Saints v. Packers - Previews

Canal Street Chronicles: Offensive Scouting Report and Defensive & Special Teams Scouting Reports

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My prediction: Packers 30, Saints 24

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 11 ed.)

Yeah, so in order to "jazz up" my personal power rankings and kill two birds with one stone, I decided to add pictures of hot chicks along the way. But I'm not providing any analysis or reasoning for my rankings. Cause I know what you want: lists with no explanation and pics of smoking babes, not necessarily in that order.



32. Detroit Lions (0-10)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8-1)
30. St. Louis Rams (2-8)
29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-9)
28. Oakland Raiders (2-8)
27. Seattle Seahawks (2-8)
26. Houston Texans (3-7)
25. San Francisco 49ers (3-7)
24. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-6)
23. Philadelphia Eagles (5-4-1)
22. Cleveland Browns (4-6)
21. San Diego Chargers (4-6)
20. Minnesota Vikings (5-5)
19. New Orleans Saints (5-5)
18. Chicago Bears (5-5)
17. Buffalo Bills (5-5)



16. Green Bay Packers (5-5)
15. Baltimore Ravens (6-4)
14. New England Patriots (6-4)
13. Denver Broncos (6-4)
12. Dallas Cowboys (6-4)
11. Atlanta Falcons (6-4)
10. Miami Dolphins (6-4)
9. Washington Redskins (6-4)
8. Indianapolis Colts (6-4)
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-3)
6. New York Jets (7-3)
5. Arizona Cardinals (7-3)
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-3)
3. Carolina Panthers (8-2)
2. Tennessee Titans (10-0)
1. New York Giants (9-1)



The babe in all three pictures is Kari Byron, quite possibly the hottest nerd on the planet. She's one of the staffers on Discovery Channel's "Mythbusters" program. So not only is she hot, but she'll learn you something good, too! Sweet!

Rian Lindell's "homage" to Scott Norwood.

Man, I gotta get me one of them screen capture machines so I can post images like this:



I mean, the Cigarette Smoking Man died at the end of the X-Files series, meaning that whole "the Bills will never win the Super Bowl" directive had to be revoked, right? Right?

Tim Russert must be rolling in his grave.

On the plus side, Bills' fans will always have that made for TV movie starring Jon Voight, Teri Polo and the guy who played 'Tommy' in "Shawshank Redemption."

(Hat tip to Kissing Suzy Kolber.)

The Continuing Adventures of Jeremy Shockey...

(Scene: Saints training camp.)


Shockey (singing to himself): I like pussy! Pussy, pussy, pussy! Ba-da-bup-da-ba!

(Jeremy walks into the training field house and sees it's empty.)

Shockey: What the fuck?

(Jeremy walks into the locker room and sees that it, too, is bereft of people.)

Shockey: Hmmm...Seriously, what the fuck?

(Jeremy walks into the weight room and finds Drew Brees blasting his pecs.)

Shockey: 'Sup Drew?


Drew: Hey.

Shockey: Whatcha got goin' on tonight?

Drew: Weight lifting.

Shockey: All night?

Drew: All night.

Shockey: You been doin' that all fucking week, brosef.

Drew: Yep.

Shockey: And studying game film and shit.

Drew: Yep.

Shockey: And taking those leukemia patients to see an advanced screening of Madagascar 2: Back to Africa.

Drew: Yep.


Shockey: Damn. You live a boring ass life, Drew.

Drew: Yep.

Shockey: You gonna keep giving me monosyllabic answers, Drew?

Drew: Yep.

Shockey: Betcha didn't know I could use monosyllabic in a sentence, did ya, Drew?

Drew: Nope.

Shockey: Heard Kid Rock say it once before somewheres. Say, you know where everybody's at? I gotta crush me some pussy tonight and I wants a wing man.

Drew: Nope.

Shockey: Nope? You mean "nope" to my crushing pussy or "nope" to you knowing where people are?

Drew: B.

Shockey: Fuck, you a quiet motherfucker. I gots to roll, son. See ya Sunday.

(Jeremy walks off.)


Drew: Fucking asshole. (whispers to himself.) 5,084. 5,084. 5,084. 5,084...

(Jeremy walks into the coach's office without knocking on the door.)

Shockey: What up, Coach?


Coach: Hi, Jeremy.

Shockey: Coach, where's everybody at?

Coach: Look, Jeremy, I didn't want to tell you this, but...nobody's talking to you.

Shockey: What?!? But I'm number 88!!

Coach: Yeah, uh...look, Drew's still pissed about last Sunday and he doesn't forgive and forget too easy. Know that thing on his face?

Shockey: Yeah, what about it?

Coach: He got made fun of relentlessly in grade school by some group of assholes. Ever since he got drafted, Drew keeps sending them all pictures of him in uniform holding up piles of cash in his hands. He's a calculating man, that Drew Brees.

Shockey: Shit.

Coach: Anywho, he's got the whole offensive line against you right now.

Shockey: Aw, shit no, bro? For real?

Coach: Defense, too. 'Parently half the guys on the defense don't like being on the field and they said you help contribute to their malady.

Shockey: Malady? You mean like those badass guitar riffs in Lincoln Park songs?

Coach: No, you mean "melody," Jeremy.

Shockey: You mean like that stripper I banged Wednesday night?

Coach: I guess so, sure.

Shockey: But what about the receivers and the backfield?

Coach: Don't think they like you, either.

Shockey: What about Mark Brunell?

Coach: He's still depressed that Obama won, I think.

Shockey: What about Reggie Bush?

Coach: His girlfriend won't let him make an opinion, so he's out.

Shockey: Robert Meachem?

Coach: He's excited cause I told him he might get to touch the field Sunday. He's too happy to be worried about anything else right now.

Shockey: Garrett Hartley?

Coach: The kicker? I fired him.

Shockey: You did?

Coach: No, I'm just kidding. But he doesn't like you, either. Your dropped passes and poor pass blocking leave the team too far out on third downs and put the pressure on him to make field goals. I told him if he missed one from inside 35 yards that I'd castrate him in front of Mickey Loomis.

Shockey: What about Mark Campbell?

Coach: He's being injected with Cortisone and can't speak. And he doesn't want to go out tonight, either.

Shockey: Billy Miller?

Coach: He's sleeping with the JUGS machine.

Shockey: Chris Owens? I wouldn't fuck that chick with Ronnie Ghent's dick!

Coach: No, an ACTUAL JUGS machine.

Shockey: You mean, sleeping with the JUGS machine? Or sleeping with the JUGS machine?

Coach: I don't care what he does with it, as long as he makes catches. Maybe you should consider banging the JUGS machine, too.

Shockey: Jeremy Shockey don't do that. The only threesomes he knows involve two chicks burned out on ecstasy. BOING!

Coach: Well, I don't know what to tell you, then.

Shockey: Doesn't anybody want to hang out with the Shock-Meister? Doesn't anybody like me?

Coach (stroking his imaginary beard): Well...

(Scene: Later that night: Monteleone Hotel Piano Bar.)


Joey Fingers: "Believe it or not, I'm walking on air! I never thought I could feel so free-he-he!!"

Shockey: Jesus fucking Christ, the team REALLY doesn't like me...

Podcast Tonight....Saints, James Bond and other crap

Tonight Malbrough and Kevin Held will talk about the Saints-Chiefs gane, James Bond, and any other thing that they deem worthless. Oh and they may or may not have a guest to talk about the shitiness that is Herm Edwards!

Show is at 7:30 Listen at http://www.blogtalkradio/forecastradio.com. You can download archived editions at itunes.

Saints. New Orleans Saints.

(Note: Actually, this post has little if anything to do with the Saints, so please feel free to skip past it if you want.)

Yeah, so the new James Bond flick comes out this Friday. And in honor of "Quantum of Solace," and because I forgot to pick a depressing song for Monday after the Saints' recent loss, I figured I'd take care of both at the same time and post the video to the new Bond movie theme song: "Another Way to Die."



Yeah, and because I need to think about something other than the Saints for five minutes without the need to drink, I decided to spend the rest of this post dealing with all things James Bond. I'll mention this on the radio show, cause somebody needs to see these opinions more than anything else I have to offer.

Best James Bond Movies (ie: What I would show someone who had no idea about the character)

1. Goldfinger
2. Casino Royale
3. The Spy Who Loved Me
4. Live and Let Die
5. GoldenEye

Worst Bond Movies (ie: Movies you would certainly flip past if you came across them on television)

1. Die Another Day
2. The World is Not Enough
3. Moonraker
4. Diamonds Are Forever
5. The Living Daylights

Best Bond Girls

1. Anya Amasova/Agent XXX ("The Spy Who Loved Me")
2. Honey Ryder ("Dr. No")
3. Pussy Galore ("Goldfinger")
4. Solitaire ("Live and Let Die")
5. Jinx ("Die Another Day")

Worst Bond Girls (either for having a dumb name, sheer annoyance, or some combination of the two)

1. Dr. Christmas Jones ("The World is Not Enough")
2. Dr. Holly Goodhead ("Moonraker")
3. Bibi Dahl ("For Your Eyes Only")
4. Stacy Sutton ("A View to A Kill")
5. Tiffany Case ("Diamonds are Forever")

Best Main Bond Villains (no sidekicks here, see the next top five list)

1. Auric Goldfinger ("Goldfinger")
2. Ernst Stavros Blofeld (multiple appearances)
3. Alec Trevelyan/006 ("GoldenEye")
4. Largo ("Thunderball")
5. Sir Hugo Drax ("Moonraker")

Best Bond Villain Sidekicks or Ancillary Baddies

1. Oddjob ("Goldfinger")
2. Jaws ("The Spy Who Loved Me" and "Moonraker")
3. Tee Hee Johnson / Metal Arm Guy ("Live and Let Die")
4. Donald "Red" Grant ("From Russia With Love")
5. Xenia Onatopp ("GoldenEye")

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 10 ed.)

Nihil ex nihilo.

32. Detroit Lions (0-8)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8)
30. St. Louis Rams (2-7)
29. Oakland Raiders (2-7)
28. Seattle Seahawks (2-7)
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-7)
26. Kansas City Chiefs (1-8)
25. Houston Texans (3-6)
24. New Orleans Saints (4-5)
23. Cleveland Browns (3-6)
22. Green Bay Packers (4-5)
21. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-5)
20. Philadelphia Eagles (5-4)
19. San Diego Chargers (4-5)
18. Minnesota Vikings (5-4)
17. Denver Broncos (5-4)
16. Chicago Bears (5-4)
15. Dallas Cowboys (5-4)
14. Buffalo Bills (5-4)
13. Miami Dolphins (5-4)
12. Baltimore Ravens (6-3)
11. New England Patriots (6-3)
10. Indianapolis Colts (5-4)
9. New York Jets (6-3)
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-3)
7. Atlanta Falcons (6-3)
6. Arizona Cardinals (6-3)
5. Washington Redskins (6-3)
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3)
3. Carolina Panthers (7-2)
2. New York Giants (8-1)
1. Tennessee Titans (9-0)

I feel ya, coach...

Of all the pictures taken yesterday, this one stood out among the rest. It might be the first time I've seen photographic evidence of Coach Sean Payton flummoxed. I've got nothing in depth to add right now. My girlfriend's in town and I promised her we'd go to the zoo. ('Cause it's free in St. Louis.) Everybody should know that winning the NFC South is out of the question and, barring serious collapses from AT LEAST three or four other teams in the conference, a playoff birth is out as well. Better to root for Drew Brees' passing for about 300 yards per game the rest of the way out so he can break Dan Marino's passing yardage record.

That didn't take long

It only took Shockey half a season to show himself to be the douche everyone said.

And the Saints might have to give their 1st round pick to the Jets for Vilma.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Lets just all start drinking straight from the bottle.

This season is fucking killing me.

Radio Show Tonight at 730!

Malbrough, columnist from WWLTV.com with Kevin Held from Hakim Drops the Ball are on Tonight! We'll talk all things Saints/Atlanta plus Cajun Boy in the City might stop in to talk LSU Bama. And your phone calls! Listen or download us at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/forecastradio and call in at (347) 215-8037If you want Saints talk with an edge, check us out.

A 17th regular season game? "Yes we can!"

"I'm Mr. Held Over, and I approve this message..."

My fellow NFL fans, we have longed for more regular season games ever since the league adopted its current schedule. The thought being that we should have an extra weekend of the year to devote our time and energy to something other than our families or actual responsibilities. We have craved and opined for more than a decade for the league to grant our wishes.

There have been many nay-sayers over the years: the Commissioner, the NFL Players' Union, head coaches, owners, you name it. But opportunities have come about that may now send our wild aspirations to fruition: overseas games.

This has started off as a small experiment: two teams traveling abroad to play in either Mexico City or London, with a bye week to follow. The results, both financially and attention wise, have been successful as far as the Commissioner admits. Now is the time to expand the season to 17 games and give fans what they want.

This is a win-win situation for all those involved.

The fans get to have another game to follow and have a rooting interest in without worry of sacrificing a real home game;

The league gets to expand its brand overseas and across boarders with 16 total games in distant lands;

Owners can get in on the action of making additional money at these venues;

Players get an additional paycheck out the deal and adjusted contracts going forward;

and Head Coaches will be compensated by having more players on their rosters to adjust for injuries and added depth.

Now, I am not someone who would come before you and speak through platitudes and empty promises, my fellow fans. I have a plan.

First, we select eight cities around the world that are capable of hosting NFL games. As of today, my suggestion would be as follows: 1. London, England; 2. Mexico City, Mexico; 3. Toronto, Canada; 4. Madrid, Spain; 5. Berlin, Germany; 6. Tokyo, Japan;
7. Sydney, Australia; and 8. Rome, Italy. These cities are only suggestions and others can be substituted in depending upon scheduling availability and facility accommodation. The important thing to note is that we have foreign cities that are invested in hosting two games per season. There are 32 teams in the league, meaning 16 games must be played, with each team making one appearance abroad.

The games will be stretched out between weeks 5 and 12, an eight week period. Teams will have their respective bye week following their game abroad, four teams each week. Rather than stretch the NFL's resources by having two separate cities host games on a weekend, one city will host two games during the weekend. The times have not been completely hammered out, but I believe that a schedule can be put into place where the NFL schedule does not conflict with commitments from the host cities, and vice versa.

Now, getting back to the coaches and players...the standard 53-man NFL roster will need a boost if coaches are to sign off on the deal. Playing another game period increases the chance of injury, and players are not going to want to throw in added risk without some sort of trade off. So be it. I therefore propose we eliminate one of the preseason games, thereby keeping the total amount of games played the same, and increasing the roster limit to 58 players.

By adding five players, coaches and general managers will have the luxury of adding depth at certain troubled positions. No, simply have more players does not ease the worry of injury to a star player (Tony Romo anyone?), but having more roster spots would allow a franchise to look for a perspective free agent without having to necessarily cut someone else. These measures to increase roster sizes would result in the creation of 160 new, high paying jobs, right here in America!

I can only hope that I have made a convincing enough case for this proposal to warrant serious consideration, discussion and
debate in the upcoming weeks and months ahead.

And for those of you desperate to see the NFL enact 17th game legislation, but hold fears of what the doubters might say, you need only recite that message of hope that has surely sustained fans of the Saints, Browns, Lions, Bills and Cardinals over the years: Yes we can! Thank you and good night! And God Bless America!

"I'm Mr. Held Over, and I approved this message..."

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 9 ed.)

Your politic free NFL Rankings are here, complete with zero analysis from pundits.

32. Detroit Lions (0-8)
31. Oakland Raiders (2-6)
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-7)
29. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8)
28. St. Louis Rams (2-6)
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-6)
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-6)
25. Cleveland Browns (3-5)
24. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-5)
23. Houston Texans (3-5)
22. Denver Broncos (4-4)
21. San Diego Chargers (3-5)
20. Minnesota Vikings (4-4)
19. Dallas Cowboys (5-4)
18. Miami Dolphins (4-4)
17. Green Bay Packers (4-4)
16. New Orleans Saints (4-4)
15. Buffalo Bills (5-3)
14. New England Patriots (5-3)
13. Indianapolis Colts (4-4)
12. Baltimore Ravens (5-3)
11. New York Jets (5-3)
10. Chicago Bears (5-3)
9. Atlanta Falcons (5-3)
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-3)
7. Arizona Cardinals (5-3)
6. Washington Redskins (6-3)
5. Philadelphia Eagles (5-3)
4. Carolina Panthers (6-2
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2)
2. New York Giants (7-1)
1. Tennessee Titans (8-0)