There are ass whoppings...

...And then there are ASS WHOPPINGS. This was the latter.

Manny Pacquiao destroyed Oscar De La Hoya over eight rounds tonight. It wasn't even close. And I don't give two shits if you don't like boxing. Manny Pacquiao is: a beast, a storm, a raging inferno, a tornado of fists, a freak of nature, whatever you want to call him.

That's it, I'm done.

So maybe not "Instant Karma," but the "Karma Police" nailed him...

Why am I so fucking happy about this? Oh yeah, cause it's O.J. Simpson.

Justice Motha Fuckers!

Will Smith stuck it to the NFL..for at least one more week. Yeah. Smith and the Deuce get to play against the Falcons.

So the Saints chances to keep themselves mathematically alive for the playoffs gets a boost.

In other news... Malbrough at WWLTV.com thinks the Saints should continue to throw every play.

And "moosedenied" agrees wiithhim.

"Canal Street Chronicles" think they're both bat shit crazy.

Discuss

.

Deuce, Will Smith, Chuck Grant suspended.

Yep, we knew this was coming. How nice of the Commissioner to wait until the final four games of the regular season before making this announcement? No, seriously, that makes sense.

Oh, well. Personally, if Charles Grant and Will Smith were trying to enhance their performance, then they ought to beat the shit out of whoever sold them that shit, cause they're about as useful as a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. (Jim Ross'd)

That joke has been made before, I'm sure, but I don't give a baker's fuck.

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 13 ed.)

Week 12 in the books. Your hottie today is British model Keeley Hazell. She's got to be in the discussion for those "hottest woman" debates.

32. Detroit Lions (0-12)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-10-1)
30. St. Louis Rams (2-10)
29. Seattle Seahawks (2-10)
28. Oakland Raiders (3-9)
27. Kansas City Chiefs (2-10)
26. San Diego Chargers (4-8)
25. San Francisco 49ers (4-8)
24. Cleveland Browns (4-8)
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-8)
22. Green Bay Packers (5-7)
21. Buffalo Bills (6-6)
20. Chicago Bears (6-6)
19. Houston Texans (5-7)
18. New Orleans Saints (6-6)
17. Philadelphia Eagles (6-5-1)



16. Denver Broncos (7-5)
15. Minnesota Vikings (7-5)
14. Miami Dolphins (7-5)
13. New England Patriots (7-5)
12. Washington Redskins (7-5)
11. Arizona Cardinals (7-5)
10. Dallas Cowboys (8-4)
9. Indianapolis Colts (8-4)
8. New York Jets (8-4)
7. Atlanta Falcons (8-4)
6. Baltimore Ravens (8-4)
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-3)
4. Carolina Panthers (9-3)
3. Tennessee Titans (11-1)
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3)
1. New York Giants (11-1)

Not our best eegra, O my brothers...

You Saints seem to have had a baddiwad time today. Cost me plenty pretty polly, too. Bog himself must've put a merzky curse on you for rubbin' and brosayin' all that cal on those motorcars a couple weeks ago.

The malchicks on defense had a real horrorshow performance against that sod Jeff Garcia, keepin' him to just 9-of-23 passin' for only 119 yards and a touchdown. And you tolchocked him real good a few times. Zammechat rabbit, droogs. 'Betcha he was real fagged after that, eh? Prolly needs his devotchka to ice him right 'bout now.

And I 'specially liked how Jonathan Vilma crasted that sharry away from Bucs receiver Michael Clayton early on. Real horrorshow!

But that don't matter, cause the eegra was lost on offense. If I may have a slovo or two with you, Coach Payton, I'd like to offer my soviet: quit so being so damn nadmenny with the sharry! I was creeching all bezoomy cause you didn't run the bleedin' sharry enough!

Yeah, I know, Mister Reggie Bush didn't do cal today. I'm sure all the haters are smecking over that pitiful performance. Maybe he don't care cause he's got a right fine devotchka rubbing his yarbles. If he's even GOT any yarbles!! He better learn to skorry north and south, and shivy out this east and west cal. And right quick, too!

That's not to say they didn't have a chance to win, Coach Payton. The Bucs gave the Saints a whole lots of raz to move the sharry down the field. You put it in Drew's rookers to lead the droogs. And what happened? They snuffed it. Over was the eegra. No more govoreetin' about the playoffs. And the vecks who didn't think Drew Brees was em-vee-pee can really have a good smeck of things.

Well, you got two choices, Coach: you can either filly about with malenky effort for the rest of the season, or you can give it a rally and govereet to your droogs that kicking the Falcons, Bears, Lions and Panthers' zoobies in and putting the razdrez to them is so worth it.

What's it gonna be then, eh?

You're my boy, Randall Gay! You're my boy!!

One of the best things to come out of the Saints' crushing victory over the Packers? I learned Randall Gay's nickname is "Blue." Not only that, but he apparently won't answer to "Randall," just "Blue." Amazing.



I'm thankful for having a guy on my team who answers to "Blue." He's my boy.

Number 9, Number 9, Number 9, Number 9...

You know, I DID do the required research to boast of the reasons why Drew Brees deserves the MVP Award over guys like Warner and Favre, but it turns out Sports Illustrated's Don Banks did it all for me. Besides, I already broke a bottle enraged over a certain old, balding MNF announcer who verbally massaged the Jets quarterback while Brees was putting on a clinic and didn't even mention Drew Brees and the term "MVP" in the same sentence.

And in the case of Kurt Warner, Banks makes an interesting point that has not been given enough discussion: the NFC West is, as the Ralpha Dog would say, "a tire fire." No, scratch that; "it's a chemical spill." No, wait, let me think; ah yes, it's "a nuclear wasteland." Yeah, that is definitely a more apt description.

And I was listening to the replay of "Pardon the Interruption" and I heard Michael Wilbon say something to the effect of: "I don't just want to go with passer rating, there are other things to discuss besides passer rating." Which is fine, I can respect that argument. I wouldn't base an argument on just one number either. The subject then turned back to Warner and the fact that he had "only" eight interceptions on the year. This is where Tony and Michael failed to remember that Warner has fumbled the ball nine times and turned the ball over on six of those occasions. Drew Brees? Six fumbles, one lost. So, to put it another way: Kurt Warner has TURNED THE BALL OVER a TOTAL of 14 times while Drew Brees has TURNED THE BALL OVER a TOTAL of 12 times.

I know it sounds like I'm contradicting what I said earlier about the whole, "don't use one number" routine, but I'm making a point: you cannot use one set of numbers (like interceptions) without looking at a larger data set (to include fumbles), because if you want to say that Kurt Warner deserves the MVP because he's protecting the football, well, he's not protecting it better than Drew Brees has.

In fact, if somebody had the wherewithal, I'd like to know just how many interceptions Brees and Warner have thrown that have come off of pass deflections or tips.

Anywho...BREES/MOORE in '12! That's long range accuracy you can believe in!

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 12 ed.)

Rankings. Week 12. Lucy Pinder is the babe in question. And yes, they're real; just like my power rankings. ZING!



32. Detroit Lions (0-11)
31. St. Louis Rams (2-9)
30. Cincinnati Bengals (1-9-1)
29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-10)
28. Seattle Seahawks (2-9)
27. San Francisco 49ers (3-8)
26. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-7)
25. Oakland Raiders (3-8)
24. Cleveland Browns (4-7)
23. San Diego Chargers (4-7)
22. Houston Texans (4-7)
21. Philadelphia Eagles (5-5-1)
20. Denver Broncos (6-5)
19. Green Bay Packers (5-6)
18. Miami Dolphins (6-5)
17. Minnesota Vikings (6-5)



16. New Orleans Saints (6-5)
15. Chicago Bears (6-5)
14. Washington Redskins (7-4)
13. Buffalo Bills (6-5)
12. Baltimore Ravens (7-4)
11. Dallas Cowboys (7-4)
10. Arizona Cardinals (7-4)
9. Carolina Panthers (8-3)
8. Indianapolis Colts (7-4)
7. Atlanta Falcons (7-4)
6. New England Patriots (7-4)
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-3)
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3)
3. New York Jets (8-3)
2. Tennessee Titans (10-1)
1. New York Giants (10-1)

Um...time to bask in the healing light of Jason David?

Yeah, so back when I lived in New Orleans and went to Saints games in 2006 and 2007, one of my season-ticket compatriots was always waiting for Jason David to fuck up. Actually, we all were; he was just far more vocal about it. I think he spent as much time keying in on #42 than the rest of us put together, very quick to point out his on the field foibles.

"The fucker's playing eight yards off his man!"
"Fucking David can't get into a foot race with his guy!"
"Way to miss that tackle, fucko!"
"JAY-son FUCK-ing DAY-vid!"

It usually involved some iteration of the word "fuck." And, for the most part, those "fucks" have been well justified. Hell, even early in the game you could have dropped a casual negative tone of "fuck!" when discussing Jason David. Late in the first quarter, Packers QB Aaron Rodgers tossed a deep pass to a wide open Greg Jennings, who couldn't get under the ball in time and let the ball seemingly slip through his fingers. Had Jennings caught the ball, it would have been an easy six points. Who did I see on the TV chasing after Jennings? Jason David.

And yet the football gods were smiling down on the Saints secondary, because guys seemed to be making tackles and opposing players dropped two deep balls.

Sure enough, in the third quarter, David became a hero to all in the Superdome and even showed off his soft shoe dancing skills after one pick. I could tell the crowd was really behind #42's excellent fortune and that made me happy.

After that first interception I almost texted Ralph, "Can you fucking believe this?" But I opted to hold off, knowing that even though the Saints were up by 17, fate does not like it when you tempt his ass. So I waited. Until the Saints' last touchdown of the game with about nine minutes left in the fourth.

Ralph texted me later that night: "Dude, Jason fucking David!" And this time, the fucking was one of awe and delighted bewilderment.

I told Ralph I was going to vote Jason David as the NFL's Defensive Player of the Week on NFL.com, and I would encourage all who read this to do the same. Yeah, he'll probably lose out to Ed Reed who returned an interception 108 yards for a touchdown, but I don't care. The fact is, people expect great things from Ed Reed, even if he is getting up there in years. Nobody in the Superdome would have ever predicted or realistically thought Jason David would get two picks and nearly take one back to the house.

Vote now for Jason David.

What the Deuce?

Yes, Deuce McAllister got his franchise record 54th touchdown against the Packers on MNF, and it sounded like pure pandemonium in the Superdome. The "Deuce" cheers seemed to last for well over a minute. If that was to be #26's final home game as a Saint, then I can't think of any better way to go out. You know, not counting a playoff win or something, but Deuce already has a playoff clinching performance under his belt.

And probably the best moment of it all was the unexpected hug between Sean Payton and the Deuce afterward:



It had a "Rocky II" quality to it.

Oh yeah, since I did mention the word "Deuce" in this post...



Yeah, players "allegedly" shit on one of Tom Benson's cars that he was trying to sell. Nice.

Come on, keep Haslett around!

I mean, it's not Jim Haslett's fault the Rams suck ass this year, people.

Think about it: if the Rams would have converted more than just 23 percent of the time on third down, if the offensive line would have protected the quarterbacks a little better or opened some holes for the running backs, if we could have protected the ball more, tackled better, not made a large number of stupid penalties, and made gotten some pressure on the opposing QB, you know...MAYBE it would have been a closer, more competitive game.

You keep trucking, Jim Haslett. Don't let the bastards, or Rick Venturi's abilities as a defensive coordinator, get you down.