Your "good" just isn't good enough

Memo to all the teams in the NFL: You can hold Drew Brees to less than 200 yards passing and no touchdowns, and even force a fumble, but that still won't be good enough to get the win.

Your offense can post 30 points and that might not be good enough.

Your special teams can run a surprise play and score a touchdown off a fake field goal, but that isn't going to cut it.

Your run defense will still be exploited by multiple backs. Holes will be discovered in your pass defense.

Last week, I saw the Miami Dolphins hold the Indianapolis Colts to less than 15 minutes of possession AND STILL LOSE. I saw the Dolphin players with a "what more can we possibly do here?" look on their faces. Same thing with the Bills yesterday.



That's a good look, Terrell.

To beat the Saints, an opponent will have to play great in ALL PHASES of the game or hope the Saints just have a catastrophic day in two of the three phases (one of which HAS to be the offense).

You're on notice, NFL: the Saints are no longer "coming." They're "here," assholes.

Today's "Great Moments in Drew Brees History" (Part 4)

While participating in passing drills at training camp, Drew Brees once fired a football so far and hard that it broke the fabric of the space-time continuum, traveled back to the post-Crash 1930s and cleaned up in the Stock Market. The football later joined the local "Why We Fight" committee and helped organize scrap and rubber drives for the war effort.

Today's "Great Moments in Drew Brees History" (Part 3)

A sickly man once approached Drew Brees on the street and told him, "Sir, I have a sinus infection. Can you help me?" Drew Brees took a football and fired it at the man's head so hard it literally knocked the snot right out of him. And he never got sick again.

Today's "Great Moments in Drew Brees History" (Part 2)

"Drew Brees once sued the band Marcy Playground, claiming the song 'Sex and Candy' were the trademarked names for his left and right butt cheeks. The band settled out of court and now pays royalties to Drew every time they play the song."

(Ed. note: Hat tip to my friend Lee for coming up with that one.)

Today's "Great Moments in Drew Brees History"

Drew Brees wears "9" on his jersey because league officials wouldn't let him wear "∞" (the sign for infinity).

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I smell a Gillette joke...

A second look at Kolb's numbers...

Okay, so I'm hearing that "Despite the loss, Kevin Kolb looked good against the Saints' defense, passing for nearly 400 yards in the rout." (I'm paraphrasing.)

Really?

1. Kolb could have avoided two of his interceptions--one of which was returned for a touchdown--had the Eagles just decided to run the damn ball and end the game quickly once they knew things were out of hand.

2. Actually, he should've had four interceptions, but Anthony Hargrove couldn't come down with the batted pass. Instead, the drive went to fourth down and the Eagles had to settle for a field goal.

3. And let's not forget the old axiom that a teams trailing big in the second half will always--ALWAYS!--throw the ball in an effort to play catch up. Once the Saints went up 34-13 with 4:10 left in the third quarter, Kevin Kolb completed 15 passes for 191 yards. He had three big plays of 20 yards or more during that stretch and six of the completions were for less than ten yards, leaving six other plays between 11 and 20 yards.

Hey, I'm not totally dogging Kolb here. The guy definitely deserves credit for averaging more than 12.7 yards per completion, but remember that: A) the Saints' defense was playing back at this point and didn't want to give up another bomb as they did earlier ... meaning B) nearly half of the Eagles' offensive productivity came during what could be considered GARBAGE TIME.

Here, Kevin, this applause is for you...

He throws play-action passes, so that we might live

Okay, I'm just running this picture I saw on Cajun Boy in the City's website:

Drew cannot catch a break...

Congratulations, Drew, on being named the FedEx Air Player of the Week, as voted on by NFL fans and not some dismissive bunch of douchebag talking heads.

Way to kick ass, Drew! I mean, sheesh, when you just look at those numbers--six touchdowns, 358 passing yards, 76.5 completion percentage, 137 QB rating--it just boggles the mind. Really, I don't know of anyone else that could...


DREW: Aw, shucks, thanks. You know, I think we still have some work to do on offense. There were some passes I could have made a little better; I still threw that interception, not happy about that. But all in all, I'm really happy with how our team...


KANYE: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up! Hold up! Hold up! (Takes microphone from Drew.) Don't worry, I'm-a-gonna give you your microphone back, Drew. I jus wanna say one thing, ah-right?

DREW: Ah, sure, go ahead.

KANYE: I ain't even gonna front, but TOM BRADY is THE GREATEST OF ALL-TIME! The greatest of all-time, ya heard?!?


TOM: (Mouthing words) Oh, Kanye, no...

KANYE: Hey, hey, hey! I'm-a-gonna not waste any mo' yo' time, but I ain't fronting, people! Tom Brady is AWESOME! Greatest ever an' shit!


BILLY BAROO: NO ONE DENIES THIS!

DREW: Okay, I hear the two of you gentlemen, but this was a fan vote and I ended up winning this thing. I mean, Tom Brady's awesome, no doubt about it, and he's a sure fire Hall of Famer, but this isn't some reputation vote. It's just about who was the best this particular week...

KANYE: (Interrupting...again) Yo-yo-yo! You ain't listenin', Drew! I said GREATEST OF ALL TIME!

BILLY BAROO: NO ONE DENIES THIS!

DREW: Christ, do you two not even understand how this shit works? Look, Tom, you got more passing yards than me this week, congrats on that by the way, but I got a better QB rating, completion percentage, more touchdown passes, fuck I even had a better Yards Per Attempt number! And let's face facts, here, since we're being all "real" and "not fronting," Kanye: the Pats were a Leodis McKelvin fumble away from all the national media asshats talking about "crisis in New England." How the fuck can you not understand how fickle the national sports media is?


COLIN: But the Saints' defense allowed 27 points! Against the Lions! You racked up six TDs against the Lions, for Christ's sake! Surely that means you're overrated!!

(Drew starts shaking his head.)

DREW: Look, numb nuts, I don't control the scheduling; I just go out there and fucking play. Yeah, we were supposed to beat the shit out of the Lions -- which we did. Nobody's racked up more than 40 points and 6 touchdowns against the Lions in five years prior to me.

COLIN: You gave up 27 points!!

DREW: The fuck does that have to do with my offense, dickhead? Let's see: the Lions D ran back a fumble for a touchdown, so really our defense actually just gave up 20 points. Our special teams sucked and put them in great field position twice, which only netted them, what, 10 points? Stafford's QB rating was shit, he threw three picks, and the Lions were horrible on third down. I mean, Christ, actually look at a fucking box score, you turd!

COLIN: (Pauses. Thinks.) Whatever. RABBLE-RABBLE-RABBLE!

KANYE: BRADY is the GREATEST!

DREW: Does anybody use critical thinking and empirical evidence to make objective, rational judgments anymore?


COLIN: Do I look like I give two shits about "critical thinking" or "objectivity" or anything like that?

DREW: For fuck's sake...

(Ed. note: As always, these little vignettes are inspired by the guys at KSK. Just wanted to make sure I'm covering my bases.)

Jeff Duncan points out the obvious, everyone nods in approval

While the headline seems to indicate that I'm dogging on Jeff Duncan, I'm hinting more to the fact that Dave, Ralph and I pointed this out on Sunday at 5 p.m. immediately after the game. I'm happy that Duncan pointed this out to the masses and even happier that the masses actually agreed with him and did not immediately descend into name calling and race baiting within 20 comments. Yay for progress!

Here comes a factoid...

Since 1999, only two quarterbacks have thrown for six touchdowns against the Lions:

Peyton Manning: 23 of 28, 236 yards, 6 TDs. (In November 2004)
Drew Brees: 26 of 34, 358 yards, 6 TDs and 1 INT. (In September 2009)

Just so we're clear here: in November 2004, Manning was regarded as one of the two best quarterbacks in the NFL, alongside Tom Brady.

And it stands to reason that Manning is arching downward SOMEWHAT in his career, right? And Tom Brady is coming off of knee surgery in 2008 and looked sluggish for most of his week one game against the Bills?

So how the fuck can ANYONE possibly suggest to me that Drew Brees is not the best quarterback in the NFL at the moment?

Go fuck yourself, Colin Cowherd.

NFL Predictions, Division by Division

Okay, so during last night's podcast, Ralph and I discussed playoff predictions. He mentioned something to the effect of taking out six teams that made it the previous year when making this year's picks. Ralph also went so far as to suggest putting a couple last place teams atop their respective divisions as well. I told Ralph I would take him up on that (or at least try to). To quote Lando Calrissian, "Here goes nothing."

(Note: I did not cross reference these record numbers.)

NFC South
1. New Orleans Saints (11-5) *
2. Atlanta Falcons (9-7)
3. Carolina Panthers (6-10)
4. Tampa Bay Bucs (4-12)

NFC North
1. Green Bay Packers (12-4) *
2. Minnesota Vikings (10-6) *
3. Chicago Bears (10-6) *
4. Detroit Lions (3-13)

NFC East
1. New York Giants (10-6) *
2. Philadelphia Eagles (9-7)
3. Dallas Cowboys (7-9)
4. Washington Redskins (5-11)

NFC West
1. Seattle Seahawks (9-7) *
2. San Francisco 49ers (8-8)
3. Arizona Cardinals (6-10)
4. St. Louis Rams (4-12)

AFC South
1. Jacksonville Jaguars (11-5) *
2. Indianapolis Colts (10-6) *
3. Houston Texans (8-8)
4. Tennessee Titans (8-8)

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (13-3) *
2. Baltimore Ravens (10-6) *
3. Cincinnati Bengals (7-9)
4. Cleveland Browns (5-11)

AFC East
1. New England Patriots (12-4) *
2. Miami Dolphins (9-7)
3. New York Jets (7-9)
4. Buffalo Bills (5-11)

AFC West
1. San Diego Chargers (9-7) *
2. Denver Broncos (8-8)
3. Kansas City Chiefs (5-11)
4. Oakland Raiders (3-13)

NOTES:

1. The two last place teams I have making the postseason this year (and winning their respective divisions, no less) are New Orleans and Jacksonville. If not for the Rams' shitty season last year, Seattle would also be on this list.

2. Teams that did not make the playoffs LAST YEAR that I have going THIS YEAR: New Orleans, Seattle, New England, Jacksonville, Chicago and Green Bay.

3. 2008 Playoff Teams not making the trip THIS YEAR: Miami, Tennessee, Arizona, Carolina, Atlanta and Philadelphia.

4. Teams sure to get blown out in their first round match-ups: Seattle and San Diego.

5. I could feasibly see ANY of the other five AFC teams making it to the Super Bowl.

6. Teams in the NFC with the best chance to make it to the Super Bowl: Packers and Saints. Why? Seattle's obviously out; Eli Manning needs better targets; as much as I like Jay Cutler, the Bears aren't turning things around THAT fast, especially with that defense one year older; and because fuck Brett Favre, that's why.

7. I HOPE--repeat, HOPE!--the Bears wind up playing the Saints in the playoffs in New Orleans. About God damn time the Saints had home field advantage late against these asshats.