Monday, December 31, 2007

1st ever worst Saints Draft picks Induction Ceremony

Russel Erxleben steps to the the auditorium podium

"Thanks for coming everyone. I'm sorry some of you have to stand. We tried to get a bigger ball room but no one but De La Salle High School would take my checks. Bastards."

"I'd like to thank Alex Molden for coming and I hear because of Jason David no one spit on him or punched him in his balls and yelled EDDIE FUCKING GEORGE YOU FUCKING DOUCHE."

"I'd also like to thank Vaughn Dunbar for his fantastic 3 hour seminar ,"Run to the darkness" a fascinating three hour lecture on how to fall down, not read blocks and look like an all around retard when running off tackle. Reggie Bush was taking very good notes."

Before we induct our newest member we have some quick orders of business to attend to.

"We will not be having the complimentary buffet that was promised in everyone's invitations. Johnathan Sullivan snuck into the Cafeteria last night and ate everything including the three teenage boys we hired to serve the food.

Johnathan is currently getting an IV of Crisco and nacho cheese so don't bother trying to find that worthless fat fuck and yelling at him. Only kidding Suli, we love you. We're all fuck ups here."

Sean Knight giggles in front row

Ok, everyone I'd like to introduce someone to our prestigious society. This young man managed to do something that no Saints Draft failure has ever done before. He not only showed up to the team fat, lazy, and dumb. He not only didn't play the whole year but wasn't even active for a single game yet wasn't placed on injured reserve. Why it's such a spectacularly glorious failure I'm jealous."

This failure of a draft choice has made Lonzell Hill, Brett Perriman and Wesley Carroll look like actual NFL receivers. It's almost unbelievable but true!."

Gentleman I give you our Newest Member: Robert Meachem

Meachem walks to podium and Erxleben helps him put on 1970's leisure suit jacket.

Meachem: I'd like to thank Taco Bell and Hooters for making it so easy to gain 20 pounds, I'd like to thank the Saints medical staff for missing my fucked up knee in my pre draft physical but most of all I'd like to thank you guys.

"The support you guys gave me throughout the year when I thought about actually practicing hard and getting on the field was fantastic.

"Dave Wilson called me in October and said Robert you can make history. The Saints have dozens of shitty #1 picks but they all actually played as a rookie. You have complete ineptitude in your grasp. Keep being a lazy fuck.

And I did. Thanks everybody. I've never been happier. Let's all get shit faced and go to Visions and see boobs and get lap dances"

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