Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Driving Mr. King

This came in my inbox today, courtesy of Ralph:

Dave, you or somebody at CSC needs to contact peter king at si.peterking@gmail.com IMMEDIATELY  and volunteer to drive him around NOLA on Friday. He's looking for a college student. If I was in town I'd make up a fake resume and send it. Get Travis or hell take a personal day friday and DO THIS yourself. Good pub for CSC for sure and PETER KING STORIES!

Peter why do you love coffee so much?
Do you want to murder Drew Magary?

Oh the questions!

Yeah, I know I'm 600 miles away and not really capable of being the chauffeur Mr. King wants.  But I'm the chauffeur Mr. King needs.  (#seewhatididthere)

With that in my mind, I fired off a list of questions for Dave or Win Ellington to ask Mr. King as they're driving him to and from the local Starbuck (plural of Starbucks) and GO TO MORNING CALL AND TELL THE WORLD HOW AWESOME IT IS!!!

Here are the questions:

Peter, do you think high speed rail will save the American economy?

On the subject, have you ever traveled on the Orient Express?

You three favorite dog breeds.  GO!

Mr. King, would you like to see this video of my son turning over on his own? (Note: Only works if Dave's asking.)

Mr. King, can I interest you in a monogrammed Tulane letterman jacket?  (Again, also only works if Dave's asking.)

Mr. King, don't you think it'd be criminal if Tulane can't get an uptown stadium built for the football team?  (See above)

Peter, why do you write your pieces like Norm MacDonald's Larry King impression crossed with a 24-year-old GED applicant?

Drew Brees: manliest man who ever manned, OR just a super awesome quarterback who STILL can't get a fair shake.  Which is it?

Which French Quarter titty bar do you prefer?

Have you ever checked out of a hotel because they didn't offer a coffee maker in the room?  Or if the available coffee wasn't up to your standards?

What do you know about Craig James killing those five hookers in Texas back in the day?

Monday Night Raw just hit a thousand episodes.  When SNF reaches a thousand episodes, will they wheel out Bob Costas' head to give condescending essays at halftime about how nanotechnology isn't all THAT good?

Best town that represents small town America: O'Fallon, Missouri; Alton, Illinois; Danville, Kentucky; Sante Fe, New Mexico; or Metairie, LA?

After leaving New Orleans, how long will you be staying in Kiln, Mississippi?

Is Brett a good cook?  Follow-up query: does he surprise you with breakfast in bed?

Will your piece on the Saints include the phrase, "Swagger. New Orleans has it"?  If not, GTFO of my car.  I don't care if we're on the I-10 or not.  GTFO.

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