You know...

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the vaunted defense of the Carolina Panthers. Nice run blocking, fellas. Why, that deserves some clapping...



Thanks to that stellar run blocking against Derrick Ward, the Panthers now have to either win or hope the Falcons lose in order to clinch the number two seed in the NFC Playoffs. Okay, let's just check and see who the Falcons have to play here...THE RAMS?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me?!?

Way to screw the pooch with those running plays at the end of the Lions game, Coach Payton. God damn it! How the hell is Drew Brees supposed to throw for 400 yards against an inspired Panthers defense?

Sunshine, lollipops and whopping the Lions' asses...

And while you listen to that delightful diddy, I present this week's slate of game photos:

Why this game scares me.

It's not that I think the Saints WILL lose, it's just that if any team is capable of lumbering to the finish line like a tranquilized elephant, it's this team. And the Lions are just the sort of disappointing bastards to hold firm for most of the game, keeping the game all too close going into the last frame, where even one mistake could tip the scales for either squad. Kevin Ferguson at 'Side Lion Report' says the Lions will disappoint their fans by actually winning instead of tanking the game, when it's obvious they ought to do it. Also, the Lions are 6-8 over the last two games in the last seven years. Picked that up from the aforementioned blog post as well.

I learned that Dan the Polish Guy will be starting for the Lions, after posting a 96.8 QB rating against the Colts. See, Dan-O is just capable enough of finding Calvin Johnson to torch (insert name of Saints' secondary player) repeatedly on Sunday.

That said, Drew Brees ought to shred this Lions secondary, which has given up 221 ypg through the air, pulled down only four interceptions and has allowed opposing quarterbacks to post a 108.4 rating, worst in the NFL.

My prediction? Saints win, 34-24. The Lions stay in the game through three quarters but ultimately cannot stop Brees and Pierre Thomas.

For pre-game music, I'm going with the song "Ecstasy of Gold" from the western "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly." This game features one good offense (Saints), one bad defense (Saints), and one ugly franchise (Lions).

Giving a +1 to a commenter...on another blog.

Commenter's name: MtnExile
Blog site: Canal Street Chronicles

The Sporting News' Mike Florio turns in a real turd in the punchbowl column in which he attempts to argue that the Shockey trade could bring down Sean Payton.

I mean, is Sean Payton responsible for the past two years' worth of underachievement? Yep. But am I ready to pull the rug out from under him, ESPECIALLY after the 2006 season? Yeah, I get that the NFL is a "what have you done for me lately?" league, but don't tell me that Saints fans (those with half a brain) would be eager to can Sean Payton. I think an NFL coach gets a three year window of the bat when he lands a new gig. Well, a playoff appearance earns you another year for sure on that timer. A visit to the conference championship certainly nets you two years. So in my book, Sean Payton has FIVE YEARS before he's shown the door. And he's currently on year three of that. The NFC Championship appearance bought Payton some extra time. Hell, I'm really giving him SIX YEARS because of the swift turnaround from '05 to '06.

Anywho, Florio's diatribe ended up on Canal Street Chronicles, where it was subsequently taken apart by MtnExile.

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 15 ed.)

Ah, Marisa Miller, you just love iPods, don't you, you little minx...



32. St. Louis Rams (2-12)
31. Detroit Lions (0-14)
30. Oakland Raiders (3-11)
29. Kansas City Chiefs (2-12)
28. Seattle Seahawks (3-11)
27. Cincinnati Bengals (2-11-1)
26. Cleveland Bengals (4-10)
25. Green Bay Packers (5-9)
24. San Francisco 49ers (5-9)
23. Buffalo Bills (6-8)
22. Washington Redskins (7-7)
21. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-9)
20. San Diego Chargers (6-8)
19. New Orleans Saints (7-7)
18. Denver Broncos (8-6)
17. Houston Texans (7-7)



16. Arizona Cardinals (8-6)
15. Chicago Bears (8-6)
14. Miami Dolphins (9-5)
13. Philadelphia Eagles (8-5-1)
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-5)
11. New York Jets (9-5)
10. Baltimore Ravens (8-5)
9. Minnesota Vikings (9-5)
8. New England Patriots (9-5)
7. Atlanta Falcons (9-5)
6. Dallas Cowboys (9-5)
5. New York Giants (11-3)
4. Tennessee Titans (12-2)
3. Indianapolis Colts (10-4)
2. Carolina Panthers (11-3)
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-3)

Can I Haz Saints Piktures, Puh-leeze?

Okay, so I keep seeing these hilarious pictures on Kissing Suzy Kolber and always assumed it was a special deal between those guys and the folks at "icanhazcheezburger.com." Turns out, ANY asshole can do this stuff. That's why I'm here; to make light of last Thursday's terrible loss against the Bears. I may make this a running feature here.


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures


moar funny pictures

I promise I'll get better at this. Honest.

Five quick things...

1. The NFL needs to go to college rules for overtime.

2. Anyone who thinks Drew Brees is overrated is a classic "turd in the punchbowl."

3. If the Saints don't draft a corner or safety with their first pick in the draft, I'm going to fly down to New Orleans, drive to the Saints' training facility on Airline Drive, buy one of those "We're number 1!" foam fingers, and shove it up Sean Payton's pee hole!!!

4. Pierre Thomas proved that acquiring another running back should be lower on the list of off-season priorities. (In order: cornerback, safety, linebacker, defensive end, running back, quarterback -- Brunell ain't getting any younger, and wide receiver.)

5. Fuck Chicago. Fuck them in the ear, the pants, in Dick Cheney's man-sized safe, EVERYWHERE.

(Bonus: 6. Hey Reggie! There are some fields in the NFL that are so shitty you simply canNOT make nine cuts on a dime and expect to stay upright. For fuck's sake, son, pick a direction and stick with it!)

Thursday night "ThreatDown!"

Stephen Colbert was right: those fuckin' bears are a serious threat.



So on Sunday following the game against the Falcons, I went online to check some numbers on the Bears. Specifically their defensive stats. I'd heard that the Bears were not as formidable on the defensive side as they once had been.

Total yards per: 325.4 (17th)
Rushing yards per: 91.2 (6th)
Passing yards per: 234.2 (28th)

Okay, so obviously their ability to stop hasn't diminished, but look at those passing yards they're giving up! I mean, Drew should be able to throw all over these guys, right? I then noticed these numbers, which paint a more accurate picture of the Bears' passing defense:

Opp. QB rating: 74.1 (25th in the league -- that's good for them)
Ints: 19 (tied for second highest in the NFL)
No. of sacks: 27 (12th)

They've also given up two pass plays over 40 yards, one of them that ri-donk-ulous 99-yard TD pass courtesy of Gus Frerotte and the Minnesota Vikings.

So what this tells me is that the Bears can get pressure on the quarterback, force him to make bad throws, and they're not giving up the big play.

If I'm Sean Payton, the way I'm winning this game is not through a heavy dose of running, but rather a good short yardage passing game. Billy Miller and Jeremy Shockey, you're on notice. Reggie Bush should be used for swing passes and possibly going over the middle. Although we have guys that can go over the middle, I'm scared to death at that proposition. In NO WAY am I saying we need to abandon the run; the Saints definitely have to rely on Pierre Thomas' legs throughout the game. But we don't need the sort of balance we saw last week against the Falcons. If Drew Brees throws the ball 35 times, I'd like to see us run it between 20 and 25 times.

I think the game will be won or lost based on how fast Drew Brees can get the ball out of his hands and to his receivers.

Our hero Drew needs to channel this guy tonight:



Cause when dealing with Bears, a flaming sword sure as hell can't hurt.

Let's wait and see how they screw CP3 this year...

Yeah, so, uh...Chris Paul has 13 games where he's scored at least 20 points and dished 10 assists. The rest of the point guards in the NBA? A combined 16. So...let's see who the writers decide "deserves it" more than CP3 this season.

(Hat Tip to The Big Lead.)

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 14 ed.)

This is Debora Salvalaggio. She's an Italian model who dates some Portuguese guy that plays professional soccer in Italy. I've said it before, I'll say it again: I MUST get my future son interested in soccer early on, so he'll have a chance at vagina...er, I mean glory. Sweet, sweet glory.



32. Detroit Lions (0-13)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-11-1)
30. St. Louis Rams (2-11)
29. Oakland Raiders (3-10)
28. Seattle Seahawks (2-11)
27. Kansas City Chief (2-11)
26. Cleveland Browns (4-9)
25. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-9)
24. San Francisco 49ers (5-8)
23. Buffalo Bills (6-7)
22. San Diego Chargers (5-8)
21. Green Bay Packers (5-8)
20. Houston Texans (6-7)
19. Washington Redskins (7-6)
18. Chicago Bears (7-6)
17. New York Jets (8-5)
16. New Orleans Saints (7-6)



15. Philadelphia Eagles (7-5-1)
14. Minnesota Vikings (8-5)
13. Denver Broncos (8-5)
12. Miami Dolphins (8-5)
11. Dallas Cowboys (8-5)
10. Atlanta Falcons (8-5)
9. New England Patriots (8-5)
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-4)
7. Arizona Cardinals (8-5)
6. Baltimore Ravens (9-4)
5. Indianapolis Colts (9-4)
4. New York Giants (11-2)
3. Carolina Panthers (10-3)
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-3)
1. Tennessee Titans (12-1)

Well, it was a good quarter-century, No. 5.

Saints all-time legendary kicker Morten Andersen announced his retirement Monday, one day after his former team beat his "other former team."

I would say this is the perfect time for "Carry on My Wayward Son," but I've already fired that bullet this season. So I have to go with this (forgive me, Dude):



Oh, and a big +1 to the guys at Kissing Suzy Kolber for their hilarious take on the Great Dane's retirement.

Saints win. I am the Man of 1,000 Dances.

So much for that "0-17 when trailing after three quarters" crap, eh?



Well, that was...what's the word I'm looking for? Thrilling, terrifying, electrifying, frightening, discombobulating, exciting, insane, intense? Heart stopping? Nah, that's two words. I mean, why do we have to cut these things so damn close, Coach? Why am I asking so many questions that I know cannot really be answered?

I would like to say that it's pretty damn nice when the Saints show some balance on offense. They ran 32 pass plays and 30 run plays. Yeah, I'd call that balanced. (Note: Pipe down with your calls for "31-31.") Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush proved they can shoulder the load (for now), especially when playing against a mediocre run defense. Obviously, acquiring a bigger, more "between the tackles" running back should be a priority in the off-season. It's not as a big a priority as filling the gaps in the secondary, though.

What can be said about the secondary? A fellow Saints fan at the bar this afternoon said our secondary couldn't cover a fucking Kinks song, let alone the Falcons' receivers. Jason David -- you all right, son. You might just make it back on the squad next year. That's a far cry from my opinion of you as far back as, uh, four or five weeks ago. Newsflash, Mickey Loomis: I don't care what Sean Payton asks or demands, you MUST, NEED, HAVE TO draft defense this April, okay?

In the meantime, I will not allow myself to get too worked up about any sort of a playoff run here. That's for those flip-flopping drive-by callers for sports radio. I'm just thrilled because the Saints won at home against the rival Falcons, all while playing a balanced game on offense.

Now...for fuck's sake, SOMEBODY needs to teach Usama Young how to stay on Devin Hester between now and Thursday!