Podcast Tonight: Tampa Bay Preview

Ralph Malbrough from WWLtv.com here. I'll be hosting our weekly Podcast with Kevin Held.

We'll have Scott Kramer from Bucstats.com on to talk all things Bucs and if Brett Favre is going to be a gay pirate.

And he'll also try and explain why Jon Gruden isn't the anti-Christ.

You can go straight to the site here

Call in and tell us why we suck...

Billy Packer went Sopranos on UNO?

Holy Crap, WWL-TV Sports Director Jim Henderson tore outgoing CBS college basketball douche Billy Packer a new asshole on Monday.

Ol’ Hendu said that back in ’82, he and UNO Athletic Director Ron Maestri had arranged to have breakfast together so that Packer could give the Privateers suggestions on how to make the basketball team actually win games and draw fans. Impossible task, we know, but his suggestions were straight out of the Tony Soprano playbook. That’s “Soprano,” not “Sporano.”

Packer’s one and only brilliant suggestion? Build dorms on UNO's campus, using a company he was associated with as the primary builder...

We all knew Packer was a douche bag and humorless jerk who has no idea what the Internet or cell phones are, but who knew he liked to go all Tony Soprano on Mid-Major basketball schools.

Packer: “Hey, UNO! Yous guys need to build yous some dorms wit ma union crew! I know a guy who daws faubulaas woirk.

“I tell yous, they’s gonna be some fine fucking dorms. Not as nice as ACC ones mind you, but good ones.

“Did I's mentions I played at Wake fucking Forest? I never took construction or nothing, but my guys they can build shit. You'll be pleased.”

Billy, thank God you're gone, may you never resurface on basic cable.

Things I Love: Angela Hill's Saints' Pick

All blogs seem to be so negative (or, at least, that's what 'The Man' would have you believe.) "You suck! That sucks! Fuck her! Fuck him! Why can't Skip Bayless get cancer? Okay, that last one is negative, but oh so fun to think about.

So I'm here to start an occasional segment talking about things I love. It might be sports-related (Superdome nachos) or it might not (scotch).

On my first edition of 'Things I Love' -- WWL-TV anchor Angela Hill's Weekly Saints pick.

Sure, you might mock that she has never ever picked against the Saints and apparently believes the more stuffed animals, trinkets, or stupid fucking stuff viewers send in that she brings on camera, the better chance the Saints have of winning.

Mock her if you will, but for 20 seconds each week, even when the Saints are 3-9 and a 10 point underdog on the road, I believe they will win.

Why? Because Angela Hill's stuffed doll wearing a Saints shirt told me so. Do you doubt the power of Angela's stuffed inanimate object? (insert lewd jokes.)

Unlike you heartless bastards of little faith, I believe; at least until she goes to commercial break and I get my bookie on the phone to bet a against the Saints in five team teaser.

Don't you ever change, Angela.

Bryan Adams is going to bring the Saints Drafts to Heaven

The New Orleans Saints are proud to announce the hiring of Bryan Adams as new director of college scouting.

He brings sales of over 65 million records and countless number one hits.

No doubt college players will ," Run to you" and by you we mean Bryan.

He's going to send our drafts to ," Heaven"

Also he's probably the only good thing musically to ever come out of Canada besides Alanis Morrissette.

But we felt, her alternative rock and most current shitty album just didn't fit our scouting department needs.

And we'd hire a retard before we'd pay Celine Dion to scout players.

NO.

FUCKING.

WAY.

Bryan also inducted into Canada's Walk of Fame in 1998,[32] and more recently inducted into the Music Hall of Fame at Canada's Juno Awards in April 2006.

That's like the equivalent of a People's Choice Award in America you fucks.

This move means Super Bowl...

SWEET.

Podcast bitches!

I'm Ralph Malbrough, columnist from WWLTV.com, Tonight at 8:30 I'll be hosting a podcast with Kevin Held from Hakim Drops the Ball. We'll chat with Canalstreetchronicles.com's David Cariello about Training Camp, the media that covers the Saints, and try to get to the bottom of the Kenny Wilkerson saga. Plus your phone calls! Listen or download us at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/forecastradio and call in at (347) 215-8037 If you want Saints talk with an edge, check us out.

Gramatica Chronicles

Hello my friends,

As you know I, the great Martin Gramatica, kicker and savior of the New Orleans Saints.

I bring joy, happiness, and a love of whores and drugs to the job of NFL placekicking. Now there is a potential roadblock to my plan to spread joy to the 'Big Easy'.

That road block piece of Shit is Taylor Mehlhaff. He's not only clearly gay but he's from Wisconsin. That's practically Canada. And we all know Canadians drink shitty bear, listen to Bryan Adams, and dream of raping American women while getting free crappy health care.

Asshole. Look at this douche practice his 'kicking'? How pathetic? He doesn't even celebrate.







Everyone knows every field goal made should be celebrated like the birth of a child, winning the World Cup, or impregnating a coked up super model.

In case you doubt my greatness just look at this 115 yard kick I made against the Colts







Goooooooaaaal! So this my friends is a warning to you Taylor 'fucking'Mehlhaff, " Martin Gramatica is the kicker of New Orleans Saints.

Now excuse me while I go do a line of coke of this whore's ass.

A Message to All the Blogs...

To the guys running Deadspin, Big Lead, Kissing Suzy Kolber, With Leather, Dave Lozo, and anyone else in the circle that feels compelled to shell each other publicly like it's junior high:

Okay, so is it official to say that the blogosphere has become everything I hated about mainstream sports media? Exclusive clubs where only a small number of guys hold all the cards and have routine pissing matches with other blogs they don’t like? Yeah, cause nothing makes me want to read KSK, With Leather, Deadspin, DaveLozo and The Big Lead more than wading through the invective pool.

I mean, look at the comments on Deadspin, for God’s sake: you have to audition to be considered for commenting privileges…! This isn’t a crappy FOX reality show, it’s just a sports blog. Granted, 89% of all sports blogs are inherently more funny than ‘The Best Damn Sports Show Period,’ but I digress…

If the editors of a blog want to blast commenters who step out of line after the fact, fine; it’s their prerogative.

When did the sports blogosphere become a mine field? Wasn’t this supposed to be about a bunch of guys and gals from across the globe just spouting their own opinions and linking to actual news stories along with the occasion picture of some half naked chick? I thought this was supposed to be like that episode of ‘The Simpsons’ where the townsfolk, fed up with the idea of Monty Burns owning all the media outlets and telling them everything from his point of view, decide they’re going to start publishing what they want.

Sure, it resulted in a saturation of new media, half of which was nonsensical anyway, but the point was people were going to start doing their own thing and get their info from anybody who could cater to their needs.

In this case, all I want to do is read about sports and laugh. And blast Jay Mariotti. And Skip Bayless. Simple, but effective.

Now quit turning this series of tubes into a giant pissing match and get back to making me laugh, dammit!

"See Lisa, instead of one big-shot controlling all the media, now there's a thousand freaks xeroxing their worthless opinions!"
--Homer Simpson

Rays 'Get the Devil Out' ... Sit Atop AL East

So we're halfway through the MLB season and the Tampa Bay Rays are STILL atop the American League East, extending their lead over the second place Red Sox with a win last night at the Tropicana.

As a Red Sox fan, I'm flabbergasted to see the Rays at the top of the standings. However, if the Sox have to look up at anyone for the time being...at least it's not the Yankees.

So, why the post? Well, the obvious claim I've heard from the sports radio folk is the ubiquitous, "Hey, they change their name and look what happens?" Yeah. Seems logical. Or, more precisely, this team "Got the Devil Out."

"Got the devil out" is an expression my dad uses whenever he's dropping a deuce. Why? Because at his age, going number two feels like he's exercising a demon from his colon. Hey, the man's not exactly the paradigm of good health, but so what? It's a hilarious phrase to describe pooping. AND...to describe how the Rays have gotten better. It just so happens the franchise literally 'Got the devil out' of their name. Made it pretty easy for me to come up with the analogy. Sometimes life's good like that.

Seriously, Reggie? Really?

Look, I'm no fashion guru or anything (and if I were I sure as shit would be parlaying that into more money than I make now) but that "shirt" is an abomination.



Anybody else reminded of the opening of "The Longest Yard" remake, where Courtney Cox tries to make Adam Sandler wear a goofy looking sailor suit at one of her posh parties? Life has imitated art. And by "art" I mean steaming pile of dogshit movie that was not funny...at all.

You can skip to 2:29 on this video to understand my point.



(Hat tips: Faded Youth Blog for the original post and for The Big Lead for putting it up so I could find it.)

Pop Quiz, Hot Shot!

Which is more shocking:


A) That Hulk Hogan's ex-wife, who looks like she's closer to 50 than she is 40, is now dating a 19-year-old blonde jabroni...

or

B) That Hulk Hogan, the 'Real American Hero,' joined the NWO...

or

C) That the Los Angeles Lakers blew a 24-point lead against the Boston Celtics, AT HOME, and now trail in the NBA Finals three games to one...

or

D) Some asshole wrote a book alleging that Churchill and Roosevelt were just as responsible for World War II as Hitler.

Seriously, what's more shocking? I have no clever answer for this one...
Look, if I had to vote, gun to my head with Puffy screaming, "Vote or Die!" ... then I'd take option 'B' ... I mean, there's always some yahoo out there claiming the Holocaust didn't exist, right? So you're sort of mentally predisposed to having to shrug off stupidity like that. And as for Option A, there's nothing that the Hogan family could do that would shock me.

As for Option C...I still think it's entirely plausible that the series could still go seven games.

But Hulkamania going from red and yellow to black and white was positively jarring.

The Marge Simpson Bet

Remember that episode of 'The Simpsons' where Marge is at the horse track and asks (paraphrasing): "Can't I just bet that all the horses have fun?" The guy behind the counter points her in the direction of the "Lame Bets" line.

Well, count me in the "can't we just root for good, competitive games?" camp for this NBA Finals.

I expect the Lakers to win in 6, but I'm rooting for Kevin Garnett to get a ring. Shit would be so much easier if Simmons wasn't from Boston...

Will Smith, coming soon to a backfield near you!

Tom Mantzouranis of AOL Sports wrote yesterday that Will Smith is close to signing a new deal. Read more. Good.

In other news...news is slow for me and the Ralpha Dog.

Oh, I see 'Big Daddy Drew' revealed his identity to the world. Not quite Peter Parker taking off his Spider-Man mask, but hey, at last Drew's got a book coming out in the fall. Beat that, web slinger!