It's okay, Shield...Roger Goodell will protect you

"Hush now baby, baby dont you cry.
Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you.
Mama wont let anyone dirty get through.
Mama's gonna wait up until you get in.
Mama will always find out where you've been.
Mama's gonna keep baby healthy and clean.
Ooooh baby oooh baby oooh baby,
You'll always be baby to me."
I'm on a classic rock vibe at the moment. Deal with it.

Rita's got a brand new job...

Kudos to the seven people who get this joke.

Your Top 32 Comic Book / Super Hero Movies

It's been far too long since I last posted anything here. It's the off-season and I'm LAZY busy.

Funny thing happened when I was recording the latest edition of Da Chronic Podcast with Ralph and Dave. Right as we were about to wrap up, we got to talking about super hero movies and Ralph asked for my take on The Avengers. When I was done sharing my opinion, Dave joked that I should do a post on ranking comic book movies. When Ralph "teased" that I would maybe have a post on this here fine site, Dave--without missing a beat--fired off a quick "or not." Well played, sir. A hearty +1 to you for your zinger.

But sometimes we need our friends to provide a swift kick to the ass or challenge or manhood or some such shit in order to motivate us to STOP MASTURBATING get off the couch and get to work.

I originally conceived of making a quick "Top 10" list and really breaking down everything about those movies, but honestly, you could probably guess what's going to be in there (HINT: The Avengers is up there; Howard the Duck, not so much.) Wouldn't you like to know where this guy places some movies that wouldn't belong on a Top 10 list? And then it hit me: rank your Top 32 like you would NFL teams in a given week during the regular season.

I'm a fucking genius.

So what follows are 32 super hero/comic book/graphic novel movies, ranked 32nd to 1st, with my thoughts on opinions on each, including why the movie works and what doesn't work. And please note: I like all of these movies and have re-watched them. I'm not ranking 32 to say "this movie sucks." I just don't like it as much as 31, 30, 29, 28, and so on.

32. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

LIKED: First movie took itself too seriously; this one didn't. Characters felt far more fun and thus more relatable. Ron Pearlman FTW.

DIDN'T LIKE: An indestructible army? How ever will be beat these...oh wait, there's the answer. Also, the movie was left a little too open-ended.

31. Constantine

LIKED: Djimon Hounsou, folks. And dare I say it, but Shia LeBeouf is really good when not asked to carry a film on his own. And I think the movie captured a nice Heaven v. Hell concept and ran with it.

DIDN'T LIKE: My friend Lee calls this "the most bland movie ever made." With the exception of the things I just mentioned, he's not that far off.

30. 300

LIKED: Violence? Check. Titties? Check. Slow-motion violence? Double check. Slow-motion titties? Uh...check. And the guy from Lord of the Rings narrating the movie was pretty sweet.

DIDN'T LIKE: We get it: there's A LOT of them, and so few of YOU. Okay. I got that part.

29. Conan: The Destroyer

LIKED: Conan's fight against the red cape wearing monster was pretty sweet. The score was cool. And the fights on the whole were nice. Grace Jones. Also...nice looking young gal to play the virgin.

DIDN'T LIKE: Just cause she's nice looking doesn't mean she can act. Wilt Chamberlain.

28. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie

LIKED: Elias Koteas, FTW. "You're a claustrophobic."

DIDN'T LIKE: Everything involving the red-headed teen "Danny."

27. The Crow

LIKED: Great music. Great story. Ernie Hudson! Brandon Lee laying the groundwork for Sting's good guy run in WCW in the late 90s.

DIDN'T LIKE: 13-year-old me thought this movie was amazing. In other news: 13-year-old me probably needed to be more objective and get more friends.

26. Watchmen

LIKED: Nailed the casting for Dr. Manhattan, Rorshach, Nite Owl and Comedian. Sweet violence. Titties. Opening title sequence with the Bob Dylan song was awesome.

DIDN'T LIKE: Movie felt disjointed on the whole. The Silk Spectre II character could've been better cast. Ozymandias character should've been played by Tom Cruise. I will go to my grave believing that.

25. Kick-Ass

LIKED: Smoking hot chick cast as the damsel in distress. Nic Cage actually likable/enjoyable in a role. Hit Girl an amusing character. "McLovin" gets to be a bad guy.

DIDN'T LIKE: Movie took itself a little too seriously.

24. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

LIKED: If you're not a fan of Batman: The Animated Series, I don't think we can be friends.

DIDN'T LIKE: Wait, so Joker dies? Or not? I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!

23. Darkman

LIKED: Compelling hero, quality acting, great one-liners. Amazing final scene. Good score. Excellent closing lines.

DIDN'T LIKE: A lot of filler material stretched throughout the movie.

22. V For Vendetta

LIKED: Good music/score. Great acting.

DIDN'T LIKE: Reliant on slow-motion and bullet-time special effects.

21. Robocop

LIKED: Doing blow off a hooker's titties. ED-209. Murphy's "death." Knowing that Clarence Boddiker becomes the dad from "That 70s Show." Guy getting shot in the nuts - literally.

DIDN'T LIKE: Not much to hate. Why the fuck isn't this movie higher on my list?

20. Blade

LIKED: Wesley Snipes makes the whole damn thing work. Compelling story. Good one-liners. Donal Logue, folks.

DIDN'T LIKE: Some weak special effects in places. The lead actress is "meh."

19. Road to Perdition

LIKED: The film was based on a graphic novel, hence its inclusion on this here list. Tom Hanks as a "bad guy", Tom Hanks crying as he guns down Paul Newman, Tom Hanks' mustache, great father-son dynamic, great last lines, excellent cinematography. The whole "I would like to apologize" scene.

DIDN'T LIKE: Again, this is a super hero and comic book list, and this movie barely qualifies as the latter. As a movie, this a great film and I'd recommend it to everyone. But I can't in good conscience put a gangland flick like this too high on my list. Sorry, Tom Hanks.

18. Batman Begins

LIKED: Michael Caine. Morgan Freeman. Christian Bale, a guy who pulls off being BOTH Batman and Bruce Wayne better than anyone. Unique take on Ras al Ghul.

DIDN'T LIKE: Christopher Nolan sucks when filming an action scene, especially a fight scene. Look back to all the fight scenes in this movie. Can you get a clear picture in your head as to what was going on? Also, the Jamaican guy walking up to the Batmobile at the end...WTF? Same goes for the bum with the "nice coat." Too many villains, perhaps? Katie Holmes' acting. Batman's all too gravely voice. Score was average.

17. Captain America

LIKED: Good actor in the lead role. The entire first hour. Hayley Atwell....HAWT. The Captain America outfit (bonus points for the helmet).

DIDN'T LIKE: Didn't like the montage scene where Cap is plowing through Nazi bases. I wanted to see more Captain America-ing, damn it!

16. Batman

LIKED: Michael Keaton got to be an action hero. The closing sequence. Great score. Jack Nicholson as the Joker. Everyone's reactions to the character of Alexander Knox. Very violent for a PG-13 movie marketed to kids.

DIDN'T LIKE: Tim Burton had some swings and misses in this one, and too eager to use Prince music for everything. The actual character of Alexander Knox.

15. X-Men: First Class

LIKED: Dug the James Bond vibe. The character of Beast was awesome. McAvoy and Fassbender were well cast as Prof. X and Magneto.

DIDN'T LIKE: Kevin Bacon as a Nazi mastermind - I was more amused than frightened. How exactly Prof. X became paralyzed. January Jones...meh.

14. Unbreakbable

LIKED: The actor playing the little boy. He's the unsung hero of the whole movie. Everything he does as a character works. And that quiet scene at the end where Bruce Willis slides the newspaper over to his son...it gets dusty in the house.

DIDN'T LIKE: Very little to complain, EXCEPT...the ending with the words on screen TELLING you what happened to the main characters was disappointing.

13. Thor

LIKED: I went in with low expectations and was wildly surprised by this one. Great casting. Kat Dunning's tits, if you need them, folks. Natalie Portman...indeed. And because I'm trying to be fair to my wife, Chris Hemsworth without his shirt. (shakes head.) Good fight scenes. Good father-sons dynamic. Idris Elba, FTMFW. "Son of Cole."

DIDN'T LIKE: The split second cameo of Hawkeye didn't work. Nobody really dies.

12. Superman

LIKED: Christopher Reeve. Getting Marlon Brando to play Kal-El and take it seriously. Superman's "I'm sad now I'M ANGRY!" face. "Otisburg? Otisburg???" John Williams' score.

DIDN'T LIKE: Movie is ultimately lessened by it's campiness.

11. Dick Tracy

LIKED: Great scenery, make-up, etc. Solid cast. The only real "weak link" is Madonna, and she's not that bad. The wristwatch walkie-talkies. The songs and montages worked well.

DIDN'T LIKE: The little kid. For some reason, he's become more of a bother as I've gotten older.

10. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

LIKED: Having never read the comic myself, I can only rely on others to tell me this is a superb adaptation. According to those "others," it was a supers adaptation. I know some folks are sick of Michael Cera, but this role was tailor made for him. I also like that there's no rhyme or reason for this guy or the seven evil exes he fights to have super powers. It just happens.

DIDN'T LIKE: Some of the characters were not as well-rounded as they could have been.

9. The Rocketeer

LIKED: Young Kevin really appreciated Jennifer Connelly's "efforts" in this film. Shit; adult Kevin STILL appreciates Jennifer Connelly. Plus...it's about a guy getting a jetpack! And he fights Nazis!! And the hero gets to wear a sweet gold helmet.

DIDN'T LIKE: Ah, something still irks me about the mob "teaming up" with the FBI agents to fight off the Nazis at the end.

8. Chronicle

LIKED: Dude, the guy who played Wallace in "The Wire" can't catch a fucking break in other TV and film roles, can he?

DIDN'T LIKE: A few of the special effects were not as convincing as others (ex: the spider being pulled apart). And while I'm here...alien ejaculate? Is that where we are as a filmgoing society?

7. Superman 2

LIKED: My favorite moment in any Superman movie. He fights three strong villains. Lex Luthor's campiness is greatly reduced. "Oh, I've been working out." That scene with Superman at the White House was pretty sweet.

DIDN'T LIKE: Superman throwing his "S" at a bad guy? Really? Seriously? And since when does the Fortress of Solitude allow people to duplicate themselves? Huh? Some of the camp involving Clark Kent, like smashing his finger in the juicer, etc. I don't like how the "re-cut" edition of Superman 2 put the "changing the Earth's rotation" ending on this one.

6. Incredibles

LIKED: "Where is my super suit?" There's more great things about this movie, but I haven't seen it in so damn long I've forgotten most of them.

DIDN'T LIKE: The baby becoming ultra super powered at just the right time was a little too convenient. And how exactly did the family all get different super powers? It's the thing that ultimately bogged down the show "Heroes" for me.

5. Spider-Man 2

LIKED: Alfred Molina is the best actor to play a Spider-Man villain. Shit, he may be the best villain actor in a Marvel movie. Yeah, better than Gandalf as Magneto. A lot less hokey than the original Spider-Man.

DIDN'T LIKE: The entire sequence on the train once Spider-Man loses his mask. I wanted to cringe over that shit.

4. X-2

LIKED: The entire "attack on Xavier's School" sequence. Colossus offering to help Wolverine. Pyro going apeshit on Iceman's parents' front porch against the cops. Everything involving the character Nightcrawler.

DIDN'T LIKE: Very few things to nitpick here. It's more a case of the other movies ahead of it are just that much more awesome or better.

3. Avengers

LIKED: Hulk and Iron Man came out like bad asses. The Hulk v. Thor fight was incredible. Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man is the perfect character for Joss Whedon to play with. Schwarma. The entire final hour of the film. Agent Coulsen as the unifying force behind The Avengers. Both closing credit scenes. On the whole, the movie is just fun. 2 hours and 30 minutes of fun.

DIDN'T LIKE: I feel like Captain America was somewhat underserved in parts. People say Hawkeye didn't turn out as well in this movie, but I think somebody had to have his thankless part. And Jeremy Renner did a good job with what was given.

2. The Dark Knight

LIKED: Heath Ledger. The fact that the word "absconds" was used in a newspaper headline, albeit a fictional newspaper. Upgraded from Katie Holmes to Maggie Gyllenhaal. Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine - still awesome. Here's an interesting conversation I had with my best friend... He said The Dark Knight was "Christopher Nolan's apology for the Bush Administration." I laughed. Not so much because I'm some big defender of G.W.B. or anything (spoiler alert: I'm not), but I have no choice but to laugh when making such harsh political judgments against the backdrop of a film. I understand the argument that Batman can be viewed as a fascist character in general, but that's more closely Frank Miller's Batman and not the movie Batman. And actually, Frank Miller's Superman is a far worse character since he's basically a living god working as a puppet for the government. At least Batman does his own thing outside the authority of law. My friend said, "Batman hacks every cell phone and Morgan Freeman just says, 'okay, I'll let it go this one time.'" I told him that the general theme of the movie went back to the scene with Harvey Dent at the restaurant: that Rome would appoint one man to take control of things to establish order. Yes, there is the possibility of said man becoming corrupt and abusing his power, but that's what makes Batman a great fictional character: he doesn't succumb to that shit. Why? Cause he's the fucking Batman.

DIDN'T LIKE: I just feel like Two-Face did not get enough time to shine. He really should've had his own movie.

1. Iron Man

LIKED: Robert Downey Jr. is to Iron Man what Christopher Reeve was to Superman. I fear for whoever takes the role after RDJ. The Bro-mance between RDJ and Terrance Stamp. Jeff Bridges as a bald bad guy.

DIDN'T LIKE: ... uh, let me get back to you on this one.

Roundtable: Taste the Sweet Sweet Panic

Friday, March 2
RALPH:
Saints fans are officially getting really close to full on freakout. I'm in NOLA for a wedding and pretty much everyone after saying hello was like,"What the fuck is up with Brees? Why haven't the Saints signed him?"

People forget I'm not plugged into the Saints anymore and don't particularly like my ,"I'm not sure." answer.

By the way Wang, if a NOLA writer had written that Jason Cole unsourced joke of a piece I'd expect you to rip it to shreds. And for the record, I totally think that's Brees' agent feeding Cole made up bullshit on Loomis to ramp up pressure on Saints. Loomis' only real public comments on the Brees deal was that if he doesn't get it done he might get run out of town.

In the Cole piece he said Saints only want to pay Brees as really good QB but Cole never actually put a number out there. My guess is because if the Drew's side actually gave out the number it would make Brees look bad.

Loomis might have say offered 20 million and said "We'll make you the highest paid QB ever."
Drew's Agent: 20 million is only paying Drew like he's really good. Truly great QB should get 25 million. WHY DO YOU ONLY THINK DREW IS PRETTY GOOD?"

It's all in what your definintion of a really good QB salary is and Great QB salary is. The real reason I think it was fed to Cole by Drew's side is the whole, "Benson needs to step in" line. He might as well have said, "This ASSHOLE Loomis continues to do his job and will not just give in. The Saints need to bring in a guy who will give us everything we want before something AWFUL HAPPENS"
Nice try by Brees camp to win PR BATTLE but a fail.
My prediction?
Deal done at 2:45 Monday for 22.5 million per year 60 million guarenteed. Brees gets 60 million first 3 years of deal.

WANG:
Somebody pat me on the back for having pretty much predicted all of this over a month ago, every damn last bit of it. Heh. Seriously, I’m pretty sure I’ve never been more right on anything in my life, ever. #douchebagtootinghisownhorn
People still hate Cole for all the Reggie Bush stuff, and he’s definitely an attention-whoring douchebag of a “journalist” who sensationalizes the shit out of everything, but what worries me is that despite Message Board Guy’s repeated proclamations that “EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS FALSE!!!!” actually the opposite is true. If you don’t let him troll you and look past all the “SHINY THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF!!!” the guy always has his facts straight. Always. He was 100% right on EVERYTHING with the Reggie Bush stuff. Everything he said was gonna happen happened. The whole “Cole is a LIAR!!!” thing is a myth that was created by Saints fans (and other teams’ fans) who don’t like it when he tells them stuff they don’t want to hear.
I believe that Loomis insisted on using the phrase “very good” instead of “great.” And it makes perfect sense that he would. And I think we all know why. It’s just what happens in negotiations, and Loomis chooses his words VERY carefully, all the time. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he had a purpose in doing it. And Cole knows exactly what he’s doing by running with it. He’s riling people up and getting eyeballs on his story. None of that stuff pisses me off in the least. If I were getting paid to do what Cole does, I’d do the same thing. I have to disagree with Andrew, I don’t think there’s a damn thing “unethical” about any of it.
Fans just can’t handle “the business of sports” is all. Never have, never will. There are exceptions of course. Present company, for example. I think we all are pretty good at keeping an even keel with all this stuff, even when we start getting scared and shit (which, yeah, I am.) But the general public? Message Board Guy? There ALWAYS has to be a villain. And it’s usually the guy who stands to make “MORE THAN I’LL EVER MAKE IN MY LIFETIME!!!!” And/or the guy who by golly just isn’t smart enough to make shit happen as easily as he does on Madden.
Cole knows that. And he uses it to his advantage. Touch a couple of nerves and watch that traffic roll in.

RALPH:
Wang, I'm not saying Cole is making anything up. Far from it. I just think by not really having many if any direct quotes nothing is in any context. It is most definitely trolltastic.

My main argument is Cole's article is 100% coming from Brees' side and he's trying to present it as balanced and he got info from the Saints. I'd bet 100 bucks he got nothing from the Saints because the Saints never say shit about contracts.

I get Brees is trying to win the PR battle and good for him. I just wish more PEOPLE WOULD FUCKING SEE WHAT COLE IS DOING.

KEVIN:
I'm still being a Zen master at the moment.

HOWEVAH!!!!

I can some grey clouds in the distance, and let me tell you, if that storm cloud doesn't dissipate by March 5... to quote Dr. Sam Beckett, "Oh boy."

Question for Wang: Do you approve of Skip Bayless' constant trolling on everything? I get where you're coming from with your Cole assessment, but I understand Andrew's point.

I think the major problem is that the general public doesn't understand the difference between "a column" and "a story." Jason Cole has "a column." Whitlock has "a column." All those twats from Around the Horn and PTI and Skip, all of them write "a column." Nobody does a good enough job separating the two anymore, hence people getting worked up over Cole's trolling and taking it as a serious "report."

DAVE:
The general public is a bunch of fucktards. Did you see the beating I took on Saintsreport for my Arrington satire post? Morons didn't even realize the whole post was making a mockery of those fans who fly off the handle, jump to insane conclusions and think players like Arrington are future hall of famers. In other words, all of Saintsreport.

(Editor's Note: News breaks of "Scrutiny on the Bounty")

RALPH:
Be very very afriad over this bounty stuff. Old man Benson said cut that shit out and Loomis didn't. I'd say that's a fireable offense no? Loomis won't be GM by next Monday. At least Gregg Williams is gone but I think the 2011 Draft for the Saints is about to get blow up up Goodell because they won't have any picks.

KEVIN:
Uh...

Erm...

Hu...

SOMEBODY FUCKING HOLD ME!!!!!


ANDREW:
Yeah um. Not good. Although Benson just endorsed Loomis & Payton so at least the figure heads appear stable.


HANS:
Does anyone remember when all of a sudden Randy Mueller wasn't on the job anymore?

Rita probably makes all those decisions now...but maybe he got woken up (literally, I think he must nap as much as infants do) by his staff after hearing from the league and Loomis is already gone...


ANDREW:
We are fucked.

Saturday, March 3
WANG:
Kevin, I absolutely LOVE Skip Bayless. Oh, he pisses me off and makes me want to punch him in the face regularly. That’s when I know he’s on his game. Then a couple seconds later when I calm down, I tip my cap and say to the tee vee “Welp, ya got me. Nice job.”
I think you’re 100% right on most people not understanding the difference between a “column” and a “story.” People think everybody in the media is a “reporter” and should be held to the journalistic standards of reporters. You see it on the message boards every day. Half of them need to be told what’s fact and what’s opinion, they can’t figure it out themselves. They expect a writer to state “In my opinion...” or else they’ll hold the writer responsible for “stating opinion as fact” and being disingenuous or whatever. No, a writer’s under no obligation to continually state explicitly “this is my opinion” over and over again. It’s on you to know the difference, we were all taught the difference in 3rd fuckin’ grade. If you can’t distinguish between the two, that’s on you. (Not YOU, Kevin, I know you know the difference. I’m talking about people in general.)
The biggest part of it, IN MY OPINION, is that people just don’t care to pay close enough attention. These days people just skim shit as quick as they can and think they’ve got it. They don’t give a shit that there’s a difference between “could happen” and “will happen” and that kind of thing. It’s all the same, right? They don’t care to pay attention to all the little details that make all the difference. All that matters is whether or not what they THINK they heard/read is what they wanted to hear/read. If it is, it’s great. If not, it’s A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT FROM AN IDIOT HACK WHO OMG I CAN”T BELIEVE HE HAS A JOB!!!
Big picture, people are just stupid and lazy these days. Critical thinking is out, emotional OUTRAGE is in. But don’t dare call them on it because “I AIN’T STUPID, ASSHOLE! I’M JUST OFFENDED!!!”

RALPH:
Bayless will call for Payton to be fired. And I have to say if Loomis and he lied to nfl and benson they really should be. Of course as a Saints fan that scares the shit out of me but if I take my emotion out of it they probably should be.

I hope they aren't because they make my football great on the field. Still, I think everything is on the table as a possibility. This has only begun.

ANDREW:
I just don't think 100% morality is a requirement for the players/staff I root for. If you have bad eggs, can them. But consider who we root for. Stallworth killed someone. Connell was a thief. Will Smith assaulted his wife. Vilma had a weird story about a dead body in some NYC apt he owned.
It happens. We root for the emblem and all the flaws that go with it. We'll get punished and that'll suck, then we move on. Still got that Lombardi baby!!!

RALPH:
I'm with you a 100%, unless Saints are pulling a Sandusky I don't really give a shit but a think this story has many more chapters and right now I don't think it's a lock Loomis is GM in 3 months.

Maybe i'm wrong but I think alot of all those stories we hear about Payton/Loomis will now see the light of day.

ANDREW:
I hope not. I read your article Ralph and I'm scared shitless you are right.

Sunday, March 4
KEVIN:
The only this can get any worse is if Favre was the first one to Tweet out that Brees got franchised.
Yep, it's gonna be an awful Monday. Ralph, Dave...you may want to reinforce the bandwidth...


ANDREW:
I miss Jeff Duncan's Madonna jokes. That was wayyyyy better than this bullshit.

RALPH:
I'm thinking at least 60-70% of Saints fans have no idea of the hammer the NFL is going to drop on them. The NFL is going to walk the Saints to the town square and then make an example of them so no team will ever do bounties again.

People I think do not grasp that because every team has bounties, because most players just shrug it off as football, it all makes the penalty the Saints will get worse.

Goodell sees a chance to change the culture by getting rid of bounties and if he has to cripple the Saints so what?

Bad times boys, bad time.


Monday, March 5
RALPH:
This editorial as lead on NOLA.com proves the Saints fan base mostly has no clue what is about to drop on them.

http://www.nola.com/opinions/index.ssf/2012/03/go_saints_a_monologue_by_adria.html

Bounty Fest doesn't offend my morality and I'm not offended by it but I think a huge majority of fans don't realize the NFL is about to fucking hammer the Saints. They think, "Oh everyone does it so what?" They don't get or don't want to get the NFL has it's shot to change the culture of the NFL as far as hitting/violence/cheapshots and will use the Saints as example.

Because fans don't realize how bad this will be the penalties will only make them madder. If the Saints come out of this still a legitimate title contender I'll be very pleasantly surprised.

WANG:
Love ya, Ralph. But you’re overreacting. Is it a shitstorm? Absolutely. Will the Saints pay heavily? No doubt. Is it gonna ruin the franchise? No way. Goodell himself will never allow that to happen. It’s bad business to cripple one of the 32 teams in your league to the point of death. Everybody suffers in that case. Eddie De Bartolo’s shenanigans couldn’t kill the 49ers. Belichick’s shenanigans only barely affected the Patriots. Oh we’re gonna take the bone, and it’s gonna be deep and painful. And sure, Message Board Guy is gonna feel like the Saints are being persecuted and Goodell is trying to kill the franchise so they can move it to LA or whatever. But with all due respect man, I think you’re going overboard with the doom and gloom.
Goodell’s gotta balance the whole player safety thing (including all the litigation and potential monetary judgments) against public perception that he’s pussifying the league to the point where the customers don’t care anymore, and all the revenue that’ll lose. We think the league is invincible, and it’s just a perpetual money machine because Americans will never give up their NFL football. But people used to think the same thing about boxing. And baseball. Already the popular opinion is beginning to shift toward “This is just more Goodell turning the league into flag football.” Shockingly, people are lining up to defend the Saints so far this morning, at least to the degree of going all “Meh, this isn’t that big a deal” with it. I suspect that’s only gonna continue. And Goodell doesn’t have any choice but to take that into account. Oddly enough, if he bones the Saints TOO HARD over this, he risks public backlash. He also can’t just grind one of his 32 franchises into the ground, that’s not good for THE LEAGUE.
It’s a shitstorm, no doubt. But I think you’re buying into the hysteria, Ralph. This too shall pass. It’ll be painful, but ultimately it’ll just be one hell of a hard slap of the wrist, Goodell will claim that “the problem is solved” and everybody will get on with their lives.

RALPH:
It will pass Wang and with it will take any chance the Saints had of getting another Lombardi trophy with it. So yes it will pass but the party we've been having the last three years I fear is over.

How exactly will the saints remain elite with no draft picks, no cap room, and Payton gone for 4-6 weeks?


RALPH:
Stevie Johnson signed a five-year, $36.25 million deal that includes $19.5 million gtd and over $24 million in deal's first three years.

I believe the above is what Colston will want. Do the saints give it to him or will anyone else?

WANG:
Well, they’ve got Drew Brees. That’s how. They went 14-4 last year, right? And they were “without” (to a lesser extent) Payton for how long last year?
I’m not saying it’s not gonna hurt, but sheesh, people are acting like they’re gonna be 3-13 next year because of this.
Suspensions on defense could actually be a GOOD thing.

RALPH:
God I hope so Wang. My biggest fear is Loomis already botched the Brees contract so the front office is in chaos during the biggest off season since '06. My hope is Goodell focus is on individuals and not the 'Team'. Suspending a coach would be unprecedented so maybe Goodell will view that as the hammer and not the Draft picks. As in his thinking is huge fines, then suspensions, and Draft picks are last on his list.

Fun question

Would you rather have Payton suspended 8 games and only lose 2nd round pick this year or lighter Payton suspension and more picks taken away?

And when I say Payton is suspended I mean, He's in Dallas till November and not allowed contact with coaches/players. Carmichael is the coach for 8 games.

ANDREW:
I'm kind of with Ralph on this. The difference between winning & losing is so small in the NFL. Are they going to go from 13-3 to 3-13 because of this? No way. But they could easily go from 13-3 to 9-7. Or 8-8. They've done that with Brees at the helm in the past. Imagine they lose Nicks and Colston with no cap room or picks to replace them? I wasn't sure this offseason wouldn't bone the Saints without this bullshit happening.


RALPH:
Exactly. Also Loomis not getting Brees done to me is a huge blow to our belief that Loomis always would make the right moves and keep the Saints elite.
I wonder if Benson can plead for mercy about at least the draft picks by saying, "Look, I told them to stop. They didn't. Suspensions, fines are totally warranted but multiple draft choices could cripple us long term."

Maybe?


RALPH:
There is famous quote, "Man will always fail to understand something when his livelihood depends on not understanding it." Could we say the following about Saints fans, "They fail to understand Bounty Fest because their happiness depends on not understanding it."


DAVE:
Man, Ralph. You're going all Wilkerson on us.


RALPH:
Maybe, but I just get the feeling the Saints are going to have a really hard time recovering from this. Laugh at me hard if I'm wrong.



ANDREW:
No doubt about it. I include Wang in this category :)


KEVIN:
Hey, guys...I know Florio is a half-breed troll at this point, but...

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/03/03/irs-could-be-interested-in-undeclared-bounty-payments/

IRS. Oh fuck me.


ANDREW:
What do you guys think about Loomis & Payton? I'm a little worried they get canned. Benson says no but ESPN is calling for Payton's head.


RALPH:
Just that female reporter calling for Payton's head and as as my wife says, "Women shouldn't be allowed to cover sports." I will say as a guy who follows politics and have seen many people get support and say, "I won't resign" or, "I support him 100%" then more and more stuff comes out, pressure mounts and then they are canned.

I'm only about 70% sure come April Payton and Loomis are still with Saints. fairly high but not 100%

And remember...NO DISINTEGRATIONS!

Shit, it would take something this cataclysmic to rouse me into doing a photoshop.

Whatever.

Roundtable discussion of the Super Bowl

RALPH:
The main thing I thought besides, "Brees would have dropped 30 on both these teams and FUCK ALEX SMITH." was if the Patriots had Robert Meachem they would have dropped 30. Good god are those receivers incredibly shitty for New England. Wes Welker is Lance Moore and I love Lance Moore but if he's your best receiver that's bad.

Just saying if they paid Chad Oco-sucko 7 million to catch 20 passes I think they might pay Meachem 5 million to catch 50.


WANG:
I absolutely hated the way Michaels and Collinsworth called everything from Bradshaw's TD on. I get it that the Giants could have run the clock and ended the game without having to give NE the ball back, and it was obvious that that's what they were planning to do if Bradshaw hadn't fallen into the end zone. And yeah, it's the Super Bowl and you've got millions of people watching who don't usually watch football so you have to explain that.

But for fuck's sake, they had just taken a 4-point lead with less than a minute remaining in the Super Bowl! And Michaels and Collinsworth were acting like they had just lost the game on some kind of colossal fuckup.

I didn't even have a dog in the hunt and it still pissed me off, they just sucked every ounce of juice out of what was pretty likely the winning score (and in fact turned out to be.) If that had been the Saints who took a 4-point lead with :57 and they'd called it as if it were the stupidest thing they possibly could have done, I'd have lost my shit. And then they harped on it pretty much until 0:00.

Sure, don't give the ball back to THE GREAT TOM BRADY if you don't have to. But it's not like the Giants have the Saints defense. Usually when you take a 4-point lead with :57 left, it's pretty likely that you've just won the game. But Collinsworth and Michaels were acting like they had just given the game away.

Just a really, really crappy way to call it. Way to piss all over THE WINNING SCORE IN THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL, assholes.


RALPH:
Agreed. It was the right play to let the Giants score but for fuck's sake it wasn't like he left a fucking toddler in a hot car.

I'm very pro letting a team score and then get the ball back and try to win because I fucking hate death by field goal. It's just fucking excruciating watching the clock melt and then hope for a fucking miracle of basically a missed extra point.

Still I completely agree about the announcing for the Super Bowl. It's almost like their target audience is my cousin who WAS super pumped for the Madonna half time.

KILL ME.


KEVIN:
1. Belichick should've told his D to let the Giants score before the 2 Minute Warning. Would've had more time and 2 timeouts for Brady to matriculate the ball down the field.

2. As much as I'd love to slay Gronkowski, I can't. If Jimmy Graham had a high ankle sprain, he'd have down roughly the same kinda shit. Maybe the Saints would've targeted him early to play up the distraction factor, but who knows?

3. Yeah, the announcing was not up to snuff overall. Collinsworth has officially been taken off my "good announcers" list. The "he makes that catch 100 out of 100 times" line fucking killed me. Give me the team of Marv Albert and Rich Gannon.

4. Saints would've hung 50 on the Pats. Not a doubt in my mind. Fuck Alex Smith. Fuck Vernon Davis. But TRIPLE FUCK Gregg Williams.

5. If you weren't moved by the Steve Gleason piece during the pregame, you have no soul. (Bonus: QUADRUPLE FUCK Ray Nagin.)

6. Madonna halftime show was so awful it was amazing. Next year: Pearl Jam or Foo Fighters or GTFO.

7. Gisele ripping the Pats WRs is PHENOMENAL. I've watched that video about 10 times already.

8. Rush Limbaugh in the Patriots box picking his nose...NO WORDS.

9. Best commercial? Clint Eastwood, followed by the Fiat ad with the hot model speaking Italian.


WANG:
Screw Gronk and his ankle. I know it’s a legit injury and all, but still. Jimmy Graham would have sucked it up and put up 100+ and a couple of TDs.

The Gleason thing was awesome, but my only complaint (and it’s a minor one) is that I didn’t think they went enough into just what a cool mofo Gleason was before the diagnosis, and continues to be after. I know they showed him skydiving recently, and maybe that’s all the time they had to make the point. I mean, hell, I’d watch an hour-long special on 37. But I realize that most people don’t care that much, and it’s the Super Bowl, time = lots and lots of $$$. So I get why they couldn’t get more in-depth with it. I guess I just really want people to get what a special dude Gleason is, and continues to be despite the ALS. Then again, I’m sure most people wouldn’t really give a fuck anyway. I know I roll my eyes and flip the channel just about any time ESPN comes with one of their tear-jerking human interest stories on Sportscenter or whatever. So yeah, I’m definitely being Irrational Saints Fan here I guess. I’m glad they took the time out to do it, and for what it was, they did a good job with it. All the ladies at our SB party were in tears. Oh, and yeah, quadruple fuck Ray Nagin indeed.

Didn’t see Madonna. Went outside and smoked a J instead. High five!

My boy’s wife was totally stoked about Madonna, and I had her going for about 3 hours... “Did you happen to see the news that leaked this morning on the internet? There’s gonna be a surprise cameo by Duran Duran. Yep, Madonna totally set the whole thing up and they’re gonna come out and do a Duran Duran medley with Madonna handling some of the vocals, then Duran Duran is gonna be her band when they do her songs.” I think her and a couple of her friends’ heads exploded. The whole first half they’re all “HOLY SHIT!!!” Told ‘em right before halftime that I made the whole thing up. Owned. Good thing they’re used to me & my boy fucking with them just for sport. And yet, they bought it hook line and sinker.

I’m glad the Giants won, I think. If for no other reason than I’m pretty sure Drew is gonna win at least one more Super Bowl. So I’d rather Eli have 2 than Brady have 4. Drew will equal the 2, and with some luck maybe even get 3. Don’t see him getting 4 though. So I’d rather Brady stay at 3 and Eli get a second, rather than Brady get a 4th. And now, I’m pretty sure Brady’s never gonna get the 4th. I think that was it. Also I have to admit that I find the whole “Eli has 2 and Peyton only has 1” thing pretty amusing. Imagine the Manning Face!!!


RALPH:
I just watched the Gleason piece on the Chronic. It was really well done and Wang I think a local NOLA station should do a an hour special on him. I did think of an idea the Saints/NFL could to raise money for him and ALS. Make Gleason jerseys and all proceeds go to Team Gleason/ALS. Obviously nationally no one is buying a 37 Gleason jersey/imitation jersey but I bet Saints fans would especially if they promoted the hell out of it.

As for the halftime show I'm in agreement with Cowherd, who said they should just get rid of it, because the NFL is so big now they don't need it to guarantee ratings or to keep people bailing at halftime.

The NFL would never do it because they love the spectacle of it.

Still, to me no act will satisfy anyone really with a 12 minute show. Madonna I thought compared to the fucking corpse of the Who was ok.

/likes Madonna what can I say


KEVIN:
Okay, when I post this chain on Hakim later, I'm absolutely bolding the "likes Madonna" part. :)

Yeah, you're right now act will satisfy everyone, but there are some acts where people might be like, "well, I don't like them, but okay, whatever." I felt that way about Prince. I'm not necessarily a fan, but the dude was good.

But if the NFL insists on digging up old acts, then I'd like to suggest CCR or MC5. Fuck, gimme Duran Duran or one of those 80s groups. I'd even settle for a horrible mish-mash of Annie Lennox, The Cult and Jesus Jones.

And the fact that WWL-TV hasn't done an hour long special on Gleason is utterly retarded. That's a fucking ratings layup locally.


WANG:
Heh. See, I thought The Who kicked ass. But that’s just me. And I admit that I’m biased. Back in the late 80s/early 90s when I went through the requisite “adolescent male classic rock phase” I really committed to it. Still listen to them every now and then, and I respect the hell out of dudes who can strut onto a stage at 80 years old and crank the amps up to 11 and rock that shit old school like it’s still 1968. Oh and there’s also the little matter of “...somewhere between Pinball Wizard and ‘Teenage Wasteland’ we decided we were going Ambush.” Yeah, little biased on those grounds as well. Think they’d have decided to go Ambush somewhere between Borderline and Vogue? Anyway, Roger Daltrey is still a total badass.

A thought just occurred to me: What if Hendrix were still around? Can you even imagine??? HO... LEE... SHIT. There wouldn’t even BE a second half.

But yeah, I guess I kinda agree with Cowherd on principle with the “just get rid of it” thing. But the league definitely loves the spectacle and all that. It’s a total “We’re the shit!” thing, and they’re right. It’s also about reeling in the ladies and making sure there’s a reason for them to be into it too. Which is why lately you usually get Madonna and Janet Jackson and Black Eyed Peas and Prince and all that. I’m not sure they’ll ever go with some act like The Who ever again, if for no other reason than it’s “too male.”

Personally, I think The Cult would be fucking fantastic. But I’m a dude. “Too male.” And even at their peak, not nearly popular/mainstream enough. Next year it’ll probably be fuckin’ Lady Gaga or some shit. Or somebody who blew up on YouTube or something. Or Cher.


ANDREW:
Oh dear Christ, Cher. I'd off myself. I pick Tenacious D. Seriously though it should be all nola bands next year. Saints in 2012 = first home game in SB history


KEVIN:
I'll add Billy Joel and Neil Diamond to the list of "old artists I'd be okay with at halftime."

Oh, and to get this partly back to football:

Does this loss "hurt" Tom Brady's legacy? I know (some) people are dogging the guy, but I don't think this hurts his legacy in so far as HOF or even legendary status. I mean, nobody was retarded enough to really compare to Joe Montana BEFORE last night's game, right?

Here's a question: If Eli Manning retired TOMORROW, would he be a HOFer? 2 SB wins (and game MVPs). He's got the postseason part of the resume covered and then some. He played pretty damn well this season. But are his regular season stats enough to go along with the rest of his resume?

If Brees retired TOMORROW, I would say yes. With Eli...I'm not so sure. And it's not like Eli has to do THAT much, either. I think if he just plays even 2 more years and puts up decent numbers, I'd say he belongs.

And anybody that wants to say "ELIte >>>>> Peyton and Brees" should be forced to watch the NFL Honors broadcast on 24-hour loop.


HANS:
next up for the NFL and their halftime super bowl show will be...ELTON JOHN


ANDREW:
If that means I dont have to ever suffer through Jeff Duncan's attempts at humor tweeting, so be it. His "like a prayer" jokes during Madonna were about as entertaining as Kardashian television.


HANS:
And in his column today, Duncan apologized for a "madonna pun" after writing "like a surgeon" but he forgot that it should have been a "Weird Al Yankovic" pun, as it was Al who spoofed "Like A Virgin" with "Like A Surgeon"


KEVIN:
Weird Al Yankovic. Book him for the halftime show.


ANDREW:
Gold!

(Photo by Jamie Squire of Getty Images)

Unimpressed Breesus understands your pain, Aaron Rodgers

(Photo by Getty Images)

Unimpressed Breesus gives, receives dap

(Photos by Getty Images)

Unimpressed Breesus understands Bill Barnwell's logic

(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Unimpressed Breesus respects Kendall Hunter

(Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images North America)

Unimpressed Breesus knows what the Niners D can do

(Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)

Unimpressed Breesus meme continues

(Photo by Kevin C. Cox of Getty Images)