedon. Seriously, Pete Finney's book on the history of LSU football is one of my favorites.

Wang:
Well, I'd like to thank the email roundtable for prompting me to look it up. I probably wouldn't have thought to do it otherwise. I was replying to your email when it occurred to me to do that. Can't wait to read the Forecast. And is there a podcast tonight?
LSU's not gonna lose to Auburn. I mean, I can't think of 3 bigger players to lose all at once than Badger, Tharold Simon and Spencer Ware. Damn, that's an awful lot of talent to lose. I'd almost rather have lost Jefferson AND Lee. But LSU will still win, just by half as much as they would have otherwise. And you know Les would rather cut off his own balls than let the suspensions affect the Alabama game. So I suspect this will all blow over by next weekend

Ralph Malbrough:
Just wanted to give you props, and I think LSU wins I just think it's close. The great/awful thing about college football is every game is basically an elimination game. I think LSU/Alabama have looked unbelievably awesome because the SEC is absolute garbage after LSU/Bama/Arkansas.

Kevin Held:
"I think the Saints play mad and run the ball down the Colts throat. You read right, I think the Saints run the ball a lot against the 30th ranked run defense." -Ralph
AH-HA! My mad ranting got to you!!!

Ralph Malbrough:
It did. Of course you know we're both wrong and Payton will be calling 50 passes while in his wheelchair.

Chain Gang: Slow linebacker edition

2011-10-14T13:05:00.004-05:00

Ralph Malbrough:

Drew Brees drove the Saints 89 yards to a win on the road against a division foe and too many Saints fans are like, "Eh 4-1 is good but they only looked ok!"

Holy Shit people that drive yesterday was fucking epic. And oh by the way the Saints go to Tampa Sunday and can put the hammer lock on the NFC South with a win.

Brees is going want 150 million by the end of the year, pay the man already.

I said it my column but I'll defer to Andrew because he breaks down game tape like a mother fucker. Am I crazy to think the Saints defense is kind of slow especially sideline to sideline? Seems like teams kill them on the edge?

I know it's still early but did maybe the Saints absolutely killled in the 2010 draft and we just didn't know it.

Patrick Robinson with a pick, Charles Brown starts at tackle and Jimmy Graham is the best tight end in football. That's an A+ draft right there.

Wang:

Yeah, that last drive was a thing of beauty. Too bad I was too pissed off at the time to enjoy it. Heh. Great win though. Carolina always seems to have 1 or 2 big plays every time the Saints play them, no matter what. But for the most part I thought the defense did okay considering dual-threat QBs like Cam always give them problems. Plus it was the first time they had seen him. The Saints eventually figured Vick out (for the most part) and I expect them to figure Cam out eventually. Not to the point that he/they don't stand a chance of course, but enough that he'll do worse against us than most everyone else.

I can't bring myself to even pay much attention to the Brees contract. It's gonna get done sooner or later, and I doubt it even gets the least bit contentious. Just wake me up when it's done and show me the numbers. I'm sure it's not even a matter of what Drew's worth, it's just a matter of Loomis figuring out how to afford it without the rest of the team going to shit. I'm sure Loomis would give Drew $30MM/yr if he could, he's just gotta figure out a way to give Drew his $$$ while balancing that with practicality.

I don't know what it is with the defense. On one hand, they're actually not doing that bad overall. But for some reason, when that takeaway mojo ran dry, it REALLY ran dry. And I'm convinced that the Saints are just snakebitten at linebacker. It's not like they don't try. Sure I know everybody wants them to spend a 1st (or 2 or 3 firsts) on a linebacker, and maybe that's the only way it gets fixed. But you can't have first rounders everywhere. It boggles the mind how this team can find tailbacks and o-linemen in the middle rounds or later every damn year, but can't find a linebacker to save their lives. They keep trying and keep rolling snake eyes. They bring in FA LBs every year too, nothing seems to work.

Tampa not having LeGarrette Blount this weekend is a stroke of luck. Got a hunch this one might be easier than Carolina. Not because Tampa's no good, but because I bet the Carolina game left a bad taste in the Saints' mouths and they're gonna be out for blood. And if Carolina plays like they played last weekend, I bet they beat the Falcons and we're really gonna be sitting pretty. Saints could be running away with the NFCS by Halloween.

I'm about ready to punch a referee in the dick.

Kevin Held:

Yeah, that last drive was a thing of beauty. Too bad I was too pissed off at the time to enjoy it.

I'm about ready to punch a referee in the dick.

I think that's what kept me from being all #wegotthis when the drive was going on. I kept fearing a Panther player would piledrive Breesus and the ref would pull a Mike Maretti and just say, "Hey, you can't do that!" but not actually disqualify the dude. BTW...loved the wrestling ref analogy, Wang.

Ralph Malbrough:

Wang, I agree about Saints being unlucky trying to fix the LB spot but I also think the fact they have been so good at finding lineman, RB, WR in late rounds or undrafted has made them reluctant to spend any real money or picks to fix the problem(except Vilma). And they won a Super Bowl with Fujita/Shanle. The only solution/hope in 2011 is Martez Wilson. Maybe eventually he could be decent.

Still I don't think the LB issue is a fatal flaw. Everyone I'm sure has nice plan to exploit the defense and control the clock and all that shit and then Brees drops a quick 14-0 lead on them and the plan is out the window. I think the upcoming schedule is easy so it's a non issue until week 12 against the Giants.

It's 2009 all over again except Saints are playing the role of the Vikings. Minus Brett Favre and horrible coach Brad Childress.

Andrew Juge:

"It's 2009 all over again except Saints"... get about 2% of the turnovers they got back then.

Ralph Malbrough:

I meant as the story line where the NFC storyline in 2009 was The Saints and Vkings and everyone else. Although now that I think of it the Lions have to be in the discussion. They are really good. We have to put their 50 years of suck out of our minds.

Andrew Juge:

A friend of mine was just telling me this morning that he hopes Detroit sweeps Green Bay "for us." My response was that I agree (FOR NOW) just based on the venue if the Saints have to travel for the NFCCG. BUT, on the other hand, by the time it's all said and done, Detroit might very well be the vastly superior opponent by the time January rolls around. Green Bay can't run the ball for shit, and their defense blows. Detroit doesn't seem to have those problems. I'd still rather go to Ford Field than Lambeau, but at the same time, I'm not nearly ready to concede that it won't be in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome anyway. And to that end, right now I'm hoping GB/DET split.

But regardless of the venue, I have to be honest and say I want no part of Aaron Rodgers in January. Even though the Saints kinda sorta held their own against GB in week 1, and I'm confident that it'd be a whole different thing in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. But I don't want any part of Calvin Johnson in January either. Shit! Guess I'll have to wait and see how Detroit holds up against us in the regular season before I decide.

One wildcard, you just know Stafford is overdue to go down. It's what he does. I guess the best case scenario is that he holds out long enough to hang a loss on GB before the annual Drew Stanton Experience.

Wang:

21st in total defense THIS year. 30th in pass defense. And who doesn't hold Atlanta to 14 points or fewer this year? Chicago held them to 12 and Tampa held them to 13. Atlanta blows.

Kevin Held:

I keep thinking the Saints ought to skull drag the Falcons, but after the SCAMrolina Scare, I'm still a little leery.

Ralph Malbrough:

Game Prediction

Saints 31-21

I was tempted to predict a blowout but I did that last week and Carolina hung very tough. The saints still haven't delivered an A+ game so it's coming. Maybe next week against Indy on a Sunday Night?

Wang:

I'll go with just a little wider margin. 34-13 or something. I just don't think Tampa is very good. The Saints have somewhat of a book on Freeman, unlike Cam. No Blount, no McCoy. Cross-country travel back from the west coast. And we'll have to see if Vernon Davis was right about Tampa quitting last week. If he was right, I could see them folding up and laying down again this week when the Saints take an early lead. As we Saints fans are all too familiar with, there's a fine line between "Ooooh they're pissed now after having gotten their balls handed to them last week, and will have a chip on their shoulder" and them getting into "Uh oh, here we go again" mode early, at the first hint of adversity.

Also, I'm not sure anybody has any kind of answer for Jimmy Graham, and I think Drew and Payton are slowly beginning to realize that too. I could see Jimmy dropping a buck fifty on 'em, on top of one of those patented Meach/Devery 70-yarders. If Tampa has a chip on their shoulder (and assuming that's even the least bit relevant on the field) I think the Saints will too after coughing up a 2-score lead last week. They're gonna be gunning to put it away early, and I doubt Tampa has the horses to prevent it. And as much as they say they don't give a shit about individual accomplishments and such, it's pretty obvious that they really do, and they go for them. Not at the expense of winning of course, but there's no doubt in my mind that they're gonna want to get Drew his TD pass, his 350 yards passing, and get Jimmy his 4th straight 100-yard game (and will continue to try to feed him for as long as that streak lasts.)

And then there's the whole putting the NFCS in the Figure Four thing. You know they're well of that. They downplay it of course, but you know behind closed doors they realize how huge a win this weekend is. They have the opportunity for an early kill shot, and they're gonna try to take it. No doubt.

GREAT fucking podcast last night. I agree with the A+ on the Malborough grading scale. Y'all some crazy ass crackas

Andrew Juge:

Im going with 37-21 Saints

NFL Power Rankings (Week 5 - 2011)

2011-10-10T23:29:00.007-05:00

I've ranked teams 32nd to 1st, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth.

Why wait until week 5? Cause I don't do that preseason poll horseshit. Leave that to the NCAA's of the world...

32. St. Louis Rams (0-4): No name receivers who couldn't catch a fucking cold in that disease movie.
31. Miami Dolphins (0-4): REG-GIE! REG-GIE! REG-GIE! (writes $10 check to Wang for use of insult.)
30. Minnesota Vikings (1-4)
29. Denver Broncos (1-4)
28. Arizona Cardinals (1-4)
27. Indianapolis Colts (0-5)
26. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-4)
25. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3)
24. Seattle Seahawks (2-3)
23. Carolina Panthers (1-4)
22. Chicago Bears (2-3)
21. Philadelphia Eagles (1-4)

20. Cleveland Browns (2-2): That's right. CLEVELAND is BETTER than Philly. Deal with it.
19. Dallas Cowboys (2-2)
18. New York Jets (2-3): Admiral Checkdown...
17. Atlanta Falcons (2-3): ...Please meet Captain Checkdown.
16. Cincinnati Bengals (3-2): Still not buying this.
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2)
14. Washington Redskins (3-1): DEFINITELY not buying this.
13. Tennessee Titans (3-2): ABSOLUTELY not buying this.
12. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2)
11. New York Giants (3-2)

10. Houston Texans (3-2): God damn, really? THESE GUYS are ranked tenth? This must be a down year for the parity of the league or something...
9. San Diego Chargers (4-1)
8. Oakland Raiders (3-2): "AH THE RAY-DUH-UHS!" - Chris Berman voice
7. San Francisco 49ers (4-1): Are we sure that's really Alex Smith under center?
6. Baltimore Ravens (3-2): I wouldn't trust Joe Flacco to win a game on his own, per say, but the team is still dominant.
5. New England Patriots (4-1): New England's defense blows. Their offense is going to have to bail them out of EVERY game this season...whoa, where have I heard/read/said that before???
4. Detroit Lions (5-0): This D-Line will be giving me nightmares. I need some of Drew Brees' NyQuil to get to sleep.
3. Buffalo Bills (5-0): These guys have an opportunistic defense and an offense that can score points and not screw up at vital moments. Imagine a scenario in which the Bills and Lions make the playoffs. Now potentially add the Bengals. We've reached CRITICAL MASS!
2. New Orleans Saints (4-1): Lingering, mother fuckers. Just lingering...
1. Green Bay Packers (5-0): Championship belt, folks.

From the Archives: Requiem for a 'Specialist'

2011-10-01T17:05:00.007-05:00

So with the sad news about Steve Gleason's diagnosis, I thought I'd dig up an old post from a few years ago. I have made only a couple minor tweaks and adjustments, nothing that changes the narrative. Enjoy.

This post originally appeared on March 14, 2008...

*******

Steve Gleason retired Wednesday after a seven-year career following micro-fracture knee surgery in 2007. He injured himself in training camp (I believe it was training camp...). He was not necessarily somebody you thought of as a starter, but he was a role player, and a damn good one to boot. He was a special teams guy and I often took to calling him "The Specialist." Maybe it was my attempt to scoff at that Stallone movie of the same name...I dunno. But here's what I do know: Steve Gleason retired and that makes me a sad panda.

Everybody's already written about his famous blocked punt, which can be relived again and again right here:

I was there at the game. Much beer was spilled, and many high-fives and hugs were exchanged between my buddies and me. We all Steve Gleason (and Curtis DeLoatch, too, I can't forget to mention him) the lifetime beer pass: he should never have to pay for another beer in New Orleans as long as he lives.

But I wanted to share a nice story about the time I got to interview #37. I was working for a TV station in New Orleans in the internet department prior to the 2006 season. The station decided it wanted an internet person there to help blog stuff from training camp at Millsaps College in Mississippi. I made the three hour drive up there and was getting soundbytes from Coach Sean Payton and players when they cam down for interviews with the media after practices.

Being a new guy, I was far too timid to really approach a player on a one-on-one basis. At the time, my proudest moment was that Sean Payton said "Good question" to something I asked him...in front of the other media guys, no less! But I was looking for guys to interview, just to get a few quotes or maybe a story out of, something I could put on the station website to go along with the usual XYZ player did this, so-and-so did that, etc. You get the point.

One of the writers up there recommended I talk to Gleason and said he had a real good story about how he was playing with the Saints. After the afternoon practice, I managed to get a one-on-one interview with the guy. While Jim Haslett was still the coach, the Haz Man gave Gleason a call up in Washington to ask him to come and play for the Saints again. Gleason was installing an air conditioning unit or some duct work or something...and just had a 'Lou Brown moment' on the phone with Haslett: "Yeah, coach, I'm kinda doing something, lemme get back to you."

As I remember it, Haslett kinda snapped at him in a funny way and got Gleason back down to New Orleans to play.

Before wrapping the interview up, I'd heard Gleason was a huge fan of Pearl Jam (still my favorite band) and wanted to ask him about that. Their new album (‘Pearl Jam’ aka, the Avocado cover) had just come out and I wanted to get his take on it. Gleason said he really loved the song 'Inside Job'. I told him I dug 'Come Back' and 'Unemployable'.

It was just one of those moments where I feel like a got to connect on a level beyond sports, albeit briefly, with a pro athlete. And then to see him make such a spectacular play on national television that forever etched him in Saints lore, right up there with Brian Milne, is pretty damned cool.

I know if I ever have a chance to buy the man a beer, I'm not gonna ask him about the punt...I'm gonna ask him what other bands he likes, and probably recommend he go out and buy some Old 97s or Wilco.

Saints Roundtable! 09-30-11

2011-09-30T10:59:00.002-05:00

RALPH:
As I listened to the fans next to me in the dome go bat shit crazy over the defense giving up tons of yards and points to the Texans I thought," What is realistic to expect from them every week?"

I'm not sure yesterday won't be what we get when they play elite offenses. They made redzone stops, didn't get crushed on the ground, and survived.

The offense is close to be the 2009 killing machine. Although the two injuries on the O-line could be a HUGE ISSUE.

Franklin didn't make the box score but I thought Rogers was sucking up space and Cam Jordan I definitely improving every week.

By the way, I forgot my phone charger and my phone died yesterday before the show and my wife's iPhone gets shit reception. I hope you guys ripped me a new one and I am looking forward to listening later.

WANG:

Meantime, as far as yesterday goes, I think "survived" pretty much nails it. And much like against Green Bay, I don't think it was nearly as bad as it looked. Houston was 6 of 14 on 3rd down, 1 for 5 in the red zone, only ran for 109 yards, Schaub was sacked twice and intercepted. I'm not saying it wasn't bad, because it was. But against elite offenses, "surviving" isn't a bad thing, it's a good thing. How many "elite offenses" are the Saints gonna face? Even in the playoffs. If you'd have told me before the season that the Saints D was gonna give up 75 points against Green Bay and Houston, but the Saints were gonna win one of those two games anyway, I'd have taken it. The Saints have 3 games left on the schedule against (current) top 10 offenses and they're Camrolina (x2) and Detroit.

We'll know more when the Saints play an offense that's middle of the road, rather than an outlier (to either end of the spectrum.)

For now though, I'm really REALLY pumped about the rest of the season after that game yesterday. I'll elaborate in my post tomorrow, but that was a "special" win. A season-defining win. An "I Believe!" kind of win. Shades of 2009. One of those games you look back on in January and go "That one right there was a springboard, and spoke volumes about what was to come." And maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I've got a hunch that "Team Gleason" is gonna be 2011's answer to 2009's "Doing it for the city" or whatever. The "bigger than us" thing to rally around and make special things happen.

Yep, I'm getting that 2009 feeling once again. In my pants.

And now? October. The soft underbelly of the schedule. Jacksonville, Carolina, Tampa, Indy and St Louis. Tampa is the only one I'm even remotely worried about, and I'm not all that worried about that one to be honest. I'm smelling a 5-0 October and 7-1 heading into the 2nd half riding a 7 game win streak. Shit's about to get REAL fun. Atlanta and Tampa are both looking a whole lot like fair-to-middlin' frauds already (looks like Matty Ice's deal with the devil is just about to expire) and Atlanta gets Green Bay in October, while Tampa gets Chicago and... um... the Saints. The Saints could very well be on cruise control in the NFCS by Halloween.

RALPH:

Wang, I agree with you and think Brees is in F U mode i.e. "Pay me my fucking money Loomis" Which is completely fine.

Still though the o-line could be huge problem.

While Brees is raising his price by the day, I just can't see the Saints signing Porter long term or maybe even short term.

KEVIN:

Porter needs to realize we are his best chance for another ring. And he ought to take a hometown discount. Now, if he wants to go to the Clevelands of the world, hey, no hard feelings. /Fujita'd

I absolutely DO NOT trust this defense. Yeah, we may have buckled down a couple times and kept the Houston Texans to FGs at critical moments, but if not for that moron's helmet-to-helmet hit on Breesus accidentally turning on No. 9's KILL! KILL! KILL! switch, things would have been baaaaaaaaad. The lesson, as always: fuck Kareem Jackson.

Dare I say it, but I think this offense looks BETTER than '09. Sacrilege, I know. Wang will have me drawn and quartered for sure. This defense, though? Sheesh.

And "Camrolina" TOTALLY needs to be accepted into the nomenclature. Tom Jackson ACTUALLY compared Newton to John Elway. John fucking Elway. Dude nearly lost to Blaine Gabbert, folks. Can we please wait to crown his ass?!?! Wait until the pregame show this week, I'm going to blow a fucking gasket over Gabbert being better than Newton.

And 2 things from Twitter yesterday:

1. Tom Benson NEEDS to commission a life sized statue of THE BLOCK. And it needs to go in Champions Square or--as someone on Twitter suggested--at Lee Circle. Gleason Circle, FTMFW.
2. We need a nickname for Darren Sproles. So far all I've got is ExSPROLESion.

WANG:

I wholeheartedly support the Gleason statue, wherever they want to put it. How about atop the Dome like a fuckin' hood ornament?

11 offense better than 09's: Sacrilege? Where's the sacrilege? As of now, I agree 100%. Sproles > Reggie, Pierre = Pierre, and Ingram's getting better every week. Drew is dialed in, and not even in 2009 did the Saints score 30+ in each of their first 3 games. And they played Buffalo and Detroit 2 of the first 3 in 09. The schedule has been juuuuuust a bit tougher so far this year.

The hilarious thing about it all is that it seems like half the damn fanbase is looking for the nearest exit. Already! At 2-1!

And I cannot stress this enough: The rest of the division pretty much fucking blows right at the moment. That could change of course, but Carolina's living on Cam hype right now, Atlanta seems to have lost the horseshoe they had up their ass last year, and Tampa's still not ready for primetime.

Total offense: Camrolina 7, Atlanta 19, Tampa 22
Passer rating: Cam 18 (85.1), The Great Matty Ice 23 (81.5), Freeman 27 (76.1)
Total defense: Carolina 17, Atlanta 22, Tampa 24

Yes, I know, superficial stats AND small sample size so far. But I don't have the time to go more in depth right now. Meantime, I do think it's (superficially) illustrative.

DAVE:

Haha! Hood ornament!

Thanks,
Dave
Managing Editor
Canal Street Chronicles

ANDREW:

I'm oddly not that worried about the o-line injuries. Nicks/Bushrod/Evans I'd be worried, but will the replacements really be that much worse than Kreutz/Strief? I just don't think either of those guys has been anything close to awesome yet.

The clear weakness I think is how bad our linebackers and Roman Harper are in coverage. A good receiving back and a good tight end always slay the Saints' D. That's not going to be improved... So expect that weakness to be exploited tons as the season progresses.

As awesome as that win was I just don't think the D is good enough. The backer play is very poor, Vilma included, so far. I'm sure the D will look better facing Gabbert, but they're just not enough front four or back four playmaking to make up for the horrid backer play.

Sent from my iPhone

RALPH:

I'm thinking Del Rio uglies this game up and J-ville has a shot in the fourth until Blaine Gabbert acts like the rookie QB he is.

KEVIN:

I say it's close at halftime. Saints start to pull away and Gabbert gets picked trying to get the Jags back into the game.

Chain Gang: Saints Throwbacks a crime against humanity edition

2011-09-23T08:41:00.004-05:00

Each week here at Hakim we bring together a group of Saints bloggers to discuss all things Saints during the week. Here is their email chain. This week we had Grandmaster Wang from moosedenied, Dave Cariello , Andrew Juge and Hansdat from Canal Street Chronicles, and Ralph Malbrough from WWLTV.com. Oh and the boss man Kevin Held. This week Devery Henderson gets some love, Sedrick Ellis gets some hate, Turk McBride needs more snaps,and Ralph wonders if Shaun Rogers is old and fat? Also why do the Saints continue to subject us to those hideous throw backs?

Ralph Malbrough:

Ok, I don't love him but I sure did LOVE THE BEATING.
I'm a big believer the Saints have taken the mantle from the Colts as, "Team you are incredibly scared to fall behind by 1o points because their pass rush may kill your QB."
When they get to play bad to mediocre QBs they'll roll.
Ingram was on his way to some nice garbage time rushing yards and a TD until he went ahead and fumbled.
Turk McBride needs to get more snaps than Jordan now that Smith is back because he looks better off the edge than Cam Jordan. I'll have to check on the rewatch but I thought Rogers and Franklin weren't getting as many snaps as King. And can we start calling Ellis a disappointment? He's just a guy and not worthy of a top 10 pick.
I'm so happy 3 catch 100 yards and a TD Devery Henderson has returned to our lives. He's the lotto ticket for fantasy football teams with shitty receivers. If your desperate a lottery ticket is better than nothing.
Darren Sproles is just tremendous and he's already at, "Do not kick to him under any circumstances." respect and it got the Saints nice field position yesterday.
By the way, the Packers got lit up on defense again. I know Carolina has way better play makers than the Bears but the Saints defense rebounded nicely, Green Bay not so much.
My two week NFC rankings
1. Packers
2. Saints
3. Atlanta
4. Detroit
5. Eagles
6. Bucs

Grandmaster Wang:

Reggie Bush: 6 carries for 18 yards, 1 reception for 3 yards, 0 touchdowns
Darren Sproles: 4 carries for 17 yards, 8 receptions for 43 yards, 1 touchdown
REG-GIE! REG-GIE! REG-GIE!
Ralph, I totally agree on Ellis. Nice guy to have, I guess, but really just a guy.
I also agree that the Saints are a team that, once the opponent falls behind, they don't stand much of a chance.
I support the Turk love, but I also thought Cam Jordan played really well yesterday. He's beginning to look exactly like what all the draft pundits were calling him, a guy who's not gonna put up stats, but his value as a disruptive presence is obvious on the "film." HE'S THE REGGIE BUSH OF DEFENSIVE ENDS!!! HIGH FIVE!
I've said it before and I'll say it again: NOBODY does "3 for 103" like Devery. The shame of it all is that Devery is gonna retire as one of the 5-7 most accomplished wideouts in Saints history, yet fans will forever remember him mostly as a fuckup. He's gonna go down as the Aaron Brooks of Saints receivers, and he deserves far better than that.
JIMMY GRAHAM, BITCHES!
Ingram is about this [ ] close to setting it off. He's sooooo close, and it's gonna be really soon, sometime in the next month or so, when the game slows down for him and it's gonna be GLORIOUS! You can tell (or at least it sure looks that way to me) that he's almost there. He busted off, what, three or four 8-12 yard runs yesterday? And at least 2 of them were sooooo close to being a whole hell of a lot longer than that. I was happy to see Payton calling off-tackle runs for him yesterday, I was getting a little annoyed with Ingram ALWAYS running right up Kreutz's ass. And I want to see more pitches to Ingram to the outside too. Sure, the Bears had that one they called on the 3rd & 1 sniffed out, they had the perfect defense called and Ingram didn't stand a chance. But he'd have had the corner, and even as it was, he ran that cornerback over and almost broke it anyway.
Meantime, Pierre is still fucking awesome and so is Sproles. By December, the Saints' running game (including the "extended running game"... MEAN JOE SCREEN, BITCHES!) isn't gonna be just good, it's gonna be GREAT.
I'm gonna need a couple more performances like this from the defense though before I'm ready to stop pissing my pants every time they're on the field. Sorry, the Bears' offense just isn't good enough for me to get back on board just yet. I loved it, I'm just not ready to believe it quite yet.
And, love ya Malcolm Jenkins, I really really do. A whole lot. But why are you still such a no-catching motherfucker™????

Ralph Malbrough:

Wang, your point on Devery is really interesting because I think it's dead on and to me Henderson should be a fan favorite. I mean he's local, went to LSU but he's soft spoken and I think the fact he didn't play his rookie year put some sort of weird scarlet letter on him. I mean Meachem didn't do anything his rookie year but fans rarely rip him like they do Devery.
By the way, one of my favorite Buddy D stories is him flipping out when Mike Detillier told him the Saints scouts had Devery rated above Michael Clayton from LSU.
Buddy: DAW DA Saints geawt thay nuambas mixed up when they went to Tiger Stadium?
Actually they got it exactly right. Clayton had a great rookie year then got fat, slow and was pretty much a bust. He caught 80 balls his first year and never more than 30 ever again. He's out of the league. What nobody knew in 2004 was the Saints were actually starting to get their shit together in player evaluations.

Grandmaster Wang:

I've always chalked the Devery hate up to his being from LSU (and to a lesser extent, being a Haslett pick.) There's always been this weird NOLA/Baton Rouge thing, and there's a big subset of Saints fans who HATE and I mean HATE LSU, and tend to be far more willing to accept a Saints player who didn't go to LSU vs. one who did.
I really do think that there's actually an "LSU stigma" and Devery suffers from it.
It doesn't help that the Saints have had pretty shitty luck with LSU players ever since the Eric Martin/Dalton Hilliard days. It also doesn't help that the Saints fans who ARE also LSU fans do tend to go a little overboard sometimes with wanting the Saints to draft or sign anybody and everybody who played for LSU. I can definitely understand how that would get really annoying to Saints fans who aren't LSU fans (nevermind the ones who HATE HATE HATE LSU.)
There's also the matter of Devery's slow start to his career being one of the final straws for the Haslett regime, and Devery's been saddled with that "typical Haslett underachiever" rap ever since. And fans tend to remember the drops way more than they remember the 80-yard touchdowns anyway, no matter who it is. Kinda like they remember Roman Harper vs. Seattle way more than they remember Roman Harper vs. just about everybody else his whole career.
And let's be honest, Devery has given them plenty of fodder. I'm not saying Devery's a great all-around player. He's not. But much like Roman Harper, Devery's really good at what Devery does. But, again like Roman Harper, for whatever reasons fans are far more inclined to give him shit when he messes up vs. giving him props when he goes 3-for-100.
It's really, REALLY stupid. But fans will be fans.

Kevin Held:

Two things from me (for now):
1. I never disliked Devery because he was from LSU. I disliked the guy because he used to be STONE HANDS. The guy was giving Saints fans blue balls FOR YEARS. And now in the last two, this being the third, he's done enough to be OFF the shit list for everybody. Anybody that doesn't like Devery at this point isn't looking at things with a clear head. If Devery were to have a game where he dropped three balls, I wouldn't say (hopefully) that "Stone Hands is back," but rather "I was disappointed by Devery."
2. Ingram fumbled because he wanted to give the defense another shot at Jay Cutler. That's the narrative I'm going with.

Dave Cariello:

Do you guys have jobs?

Kevin Held:
We can't all be flirting with co-eds over letting patterns on hoodies, Dave. ;)

Andrew Juge:
Dave you have no life just like the rest of us. Quit acting more important. Also, Wang, how dare you blast LSU draftees post Eric Martin/Dalton Hilliard? Don't you remember the epic 7th round choice that was TE Nicky Savoie by Mike Ditka? If not for guys like John Tice, Boo Williams, Frank Wainwright, Zach Hilton and a slew of other middle of the road mediocre tight ends, Savoie would easily be in the top 100 tight ends in Saints history. I currently have him ranked just outside the top 100 as the 117th best tight end in Saints history. Gumbo is 116.
People forget Devery was a running back at LSU until year 3. The average Saints fan doesn't have an appreciation for who works hardest in the offseason, who stays late at practice, and who behaves like a professional. They're kept in the dark on that kind of stuff. To a large extent we are too. But it's been clear to me over the years that no one besides maybe Brees works harder than Devery. He's earned everything he's gotten and he behaves like a consummate professional. Do you know how lucky we are as fans to root for Colston, Henderson, Meachem and Moore as receivers? Do you know how many me-first toolboxes exist at that position out there? There's at least 2 on almost every team. I realize the Saints target high character players and that's by design, but one thing the Saints fan really takes for granted is how hard Henderson works at his craft and how positive of an influence that is on younger players. It breeds winning. He may not be 4.3 40 fast anymore, but he's still fast as the Bears game showed, and more importantly he's turned himself into a terrific all around complete receiver. Catches pretty well. Runs routes 1000000000x better than he did even 3 years ago. Blocks as well as you can ask for from a receiver. He's gotten a lot stronger. When he came out of LSU he was a dude that could run like lightning and that was it. Couldn't catch, block or run proper routes. He's come a really long way and it hasn't been by accident. I've always been a big Devery fan because of his ethic and quiet demeanor. He and Colston are very similar in a lot of ways.
Also Kevin, yes, the first thing I thought after that Ingram fumble is "how much does Jay Cutler hate Mark Ingram right now? Poor bastard has to go back out there".

Ralph Malbrough:

Andrew, I had forgotten about Henderson being a RB at LSU.
I think you bring up a good point about what the fans don't know or see. Which brings me to message board guys favorite whipping boy Scott Shanle.
I've always been in the pro Shanle camp and I really believe Sean Payton always plays his best players and politics doesn't enter into things with the Saints that much. I mean hell they kept Pierre over Antonio Pittman who was a fourth round pick and cut Al Woods last year.
All of that said. Shanle looks slower than he ever has and he is going on close to a decade in the NFL. I worry that Shanle is a guy who had to squeeze every once of talent and physical skill out of himself to be a decent starting linebacker and if he loses just a little bit he becomes what every fan has said he is the last five years. And I think since Shanle is playing more than I thought he would it means their LB upgrade plans haven't worked out.
I think I threw up in my mouth a little when Vilma was out in the 2nd quarter. The guy who sits next to me at the dome was too busy telling Payton to get Shanle off the field to notice Vilma was MIA.
I never worry about the LBs because if the Saints don't care about LB why should I? Still I'm getting a little worried.
Owen Daniels might destroy the linebackers Sunday.
Grandmaster Wang:

I'm gonna be shooting crazy stats out of my ass later today on all these issues. After I get finished slinging a little more after-the-fact hate, that is.

Listening to the podcast yesterday, I was actually counting down during the intro... "Any second now, Held is gonna go all 'HOW YA LIKE ME NOW?!?' with it... here it comes..." and sure enough, 3 seconds later I'm literally pumping my fist. Fuck yeah!
Now if you'll excuse me, SOME OF US have jobs. Am I right, Dave? Heh.

Ralph Malbrough:

Wang, the one real stat you spit out that caught my eye the most is the Shaun Rogers one. Maybe he just hasn't played alot of snaps because the Packers threw the ball all over the place and Saints were in nickel/dime defenses. And maybe he didn't play against the Bears because Chicago was behind alot in the second half and throwing. Or maybe he is fat, old and washed up?
Mickey Loomis can't hit a Darren Sproles homerun on every signing. Something to consider if he doesn't get a ton of snaps against the run happy Texans.

Grandmaster Wang:

That's the thing though, Ralph. It's counterintuitive with Rogers because while yes he's a big fat tub of goo, he's not a run-stuffer, he's a pass rusher. A disrupter. People think he's a run-stuffer because of the man-boobs, but he never has been. The Saints have been playing him pretty even (19 passing snaps vs. 17 rushing snaps) but that can be chalked up to the Saints not knowing whether the opponent's rushing or passing until the snap. Anyway, his whole career he's been more of a "disrupter" (especially rushing the passer) rather than a Grady Jackson type big fat space-eater. He hasn't done either so far for the Saints though.
Too soon though. He could blow up against the Texans this weekend and the picture might be a hell of a lot different. Still way too early, but he's been invisible so far. Fat, old and washed up is as good a guess as any though at this point.
I do find it funny though that the "new and improved" Saints d-line is pretty much being led by Mitch King, Jeff Charleston and Junior Galette. Who saw THAT coming?

Ralph Malbrough:
Your analysis makes me even more concerned he's washed up. I do have more confidence in Franklin picking it up since he is just coming off knee injury. McBride needs more snaps. I said in my Monday column. He's Bobby McRay 2008. Good for 5-9 sacks if you put him in right situation.

Kevin Held:
Rogers is a on a one year deal, right?
Andrew Juge:

Yes. 1 year $4 million. I wonder how many bread puddings he can buy with that kind of loot.
Hansdat:
I think that's enough cheddar to see if the bread is actually in the pudding (ha! LOVE IT. I used that McCray quote as my signature line all through the 2009 season).
And I hate to admit being a rube, but I JUST NOW "GOT IT" that the subject line of this email train is a domestic violence joke.
It is great that our D-line is now anchored by the Greek chorus from the broadway show of "Hobo with a Shotgun". Next year Pay-loo can just release/refuse to re-sign those high-priced chumps.
Going to read Wang's part II right now...
Oh man, has anyone else barfed or gouged out their eyes over nola.com's new Saints fan page layout crap? (ahem, seems like we just wanna be as cool-looking as Canal Street Chronicles, but it's not even close) Oh, the humanity!! Spare me!! Now I can't tell whether I'm clicking on some a**hole's comment of the day or an actual story...(someone please pass the pepto bismol and bourbon so this old man can drink in peace and block out his burned retinas)

Ralph Malbrough:

Ok, so I've been on record for a long time as FUCKING LOATHING THE SAINTS THROWBACKS. The pants look like urine stains. I get that the NFL is all about selling the merchandise but if a team's throwbacks just suck shouldn't they try to invent something new to sell me. Or drop Sir Saints on the helmet, it would be better than the throwbacks. At least Tampa's throwbacks are hideously awesome. The Saints throwback is just lame.
Oh and feel free to make a game pick
Saints 31-13
Ingram and Lance Moore go off.

Grandmaster Wang:

I'm down with Tampa's creamcicles with Bucco Bruce because they're just hilarious. What I've never understood was the fascination with San Diego's powder blues. Really? What's so fuckin' great about those? Yet that's the one everybody swoons over. I blame Berman. And I'm pretty sure even he doesn't have the slightest clue why he thinks they're so great.
Ralph, you're totally right about Saints throwbacks. They're terrible. There were about 16 different shades of "gold" and it boggles the mind why people think the old fleur on the helmets is better than the current one. The old fleur just looks stupid these days when you see it in old pics/vids/etc. It was perfectly befitting Your Dad's Saints, just totally bush league. I understand the nostalgia I guess, but to claim that it was actually better then? Fuck that noise. The current unies are the best the Saints have ever had. Which is totally appropriate, since this is the best the organization has ever been.
They could still be better, in about 1000 different ways. Sue me, but I've long been a proponent of all-white. Including the helmets. Sorry, but I just love that. I want both LSU and the Saints to do that at some point.
I'll go with 38-10. Ingram sets it off, and no-catching Malcolm Jenkins scores a touchdown on one of his interceptions and sets Drew up in the red zone with the other.
Kevin Held:

I actually like the Chargers' baby blue unis. I like the color.
/picks NCAA bracket based on who has "prettier unis"
//slits wrists
Anywho...I'm like most throwbacks in general, especially if they're ridiculous. The Jets jerseys? Gloriously retarded. I even like the old Pats unis. Those things are goofy. The Saints unis, though? They're middle of the road. They are the Jay Leno of throwbacks. The Constantine of throwbacks. The U2 post-9/11 of throwbacks. Sorry, I can't think of any other average references.
Shit, why not just try something crazy, like white helmets? White helmets, white pants, black jerseys.

Andrew Juge:

The Saints' throwback jerseys are an atrocity. I just don't think I can elaborate any further beyond that.

Well, that was a Woodson punch to the taint...

2011-09-08T23:54:00.002-05:00

What's that?

Know what'll help, slugger? How about some Bob Ross painting...

Yeah. There you go...that'll make things better.

Chain Gang: Too soon edition

2011-09-08T10:46:00.003-05:00

NFL Predictions Sure to Go Wrong!

2011-09-07T18:46:00.004-05:00

AFC North
Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4 **
Baltimore Ravens 10-6
Cleveland Browns 7-9
Cincinnati Bengals 4-12

AFC West
San Diego Chargers 10-6 *
Oakland Raiders 10-6 *
Denver Broncos 8-8
Kansas City Chiefs 5-11

AFC East
New England Patriots 13-3 **
New York Jets 10-6
Miami Dolphins 6-10
Buffalo Bills 4-12

AFC South
Houston Texans 10-6 *
Tennessee Titans 7-9
Indianapolis Colts 6-10
Jacksonville Jaguars 4-12

NFC North
Green Bay Packers 12-4 **
Detroit Lions 10-6 *
Chicago Bears 8-8
Minnesota Vikings 6-10

NFC West
St. Louis Rams 10-6 *
Arizona Cardinals 8-8
Seattle Seahawks 7-9
San Francisco 49ers 3-13

NFC East
Philadelphia Eagles 11-5 *
Dallas Cowboys 10-6 *
New York Giants 7-9
Washington Redskins 4-12

NFC South
New Orleans Saints 11-5 **
Atlanta Falcons 9-7
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 7-9
Carolina Panthers 4-12

@Green Bay - L
Chicago - W
@Houston - L
@Jacksonville - W
@Carolina - W
@Tampa Bay - L
Indianapolis - W
@St. Louis - W
@Atlanta - L
BYE
New York Giants - W
Detroit - L
@Tennessee - W
@Minnesota - W
Atlanta - W
Carolina - W

AFC Playoffs
CHARGERS over Jets
TEXANS over Raiders

PATRIOTS over Texans
CHARGERS over Steelers

PATRIOTS over Chargers

NFC Playoffs
SAINTS over Cowboys
Lions over RAMS

Lions over EAGLES
PACKERS over Saints

PACKERS over Lions

Super Bowl 45
Patriots 38 over Packers 27

Tusk is gone, as is Nino Brown...

2011-09-03T15:31:00.001-05:00

Say hello to...

Chain Gang: Saying Goodbye is so hard edition

2011-09-02T09:51:00.003-05:00

Chain Gang: Saints get ass handed to them, dam right I'm scared editiod

2011-08-26T08:45:00.004-05:00

Unofficial Pop Culture Tournament for the Also-Rans

2011-08-24T21:37:00.007-05:00

So The Big Lead launched its 2011 Cultural Tournament last week. I was more than giddy over looking at the seeds and voting and what not. (Note: I'm a loser who gets giddy about a sports blog posting a nonsensical NCAA-style tournament about things in the sports/pop culture world. Fuck off.)

After looking through the seeds and basically accepting the fact that The Wonder Years will be on this from the end of time and that Kate Upton is lock of the century, I noticed many of the commenters were more than disconcerted by the entrants? "Where's Game of Thrones?" they cried. "How can Marv Albert be seeded beneath Gus Johnson?!" And so forth.

Well, after reading through several of the tournament posts on The Big Lead I decided to try and remedy this in some small way. With permission from the head honcho at TBL, I created an NIT-style tourney, featuring as many things that I could think of involving the pop culture/sports world that did not make The Big Lead's Culture Tourney.

Hey, remember the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something?

Yeah, you hate me for reminding you. But if TBL is the band riding around on the back of a flatbed truck, I'm the bozos who saw that happening and thought, "We should do that, too!" And then we'd get a crappy pickup truck and ride around the back of that.

Yes, this is a half-assed attempt at ... something. I love the Culture Tourney and missed it when it didn't run last year. And I didn't want too many of the natives over in TBL land to "not get it" and lambast away at the guy. So maybe I'm doing this because it's a) fun to come up with entrants b) easy because I'm lazy c) copying as a form of flattery d) all of the above.

So here's the rules:

-16 "matches" featuring 32 entrants.

-The polls on this here page will be up for 5/6 days before a winner is declared.

-How do you decide who/what to vote for? Vote however you feel like voting. If you think it's "What do I like more?" then vote that way. If you think it's "What do I hate more?" then vote accordingly. It's all lagniappe, folks. This is to give folks who felt shafted that Game of Thrones and the Whip My Hair GIF girl didn't get any love in the TBL big tourney.

-These things are NOT seeded in any way, shape or form. It's a loose collection of references and things I hope people will care to vote for or against.

Here is the tournament lay out:

Bill Simmons' Twitter feed
CM Punk's Twitter feed

Unnecessary 3D effects in movies
Greenlighting sequels to awful movies

The Royal Wedding
The Kardashian Wedding

Archer
Louis

Brett Favre retiring (again)
Randy Moss retiring

Sending dick pics to someone other than your wife
Cheating in your fantasy football league

Game of Thrones
Watch the Throne

The term "Gladwellian"
The phrase "low 7 figures"

"Charlie Sheen is a train wreck!" jokes
"Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck!" jokes

Justin Timberlake making fun of Joe Buck
Artie Lange making fun of Joe Buck

Voting FOR something
Voting AGAINST something

Ron Swanson
Jack Donaghey

Tressel-Pryor Gate
Da U Controversy

Talking yourself into "playoffs!" this year
Dismissing critics with "it's only the preseason!"

Giving a +1
Using 'FTW'

Whip Your Hair girl GIF
Soccer hot

Chain Gang: Dumpster dive edition!

2011-08-19T10:46:00.004-05:00

Every week Kevin Held gets a chain email of Saints bloggers going. This week it's the usual crew of Kevin, Grandmaster Wang of Moosedenied. Andrew Juge of Canal Street Chronicles and Ralph Malbrough of WWLTV.com

This week Wang explains how the new kickoff rule will help the Saints special teams suck less and Andrew and Ralph argue over dumpster diving for an offensive tackle to replace Stinchcomb

Ralph Malbrough

Oh Wang, can't you see the Saints CAN NEVER WIN ANOTHER SUPER BOWL with the LB's they have! Seriously though, I am trying to contain myself as this team looks tremendous. Nice angle to the preseason opener preview. After last Friday's column I took a pass on previewing this game and I'll write about the game and preview next week.

I think you can make the argument the Saints have no glaring holes and really only about 3 serous questions besides health which isa crap shoot for any team

1. Will the offensive line be better in 2011 even though they are returning 4/5 starters from a year ago?

2. Will the additions at DL help the Saints super shitty 1st down defense and add a pass rush.

3. LB's...which the Saints answer would be," We DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT outside LB"

Sure you could throw in Ingram and running game but that's o-line I mentioned above...I mean shit when does Sept get here?

Grandmaster Wang

Well, so far it looks like #1 is still a huge question mark. #2 and #3 are looking really good. If Casillas can stay healthy, there's your weakside guy. And surely there's something there between Shanle, Ingram and Herring. Maybe a rotation. I think they can get by just fine with that.

Is Joe Morgan about to go all Rod Harper with it?

Ralph Malbrough

Drew Brees threw 4 passes and got hit on two of them last night. Small sample but to me the more I think of it the O-line is the only serious question about the 2011 Saints. One of Drew's throws should have been picked. Last year his injured knee played a part in the 22 picks but I think him getting hit alot did as well. Any QB that gets hit consistently makes mistakes.

I know Stinchcomb didn't play but I'm not sold this offensive line can hold up. Maybe their play in 2009 was the exception and 2010, 2007-08 was the normal?
I know I'm sounding like panicked message board guy but it's not so much panic as me thinking this: This line is good enough to be 11-5 with no RB so the question isn't if it's good enough to win it's can it be great like it was in 2009?

Right now to me I'm not certain the answer is yes.

PS..It is a fucking sweet place to as a fan when the only serious question about the Saints is will their o-line be above average or great.

Andrew Juge

Overall I was encouraged. The coverage units were outstanding, they tackled pretty well, and they got pressure on the quarterback. Those were my biggest concerns coming in and they passed with flying colors. Pass the Abita.

Ralph Malbrough

I guess seeing Brees get hit at the knees was so unpleasant my negativity is high. The pass rush was tremendous and oh by the way maybe the Saints knew exactly what the hell they were doing resigning Roman Harper.

Gregg Williams knows Harper going towards the line of scrimmage is destruction waiting to happen so he puts him in position to do it.

I could be wrong but I feel like this defense will be capable of winning a knock down drag out 13-10 game. Not that they will be in many games like that but come Dec./Jan. that's good thing to have in your bag.

Grandmaster Wang

"oh by the way maybe the Saints knew exactly what the hell they were doing resigning Roman Harper. Gregg Williams knows Harper going towards the line of scrimmage is destruction waiting to happen so he puts him in position to do it."

Everybody but Message Board Guy knew that. MBG will catch up to the rest of us soon enough. Just as soon as it becomes so obvious as to be inarguable.

I'm beginning to worry about the o-line too a little bit. All of a sudden the argument could be made that it's a bit of a mess. I'd like to think that by September maybe Tennant is starting at C and Strief is starting at RT and that goes a long way towards solving it. On the other hand, there's not a whole lot that can be done about Bushrod and Evans, other than crossing your fingers and hoping that there's upside to be realized with Bushrod and that Evans didn't pull a Charles Grant as soon as he signed that fatass contract. I'm not sure what more can be done about those things at this point. Meantime, yeah, it's getting to where it might turn into a bona fide thing here shortly.

Really excited about Casillas though, and the defense in general. Both safeties will be "starting" the Pro Bowl after this season. Sacks and takeaways are gonna be back in style.

And, I'm half joking here, but MITCH KING, BITCHES! That's something nobody's really been talking about too, there's gonna be a 4th DT and he's gonna play in the regular season. Who's it gonna be? Tom Johnson? Mitch King? Jonathan Sullivan? Martin Chase? Pio Sagapolutele?

Ralph Malbrough

Wow, I could have sworn Strief was starting at RT against the Niners, I will have to watch replay to be sure.

I have to say cutting the starting RT 3 weeks before the season opener makes me wonder why the hell the Saints weren't more aggressive to fill the spot via the draft or FA.

Although the options in FA are Langston Walker of the Raiders and not much else.

Kevin Held

"SOMEBODY FUCKING HOLD ME!"

Grandmaster Wang

Wow, can't say I saw that one coming. Ralph, it could be that they're just now realizing there's a problem. You never know when a guy's just gonna hit the wall and suddenly he just can't play anymore. Especially without OTAs, minicamps, etc. to get a clue about it earlier. I'm assuming that all offseason they figured Stinch was gonna be back and healthy and starting. Then when they started full pads work a couple weeks ago, all of a sudden it was "Oh shit, this guy might be done." Then Friday night clinched it.

Now let's see if we can ditch the Olin Kreutz experiment and get Tennant in there. If it turns out that the solution(s) were already in house, and they're cheap and relatively young ones to boot, that'll be our first indication (in my opinion) that it's once again The Year. What with the Football Gods smiling down upon us again and all that good stuff.

Ralph Malbrough

Wang, I know you've been beating the special teams drum and the saints have seemed to make an effort to improve but with Moorstead just kicking touchback after touchback won't our special teams already be better by virtue of Morestead allowing them fewer opportunities to suck?

Grandmaster Wang

Oh yeah, no doubt about it. Allowing people fewer opportunities to suck is PM Flex's superpower. (Well, that and the ability to only test positive for Wheaties, Gatorade and Pantene hair products. Heh.) Funny thing is that between the new kickoff rule and Morstead's hang time on punts (of which there should be few anyway) seems there's a decent chance that there might only be a handful of returns this year anyway. I'm still glad they put so much elbow grease into the coverage teams, just in case, but it could turn out to be mostly a moot point. They're mostly gonna be touchbacks and fair catches.

Ralph Malbrough

I'm going to ask Bradley from WWLTV.com tonight when I interview if the Saints are satisfied with Strief/Brown at tackle or will they go trolling the FA dumpster? I tend not to listen to what the saints tell me, I'm more interested in the actual moves they make.

To me if the go and sign another OT before the Packers game then it's totally ok to start to have boarder line panic thought...

Andrew Juge

They already looked in the dumpster. It returned George Foster, Barron and Justin Black. No surprise the dumpster returns garbage.

Breesy (still refuse to call him Breesus as a God fearing simpleton) is going to step up in the pocket more than ever. I just hope Kreutz half way lives up to his reputation.

Ralph Malbrough

I should have clarified, will they look in the dumpster again? Because they won't be able to trade for one this late.

Andrew Juge

I agree Ralph, doubtful they find a tackle they can use, either by trade or free agency at this point. Even if they raid the final cuts waiver wire to find a capable tackle that got caught in a numbers game for a final place on a 53 man roster, is he going to be better than Strief/Bushrod? Highly doubtful. Even if such player existed, tackles don't grow on trees (though I think Zach Strief might be part tree), so there would be stiff competition to sign that player AND there's no way an offensive tackle could pick up the Saints' complicated block schemes in a week and be ready to start. At this point we're married to the guys in the building. Bushrod/Strief, for better or for worse, is our tackle tandem. At least in the short term. Hold me.

The Saints kind of suck at tackle. Not going to lie. I don't think there's a lot of NFL teams that would want that tackle tandem. Hopefully they're so awesome and deep at every other position that it won't matter, and at least we have by far the best guard tandem in the entire league. If something happens to Nicks/Evans, those are the two injuries that the Saints absolutely cannot afford. If you're all of a sudden patching up guard play when your tackle play is already suspect that's when things can really fall apart.

Anyway, why are we being so negative? I need to smack myself. The Saints just obliterated the 49ers 24-3 and the defense/special teams look sick. They're going to obliterate the Texans in a couple days, and we'll all be feeling awesome when they obliterate the defending Super Bowl champions at their place in a few weeks. BOOM, done.

Chain Gang

2011-08-12T10:45:00.004-05:00

Every Week here at Hakim Kevin and a few Saints bloggers exchange emails discussing all things saints, NFL and whatever they can think of. This week Kevin is joinded by Grand Master Wang of moosedenied, ralph Malbrough of WWLTV.com and Andrew Juge of canal Street Chronicles.

This week they discuss the addition of Olin Kreutz, how the Saints stayed in NOlA post Katrina and why Paul Tagliabue deserves blow jobs, lots of them

Ralph:

The Saints just set fire to the 1/3 of my column today wang and they burned your entire last post to the ground Wang unless it's Just Loomis taking out insurance and Tennant still ends up being the guy

Wang:

Yeah, that blows. They owned me on that one. How am I supposed to maintain my CREDIBILITY(!!!!) (LOL) when I post something and less than 24 hours later Loomis does something that makes me look like a total idiot?

I guess I'm still holding out hope that it's just insurance, but at ~$3MM I doubt it. I guess they could probably still release Kreutz before week 1 and pay him a fraction of that. But the smart money is probably on Kreutz being the starter for at least this year. I imagine Tennant has no chance to beat him out because then they'd be stuck without a backup C because they're not gonna carry Kreutz and pay him $3MM to be Tennant's backup. They'd have to release Kreutz and then scramble to find Tennant a backup, and I doubt they'd put themselves in that position.
But who knows?

Anyway, I'll get over it, but I can't say I'm a big fan of this. Not just because they made me look like an idiot, but because I genuinely do think Tennant is gonna be a stud, and Kreutz is 34 and costs just as much as Goodwin (granted though, only for 1 year instead of 3, but still.) I mean, they were just talking about (re: Tennant) how it takes longer than you might imagine for the C and the QB to get comfortable with the snaps, and now they're gonna replace a guy who's been here for a year with a dude off the street? Doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, given what they themselves said about it. Sure, I know Kreutz is a six-time Pro Bowler and all that, but so what? He's also at the end of his career.

And I was only half joking on Twitter about the fact that I don't like these 2006 Bears assholes (first Alex Brown, now Kreutz) coming down here to try to ride the Saints' coattails to get themselves a ring before they retire. I realize that's irrational, but screw it, I'm a fan. It's my right, no, DUTY to be irrational. Screw them. Yeah, I'm still bitter.

I don't know, I'm just not at all excited about this one. That $$ could have been better spent elsewhere IMHO. But hey, one dud out of the 4000 moves they've made over the last week isn't anything to get my panties in a bunch over. I'll deal.

Andrew:

I'm real interested in this Tennant vs. Kreutz battle at center. I'm not ready to give up on Tennant yet and I don't think the Saints are either. Just because Kreutz has the track record, don't forget he hasn't been to the Pro Bowl since 2006 and he hasn't smoked the Maui Wowie since his high school days (played college ball at Washington). Actually he probably smoked Maui Wowie this summer, nevermind. But does Maui Wowie improve or hurt your abilities as a center? Questions questions. I think Kreutz' signing is as much about his experience/mentor potential as it is about production on the field. If Tennant beats him out, he'll be better off for it. Then Kreutz can be a terrific backup and help Tennant hone his craft. If Kreutz is the center, hey, a washed up center that was one of the best centers in the history of the NFL over the course of his career isn't all that bad. Plus, let's face it, Danny DeVito could play center for the Saints and they'd still manage with Jahri and Nicks on either side of him.

Ralph:

Andrew, I agree with you about Tennant and just because the Saints signed Kreutz doesn't mean he'll make the team. I think there is a very good chance the Saints thought, "The veteran center market is drying up. We better go get one just in case and secure ourselves in event of worst case scenario." If Tennant ends up being the guy the saints can always cut Kreutz and be on their way but if Tennant doesn't workout and Kreutz isn't on the roster then plan B is hope for a solution and hope is never a plan.

Kevin:

I feel bad for the Lions. You think they should get Lynell Hamilton?

Ralph:

Kevin I just tweeted Ricky Williams seems like a perfect stop gap for the Lions.
Injuries suck and when do we start to worry about Colston, Porter, Ivory? Given Sean Payton loves to lie regarding injury we are always guessing. It seems to me Colston may be bigger if that knee(which has been worked on alot) stays balky. If Colston is banged up WR position looks very different.
At least reports say Robinson is looking pretty good so if Porter comes back slow they MIGHT be ok. . On the Dave Cariello official Panic scale I'm a 3 but it's definitely treading up. I just read the guy the Bears signed to replace Kreutz won't even start. So the Saints may be doing the same and I still say there is a 30% chance Kreutz doesn't make the opening week roster.

Wang:

I don't think Payton "lies" about injuries per se, it's more about his being tight-lipped about them and the local media constantly whining about it because he won't give them enough material to regurgitate into an article and call news.
When do we start worrying about Colston, Porter and Ivory? Not yet. Not even close. Resting is no cause for concern, it's cause for celebration that the people in charge are smart enough to give them the rest. Colston doesn't need the reps, he's not gonna get any better than he is. He's a known quantity. Nothing good can come of continuing to run him out there daily to practice, all it does is increase the chances that slight discomfort is gonna suddenly turn into "out indefinitely." Same for Porter. Both of those are just "Don't chance it until it matters" situations.
And I'll worry about Ivory just as soon as TWO out of Ingram/Pierre/Sproles are injured. Until then? Hey, I was impressed with Ivory last year too, don't get me wrong. But right now worrying about Ivory is a lot like worrying about Adrian Arrington.

Ralph:

Wang I agree to a certain extent but I think what bothers me is Colston and Porter both have history of injuries and how would them missing time affect the Saints?
I'm worried because at this point is it living in fantasy land to expect each to play 12-16 games?

Colston might but history tells us Porter will not

Wang, this is a riff on your theory about why Sean Payton does or doesn't run the ball.
Conventional wisdom says while Ingram will be pretty good, the Saints are a throwing team, and Ingram won't really be a stud RB. Payton loves to throw, he likes to get cute in play calling etc etc...Ingran will be nice but he won't get many touches and the Saints are deep at RB so the carries get split. I'm not denying any of that but while Sean Payton is alot of things I'd argue one of his best qualities is he is open minded. What if Mark Ingran can convert him to call more running plays because Ingram off tackle is just too good to resist?
Payton's never had a RB like Ingram. And I have a little theory that the less of Ingram we see in preseason the more excited we should get. Meaning, Payton knows what he has by watching practice and if why let the Packers see Ingramania on film?
Also New England is killing it in FA they got too guys I hoped the saints would have in Andre Carter and Shaun Ellis.

Wang:

Of course that's gonna be what happens, absolutely. I've been beating this drum for 5 years now, Payton might get "the disease" every now and then within a specific game, but for the most part, Payton's "refusal to run" is overblown and has become one of those Payton myths. He ran Dulymus and Reggie plenty in 2006. But ever since then, the Saints' tailback situation has been mostly a trainwreck. Dulymus was done, Reggie couldn't stay healthy and started proving that he wasn't a real tailback, and they started with the whole parade of undrafted free agents thing. It took until 2009 for Payton to finally get to the point where he realized that Pierre could be trusted and was "The Guy" and Mike Bell was the "complementary back" and Reggie was largely irrelevant, and they kicked ass running the ball. Then everybody started getting injured again.

So only 2 years out of 5 have the Saints had a running game that even resembled reliable and effective. And both of those years, Payton ran the ball, and the Saints have 2 NFCCGs and 1 Championship to show for it. But the other 3 years built up that myth that no matter what, Payton is gonna throw all day every day. It's bullshit. Of course you're gonna throw all day when you've got a Top 3 QB and your tailbacks are a mess.

Barring injury, they're gonna run the shit out of the ball this year. Why? Because (again, barring injury) the tailback position is finally "fixed." And like you said, they're gonna be even more inclined to run the ball with a 2-touchdown first-half lead every week. Cue coldpizza: "Yeah, but those two touchdowns came via the pass, which is wrong, and if Payton really knew what he was doing he'd have run the ball and would realize that he'd be far better off with the score tied at halftime. Two-touchdown leads are meaningless if they come via the pass."
Ralph :

I agree with you but I guess my question is "Will Mark Ingram just hog all the carries because he's awesome"? If 2009 is any indication the answer seems no because Saints ran the shit out of the ball but still....

Thomas had 793 yds rushing
Bell had 654 yds rushing
Bush had 390 yds rushing
If you say Ingram gets the Bell carry/yds and Sproles won't get as many carries/yds as Bush, and Pierre Thomas gets 600 yards then Ingram ceiling seems to me 1300 yards if the Saints are a Top 10 rushing team .
1250-1300 yds makes Ingram a Top 10 RB and Ingramania is in full bloom. Is this scenario very likely?

Pro Football Talk is speculating Will Smith might not get suspended. Obviously that's great news for the Saints but no one has really discussed in depth how much him missing 4 games will hurt. I'd argue it's one of the biggest reasons to be worried because of the Saints early season schedule. They need Will Smith on the d-line or the pass rush drops to mediocre at best. At least the front four rush does.

With Smith the front four is Smith, Rogers, Franklin, McBride/Jordan
*Charlston and Junior contributions are icing on the cake
Without it’s Rogers, Franklin, McBride,Jordan
*And Charlston and Junior need to be heavy contributors
Seems to be with Smith Saints are a B+, without just a C

Wang:

Really? After all that, the league is just gonna say forget the whole thing? I thought they had won all the court battles they needed to win and the suspensions were set in stone. Anyway, I'll believe it when I see it. Until further notice, I'm counting on that suspension sticking.
Sue me, but I'm not sure it's a big deal either way. I mean sure, you always hate to be down a body at any position. But I've just gotten so "meh" on Will Smith. He's such a tease, All Pro one week and invisible the next. Honestly, I'm getting to the point of being about ready to move on. Obviously I don't mean release him now, keep him this year until you know what you've got with McBride, Jordan and maybe Galette. (And I'm really glad they brought back the Vanilla Gorilla, by the way.) I'm just not sure there's gonna be any kind of huge dropoff when/if Smith is out for the first 4 games. Will anybody even notice? And unless Smith has one of his good years this year, I'm pretty sure he's gonna be firmly on the bubble after this year, and I think I'm fine with that.

On the other hand, who knows. Maybe Smith won't have yet another one of those "play through it" season-long injuries this year, and with Rogers/Franklin/Ellis on the inside, and being pushed for playing time this year which hopefully will make him play as if it's a contract year, maybe we'll see Good Will Smith this year instead of Meh Will Smith. I'll believe that when I see it too.

Ralph:

I agree with your 'meh' Smith take but I disagree on the drop off, maybe it's fear or whatever I just am not ready to count on the Vanilla Gorilla and Junior to get it done. I do think Smith will be better as this is clearly the best d-line he's been on as a Saint.

McBride intrigues me as a sort of 'All I do is rush the QB but DAMN I'M SO GOOD AT IT no one cares I don't do anything else.' Specialist.

Kevin, I was thinking about your text talking about thanking God the Saints won a Super Bowl and saving them from going to LA. One thing I completely forgot about was Gov. Blanco signing off on fast tracking all Dome renovations behind the scenes even as people were saying, "Maybe we should tear it down because of all the horrible things that happened there post Katrina."

I mean whatever people want to say about her, Blanco got that done and helped avoid the political fighting going on at the 911 sight. I mean it's going on 10 years and it's still a hole in the ground where the World Trade Center was.

Louisiana politicians: "We do one thing exactly right EVERY 10 YEARS WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?"

Final thought, "Is Clint Ingram and his trick knee really going to hold up and win a starting spot?" I think so.

Kevin:

Look, I can give a "smedgen" of credit to the former "deer in the headlights" governor, Ralph, but I'm giving most of the cred to Paul Tagliabue on this one. He didn't want the city to lose its football team and--until somebody convinces me otherwise--strong-armed Benson into staying for the time being, and providing NFL funds to help with the renovations and cleanup. I mean, sure, if we're giving credit for people keeping the team in the state, I suppose Blanco gets listed ABOVE Benson, but below....say....Al Scramuzza. SEAFOOD CITY, FTMFW!

When it comes to tearing shit down, New Orleans in general is pretty fucking ridiculous. Could you imagine if that had been torn down? The team would still probably be playing in Baton Rouge ... or worse. You saw how pissed folks got when Landrieu sacked up and tore down collapsing homes that had been abandoned. And you've seen the ilustrious city council basically cock block new building because of some kind of goofball "historic" codes or whatever... Fuck it, I'm getting off this soapbox before I get really angry. LOUD NOISES!!

Ralph:

I guess my bigger point is when history looks back I think we'll say, "While dam near everything went wrong right after Katrina. Almost Everything went right for the Saints."
Tags is commish and strong arms Benson.
Fast Track of Dome renovations
Green Bay passes on McCarthy
Dolphins pick CullPepper instead of Brees
Texans pass on Bush
I'd believe you remove anyone of those and the LA Saints are more likely than not. Except maybe Bush but I still think he helped build excitement post Katrina that no other draft pick would have. We got Reggie! way more exciting than "We got AJ Hawke!"

Andrew:

As far as I'm concerned, Saints fans should be sending Paul Tagliabue primo Hollywood quality hookers monthly for the remainder of his life. A $15 tax on all per game ticket season ticket holders should cover that. That's a little over $10 million a season if you're decent at math. Actually, that would only cover his libido for about 4.2 years. Does he die by then? If not we may have to up the tax.

Seriously though, Arnold Fielkow tried the same things as Tagliabue and his career was wrecked from it. Benson's weekly game of hop scotch and parcheesi with the San Antonio mayor was interrupted by Uncle Arnie's conscience, and so he got fired. Uncle Arnie then attempts a pathetic foray into politics. The poor guy tried to do the right thing and he has never been the same. At least he can sleep at night. Of course, things worked out pretty rosy for that crook Benson, who now sleeps fine at night too next to a silver Lombardi. It's amazing to me how much love Benson gets now. At worst, most people ignore what he did or maybe they choose to forget it. Things worked out, Payloo comes to town and immediately builds a winner, no thanks to Benson, and all of a sudden he is revered like nothing ever happened. The only other person who had the stones to spit in his face, besides Fielkow (who's balls were chopped off and fed to him for doing it) was Tagliabue. The difference is Tagliabue eats pieces of sh!t like Benson for breakfast and Benson was forced to take it on the chin like a champ. God bless that man.
This email chain isn't happening right now if it isn't for Paul Tagliabue. And while Uncle Arnie's attempts were dismissed (pun intended), I give him the assist for being a quality human being. Maybe season ticket holders fund Uncle Arnie's mid range gulf coast hooker once every two years.

Ralph:

"Saints fans should be sending Paul Tagliabue primo Hollywood quality hookers monthly for the remainder of his life." Funniest Saints line I've read all off season. So true.
I think to a certain extent Andrew you nailed it about Benson. We just want to black it out. We'd rather not remember Benson totally wanted to take the team to Texas but Tags was like, "Dude I'm not going to let you unleash the mother of all shit storms on the NFL and I'm not going to be the commish who let the Saints leave NOLA."Thank God for the fear of bad PR. What makes Benson wanting to pack up and go worse in my opinion is when he bought the team then governor Edwards helped make sure he got the financing to buy the Saints. Still I think most people don't give a shit because the Saints are still in NOLA and they are awesome. The details of how/why don't matter.
I'm not sold the LA team is a done deal. We'll see but California is screwed up politically and economically I still think they have a ways to go.
Last question for the chain...
Who comes out of Friday's game as the internet's new darling ie Arrington?
I nominate Paul Oliver...why? Why not...

Wang:

"Last question for the chain... Who comes out of Friday's game as the internet's new darling ie Arrington?"
JOIQUEMANIA, BITCHES!
Saints fans have been DYING to trade Pierre to the Patriots for their next 6 first round picks for about 10 months. Why stop now? Hell, at this point I'm pretty sure they'd settle for the Patriots' next 5 first round picks and Tom Brady.
After all, Chunky Chase Daniel(s) blow(s) and IF DREW GOES DOWN WE'RE TOTALLY FUCKED! Surely Brady is worth at least a 2016 first round pick. Make it happen, Loomis!
Honorable mention to Joseph Morgan because back in the 70s he was the best 2nd baseman since Honus Wagner. (If you don't believe me, just ask him.) And also, he hates stats because they usually don't support his own subjective conclusions and therefore they're damn lies. Saints fans are gonna LOVE this guy!

Bad credit? No credit? Jermon Bushrod says, "No problem!"

2011-08-06T10:25:00.014-05:00

Found this on Twitter the other day...

Hmmmm...I wonder what that would be like... (strokes imaginary beard)

NARRATOR: At Frankie & Jermon's we offer low prices and home delivery! Bad credit? No credit? NO PROBLEM!! Frankie & Jermon's can help you even if you've filed bankruptcy or just get by on food stamps. And our knowledgable sales team will help YOU find the right living room set or bedroom set TO-DAY!

FRANKIE: Can I help you?

OLIN: Um, yeah...I'm kinda new in town and need to get some furniture.

FRANKIE: Do you have any credit?

OLIN: Dude, I'm making, like, two million dollars this year. OF COURSE I've got credit!

FRANKIE: Even so...YOU HAFTA SEE THE BUSHROD!!

BUSHROD: Let'em have it!

FRANKIE: He's got it!

OLIN: Oh...okay. That was easy, I guess...

(JUMP CUT TO LATER...)

FRANKIE: Can I help you, sir?

PAYTON: Yeah, I recently moved all my furniture to Dallas and need some new stuff in my New Orleans home. Our old long snapper recommended we shop here.

FRANKIE: Do you have any credit?

PAYTON: What, you mean credit cards? Yeah, I got like 20 of them.

FRANKIE: Well you STILL gonna hafta see the special Jerod!

BUSHROD: Let coach have it!

NO PROBLEM GUY: With noooooooooooooooooooo problem!!

This week's chain gang e-mail!!! (8/5)

2011-08-05T09:35:00.004-05:00

RALPH:
This week's email chain begins

The Saints resigned Carl Nicks today which means the only two big Saints FA left are Jonathan Goodwn and Dave Thomas. Regarding Nicks I'm really torn about giving him a long term extension because if the Saints are going to pay both guards 8-10 million what position do they not pay? They can't pay everyone. I lean towards paying them both because if you have something that's the best you keep it. Nicks/Evans are both Top 5 guards so I'd rather them keep their elite interior line and cut corners at LB or as strange as it sounds offensive tackle. Brees is so good at getting rid of the ball on time and avoiding sacks I'd argue Saints can get by with B- OT

I just said it over at the Chronic that if the Saints resign Goodwin and Thomas all that's left to satisfy me is a DE and depth at DT. I'm not so worried about LB as some others are. I think Saints can win with Vilma/Shanle/Wilson but I'm not sure they can win with what they currently have at DE which will include 4 game Smith suspension. And the fact that Jordan is still unsigned isn't good either.

Also I love the Falcons signing ray Edwards as I think he is a mediocre DE who benefited from playing in Minnesota with 3 Pro Bowl lineman around him. I didn't want the saints going near him.

The Eagles getting Cullen Jenkins was a tough because of the price they can cut him after 1 yr. Saints still need depth at DT

I'm not sold on Michael Vick winning anything and he won't play 16 games. When Vince Young needs to win them a December game all this 'Eagles won the off season' will be forgotten.

WANG:
Good stuff, Ralph. I was gonna email you a little while ago and give you props for being right about DE > OLB. Turk McBride is an exciting signing IMHO. Loomis still might have something up his sleeve, but I get the feeling that you're right again and that the Saints will continue to go cheap at OLB. Will Herring, Danny Clark, Shanle, Clint Ingram are your vets. Casillas, Tez Wilson, Dunbar and Marvin Mitchell are probably your young guys. Probably not a whole lot more on the horizon there. And I guess that's fine, probably what I should have expected. The Saints have been "just getting by" at OLB for half a decade, I'm not sure why I ever expected them to change that strategy now. I'm betting now that they're just gonna cross their fingers and hope Casillas and Tez work out. Again, I don't have a problem with that because OLB is clearly the least important position on the defense to the Saints braintrust, and it's served them just fine so far. And you've gotta cut corners somewhere, can't have 53 pro bowlers.

Dave Thomas is a must-sign. Goodwin is a would-be-nice but IMHO not necessarily a must.

I'm not worried at all about Jordan. He'll be in camp sooner than later. Judging by the twitters, seems like he's as pissed off as anybody that it isn't already done. I think it's a non-issue, it'll be resolved any minute now.

I'm ashamed to say that I got caught sleeping on McBride. Dude's got Shaun-Rogers-like "impact in limited playing time."

DE is in some serious flux right now. They need to bring Charleston back. And I'm beginning to wonder about whether or not Will Smith is gonna play for the Saints this year. 4 games is a long time, and Smith makes a lot of $$$ for 12 games max. Just sayin'.

The Eagles hype is really starting to annoy.

If any of you assholes scoop me out of this before I get a chance to put together a blog post on it tomorrow, I will kick you in the nuts. But I really REALLY like what the Saints have been doing to fix the special teams coverage units this offseason. You've got "Reis Nuts" and Casillas coming back from injury. Re-signed Prioleau and Roby. Brought in Amaya, Herring, Johnny Patrick, Nate Bussey and maybe this DeAndre McDaniel dude sticks because of ST. Now I'm not sure they keep Casillas on ST if he's the starting WLB, and I don't know if Roby makes the 53 if Sproles returns punts and kickoffs. But still. Even if you don't count those 2 guys, the Saints' coverage units are likely to be RADICALLY different this year. Improvement? Remains to be seen. But clearly a balls-out effort to fix that problem. Now let's just cross our fingers and hope that Payton is right and we're all wrong about Greg McMahon being a terrible ST coordinator.

KEVIN:
Thank you for starting, Ralph. Beat me to it.

Sorry for the diversion, but: FUCK Mike & Mike. I'm driving to work and nearly swerve off the road cause those two clown shoes have the audacity to suggest that Andy Reid is a "real good coach" and that anyone says otherwise isn't looking at things clearly and doesn't know what they're talking about. Bullshit, fellas. They were naming all the other accomplished coaches of "the era" and not one of those dipshits mentioned Sean Payton.

In his first year as a head coach, Payton beat Reid in the playoffs. Why? Cause Andy freaking Reid has the clock management skills of an impatient toddler.

So if the league was stripped of all its coaches and the teams could essentially "draft" a new head coach, based on current results up until now (guys currently coaching), where does Andy Reid fall?

1. Bill Belichick
2. Sean Payton
3. Mike Tomlin
4. Jim Caldwell / Peyton Manning
5. Mike McCarthy
6. Rex Ryan
7. Tom Coughlin
8. Andy Reid
9. Mike Smith
10. John Harbaugh

After that it's an absolute shit show. I wouldn't touch Shanahan now with a ten foot pole.

And speaking of the Eagles...Mike & Mike then had the audacity to suggest that the Saints were the FOURTH--let that sink in--best team in the NFC, behind Green Bay, Philly and Atlanta. I know everybody slurps Ashmongudusuduasd whatever his name is (including me), but that doesn't mean Philly is more a threat to win the NFC than the Saints. And Atlanta? Are they fucking high?!?

Eagles will get credited for "winning the off-season" but that's nonsense. If the Saints aren't up there, it's ridiculous. And the NFC is basically: 1. Green Bay, 1a. Saints ... 3. everyone else. Am I off in this line of thinking?

Theme of my post: AUDACITY!

RALPH:
Kevin I'd agree about Reid but I'd put him #4. To me he's alot like Les Miles. He's fantastic but his one flaw when it comes up is a burning herpes sore on super model. It can ruin you. I mean Reid runs that team and never forget he is really good at kissing up to the media with his aww shucks fat guy act so they love him. The Redskins won a bunch off off season titles too.

by the way this line slayed me...Cause Andy freaking Reid has the clock management skills of an impatient toddler

now onto Wang…

I won't scoop you on the special team angle but it's a good one to talk about. I really think Payton is finally giving Greg McMahon no excuses. If we don't see improvements this year I really think he goes to the chopping block. My worry about McBride is the Ray Edwards reason. Was he benefiting from the Lions very loaded D line? Suh is just a fucking freak and I watched most of the Lions games and by week 3 teams were like, "Suh gets double teamed or our QB will be dead."

I think McBride's ceiling is 2008 Bobby McCray. In '08 McCray started 8 games and had 6 sacks. I'd sign up for that right now.

Is McBride the Saints 'big move' at DE? I hope not but my gut says it probably is.

If Dave Thomas isn't resigned where do saints turn for TE help?

WANG:
"If Dave Thomas isn't resigned where do saints turn for TE help?"

BUCK ORTEGA!!!!!!! Drew still owes him a TD.

Tyler Lorenzen!
Shawn Ryan!
Nate Lawrie!
Eddie Boo Williams!
Lamont Hall!
Hoby Brenner!
John Tice!

But seriously..... ZACH HILTON!!!!!

RALPH:
Problem Solved!

Eddie Boo Williams dropped that TD against the Bengals in 2002 and I'm still very bitter about it.

Should Saints pursue Osi Umenyiora of the Giants via trade? New York wants a #1 which the Saints don't have but I say even if they come down in price it should still be no. He's been injury prone the last few years and the Saints already mortgaged a bit of the future for Ingramania. It will be totally worth it but I think they shouldn't trade any more of the 2012 draft away.

WANG:
Around my house, we refer to him as Osi HumanUrine. And while it would be BIG FUN to be able to say that several times every week, I think I'd pass too.

Bring back the Vanilla Gorilla and call it a day. (Unless the plan is to part ways with Will Smith, which I admit might be a little far-fetched, I'm just saying that if they DO do that, then you've probably gotta make another move.)

DAVE:
The Saints will definitely need to re-sign David Thomas. There is currently no depth behind Jimmy Graham. Without Thomas, they're fucked at tight end.

But I want to know whether Heath Evans is coming back or not? Do you think he's pooping in his pants right now? Do you think Payton refuses to re-sign him because he blew Payton's cover on the whole Drew knee surgery story this off-season?

RALPH:
Dave, I'm not sure what to think about Evans. On the one hand you are completely correct to think Payton would not resign him because he doesn't toe the line and Payton bullies everybody to do things exactly how he wants even the media. On the other hand I can't think the Saints wouldn't sign him if they think he's the best guy for them.

My guess is it's Payton/Loomis knowing they can make him sweat because Heath Evans isn't in high demand by other teams and it sends a message of, "Do what we tell you and SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON'T TALK TO THAT SAINTS BLOG CHRONICLES OF CANAL STREET OR WHATEVER THE FUCK. "

I'll be interviewing Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber this week (Thursday).

What do you think Saints fans would want to hear from him?

SAINTS NATION:
Heath Evans will be back. I feel pretty strong about that. Locker room presence, character, combined with the fact that the fullbacks they have in training camp right now aren't as good as what they had last training camp (Zak Keasey & Jason McKie).

I'm getting pretty sick of this Cameron Jordan routine. He was pretty much handed a starting spot when he was drafted. Alex Brown is over the hill, and Will Smith is going to be suspended the first 4 games. He has almost no competition for a starting role. He was guaranteed a starting role until he pulled this holdout BS. His agents need to get this done TODAY, period. Who cares about 3 years guaranteed vs. 4 years, if Jordan plays the way we all expect him to the Saints will pay him the length of his first contract regardless of what's guaranteed. The bottom line is that every single minute he's out of camp, the more behind he gets. This isn't a 7 year veteran we're talking about, we're talking about a rookie who's never even smelled a down in the NFL before. He needs to be there on time. I realize the lockout delayed things but for F's sake there's only 6 guys left unsigned. What is his agent waiting for??? The pick ahead of him and the pick behind him are gone. He needs to sign TODAY. Enough is enough. I thought the new CBA was supposed to fix this bullshit.

RALPH:
Mike Florio on PFT had an interesting solution to the 'I want 4 years guaranteed' issue. Teams could guarantee years 2-4. It basically means everything is locked in because what team will cut a #1 pick who gets injured this year in camp? But team can save face and say, "We didn't guarantee the whole contract"

Andrew you are totally right though, everyday he misses he'll be less and less of a factor. And the Saints I'd argue need Jordan to be a big factor especially early with Will Smith likely to sit the first month.

Andrew is fired up now about Jordan missing time but when do we hit the high digits on the Official Dave Cariello Chronic Panic Meter* on his holdout? I say if Jordan is not in camp by Friday it's a 9 for me...that's threat level Orange for those using the terrorism scale.

*The Official Dave Cariello Chronic Panic Meter is sponsored by Yahoo Fantasy Sports and Crack Cocaine

KEVIN:
Maybe Jordan's agent is trying to strong-arm things knowing that Will Smith will miss games?

And I'm with Dave on Heath Evans. Payton's definitely letting him twist in the wind.

RALPH:
I think the agents of rookies are probably trying to set the precedent with the first batch of new rookie deals that while the money is lower the contract is guaranteed. Think of it this way, if most rookies get 4 yrs guaranteed this year then next year the agents say "Well everyone did it last year." And GMs realize rookie contracts will grow over time and while that extra yr may not be so much now it might be in say 2018. So they want to hold the line.

Anthony Hargrove possible departure makes me even more nervous about D line. That position is looking extremely thin to me.

WANG:
"Anthony Hargrove possible departure makes me even more nervous about D line. That position is looking extremely thin to me."

TOM JOHNSON, BITCHES!

RALPH:

If Tom Johnson has either a preseason sack or a regular season tackle you can pick the song and I'll sing the first two verses on the podcast.

Wang's optimism brings up a good question: Who will be surprise cut and who will be a surprise guy to make the roster?

Courtney Roby is my surprise guy to get cut. Not a shocker but I think he'll be squeezed with Sproles able to return kicks and special team depth Saints have added

Surprise guy who makes it: Clint Ingram gets healthy and pushes hard for a roster spot

By the way I know it was the 1% douche bag fans that smiled over Jim Henderson fainting at Saints camp because of his Bush Commentary but Henderson is a treasure all Saints fans should appreciate. He's over 60 and won't do play by play forever much less his commentary and once he's gone the Saints will find some 30 year old kid to do play by play who paints his face and yells Who Dat between plays who Benson can pay nothing. Most NFL teams are going towards running their own radio network and owning the station the teams games are on. The Redskins do it and while fans hate the teams print money doing it.

Eventually the Saints will do the same. Hell Benson already owns Fox 8. All I'm saying is enjoy Henderson because when he's gone listening to the Saints won't be the same and there won't be any objective voices left in the regular media.

WANG:
The whole "Henderson deserved what he got for talking shit about REG-GIE!!!!" thing was absolutely disgusting. Some people just don't deserve to breathe.

Surprise guy who sticks: Jared Fayson (the new Adrian Arrington beats out the old Adrian Arrington)
Surprise cut: Dare I say it? Chris Ivory? Can't make the club in the tub.

I'm not saying I'd WANT that. Hell, stick him on PUP and then IR if it comes to that. Just pulling a bold prediction out of my ass is all.

KEVIN:
Actually, when I saw Wang's tweet about Hendu getting on a golf cart, I just made the "Did he make sure to back over Reggie's corpse this time?" joke, not knowing he had a heat stroke or anything. I wouldn't dare try to crack on Hendu about his health or anything bad happening to him. And Ralph is spot fucking on about "enjoying it while it lasts" with Hendu. He makes us seem big team in the broadcast booth. Who could possibly replace him?

As for cuts: I'll go out on a limb and say the safety from Clemson, just to be goofy

Don't know about a surprise keeper. Clint sounds fine.

RALPH:
I will not even acknowledge the who could possibly replace him? Because I don't want to consider it because that future is dark and scary. I think the way Kevin described Henderson 'He makes us seem big team in the broadcast booth' is about the best way I've ever heard him described. Henderson could have been a national play by play guy and was for a few years. He just likes living in NOLA and didn't feel the need to go to a bigger market. So the Saints have an A+ play by play guy because of a lucky break.

DAVE:
Ugh, what if Deke, Hokie or Bobby replaced him? Oh, dear.

Also, what's going to happen when Jerry Romig dies? Who will do in stadium announcing?

RALPH:
And suddenly the 'Chain' turns into Deathwatch.

Ok, I'll bite...

When Henderson retires all Saints fans should get on their hands and knees and pray WWL radio has as little say in Henderson's replacement as possible. I find their Saints coverage just above poor. They never break news and my mom is more objective. But if you love homerism and pom pom waving then WWL radio is fantastic.

Ken Trahan would probably walk through glass to get the Saints play by play job but I'm guessing Saints go young and keep and it's someone not local. My hope is Henderson would maybe decide to retire from WWL-TV but keep doing Saints games and as long as he stays relatively healthy he can go into his 70's? Hell the Astros have an 83 year old doing their radio play by play although baseball is different.

I'd guess the guy how does Hornets games and announcing at Saints games Romig doesn't do wold take over everything.

KEVIN:
I'll be honest: Jerry Romig has a good voice, but I can't understand a god damn thing he says in the Dome. Could it be his voice or is it the system?

DAVE:
I think it's the system. "COOOOOOOOOLSTON!"

RALPH:
Roming is one of the touches that make Saints game so fantastic. By the way one of my most favorite yet overrated experiences every year is going to/watching Saints first preseason game.

I'm always geeked for it and then like 10 minutes after it starts and Chase Daniels is taking snaps and Drew is on the sideline smiling I'm like, "Stupid preseason game." Although that first SuperDome hotdog is glorious I tell you GLORIOUS.

Read on Bucstats.com that Da’Quan Bowers' trick knee is looking delicious and dude is tearing shit up. What is everyone's thoughts on the Bucs going into 2011?

I think Josh Freeman will be better than Ryan eventually and blount and Williams give them a nice offense to build around. I'm guessing they regress to 7-9 , 8-8, but Freeman for some reason scares me way more than Ryan

KEVIN:

Uh, Ralph, Bill Simmons' legion of devout interns contacted me and demanded that Mr. Freeman from here on it be called "Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash!" Freeman.

Yeah, he looks impressive. I don't know yet if I'd put him above Matt Ryan. Speaking of Ryan, ESPN has some new QB calculation that lists Matt Ryan as one of the 6 elite quarterbacks in the game, along with Brady, Manning, Brees, Rodgers and Vick. Are you kidding me? Boot Ryan. I'd be tempted to boot Vick too, due to injury concerns.

But I definitely see the Bucs regressing. I can see them going 8-8, with Freeman maybe saving them on one of those games. They'll still be a tough out in Tampa.

RALPH:
(Cam) Jordan signs! I can stop worrying about DE until I see the Saints play a preseason game and make snap irrational judgments off of 10 plays by the #1 defense.

KEVIN:
What? No love for Tory Humphrey? Our tight end troubles are over!!!

WANG:
Aubrayo Franklin dickwads!!! Just hand us the fucking Lombardi now!

RALPH:
Yes YES YES AND FUCK YES!

From Bill Barnwell Football Outsiders/Grantland:

Why: Because he doesn't rush the passer or accrue stats in his role as the nose tackle in the 3-4, Franklin has flown under the national radar. He lacks the elite athleticism of Haloti Ngata or the massive frame of Albert Haynesworth, but no interior lineman in football is better at reading blocking schemes and manipulating the offensive front. He creates double-teams by occupying two offensive linemen on most plays, freeing up Patrick Willis to make plays behind him. It's safe to say that he's popular with his teammates; as Willis noted during the 2010 offseason, "I pray to God they keep Aubrayo."

Why not: Franklin really has only two seasons of dominant play underneath his belt, and they both came in contract years. (Franklin was franchised by the 49ers after the 2009 season.) The 49ers are trying to get the word out that Franklin's 2010 season wasn't all that great, but if he did slip, it was only because he was downright incredible in 2009.

Switching to 4-3 could be a concern but Saints under the Double G are all over the place formation wise. This might seem strange but I think the Saints just got better at LB.

They now have two huge DT Rogers and Franklin to clog the middle while the LB roam free or Harper blitzes.

This is the best FA Period ever. NFL needs to do this every year.

Sign Goodwin and Baconator and this Bitch is ready to ROLL!

RALPH:
AND (now) THE BACONATOR. Just awesome. Having a kick ass GM running my football team is great and makes watching Ed Wade of the Astros huff paint thinner while doing trades appreciate it even more.

KEVIN:
Aubrayo? Sounds like a hard to pronounce/spell name! I win!

RALPH:
On twitter someone asked if this Saints defense with all the new additions would be the best Saints Defense in 10 years or maybe 20?

I say it could be best since 2000. That defense was spectacular at one thing, sacking the QB. The Saints had 66 sacks that year. It's still the NFL record for sacks in a season I think.

3 guys (Darren Howard, La'roi Glover and Joe Johnson) all had double digits with Glover dropping 17 and putting on a display no other DT ever has in a Saints uniform. He was an unblockable force. The game in St. Louis that year was his master piece; 4 sacks including the game clincher. That team had Sammy Knight in the secondary and Keith Mitchell made a Pro Bowl. Besides that not much besides an old Darren Smith and Darren Perry.

This year's team I think could be a wall against the run because of DT(Rogers, Franklin, Ellis) and great at safety(Harper/)Jenkins and good at corner. I'm not so sure they'll be as dominant in one area as that 2000 team was at killing the QB.

Still this team was Top 5 last year and they are clearly better at DT. So expectations are right to be sky high?

WANG:
Damn right expectations are sky high. I feel like a douche for going all "19-0!!!" with it (again) but seriously, holy shit. When I saw that Pat Kirwan was saying yesterday that the Saints have basically built the Ravens' defense from 10 years ago, I popped a huge chubby.

The sky is the limit. The next 6 months are gonna be some serious fun. In my opinion, this team is not just a little better than the 2009 team, it's a good bit better. I'm not sure Tampa is really ready from primetime just yet, and Atlanta blew their shot last year. EVERYTHING went right for them last year, just like it did for the Saints in 2009. It was "their year" and they blew it. What was it, 5 games they pulled out of their asses on dumb luck? They're gonna regress this year.

RALPH:
I really like Pat Kirwan because he is a hard core tape watcher not just a Peter King, "I write a column so you think I know shit but I don't really watch actual games."

Wang here is where I think the Saints plan on defense is brilliant. Injuries or poor performance could make it not unfold but on paper it's awesome and here's why:

The Saints offense will score a crap load of points with Brees so what's the book on how to beat the Saints? Pressure the crap out of Brees and pound the ball on the ground with your offense to shorten the game.

Well on defense the Saints literally have a fucking ton of DT that says, "Run it at us bitches. You'll get stuffed like my granma's bellpeppers and oh look Drew just hit Jimmy Graham and it's 14-0. Still want to go 3 and out? Didn't think so. Now Double G is going to unleash blitzagedon on you because you have to throw."

Rinse and repeat until at least week 6 when teams give up running? Nice.

Plus the experiment at DT is a one year thing so if it works..Lombardi if not no long term commitment By the way the additions at DT make me think Double G will get the absolute best out of Martez Wilson.

KEVIN:
Does Kirwan have a Twitter feed? The only NFL guys I follow are Schefter, Breer and Glazer, and I'm considering dumping Shefty.

Look, the 2009 defense was built on turnovers; taking chances at turnovers. I remember us saying during the preseason and even early in the season: even if we're middle of the pack, I want a defense that is prepared to KILL! KILL! KILL! (KSK'd). Sure we'll get beaten big on some plays, but I'd rather be seen as aggressive. We just wanted a wake up from the Jason David "error." #imakethefunny But now we may have a defense that can have an effective blitz AND stop the run? And we might be making strides in pass protection? Yeah, I'll go 2000.

We have a playoff team on paper.

And if Breesus cuts back on the INTs, we can all ask the Philly fans to tell us how our ass tastes.

WANG:
Shit, you're not aiming high enough, Kevin. This defense is finally gonna be able to pressure the QB without HAVING to blitz. Even better. Which isn't to say that GW isn't gonna unleash the hounds, because of course he will. But being able to pressure the QB with the front 4? There's your turnovers. And far fewer dump off options over the middle with RBs & TEs. Malcolm Jenkins is about to turn into Ed Reed, and McBride and Ellis are both fumble producers (along with Roman Harper who's also a fumble producer.)

This shit is gonna be nuts.

Oh and Ralph, I need you to do me a favor while you're interviewing Big Daddy Drew. Pick a thing he says about the Saints that's negative but true, and tell him I said [BostonGuy]NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!!![/BostonGuy]

RALPH:
Nice. I'll also be asking him who isn't real; Him or Rex Ryan? Ryan just got fucking tattoo on his leg so clearly either Drew is a writer who secretly coaches the Jets or Ryan is a coach who secretly writes. They both can't possibly exist.

Also when and how does a team go from warm, cuddly, and everyone loves them to I FUCKING HATE THEM, THEIR FANS, THEIR CITY, THE COACH, AND I HOPE THEY FALL DOWN A WELL. The Pats were America's team in the NOLA Super Bowl in 2001. Now...they are pretty much loathed. Send anything else you want asked my way. I'm open to ideas and want to hit this one out the park.

KEVIN:
Yeah, extend that parellel to the Saints. I mean, Drew's a Vikings fan. Shouldn't he have hated us in 2009? KSK really didn't blast us that much. Even in 2010. Hell, anytime Brees gets mentioned, everybody has an ongoing joke about how nice he is.

RALPH:
Does anybody have Matt Roth fever? Oh I do. He seems like the perfect guy for Gregg Williams. Versatile and gives the Saints more depth at DE. Of course part of me hats that the signing would make my podcast with Magary an afterthought today but whatever...MATT ROTH.

Mickey Loomis is maxing out the 'Sign a Veteran who wants a title' credit card. GOOD TIMES.

KEVIN:
Ralph, Simmons' legion of angry interns have said Billy Baroo owns the term "good times" apparently and no one else is allowed to use that phrase…ever.

Tuesday Meltdown

2011-08-02T10:26:00.003-05:00

Hey Cam Jordan...get your ass into camp already

The Saints are paper thin at DE without you and Big Willy Smith will be sittting the first four weeks.

So I repeat; GET YOUR ASS INTO CAMP

To the Message Board Guy bottom feeder who cheered at Jim Henderson fainting at Saints camp

FUCKING DIE. But WWL TV please answer this fine tweet question.

Randy Moss retired and to I say this for all the fantasy owners who drafted you high last year

You told us a year too late jackass...

Hey NOLA media how does it feel getting run circles around by the national media breaking Saints news and not even keeping up with with Canal Street Chronicles. Dave manages to run the Tulane bookstore and KICK YOUR ASS ON SAINTS NEWS...

Somebody wake up 150 year old Pete Finney

Hakim Drops the Ball Rises

2011-07-29T10:08:00.008-05:00

'The Dark Knight Rises' trailer was supposed to be up top, but I couldn't find a video to embed. There was supposed to be a theme here. Plus, Gary Oldman's wheezing line delivery is the best. "He...must... ... RISE!" But alas, no video.

I have not posted since the middle of February. Sorry about that. I know Ralph got shit from some people because he only wrote a few columns for WWLTV.com since February. Grandmaster Wang managed to write about ten pieces between the end of the Saints' season and present day.

So why nothing from me? Oh, I'd like to tell you it was because I couldn't find anything inspiring to say, or I didn't feel like wading into all the lockout nonsense. Hell, I wish could say, "because I was writing the great American novel." But if I'm being straightforward with you and honest with myself, the real answer is even simpler: laziness.

True, I didn't want to say anything about the lockout, but I could've said something about the draft, or written about Reggie Bush, or even done one or three of those 'KSK-inspired' posts in which Thomas Morstead goes on a vacation to Comic-Con. Some ideas were there, folks. But I kept pushing things off until a later time, when I thought I could "give it my all" so-to-speak. That's a crock. With me, if I can start off by giving something, say, 70 to 80 percent of me, that's a significant accomplishment. It's why I don't cut my grass until somebody jokes about animals grazing off of it, or why I don't cut my hair until somebody says I look like the lead singer of a CCR cover band.

And the second reason I've been so lax on posting is this: contentment. I mean, we are just 18 months removed from watching the Saints win the Super Bowl. High five! (check's in the mail, Wang.) Everything I could want as a sports fan came to fruition. I honestly felt like that moment of catharsis was like that final note in 'A Day in the Life" by The Beatles. How do you top that? Short answer: you don't. And more importantly, you can't. Sure, I cheered for the Saints and wanted them to win every single game last year, and was royally pissed when they lost to the damn Seahawks in the playoffs, but it took me a long time to get over my own contentment.

I hope this note explains my absence from the conversation. I aim to be back in mid-season form by the start of the regular season. Let's do this.

Chain Gang Debut

2011-07-28T19:43:00.022-05:00

This is hakimdropstheball’s weekly debut of the ‘Chain Gang’. It’s an email chain featuring Kevin Held, Ralph Malbrough from WWLTV.com, and GrandMaster Wang from Moosedenied.com. Here are their thoughts on the week the Saints had and anything else NFL that crossed their minds.

Ralph Malbrough:

Wang, my post lockout/free agent preview will be tomorrow. My main guy I think the Saints chase is Andre Carter of the Skins. He's old (32) but Haslett ruined him with the 3-4 plus he had 10.5 sacks under Double G.

Besides that I'm not feeling big splash as I think they are going to expect draft picks to upgrade LBs and will focus on signing their guys and saving for Brees contract.

On a scale of 1-10 what's the odds of the Saints doing a "Holy Shit they just signed Insert name) and I just had an orgasm at my desk" moment

I say 3.

Grandmaster Wang:

Hell yeah, time for us to get back to work too. Can't wait for everybody to start getting back into the swing of things.

I was thinking an OLB moreso than a DE, but then again, Will Smith won't be available until week 5. I was thinking they'd go with Jordan & Brown until Smith gets back, with Charleston & Galette backing them up. And I think they could probably get by with that. I still think Charleston is underrated and could handle the increased role. But I damn sure wouldn't complain if they brought Carter in.

I do agree there probably won't be any kind of big splash, obviously, we're up against the cap. But with Wilson being a 3rd round rookie, and Dunbar and Mitchell not being much to hang your hat on, and Shanle probably gone, I'm kind of expecting them to sign a vet LB. And I do think that some people are gonna be kind of surprised that it's a bigger name than people are expecting. Like for example, everybody's expecting Rocky McIntosh, but instead they splurge and sign somebody like Pozslusny instead, and people will be going WOW, didn't see that coming. Probably the day after they release Reggie. Much like earlier in the season when they released Shockey and then the next day signed Rogers.

I agree it's not likely though. Just a hunch.

I was talking to a friend the other day about this.... I kinda hope Cleveland releases Fujita and the Saints sign him back on a cheap 1 year deal.

Ralph:

My issue with Pozslusny besides he has the Buffalo taint on him is he's always hurt. I much rather McIntosh. Fujita is the same thing but it'd be a PR homerun. If the Saints did make a big move I think it would be DE and they could justify it by saying, "Smith is on the downside and we might cut him next year anyway. Let's add a young vet to pair with Jordan going forward." I just hope it's not Ray Edwards of the Vikes. I think that guy

benefited from Williams Wall and is not elite player. So I really hope the Falcons get him.

And here is name to keep in mind: Randy Moss

I know the guy looks completely done but I think Moss is a guy Sean Payton would think,"I'll swap him out for Devery and Drew will keep him in line. I think I can get a good year out of motivated Moss."

That'd be a holy shit type move.

Granmaster Wang:

I hear you on Poz, and maybe McIntosh would be the better signing. It just wouldn't be as "big" as far as fan reaction, Poz has that white guy following going for him which would have Saintsreport waving their miniature American flags and shit. I've got no problem adding a vet DE either if that's what they do. I'm a little torn on Moss. I totally believe he can still play, and that he's still possibly the best deep threat in the league. It would definitely be a holy shit move, but I'm not sure I see it happening and I don't at all like the whole "I play when I want to play" thing. He doesn't have any interest in blocking, and with all the screens we run... and also the whole thing about not running his fucking route when he's not the first option. We all know how Payton/Drew spread the ball around, and also how many times Drew decides while he's in the pocket to go to a 2nd or 3rd option, and if Moss didn't run his damn route....

Kevin Held:

I always thought/heard/believed that McIntosh was overrated and that Poz would be good on a contender. He was supposed to be great coming out of college (Penn State), right?

Wang, I'm with you about Moss -- still has the big play capability, but doubts will always linger about his drive. Even on a 'holy shit' level offense like the Saints, I'd spend too much damn time watching Moss in formations, wondering if I'll spot him "giving up" on a play when it isn't going to him. I'm not interested in pulling a Collinsworth, I just want to watch the ball! #simpleman

And I'm absolutely thrilled they signed that Clemson guy. My 'Guy Who Knows A Guy' said the Saints were thinking about drafting him on Day 3, but ultimately guys came to them that they couldn't pass on. The fact that he went undrafted allegedly surprised them and they've kept their eye on him. He's supposed to be a lock to make the team, barring anything catastrophic.

Ralph Malbrough:

Kevin I agree about McDaniel as to me speed is so over rated at safety because they play so far off the ball. Sammy Knight couldn't run but he always was able to get to the play on time. The kid from Pittsburgh they drafted late is the guy I'm watching because Saints need a better pash rush and I'm not as sold as Wang as Charleston & Galette to contribute heavily. Although I want Charleston to breakout because Hansdat and me christened him 'Hobo with a shotgun' and I want to be dropping that reference all year long.

The Saints could also go in the division to get LB with Anderson from Carolina although I think his price could higher than Poz and McIntosh.

What Saints leaving would upset you the most? Wang it's obviously Reggie as their love affair is one for the ages. I think for me it would be Goodwin for as having a center with no starts(Tennant) scares me to death.

Grandmaster Wang:

Ha! Goodwin is a good choice because if Drew's getting pressure up the middle all year long that fucks the whole offense right to hell, not to mention the increased injury risk to Drew AND the inability to run it up the gut ever. 3rd/4th & short, etc. So it's hard to argue with Goodwin.

BUT at least Goodwin's backup was the consensus best center in the draft 2 years ago (okay, 2nd behind Pouncey, but he's a G) and did a good enough job protecting Matt Ryan back at BC. And he's pretty much penciled in as the future starter anyway.

What do you do if you lose Roman Harper? You literally have nobody to step in if you lose him. (This McDaniel dude notwithstanding.) And as much as people bitch about Harper's weakness in coverage, 99% of the time that's not what they're asking him to do anyway. And he's one of the very best in the box safeties in the league. MUCH larger step back if you lose Harper, IMHO. There's literally no other option right now. And I'd assert that any other realistic available option you MIGHT be able sign is likely to end up being a downgrade.

So Harper is definitely #1 for me. And I'd say Lance Moore is at least equal to Goodwin (2a/2b) in importance. He's the modern day Eric Guliford, only about 10 times better. Remember when you could just about take it to the bank that if it was a key 3rd down, the ball was going to Guliford? And he never, ever failed to catch the ball and get the 1st? But even Saints fans were all "Guliford's just a guy. So what?" They do the same thing with Lance. But he's by far the most clutch wideout the Saints have. He's not the best, but he does not let you down. Ever. Need to move the chains? If all else fails, Lance will hook you up. And he's underrated as a big play guy too. Lance has made as many big plays (meaning big yardage) as anybody. I think Meachem is gonna blow shit up this year, and I think Arrington deserves some looks in the regular season too. But Lance has earned it, and we'd miss him a hell of a lot more than anybody's willing to admit, IMHO. Dude's "a football player."

Ralph Malbrough:

You sold me hard on Roman Harper Wang but I'll stay with Goodwin. Here is my question with Lance..why didn't other teams offer him when he was restricted and Saints only tendered him at 2nd Rd compensation? I think other teams look at Saints Wr as system guys. To me if I was St. Louis, Detroit, or San Francisco I get Moore to help my young QB. He won't be huge cost either.

I will say Wang if the emails I'm getting about my column are any indication a majority of fans will tell Harper good riddance but of course the question is if not Harper than who? And by the way Gregg Williams is great coach but awful talent evaluator as he begged the Skins to bring in Adam Archuletta and then the guy sat on the bench because he couldn't play Williams defense so if Harper walks I hope the Double G doesn't get much say in his replacement.

Final question of the day; Are we completely comfortable at running back?

Thomas, Ivory, and Ingram on paper look great but they all have injury concerns. Ivory worries me the most as dude had serious foot injury and lockout meant Saints couldn't monitor his rehab like normal off season. Ivory's running style is so brutal(in a good way) the Saints almost have to be very selective about his touches as he's just as likely to run over the safety and give us an ESPN highlight as he is to dislocate his own shoulder. Hell he might do both on the same play.

To me Ivory running play is like a great bourbon. It's fantastic but can get ugly in large quantities.

Grandmaster Wang

Sorry for the delayed response. Had a credit card ganked the other day, been trying to recover from that. Fuckin' IHOP. Pretty sure I got the dude fired though. High five!

I agree that other teams view Saints wideouts as "system guys" and aren't as good as Payton/Brees make them look. I'm glad they think that, but that doesn't mean they're right. In my opinion, they're dead wrong. Hell, Saints fans think the same thing. They look at Lance, and he's not particularly big or fast or strong or whatever, and they say let him go because anybody else could do the same thing. Bullshit. Would Lance be as good with a crappy QB throwing to him? No, but neither would anybody else. It's a 2-way street. How much better does Lance make Drew look? Takes 2 to tango on that. Somebody's gotta run a killer route, get open and catch the ball.

(editor note: Moore resigned with Saints)

The Harper thing is stupid too. People need to get over Seattle already. Harper was in an impossible situation that day. That tends to happen when necessity dictates that a player has to do something he doesn't usually do and isn't his strength. It would be great if Harper was Ed Reed or Troy Polamalu, but he's not. And if he were, the Saints wouldn't be able to afford him anyway. People need to get off his fucking case for not being absolutely perfect at everything. Most players aren't. But Harper's as good as we're gonna get for now, and he's plenty good enough. As long as Jenkins is healthy, Harper is perfect at SS for the Saints. There aren't any realistic upgrades out there.

I'm totally comfortable at tailback. More than comfortable. Giddy. Dancing a jig. As soon as they release Reggie, I'll be of the opinion that they did EXACTLY what they needed to do at the position, and we're exactly where we need to be.

Ralph Malbrough:

So you aren't the least but on edge because of the running backs injury histories? By the way I twittered earlier "safety Quintin Mikell got 4yrs/28 million from Rams, has the baseline for Roman Harper been set?"

Last night on the podcast I asked Dave what he wanted to be talking about next week and he said, "How Awesome Ingram looks" So what are fair exceptions for Ingramania?

I say 1100 yards and 10-14 scores. Basically 2006 Deuce. I have to think Thomas and Ivory make a 12-1400 yard season not likely.

My theory on preseason is you can only tell if if team sucks or could be great (2009 Saints) everything else is worthless. But we watch and look for clues and signs anyway. What is one thing you want to see to make you think 2011 will be better than '10 and what would you see that made you go, "Nothing's better hell it might be worse."

I'll be looking at offensive line because I figure we should at least see flashes of better run game. Just like Deuce's debut after Ricky left. He ripped off two 40 plus yard runs and everyone was like 'No worries. We are good.' and Deuce didn't play rest of preseason because the coaches KNEW he would rock.

Grandmaster Wang:

Nope. Not the least bit on edge because of the injury histories. Not one bit. Ingram's and Pierre's are both overblown, and I can't bring myself to get overly concerned about the injury history of a guy who's 3rd on the depth chart until the other 2 are out for the year. Injuries are gonna happen, it's inevitable.

Ingram: 3000 rushing yards, 30 TDs.....by Thanksgiving.

Ralph Malbrough:

Wang you nailed it on your Reggie Bush leaving post. You said all along the Saints could get something for Reggie and they did. I always figured he'd force their hand and test the market. If it's more than a 5th round pick Loomis goes to another level to me.

Will this trade finally make message board guy realize the Saints can't trade Devery to Chicago for two second round picks and Lake Michigan?

Miami had to make this move. The wife is a huge Dolphin Fan and I've watched every Miami game the past three years and the worst thing about them is they are BORING. Jesus are they dull. Their offense was fun and exciting with the wildcat for like 10 minutes. For the past two years it's been a Chad Henne check down and the occasional 10 yard Ricky Williams run. The coach and GM are gone if they don't make playoffs and owner is big on stars so Reggie makes perfect sense. The Bush Era was enjoyable. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

If Bushrod leaves to the Bears how worried do you get about the o-line?

Kevin Held:

I think the Saints already come out looking good on the Reggie deal anyway. I mean, wasn't the thought that Reggie would just walk? To even get a draft pick or a player or cash for him is great. And I'm just glad Reggie didn't decide to be a douche canoe about this, which he could have. He could have gladly said, "No, I want my money" and forced the Saints to cut him, and then the team wouldn't have gotten anything.

And if the Dolphins get Kyle Orton and another receiver, watch out. Suddenly the AFC East gets that much more interesting.

At the very least, when Shockey visits Miami, those two are going to destroy the female population.

And I know this makes come off like MBG, but why can't the Saints trade Devery?

Ralph Malbrough:

I'm fine with trading Devery but who replaces him as Saints deep threat? By the way wife said she's going to Home Depot and buying can a of teal spray paint and 'renovating' my Bush jersey.

Kevin , don't forget 'Neck beard' Orton is a first class party animal...HBO could have Dolphins South Beach and follow around Bush, Orton, and Brandon Marshall...I'd watch that.

You have drinking, and Marshall getting attacked in club by his own wife..better than Hard Knocks? Better than hard knocks.

Grandmaster Wang:

Loomis comes out looking GREAT on this. It's literally "something from nothing." A 6th? For Reggie? Who they were gonna cut anyway? Really? It's found money. And NOBODY figured they'd even get that. Hell, most people thought that when the shit really hit the fan, the Saints would be the ones giving Reggie $5MM/yr.

I'm dead serious here: The Saints offense will be LIGHT YEARS better without Reggie. Forget the $$$. It's the very definition of addition by subtraction. Every single one of Reggie's touches will now go to some other player who will make more of each one of them. Payton will no longer have to call #25 because he has to, and/or because he still (for some reason) genuinely believes that's the best call. And the team will benefit. The stats bear it out. Payton just got his blankie taken away and it's about damn time. [ricflair]Now we go to school![/ricflair]

The Phins will suck ass with Orton and Reggie. Seriously, Orton and Reggie? I totally hope the Phins are the Saints opponent in XLVI. But I won't be holding my breath. Reggie couldn't manage to be anything more than a role player with Drew Fuckin' Brees, but he's gonna set it off with Neckbeard? Really? Not a chance.

Ralph Malbrough:

I agree Wang, although I think Tony Sporano puts Reggie in good situations and I think he helps make the Dolphins offense watchable and trust me when I say that is a good thing for someone who watches Dolphins game with an Angry Latino wife. Great post by the way.

I said this on the Chronic but it needs to be said here..I think Loomis most underrated skill is his ability to know how other teams value Saints players. He resigns Bushrod but for only two years. No panic buying like say Arizona giving Kevin Kolb 63 million and Philly Cromartie and a 2nd pick...BAWWWHAAAA

I just tweeted on the Darren Sproles pursuit by the Saints; Saints pursuit of Sproles explained is that Payton vows never to run out of tailbacks EVER AGAIN because of what happened last year so he needs a 9 deep depth at RB. That's really the only explanation I can think of. Aren't Sproles and Pierre Thomas the same guy except Sproles return punts?
Grandmaster Wang:

Sproles is a smart man's Reggie.

I fuckin swear, Loomis finally has it ALL figured out. Dude is shitting gold like Drew these days.

Ralph Malbrough:

But if the Saints pay Sproles say 5 million a year that means they'll have about 13 million in RB when you add in Ingam and Ivory. Can they all be happy if tailback apocalypse doesn't happen again?

Kevin Held:

Yeah, why spend the $5 million on Sproles? For kick returns?

So Wang is basically predicting the Saints will lead the league in offense? Is there any kind of tangible prediction you'd care to make?

And Loomis HAS TO BE a Top 3 or 4 GM in the league, right? Polian, the Pats GM, Loomis and who am I missing?

I know Neckbeard loves to party, but I just think the Dolphins will be more formidable with Orton at QB. And Reggie may be more motivated in new surroundings. Or he may just fill out a change of address form for some hot babe's vag and never be heard from again. Either or really...

Ralph Malbrough:

I hate him with a passion but Belichick needs to get his due although technically he's not the GM but he runs the thing. Green Bay's Ted Thompson is very good. Remember he drafts well and had the nuts to run off Favre after Packers went almost won NFC Title.

Fearless prediction? I'll make two

1. The Baconator aka Dave Thomas will lead Saints TE in catches
2. The Saints 2011 sack leader is not yet on the roster

And with that until next week people….

Movin' Out: The Payton Parallax

2011-02-13T12:40:00.019-06:00

INT. SAINTS HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Coach Sean Payton closes a suitcase and puts some personal effects into a cardboard box.

PAYTON: Well, this was fun. Sure was odd that I had clothes and personal items to pack at the office, though. Oh well, I'll have the place in the city to put some of this stuff around draft time.

There's a slight rap at the door. Thomas Morstead meekly sticks his head in the room.

MORSTEAD: Can I come in, Coach?

PAYTON: Sure thing, Thomas. C'mon in. What can I do for you?

MORSTEAD: Well, Coach, all this talk about you moving has me worried.

PAYTON: Don't worry, Thomas. I'm going to stay in NOLA during the football season. Well, except for maybe the bye week. I'll probably go back to Dallas for that.

MORSTEAD: Please don't go to Dallas, sir!! You can't leave the franchise high and dry like this!!

PAYTON: Calm down. I'm not leaving the team. I'm not taking another job. (mutters) Not that anything's been offered to me anyway, thanks a lot, Mr. Jerry Jones...

MORSTEAD: But Coach, Saints fans are awfully provincial.

PAYTON: Thomas, I have to do what's best for my family, you know?

MORSTEAD: Coach, as somebody who attended SMU, I can tell you that people in Texas don't like Louisiana. And folks here sure don't like Texans, especially those residing in the greater Dallas/Ft. Worth area.

PAYTON: Thomas, I'm not really interested in playing provincial politics.

MORSTEAD: What about your book, hmmmm, coach? That part where you said you had to be "all in" and you needed to be here to coach the team and you were glad you did?

PAYTON: Thomas, that's just the way this stuff works: win a Super Bowl, have some dude ghost write a book for you in which you trot out these platitudes about being "one with the city" blah blah blah. Between you and me, I'd have stayed in Dallas if Loomis would've let me. But there were extenuating circumstances.

MORSTEAD: Such as?

PAYTON: Such as...this was my first head coaching gig and I didn't want to look like a total asshole by NOT moving to the city. Look, I guided this team to a Super Bowl. A Super Bowl, for Christ's sakes! Am I not entitled to live where I want? We're still gonna kick ass in the 2012 season! I got some store credit here, and I intend to use it!

MORSTEAD: Well, this is the only major change of the off-season, right?

PAYTON: Absolutely. (Long dramatic pause.) Well...

MORSTEAD: Well what, sir?

PAYTON: I mean, this is the most recent thing to happen this off-season.

MORSTEAD: What else happened?

PAYTON: You mean, aside from Drew's off-season surgery?

MORSTEAD: What off-season surgery? I thought you said he wouldn't need surgery!

PAYTON: That was for the papers. After that schmuck Kenny Wilkerson and that wonk from that weak-ass blog "broke" the story about Drew's knee, we were in full damage control.

MORSTEAD: I always thought Saints bloggers had a certain rakish charm...

PAYTON: (interrupting) Whatever. I'd managed to taper things down about the Argentinian goat ligaments being grafted inside Drew's knee, until Heath Evans decided to open his big mouth after the season.

MORSTEAD: What, so what happened to Drew's knee now?

PAYTON: His knee? Take a look at the new and improved Drew Brees! (pushes intercom button.) Drew, c'mon in here for a second.

(Wall caves in as a Drew Brees enters.)

DREW-209: What can I do for you, Coach? Got a reporter you need me to silence? I gotta stop at the house and make a quick change, though. I converted the cannons into nail guns and I was using them to build Habitat houses at a breakneck pace.

PAYTON: No, I don't need you to kill anybody at the moment. I just wanted Thomas here to see that change isn't all bad.

DREW-209: Oh yeah, it's great, Thomas. And what'll you see what Coach did for Jabari Greer's shoulder!

MORSTEAD: Wait, what?

PAYTON: C'mon in, Jabari!

JABARI: What up, people!

MORSTEAD: Coach, is that the shoulder cannon from Predator?

PAYTON: Yep. Got it from the Defense Department when we visited DC last year. Winning a Super Bowl has its advantages, Thomas. Proves you know how to make good decisions. Which is why I traded Jeremy Shockey.

MORSTEAD: YOU WHAT?

PAYTON: Yep, traded him to the Miami Dolphins.

SHOCKEY: The Shockmeister gonna put his Shock Stick in some Cuban immigrants this summer!!! HOLLA AT YA BOY!!!!

MORSTEAD: What'd we get for Mr. J-Shock, Coach?

PAYTON: Conditional seventh round pick.

MORSTEAD: Sir, that doesn't seem like a fair trade...

PAYTON: (interrupting) That's cause I didn't lay out the specs, Thomas. If Jeremy here bones a hooker, the Dolphins give $500,000 in cash considerations. It goes up to $1 million if he bangs a hooker. $2 million if he bangs a hooker, kills her, then buries the body like in that crappy movie starring Christian Slater, Jeremy Piven and Jon Favreau.

MORSTEAD: Okay...

PAYTON: Annnnnnd...if he knocks up a cheerleader, we owe them a draft pick in 2013. But if he sleeps with J-Lo, we owe three draft picks over the next three years. However, if J-Shock manages to get a cameo on Showtime's Dexter next season, our draft pick gets upgraded to a fifth rounder. And if he adds a tattoo of Cuba's flag on his ass, we get some more cash considerations.

MORSTEAD: This can't be happening...

SHOCKEY: Come here, you big footed goof.

(Jeremy throws his arm around Thomas' shoulder and walks him down the hall.)

SHOCKEY: Look, when a team wins the Super Bowl, their coach gets to make a few 'I'm Keith Hernandez' decisions. It happens. Tom Coughlin tried hooking a Nintendo joystick up to the Statue of Liberty to re-enact the finale of Ghostbusters 2.

MORSTEAD: Really?

SHOCKEY: No. Not really. Point is...I get to bang some hot trim in Miami Beach.

MORSTEAD: Oh.

SHOCKEY: But hey, buck up, kiddo. Coach Payton is only doing this for his family. Sure, he may or may not be as emotionally as invested in this place as Drew Brees. But honestly, who the fuck really is? And do you think Coach Payton enjoys putting his kids out there in the public square?

MORSTEAD: They're not public figures.

SHOCKEY: Do you realize how much crap they have to deal with at school? If the Saints lose, it's "Why doesn't your dad run the ball more?" But if they win, it's "can 26 of us come over this week to swim in the pool shaped like the Lombardi Trophy?" Kids shouldn't have to deal with that. Coach wants the kids to have a normal life. Now, I know it's Texas, and those weirdoes give me the creeps. But hey, who am I to judge?

MORSTEAD: Yeah, I guess you're right.

SHOCKEY: Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pack my vast array of glass dildoes. I hear them Miami broads fucking love that shit.

Getting the anniversary card in a day late...

2010-12-31T23:00:00.003-06:00

So this happened ten years ago yesterday:

Good times. It's not only the namesake for this very (poorly run) blog, but it's also my favorite play in Saints history. Sure, you could go with the Gleason punt block or Tracy Porter's pick-six of Peyton Manning, or even Garrett Hartley's game-winning FG in the NFCCG. All very worthy.

However, before Hell could freeze over, we had to know it existed. And to understand that, we had to be sure there was really a Heaven. But to believe that, we had to know "there is a God after all."

Brian Milne played only five seasons in the NFL. He was a fullback. He was something of a journeyman: drafted by the Colts (in 1996, same year they got Marvin Harrison) but placed on waivers, picked up by the Bengals, whom he played with sparingly over four season, was subsequently dumped in 1999 and then picked up by the Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks showed him the exit after one year, and that's when the Saints came knocking.

Milne retired after that season with the Black & Gold. He left his mark on the St. Louis Rams, though, scoring a touchdown against them in a 31-24 win on November 26, 2000, and later, recovering "the muff by Hakim." I'd like to think the diehard Rams fans have nightmares about Brian Milne, much the same way I wake in a cold sweat sometimes thinking about Joe Montana dominating the old NFC West.

And with ten years gone by, I think it's time for Brian Milne to receive some kind of proper honor. Looking at his player profile, it's clear that Brian Milne is not exactly Saints Hall of Fame material, let alone NFL Hall of Fame material. But that shouldn't stop the organization from honoring him.

I think the team owes is Brian Milne to give him a special half time presentation to go over that moment in time. Hey, this Sunday's as good as any other, right? I mean, it IS the 10 year anniversary. And while we're talking about honoring Brian Milne, I think the guy deserves the "Joe Gemelli Fleur De Lis Award" as well.

And...(yes, there's an "AND") he deserves some kind of new honor. Something that a guy of middling accomplishment who had such an indelible impact on the franchise deserves. Brian Milne may not hae been an All Pro, but he was an All Saint for one glorious moment. And for that moment, the man should never have to pay for a beer in the city of New Orleans ever again. Call it the "Your Money's No Good Here" Award or something, I don't really care. Let somebody smarter than me come up with a name for it (lights the 'Wang Signal').

Brian Milne is an unsung hero whose moment of triumph deserves high praise for all times. Don't misunderstand. Brian Milne wasn't a man for all seasons. Looking at his record, he really wasn't much of a man for football season. But his actions lifted the Saints and its fans to a higher place. A joyous place. One that fans don't get to experience very often, let alone fans of a long downtrodden franchise.

He brought his exubrance and exhaltation. And for that he has earned not only a permament place in our hearts and minds, but a fitting memorial to stand the test of time.

NFL Power Rankings (Week 15 - 2010)

2010-12-25T17:02:00.004-06:00

I've ranked teams 32nd to 1st, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth.

32. Arizona Cardinals (4-10)
31. Carolina Panthers (2-12)
30. Cincinnati Bengals (3-11)
29. Denver Broncos (3-11)
28. Washington Redskins (5-9)
27. Detroit Lions (4-10)
26. San Francisco 49ers (5-9)
25. Buffalo Bills (4-10)
24. Minnesota Vikings (5-9)
23. Houston Texans (5-9)
22. Seattle Seahawks (6-8): Remember, folks -- SOMEBODY has to win this division.
21. Cleveland Browns (5-9)

"I thought you were putting on Christmas music?"
"This IS Christmas music!"

20. Tennessee Titans (6-8)
19. Dallas Cowboys (5-9)
18. St. Louis Rams (6-8): Bradford has not looked the same since that pick-six against the Saints.
17. Miami Dolphins (7-7)
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-6)
15. Oakland Raiders (7-7)
14. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-6)
13. Indiannapolis Colts (8-6)
12. Green Bay Packers (8-6)
11. Kansas City Chiefs (9-5)

Grace Potter & The Nocturnals from Letterman. Grace Potter is not only hot but knows how to rock out? Winner...

10. New York Giants (9-5)
9. San Diego Chargers (8-6)
8. Chicago Bears (10-4)
7. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-4)
6. New Orleans Saints (10-4)
5. New York Jets (10-4)
4. Baltimore Ravens (10-4)
3. Philadelphia Eagles (10-4)
2. Atlanta Falcons (12-2)
1. New England Patriots (12-2)

NFL Power Rankings (Week 14 - 2010)

2010-12-16T18:47:00.010-06:00

I've ranked teams 32nd to 1st, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth. But first...HAPPY FAVREANUKAH!

32. Carolina Panthers (1-12)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (2-11)
30. Denver Broncos (3-10)
29. Detroit Lions (3-10)
28. Minnesota Vikings (5-8): No more rock out with your cock out, Favre!
27. Arizona Cardinals (4-9)
26. Buffalo Bills (3-10)
25. Washington Redskins (5-8)
24. Seattle Seahawks (6-7)
23. San Francisco 49ers (5-8)
22. Dallas Cowboys (4-9)
21. Cleveland Browns (5-8)

Regarding the NFC West and my sick desires to see a sub-.500 team win, I'll turn things over to Big Daddy Drew from Deadspin:

"Anyway, the point is that a 7-9 team winning the West is still possible and in fact likely. I know a lot of people may bitch about it if it happens, but I think it's kind of cool. I mean, it takes a staggering amount of futility on the part of an entire division to conspire to get a 7-9 team into the playoffs. It's a miraculous convergence of shitty quarterbacking, horrible team management, and Pete Carroll. With Sam Bradford getting better and better, we may not see the likes of the 2010 NFC West ever again. So savor the flavor, everyone. You are watching history being made. Terrible, terrible history."

What he said.

20. Tennessee Titans (5-8)
19. St. Louis Rams (6-7)
18. Houston Texans (5-8): I legit sympathize with the Texans. That finish was a true kick to the nuts.
17. Oakland Raiders (6-7)
16. Miami Dolphins (7-6)
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-5)
14. Kansas City Chiefs (8-5)
13. Indianapolis Colts (7-6)
12. San Diego Chargers (7-6)
11. Green Bay Packers (8-5)

And now, a parrot singing "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor":

10. New York Jets (9-4)
9. Chicago Bears (9-4)
8. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-5)
7. Baltimore Ravens (9-4)
6. New York Giants (9-4)
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-3)
4. Philadelphia Eagles (9-4)
3. New Orleans Saints (10-3)
2. Atlanta Falcons (11-2)
1. New England Patriots (11-2): Barring some kind of bad loss to a vastly inferior team these last three weeks, I can't really see the Patriots sliding from this spot.

And this would be Denise Milani, who's hogging up all the world's denim in this picture:

NFL Power Rankings (Week 13 - 2010)

2010-12-12T09:24:00.005-06:00

Yeah, I'm doing this prior to the week 14 games and AFTER the Thursday night game. Note: the Colts near choke is not factored into this one. I've ranked teams 32nd to 1st, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth.

32. Carolina Panthers (1-11)
31. Arizona Cardinals (3-9)
30. Cincinnati Bengals (2-10)
29. Detroit Lions (2-10) - Screwed by the refs twice. Against the Bears. Bad times.
28. Denver Broncos (3-9)
27. San Francisco 49ers (4-8)
26. Buffalo Bills (2-10)
25. Washington Redskins (5-7)
24. Tennessee Titans (5-7)
23. Dallas Cowboys (4-8)
22. Minnesota Vikings (5-7): JUST CLICK THIS LINK. Now that's a great hit...
21. Cleveland Browns (5-7)

20. Seattle Seahawks (6-6)
19. Miami Dolphins (6-6)
18. Houston Texans (5-7)
17. St. Louis Rams (6-6)
16. Oakland Raiders (6-6)
15. Indianapolis Colts (6-6)
14. San Diego Chargers (6-6)
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-5)
12. Jacksonville Jaguars (7-5)
11. New York Giants (8-4)

10. Kansas City Chiefs (8-4)
9. New York Jets (9-3)
8. Green Bay Packers (8-4)
7. Baltimore Ravens (8-4)
6. Chicago Bears (9-3)
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3)
4. New Orleans Saints (9-3) - Still lurking, assholes...
3. Philadelphia Eagles (9-3)
2. Atlanta Falcons (10-2)
1. New England Patriots (10-2) - How ESPN ranks them behind the Falcons after the Pats' DESTROYED the Jets on MNF is beyond reason or understanding.

Oh, and here's a message to Brady and the Pats, and Matty Ice and the Falcons, courtesy of Mr. Johnny Cash:

NFL Power Rankings (Week 12 - 2010)

2010-11-30T09:38:00.007-06:00

I've ranked teams 32nd to 1st, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth.

32. Carolina Panthers (1-10)
31. Arizona Cardinals (3-8) - Note to Derek Anderson: when you're seen smiling or laughing on the sidelines when you're getting the shit kicked out of you on the field, fans are going to react harshly. (Ex. Aaron Brooks)
30. Denver Broncos (3-8)
29. Cincinnati Bengals (2-9)
28. Detroit Lions (2-9)
27. Dallas Cowboys (3-8)
26. San Francisco 49ers (4-7)
25. Minnesota Vikings (4-7) - Wait, Favre's now an offensive coordinator? Fuck, dude, just GO AWAY!
24. Buffalo Bills (2-9) - Steve Johnson drops would-be game-winning catch. Blames God. Catches Hell for it. Now says people were silly to think he was blaming God. All is right with universe.
23. Seattle Seahawks (5-6)
22. Cleveland Browns (4-7)
21. Washington Redskins (5-6)

I still love this song...

20. St. Louis Rams (5-6) - Knowing the Rams would be a seven-point playoff dog AT HOME is almost enough to make me hope the Saints do finish with the 5th seed in the NFC. Almost.
19. Tennessee Titans (5-6) - Who the fuck names their kid "Cortland" anyways? Assholes, that's who.
18. Houston Texans (5-6)
17. Oakland Raiders (5-6)
16. Miami Dolphins (6-5)
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-4)
14. Indianapolis Colts (6-5)
13. Kansas City Chiefs (7-4) - A DOUBLE DWAYNE BOWE! WHAT DOES IT MEAN!?!?
12. Jacksonville Jaguars (6-5)
11. Green Bay Packers (7-4) - Aaron Rodgers can't play defense and special teams, yo.

10. New York Giants (7-4)
9. Philadelphia Eagles (7-4)
8. Chicago Bears (8-3)
7. San Diego Chargers (6-5)
6. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3)
5. New Orleans Saints (8-3) - Lurking, motherfuckers. Lurking...
4. Baltimore Ravens (8-3)
3. New York Jets (9-2)
2. Atlanta Falcons (9-2) - Falcons are, bar none, the best team in the NFC. No getting around that. But I'd be anxious to see how Matt Ryan will handle himself in the playoffs when they're expected to win.
1. New England Patriots (9-2)

Oh yeah...Drew Brees, folks. Drew fucking Brees.

NFL Power Rankings (Week 11 - 2010)

2010-11-25T10:18:00.005-06:00

Wanted to get this list out there before the Thanksgiving Day games got underway. You know the drill, a-holes: ranked 32 through 1, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth.

32. Carolina Panthers (1-9)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (2-8)
30. Arizona Cardinals (3-7)
29. Detroit Lions (2-8)
28. Minnesota Vikings (3-7)
27. Denver Broncos (3-7)
26. San Francisco 49ers (3-7)
25. Buffalo Bills (2-8)
24. Dallas Cowboys (3-7)
23. Seattle Seahawks (5-5)
22. St. Louis Rams (4-6)
21. Cleveland Browns (3-7)

In honor of America, here's The Boss:

20. Houston Texans (4-6)
19. Oakland Raiders (5-5)
18. Washington Redskins (5-5)
17. Tennessee Titans (5-5)
16. Miami Dolphins (5-5)
15. Jacksonville Jaguars (6-4)
14. Chicago Bears (7-3): Over-rated! (clap! clap! clap-clap-clap!)
13. Kansas City Chiefs (6-4)
12. San Diego Chargers (5-5)
11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-3)

And here's one of the more awesome moments in cinematic history:

10. Indianapolis Colts (6-4)
9. New York Giants (6-4)
8. Green Bay Packers (7-3)
7. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-3): Yeah, I know the Steelers were ranked higher last week and put a beating on the Raiders. So the fuck what? Got a problem, dickhead?
6. Baltimore Ravens (7-3)
5. New Orleans Saints (7-3)
4. New York Jets (8-2)
3. Atlanta Falcons (8-2)
2. Philadelphia Eagles (7-3)
1. New England Patriots (8-2)

And now...football awesomeness!

In brightest day, in blackest night...

2010-11-21T21:32:00.002-06:00

DeMarcus Ware doesn't stand a chance...

NFL Power Rankings (Week 10 - 2010)

2010-11-18T19:01:00.015-06:00

Haven't done this in a while, but you know the drill, a-holes: ranked 32 through 1, with each team being ranked based on who they could beat on a neutral field. So...31 could beat 32, 30 could beat 31, so on and so forth.

32. Carolina Panthers (1-8)
31. Detroit Lions (1-8)
30. Dallas Cowboys (2-7)
29. Buffalo Bills (1-8)
28. Arizona Cardinals (3-6)
27. San Francisco (3-6)
26. Cincinnati Bengals (2-7)
25. Minnesota Vikings (3-6)
24. Washington Redskins (4-5)
23. Cleveland Browns (3-6)
22. St. Louis Rams (4-5)
21. Seattle Seahawks (5-4)

That's right. The NFC West doesn't get past No. 21 on my list. Speaking of utter disappointments, here's the Green Lantern "teaser" trailer:

This isn't a teaser trailer. Teaser trailers are typically 90 seconds or less. The Batman Begins teaser? 1 minute, 15 seconds. Superman Returns teaser? 90 seconds. Dark Knight teaser? 55 seconds.

And also, this teaser is a train wreck. What's with the big-headed fool with the pornstache? And why does Ryan Reynolds wear a cartoon? And why is Blake Lively pretending to be cardboard?

20. Denver Broncos (3-6)
19. Houston Texans (4-5)
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-4)
17. Kansas City Chiefs (5-4)
16. Chicago Bears (6-4)
15. Miami Dolphins (5-4)
14. San Diego Chargers (4-5)
13. Oakland Raiders (5-4)
12. Tennessee Titans (5-4)
11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-3)

Well, here's something interesting, Cowboys & Aliens. It's cowboys. It's aliens. It's James Bond. It's Indiana Jones/Hans Solo. It's intriguing.

10. New York Giants (6-3)
9. Green Bay Packers (6-3)
8. Indianapolis Colts (6-3)
7. New Orleans Saints (6-3)
6. Baltimore Ravens (6-3)
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3) Remember that asshole bandwagon Steelers fan I always tell you about? Well, he got fired from his job today. And because I hold grudges like nobody's fucking business, I celebrated like we skull fucked Iraq in Desert Storm, Part 1.
4. New York Jets (6-3)
3. Philadelphia Eages (7-2)
2. Atlanta Falcons (7-2)
1. New England Patriots (7-2)

Left or right? Garrett Hartley gets unwanted pointers

2010-11-07T11:56:00.010-06:00

Scene: EXT. empty sugarcane field -- NIGHT

(Garrett Hartley is practicing kicking field goals. He's making some, but he keeps shanking them to the right.)

GARRETT: Damn it! Coach isn't gonna keep me around for long if I can't make consistent kicks... (Garrett lines one up, kicks it wide right.) SHIT!

(Garrett hears something coming behind him from the left.)

GARRETT: Now what? More magical black men?

KEITH: HOW. DARE. YOU. SIR!!!

GARRETT: Huh?

KEITH: This is no ordinary set of circumstances, Mr. Hartley. This is a matter of GRAVE importance. (shuffles papers.) You cannot expect your career to move forward if you keep hitting these kicks to the right!!

GARRETT: Oh, hey, I remember you! I used to watch you on ESPN, like, a decade ago or something! How's Dan Patrick doing?

KEITH: He's fine. Now, about your kicking...

GARRETT: Yes, sir. What do you recommend?

KEITH: Kick left.

GARRETT: Aim for the left post?

KEITH: No. I mean...AIM. LEFT. You'll never move forward if you're kicking to the right. Line up perpendicular to the ball, and kick it to the left.

GARRETT: Okay...you mean into the stands?

KEITH: Exactly!!

GARRETT: I don't see how that'll help me make field goals...

KEITH: Do you want to make FIELD GOALS or do you want to make a STATEMENT?!?

GARRETT: Uh...

GLENN: Don't answer that!!!

KEITH: Aw, Christ!

GLENN: Don't let this fascist Marxist tell you what to do...LET ME DO THAT!

(Garrett Hartley face palm.)

GARRETT: Do I have to?

GLENN: What are you, Garrett? A socialist sympathizer? Why do you hate freedom?

KEITH: Erroneous! Erroneous, I tell you!!

GARRETT: What do you suggest, sir?

GLENN: You should keep aiming to the right, duh!!!!

GARRETT: Yeah, but that isn't working...

GLENN: Don't tell me it isn't working!!! What are you, some kinda one-man splinter cell?!?

GARRETT: You're nuts.

GLENN: Look, Garrett, your name starts with a 'G' and ends with a double consonant, MY name starts with a 'G' and ends with a double consonant. Who you gonna trust? By the way, can I interest you in some over-priced gold coins for the coming apocalypse?

GARRETT: Unbelievable...to hell with both of you, I'll aim for between the uprights, thank you very much.

KEITH: What, you mean, like, "the middle?"

GLENN: What the hell kinda tactic is that?!?

(Garrett walks away, leaving Keith and Glenn standing chest to chest, huffing and puffing at one another.)

KEITH: Glenn, I've always meant to ask you something.

GLENN: What is it?

KEITH: Why hock gold? I mean, in the apocalypse, won't gold be made irrelevant?

GLENN: You NEED a currency, fool! How else will capitalism flourish?!?

KEITH: Yeah, I get the whole exchange for goods and services, but why stockpile gold? Why not guns? After all, if I've got a gun, and all you've got is gold, it stands to reason...

(Glenn jams his thumbs in his ears.)

GLENN: I'm not listening! I'm not listening!! I'm not listening!!!

Sooner or later, he'd gonna cut ya down...

2010-11-04T00:21:00.002-05:00

Had to bust out the Photoshop skills to show you assholes I hadn't disappeared off the face of the Earth.

I'm worried, but not, you know...worried

2010-10-23T22:39:00.002-05:00

Colt McCoy, ladies and gents!

NFL Power Rankings (Week 6 -2010)

2010-10-21T10:57:00.008-05:00

Rankings based on neutral site matchups. Team 31 would beat Team 32. Team 30 would beat both of them. So on and so forth. Want to know why I'm so late? Get to No. 1 on this list.

And here's Adriana Lima, or as I like to call her, "proof of God's existence."

32. Buffalo Bills (0-5)
31. Carolina Panthers (0-5)
30. San Francisco 49ers (1-5)
29. Cleveland Browns (1-5)
28. Cincinnati Bengals (2-3)
27. Dallas Cowboys (1-4)
26. Arizona Cardinals (3-2)
25. Detroit Lions (1-5)
24. Oakland Raiders (2-4)
23. Seattle Seahawks (3-2)
22. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3)
21. Minnesota Vikings (2-3)

I think she's trying to solve quadratic equations in this picture...

20. San Diego Chargers (2-4)
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2)
18. Denver Broncos (2-4)
17. St. Louis Rams (3-3): Everybody here is talking playoffs. Easy there, fella.
16. Green Bay Packers (3-3)
15. Chicago Bears (4-2)
14. Washington Redskins (3-3)
13. Miami Dolphins (3-2)
12. Kansas City Chiefs (3-2)
11. Atlanta Falcons (4-2)

Uh, I likes 'em classy?

10. Tennessee Titans (4-2)
9. New Orleans Saints (4-2)
8. Philadelphia Eagles (4-2)
7. Baltimore Ravens (4-2)
6. Houston Texans (4-2)
5. New York Giants (4-2)
4. Indianapolis Colts (4-2)
3. New England Patriots (4-1)
2. New York Jets (5-1): They honestly should've lost that game to the Broncos. The pass interference rule needs to be adjusted.
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1): Fuck James Harrison. Fuck Big Ben. Fuck Steelers fans. Fuck the bangwagon fans. Fuck the Terrible Towel. Fuck the Rooneys. Fuck that bloated sack of shit in New Orleans who's rooting for these assholes. Fuck all y'all.

BONUS!!!

NFL Power Rankings (Week 5 - 2010)

2010-10-13T09:22:00.008-05:00

Rankings based on neutral site matchups. Team 31 would beat Team 32. Team 30 would beat both of them. So on and so forth.

MARISA MILLER - She's now an NFL spokesperson

32. Carolina Panthers (0-5)
31. Buffalo Bills (0-5)
30. Cleveland Browns (1-4)
29. San Francisco 49ers (0-5) Don't ask me why.
28. Seattle Seahawks (2-2)
27. Arizona Cardinals (3-2) GTFO.
26. St. Louis Rams (2-3) Looks like the local media here has to end the playoff talk for the time being. Thank Christ. Realistic expectations, people!
25. Oakland Raiders (2-3)
24. Detroit Lions (1-4) Better than their record.
23. Cincinnati Bengals (2-3)
22. Minnesota Vikings (1-3)
21. Dallas Cowboys (1-3) Teams 21 and 22 meet this week. Can they both lose?

JENN STERGER - Bringing back the t-shirt rip!

20. San Diego Chargers (2-3) You lost to the God damn Oakland Raiders?
19. Denver Broncos (2-3)
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-2)
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1) If the Saints can't beat these guys, expect to see them take this slot next week.
16. Miami Dolphins (2-2)
15. Washington Redskins (3-2) Congrats, you won a war of attrition against the Packers thanks to Mike McCarthy's poor clock management skills. Congrats again.
14. Philadelphia Eagles (3-2)
13. New Orleans Saints (3-2)
12. Houston Texans (3-2)
11. Kansas City Chiefs (3-1) Good defensive showing against the Colts, but they should've put up more than 9 points against them.

KIM KARDASHIAN - Maybe she needs to rub her titties on the Saints O-Line for good luck...

10. Green Bay Packers (3-2)
9. Chicago Bears (4-1) Worse than their record.
8. Tennessee Titans (3-2)
7. New York Giants (3-2)
6. Indianapolis Colts (3-2)
5. New England Patriots (3-1)
4. Atlanta Falcons (4-1)
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-1) My oaf of a former boss must be like a pig in shit right now.
2. New York Jets (4-1)
1. Baltimore Ravens (4-1)

BONUS: The epic takedown of "Star Wars, Episode I" that longtime "Star Wars" fans/nerds have longed for.

Brett Favre's junk!!!

2010-10-10T19:38:00.007-05:00

Don't ask me how, but I've obtained these incredible pics of Brett Favre's junk and knew I just had to share them with you.

Let me be your one stop shop for photos of Brett Favre's junk!!!

Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Here. We. Go!!

Here's a pictures of Brett Favre's junk in the South China Seas:

And here's a picture of Brett Favre's junk at home in Kiln, Mississippi:

And here's where Brett Favre's junk can be found:

Bang, Bang Maxwell (Hall)

2010-10-09T20:35:00.005-05:00

NFL Power Rankings (Week 4 - 2010)

2010-10-05T11:03:00.017-05:00

Dave point out last week that I neglected to put any extras in my power rankings post last, particularly the lack of pics of hot women. Well, I'll bring some heat this time out.

32. Buffalo Bills (0-4)
31. Carolina Panthers (0-4)
30. San Francisco 49ers (0-4)
29. Oakland Raiders (1-3)
28. Cleveland Browns (1-3)
27. Arizona Cardinals (2-2)
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-2)
25. Detroit Lions (0-4)
24. Miami Dolphins (2-2)
23. St. Louis Rams (2-2)
22. Dallas Cowboys (2-2)
21. Minnesota Vikings (1-2)

20. Cincinnati Bengals (2-2)
19. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2)
18. San Diego Chargers (2-2)
17. New York Giants (2-2)
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1)
15. Philadelphia Eagles (2-2)
14. Denver Broncos (2-2)
13. Tennessee Titans (2-2)
12. Washington Redskins (2-2)
11. Chicago Bears (3-1)

10. Atlanta Falcons (3-1)
9. Indianapolis Colts (2-2)
8. New Orleans Saints (3-1)
7. Kansas City Chiefs (3-0)
6. New England Patriots
5. Houston Texans (3-1)
4. New York Jets (3-1)
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-1)
2. Green Bay Packers (3-1)
1. Baltimore Ravens (3-1)

Added Bonus: The full length trailer for the Coen Brothers' remake of "True Grit." I don't do this teaser trailer crap.

Even from beyond the grave, Johnny Cash is still kicking ass.

Fixing Garrett Hartley's swing

2010-10-03T09:12:00.026-05:00

Scene: EXT. An empty sugarcane field in Southern Louisiana - NIGHT

Hartley is practicing field goal kicks in the middle of the night by lantern light. He shanks another "ugly duck" to the left.

GARRETT: Shit!

Hartley grabs another football and sets it up in the holder. He backs up, finds his footing, charges forward and...shanks it yet again.

GARRETT: Christ on a crutch, come on!!

Hartley grabs another football and goes to set it up when he hears something up ahead in the darkness.

GARRETT: Hello? Hello?

Hartley grabs the lantern and holds it up to get a better look.

GARRETT: Hello???

Suddenly, a man in an old brown suit, carrying a sack of original pigskin footballs, emerges from the darkness, like a ghostly apparition.

BAGGAR: Why hello there, sir.

GARRETT: Are you crazy? Walking out there in front of me like that? You could've gotten a concussion if one of those balls hit you in the head!

BAGGAR: Two things. First, the way you been a shankapotomus lately, I figured approaching you direct like was my best course of action. And second, you ain't dropping bombs like Thomas Morstead. That boy can bomb those kicks. He's got the touch.

GARRETT: Gee, thanks, guy.

The black dude with the nice hat puts the bag down and extends his hand.

BAGGAR: Baggar Vance's my name.

Hartley shakes Baggar's hand.

GARRETT: Lemme guess: kicking footballs is your game?

Baggar tilts his head to the side and grins, real folksy like.

BAGGAR: You done lost your swing, sir.

GARRETT: Yeah.

BAGGAR: A man's grip on his ~~club~~ leg bone's like the grip on his world.

GARRETT: Wait, what?

BAGGAR: You suck something fierce lately, Mr. Hartley.

GARRETT: (exasperated sigh) I know. Do you mind, though?

Bagger steps back while Hartley lines up another kick. He approaches, kicks and...WIDE! The black man with the perfectly magical stubble tucks his hands in his pockets and smiles. Always smiling. Always.

BAGGAR: A suggestion, Mr. Hartley. You got lady problems? Are you boozing it up all the time? Did ya become discombobulated after personally witnessing the horrors of World War I?

GARRETT: Huh?

BAGGAR: Well, sir, whenever I see a man with obvious athletic problems, it usually turns out to be lady issues...

GARRETT: Uh, no, Baggar. Ladies are not the problem. I was born only in 1986, so I'm not old enough to have been in World War I, and I only dine on "boat drinks" in the off-season. I just keep shanking these damn field goal kicks.

BAGGAR: Would it help if I stood out to the left, real quite like? And maybe whispered more folksy sayins that don't make sense at first but have an extraordinary connection with the human condition when you REALLY pay attention to 'em?

GARRETT: No!

BAGGAR: Well, sir, I got a friend that might be better able to help...

Baggar puts his hand to his ear as Garrett hears several large steps coming his way.

GARRETT: Whoa...

COFFEY: Name's John Coffey, boss. Like the drink, only not spelt the same.

Garrett does the face palm and shakes his head.

GARRETT: God help me.

COFFEY: Dat's why I'm here, boss.

BAGGAR: We're here to help you, Mr. Hartley.

GARRETT: What are you doing, John Coffey?!?

Coffey puts his big hands on Garrett's kicking leg.

COFFEY: Trying to take the hurt outta there, boss.

GARRETT: Well, you're hurting me, John. So stop it, please.

Coffey lets go of Hartley's leg.

COFFEY: Usually I spit up bugs, boss. Weren't none in there this time.

GARRETT: I know. Cause my leg isn't infested with gnats, John Coffey! I'm just shanking field goals. I don't have a troubled groin or anything!

COFFEY: Do you need me to fix ya head?

Coffey goes to put his hands around Hartley's tiny head, but the kicker brushes them away.

GARRETT: Oh, get away from me! I don't need some magical help!!

BAGGAR: You need us to call Morgan Freeman?

GARRETT: No!

BAGGAR: Danny Glover?

GARRETT: No!

BAGGAR: Blair Underwood?

GARRETT: No!

BAGGAR: Uh, (rubs chin) what's his name? Um, the guy who looks like Mr. Coffey here, but isn't?

GARRETT: Ving Rhames?

BAGGAR: Yeah, what about him?

GARRETT: No! I don't need help from people with magical powers. I make my own destiny.

COFFEY: Then who can help you, boss?

GARRETT: Good question. Well, I'm sure the good Lord will provide me with the proper help.

EXT. OLD FOLK'S HOME -- NIGHT

A nurse's assistant runs through the hallways, trying to find a particular room.

NURSE: John! John! John, where are you?!?

The nurse finds room 333 and walks in.

NURSE: Sir, the Saints need you to come back to New Orleans and take kicking duties while Garrett Hartley gets his mind right.

THE CARNEY: Huh? What's that, you say? Speak up!!!

NURSE: Oh fuck, our special teams are in trouble....

NFL Power Rankings (Week 3 - 2010)

2010-09-29T23:27:00.009-05:00

I've got little time to put this thing together, but long story short: this is how I think things would shake down if the teams met on a neutral site. I'm trying to base this off of this year's performances and not on reputation or past performance.

32. Buffalo Bills (0-3)
31. Cleveland Browns (0-3)
30. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2)
29. Carolina Panthers (0-3)
28. San Francisco 49ers (0-3)
27. St. Louis Rams (1-2)
26. New York Giants (1-2)
25. Detroit Lions (0-3)
24. Oakland Raiders (1-2)
23. Denver Broncos (1-2)
22. Minnesota Vikings (1-2)
21. Dallas Cowboys (1-2)
20. San Diego Chargers (1-2)
19. Arizona Cardinals (2-1)
18. Washington Redskins (1-2)
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1)
16. Miami Dolphins (2-1)
15. Cincinnati Bengals (2-1)
14. Seattle Seahawks (2-1)
13. New England Patriots (2-1)
12. Tennessee Titans (2-1)
11. Kansas City Chiefs (3-0)
10. New York Jets (2-1)
9. New Orleans Saints (2-1)
8. Indianapolis Colts (2-1)
7. Baltimore Ravens (2-1)
6. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1)
5. Atlanta Falcons (2-1)
4. Green Bay Packers (2-1)
3. Houston Texans (2-1)
2. Chicago Bears (3-0)
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0)