Sunday, November 30, 2008

Not our best eegra, O my brothers...

You Saints seem to have had a baddiwad time today. Cost me plenty pretty polly, too. Bog himself must've put a merzky curse on you for rubbin' and brosayin' all that cal on those motorcars a couple weeks ago.

The malchicks on defense had a real horrorshow performance against that sod Jeff Garcia, keepin' him to just 9-of-23 passin' for only 119 yards and a touchdown. And you tolchocked him real good a few times. Zammechat rabbit, droogs. 'Betcha he was real fagged after that, eh? Prolly needs his devotchka to ice him right 'bout now.

And I 'specially liked how Jonathan Vilma crasted that sharry away from Bucs receiver Michael Clayton early on. Real horrorshow!

But that don't matter, cause the eegra was lost on offense. If I may have a slovo or two with you, Coach Payton, I'd like to offer my soviet: quit so being so damn nadmenny with the sharry! I was creeching all bezoomy cause you didn't run the bleedin' sharry enough!

Yeah, I know, Mister Reggie Bush didn't do cal today. I'm sure all the haters are smecking over that pitiful performance. Maybe he don't care cause he's got a right fine devotchka rubbing his yarbles. If he's even GOT any yarbles!! He better learn to skorry north and south, and shivy out this east and west cal. And right quick, too!

That's not to say they didn't have a chance to win, Coach Payton. The Bucs gave the Saints a whole lots of raz to move the sharry down the field. You put it in Drew's rookers to lead the droogs. And what happened? They snuffed it. Over was the eegra. No more govoreetin' about the playoffs. And the vecks who didn't think Drew Brees was em-vee-pee can really have a good smeck of things.

Well, you got two choices, Coach: you can either filly about with malenky effort for the rest of the season, or you can give it a rally and govereet to your droogs that kicking the Falcons, Bears, Lions and Panthers' zoobies in and putting the razdrez to them is so worth it.

What's it gonna be then, eh?

Thursday, November 27, 2008

You're my boy, Randall Gay! You're my boy!!

One of the best things to come out of the Saints' crushing victory over the Packers? I learned Randall Gay's nickname is "Blue." Not only that, but he apparently won't answer to "Randall," just "Blue." Amazing.

I'm thankful for having a guy on my team who answers to "Blue." He's my boy.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Number 9, Number 9, Number 9, Number 9...

You know, I DID do the required research to boast of the reasons why Drew Brees deserves the MVP Award over guys like Warner and Favre, but it turns out Sports Illustrated's Don Banks did it all for me. Besides, I already broke a bottle enraged over a certain old, balding MNF announcer who verbally massaged the Jets quarterback while Brees was putting on a clinic and didn't even mention Drew Brees and the term "MVP" in the same sentence.

And in the case of Kurt Warner, Banks makes an interesting point that has not been given enough discussion: the NFC West is, as the Ralpha Dog would say, "a tire fire." No, scratch that; "it's a chemical spill." No, wait, let me think; ah yes, it's "a nuclear wasteland." Yeah, that is definitely a more apt description.

And I was listening to the replay of "Pardon the Interruption" and I heard Michael Wilbon say something to the effect of: "I don't just want to go with passer rating, there are other things to discuss besides passer rating." Which is fine, I can respect that argument. I wouldn't base an argument on just one number either. The subject then turned back to Warner and the fact that he had "only" eight interceptions on the year. This is where Tony and Michael failed to remember that Warner has fumbled the ball nine times and turned the ball over on six of those occasions. Drew Brees? Six fumbles, one lost. So, to put it another way: Kurt Warner has TURNED THE BALL OVER a TOTAL of 14 times while Drew Brees has TURNED THE BALL OVER a TOTAL of 12 times.

I know it sounds like I'm contradicting what I said earlier about the whole, "don't use one number" routine, but I'm making a point: you cannot use one set of numbers (like interceptions) without looking at a larger data set (to include fumbles), because if you want to say that Kurt Warner deserves the MVP because he's protecting the football, well, he's not protecting it better than Drew Brees has.

In fact, if somebody had the wherewithal, I'd like to know just how many interceptions Brees and Warner have thrown that have come off of pass deflections or tips.

Anywho...BREES/MOORE in '12! That's long range accuracy you can believe in!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 12 ed.)

Rankings. Week 12. Lucy Pinder is the babe in question. And yes, they're real; just like my power rankings. ZING!

32. Detroit Lions (0-11)
31. St. Louis Rams (2-9)
30. Cincinnati Bengals (1-9-1)
29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-10)
28. Seattle Seahawks (2-9)
27. San Francisco 49ers (3-8)
26. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-7)
25. Oakland Raiders (3-8)
24. Cleveland Browns (4-7)
23. San Diego Chargers (4-7)
22. Houston Texans (4-7)
21. Philadelphia Eagles (5-5-1)
20. Denver Broncos (6-5)
19. Green Bay Packers (5-6)
18. Miami Dolphins (6-5)
17. Minnesota Vikings (6-5)

16. New Orleans Saints (6-5)
15. Chicago Bears (6-5)
14. Washington Redskins (7-4)
13. Buffalo Bills (6-5)
12. Baltimore Ravens (7-4)
11. Dallas Cowboys (7-4)
10. Arizona Cardinals (7-4)
9. Carolina Panthers (8-3)
8. Indianapolis Colts (7-4)
7. Atlanta Falcons (7-4)
6. New England Patriots (7-4)
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-3)
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3)
3. New York Jets (8-3)
2. Tennessee Titans (10-1)
1. New York Giants (10-1)

Um...time to bask in the healing light of Jason David?

Yeah, so back when I lived in New Orleans and went to Saints games in 2006 and 2007, one of my season-ticket compatriots was always waiting for Jason David to fuck up. Actually, we all were; he was just far more vocal about it. I think he spent as much time keying in on #42 than the rest of us put together, very quick to point out his on the field foibles.

"The fucker's playing eight yards off his man!"
"Fucking David can't get into a foot race with his guy!"
"Way to miss that tackle, fucko!"
"JAY-son FUCK-ing DAY-vid!"

It usually involved some iteration of the word "fuck." And, for the most part, those "fucks" have been well justified. Hell, even early in the game you could have dropped a casual negative tone of "fuck!" when discussing Jason David. Late in the first quarter, Packers QB Aaron Rodgers tossed a deep pass to a wide open Greg Jennings, who couldn't get under the ball in time and let the ball seemingly slip through his fingers. Had Jennings caught the ball, it would have been an easy six points. Who did I see on the TV chasing after Jennings? Jason David.

And yet the football gods were smiling down on the Saints secondary, because guys seemed to be making tackles and opposing players dropped two deep balls.

Sure enough, in the third quarter, David became a hero to all in the Superdome and even showed off his soft shoe dancing skills after one pick. I could tell the crowd was really behind #42's excellent fortune and that made me happy.

After that first interception I almost texted Ralph, "Can you fucking believe this?" But I opted to hold off, knowing that even though the Saints were up by 17, fate does not like it when you tempt his ass. So I waited. Until the Saints' last touchdown of the game with about nine minutes left in the fourth.

Ralph texted me later that night: "Dude, Jason fucking David!" And this time, the fucking was one of awe and delighted bewilderment.

I told Ralph I was going to vote Jason David as the NFL's Defensive Player of the Week on, and I would encourage all who read this to do the same. Yeah, he'll probably lose out to Ed Reed who returned an interception 108 yards for a touchdown, but I don't care. The fact is, people expect great things from Ed Reed, even if he is getting up there in years. Nobody in the Superdome would have ever predicted or realistically thought Jason David would get two picks and nearly take one back to the house.

Vote now for Jason David.

What the Deuce?

Yes, Deuce McAllister got his franchise record 54th touchdown against the Packers on MNF, and it sounded like pure pandemonium in the Superdome. The "Deuce" cheers seemed to last for well over a minute. If that was to be #26's final home game as a Saint, then I can't think of any better way to go out. You know, not counting a playoff win or something, but Deuce already has a playoff clinching performance under his belt.

And probably the best moment of it all was the unexpected hug between Sean Payton and the Deuce afterward:

It had a "Rocky II" quality to it.

Oh yeah, since I did mention the word "Deuce" in this post...

Yeah, players "allegedly" shit on one of Tom Benson's cars that he was trying to sell. Nice.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Come on, keep Haslett around!

I mean, it's not Jim Haslett's fault the Rams suck ass this year, people.

Think about it: if the Rams would have converted more than just 23 percent of the time on third down, if the offensive line would have protected the quarterbacks a little better or opened some holes for the running backs, if we could have protected the ball more, tackled better, not made a large number of stupid penalties, and made gotten some pressure on the opposing QB, you know...MAYBE it would have been a closer, more competitive game.

You keep trucking, Jim Haslett. Don't let the bastards, or Rick Venturi's abilities as a defensive coordinator, get you down.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Saints v. Packers - Previews

Canal Street Chronicles: Offensive Scouting Report and Defensive & Special Teams Scouting Reports Preview: Video preview

My prediction: Packers 30, Saints 24

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 11 ed.)

Yeah, so in order to "jazz up" my personal power rankings and kill two birds with one stone, I decided to add pictures of hot chicks along the way. But I'm not providing any analysis or reasoning for my rankings. Cause I know what you want: lists with no explanation and pics of smoking babes, not necessarily in that order.

32. Detroit Lions (0-10)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8-1)
30. St. Louis Rams (2-8)
29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-9)
28. Oakland Raiders (2-8)
27. Seattle Seahawks (2-8)
26. Houston Texans (3-7)
25. San Francisco 49ers (3-7)
24. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-6)
23. Philadelphia Eagles (5-4-1)
22. Cleveland Browns (4-6)
21. San Diego Chargers (4-6)
20. Minnesota Vikings (5-5)
19. New Orleans Saints (5-5)
18. Chicago Bears (5-5)
17. Buffalo Bills (5-5)

16. Green Bay Packers (5-5)
15. Baltimore Ravens (6-4)
14. New England Patriots (6-4)
13. Denver Broncos (6-4)
12. Dallas Cowboys (6-4)
11. Atlanta Falcons (6-4)
10. Miami Dolphins (6-4)
9. Washington Redskins (6-4)
8. Indianapolis Colts (6-4)
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-3)
6. New York Jets (7-3)
5. Arizona Cardinals (7-3)
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-3)
3. Carolina Panthers (8-2)
2. Tennessee Titans (10-0)
1. New York Giants (9-1)

The babe in all three pictures is Kari Byron, quite possibly the hottest nerd on the planet. She's one of the staffers on Discovery Channel's "Mythbusters" program. So not only is she hot, but she'll learn you something good, too! Sweet!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Rian Lindell's "homage" to Scott Norwood.

Man, I gotta get me one of them screen capture machines so I can post images like this:

I mean, the Cigarette Smoking Man died at the end of the X-Files series, meaning that whole "the Bills will never win the Super Bowl" directive had to be revoked, right? Right?

Tim Russert must be rolling in his grave.

On the plus side, Bills' fans will always have that made for TV movie starring Jon Voight, Teri Polo and the guy who played 'Tommy' in "Shawshank Redemption."

(Hat tip to Kissing Suzy Kolber.)

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Continuing Adventures of Jeremy Shockey...

(Scene: Saints training camp.)

Shockey (singing to himself): I like pussy! Pussy, pussy, pussy! Ba-da-bup-da-ba!

(Jeremy walks into the training field house and sees it's empty.)

Shockey: What the fuck?

(Jeremy walks into the locker room and sees that it, too, is bereft of people.)

Shockey: Hmmm...Seriously, what the fuck?

(Jeremy walks into the weight room and finds Drew Brees blasting his pecs.)

Shockey: 'Sup Drew?

Drew: Hey.

Shockey: Whatcha got goin' on tonight?

Drew: Weight lifting.

Shockey: All night?

Drew: All night.

Shockey: You been doin' that all fucking week, brosef.

Drew: Yep.

Shockey: And studying game film and shit.

Drew: Yep.

Shockey: And taking those leukemia patients to see an advanced screening of Madagascar 2: Back to Africa.

Drew: Yep.

Shockey: Damn. You live a boring ass life, Drew.

Drew: Yep.

Shockey: You gonna keep giving me monosyllabic answers, Drew?

Drew: Yep.

Shockey: Betcha didn't know I could use monosyllabic in a sentence, did ya, Drew?

Drew: Nope.

Shockey: Heard Kid Rock say it once before somewheres. Say, you know where everybody's at? I gotta crush me some pussy tonight and I wants a wing man.

Drew: Nope.

Shockey: Nope? You mean "nope" to my crushing pussy or "nope" to you knowing where people are?

Drew: B.

Shockey: Fuck, you a quiet motherfucker. I gots to roll, son. See ya Sunday.

(Jeremy walks off.)

Drew: Fucking asshole. (whispers to himself.) 5,084. 5,084. 5,084. 5,084...

(Jeremy walks into the coach's office without knocking on the door.)

Shockey: What up, Coach?

Coach: Hi, Jeremy.

Shockey: Coach, where's everybody at?

Coach: Look, Jeremy, I didn't want to tell you this, but...nobody's talking to you.

Shockey: What?!? But I'm number 88!!

Coach: Yeah, uh...look, Drew's still pissed about last Sunday and he doesn't forgive and forget too easy. Know that thing on his face?

Shockey: Yeah, what about it?

Coach: He got made fun of relentlessly in grade school by some group of assholes. Ever since he got drafted, Drew keeps sending them all pictures of him in uniform holding up piles of cash in his hands. He's a calculating man, that Drew Brees.

Shockey: Shit.

Coach: Anywho, he's got the whole offensive line against you right now.

Shockey: Aw, shit no, bro? For real?

Coach: Defense, too. 'Parently half the guys on the defense don't like being on the field and they said you help contribute to their malady.

Shockey: Malady? You mean like those badass guitar riffs in Lincoln Park songs?

Coach: No, you mean "melody," Jeremy.

Shockey: You mean like that stripper I banged Wednesday night?

Coach: I guess so, sure.

Shockey: But what about the receivers and the backfield?

Coach: Don't think they like you, either.

Shockey: What about Mark Brunell?

Coach: He's still depressed that Obama won, I think.

Shockey: What about Reggie Bush?

Coach: His girlfriend won't let him make an opinion, so he's out.

Shockey: Robert Meachem?

Coach: He's excited cause I told him he might get to touch the field Sunday. He's too happy to be worried about anything else right now.

Shockey: Garrett Hartley?

Coach: The kicker? I fired him.

Shockey: You did?

Coach: No, I'm just kidding. But he doesn't like you, either. Your dropped passes and poor pass blocking leave the team too far out on third downs and put the pressure on him to make field goals. I told him if he missed one from inside 35 yards that I'd castrate him in front of Mickey Loomis.

Shockey: What about Mark Campbell?

Coach: He's being injected with Cortisone and can't speak. And he doesn't want to go out tonight, either.

Shockey: Billy Miller?

Coach: He's sleeping with the JUGS machine.

Shockey: Chris Owens? I wouldn't fuck that chick with Ronnie Ghent's dick!

Coach: No, an ACTUAL JUGS machine.

Shockey: You mean, sleeping with the JUGS machine? Or sleeping with the JUGS machine?

Coach: I don't care what he does with it, as long as he makes catches. Maybe you should consider banging the JUGS machine, too.

Shockey: Jeremy Shockey don't do that. The only threesomes he knows involve two chicks burned out on ecstasy. BOING!

Coach: Well, I don't know what to tell you, then.

Shockey: Doesn't anybody want to hang out with the Shock-Meister? Doesn't anybody like me?

Coach (stroking his imaginary beard): Well...

(Scene: Later that night: Monteleone Hotel Piano Bar.)

Joey Fingers: "Believe it or not, I'm walking on air! I never thought I could feel so free-he-he!!"

Shockey: Jesus fucking Christ, the team REALLY doesn't like me...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Podcast Tonight....Saints, James Bond and other crap

Tonight Malbrough and Kevin Held will talk about the Saints-Chiefs gane, James Bond, and any other thing that they deem worthless. Oh and they may or may not have a guest to talk about the shitiness that is Herm Edwards!

Show is at 7:30 Listen at http://www.blogtalkradio/ You can download archived editions at itunes.

Saints. New Orleans Saints.

(Note: Actually, this post has little if anything to do with the Saints, so please feel free to skip past it if you want.)

Yeah, so the new James Bond flick comes out this Friday. And in honor of "Quantum of Solace," and because I forgot to pick a depressing song for Monday after the Saints' recent loss, I figured I'd take care of both at the same time and post the video to the new Bond movie theme song: "Another Way to Die."

Yeah, and because I need to think about something other than the Saints for five minutes without the need to drink, I decided to spend the rest of this post dealing with all things James Bond. I'll mention this on the radio show, cause somebody needs to see these opinions more than anything else I have to offer.

Best James Bond Movies (ie: What I would show someone who had no idea about the character)

1. Goldfinger
2. Casino Royale
3. The Spy Who Loved Me
4. Live and Let Die
5. GoldenEye

Worst Bond Movies (ie: Movies you would certainly flip past if you came across them on television)

1. Die Another Day
2. The World is Not Enough
3. Moonraker
4. Diamonds Are Forever
5. The Living Daylights

Best Bond Girls

1. Anya Amasova/Agent XXX ("The Spy Who Loved Me")
2. Honey Ryder ("Dr. No")
3. Pussy Galore ("Goldfinger")
4. Solitaire ("Live and Let Die")
5. Jinx ("Die Another Day")

Worst Bond Girls (either for having a dumb name, sheer annoyance, or some combination of the two)

1. Dr. Christmas Jones ("The World is Not Enough")
2. Dr. Holly Goodhead ("Moonraker")
3. Bibi Dahl ("For Your Eyes Only")
4. Stacy Sutton ("A View to A Kill")
5. Tiffany Case ("Diamonds are Forever")

Best Main Bond Villains (no sidekicks here, see the next top five list)

1. Auric Goldfinger ("Goldfinger")
2. Ernst Stavros Blofeld (multiple appearances)
3. Alec Trevelyan/006 ("GoldenEye")
4. Largo ("Thunderball")
5. Sir Hugo Drax ("Moonraker")

Best Bond Villain Sidekicks or Ancillary Baddies

1. Oddjob ("Goldfinger")
2. Jaws ("The Spy Who Loved Me" and "Moonraker")
3. Tee Hee Johnson / Metal Arm Guy ("Live and Let Die")
4. Donald "Red" Grant ("From Russia With Love")
5. Xenia Onatopp ("GoldenEye")

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 10 ed.)

Nihil ex nihilo.

32. Detroit Lions (0-8)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8)
30. St. Louis Rams (2-7)
29. Oakland Raiders (2-7)
28. Seattle Seahawks (2-7)
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-7)
26. Kansas City Chiefs (1-8)
25. Houston Texans (3-6)
24. New Orleans Saints (4-5)
23. Cleveland Browns (3-6)
22. Green Bay Packers (4-5)
21. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-5)
20. Philadelphia Eagles (5-4)
19. San Diego Chargers (4-5)
18. Minnesota Vikings (5-4)
17. Denver Broncos (5-4)
16. Chicago Bears (5-4)
15. Dallas Cowboys (5-4)
14. Buffalo Bills (5-4)
13. Miami Dolphins (5-4)
12. Baltimore Ravens (6-3)
11. New England Patriots (6-3)
10. Indianapolis Colts (5-4)
9. New York Jets (6-3)
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-3)
7. Atlanta Falcons (6-3)
6. Arizona Cardinals (6-3)
5. Washington Redskins (6-3)
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3)
3. Carolina Panthers (7-2)
2. New York Giants (8-1)
1. Tennessee Titans (9-0)

Monday, November 10, 2008

I feel ya, coach...

Of all the pictures taken yesterday, this one stood out among the rest. It might be the first time I've seen photographic evidence of Coach Sean Payton flummoxed. I've got nothing in depth to add right now. My girlfriend's in town and I promised her we'd go to the zoo. ('Cause it's free in St. Louis.) Everybody should know that winning the NFC South is out of the question and, barring serious collapses from AT LEAST three or four other teams in the conference, a playoff birth is out as well. Better to root for Drew Brees' passing for about 300 yards per game the rest of the way out so he can break Dan Marino's passing yardage record.

That didn't take long

It only took Shockey half a season to show himself to be the douche everyone said.

And the Saints might have to give their 1st round pick to the Jets for Vilma.


Lets just all start drinking straight from the bottle.
This season is fucking killing me.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Radio Show Tonight at 730!

Malbrough, columnist from with Kevin Held from Hakim Drops the Ball are on Tonight! We'll talk all things Saints/Atlanta plus Cajun Boy in the City might stop in to talk LSU Bama. And your phone calls! Listen or download us at and call in at (347) 215-8037If you want Saints talk with an edge, check us out.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A 17th regular season game? "Yes we can!"

"I'm Mr. Held Over, and I approve this message..."

My fellow NFL fans, we have longed for more regular season games ever since the league adopted its current schedule. The thought being that we should have an extra weekend of the year to devote our time and energy to something other than our families or actual responsibilities. We have craved and opined for more than a decade for the league to grant our wishes.

There have been many nay-sayers over the years: the Commissioner, the NFL Players' Union, head coaches, owners, you name it. But opportunities have come about that may now send our wild aspirations to fruition: overseas games.

This has started off as a small experiment: two teams traveling abroad to play in either Mexico City or London, with a bye week to follow. The results, both financially and attention wise, have been successful as far as the Commissioner admits. Now is the time to expand the season to 17 games and give fans what they want.

This is a win-win situation for all those involved.

The fans get to have another game to follow and have a rooting interest in without worry of sacrificing a real home game;

The league gets to expand its brand overseas and across boarders with 16 total games in distant lands;

Owners can get in on the action of making additional money at these venues;

Players get an additional paycheck out the deal and adjusted contracts going forward;

and Head Coaches will be compensated by having more players on their rosters to adjust for injuries and added depth.

Now, I am not someone who would come before you and speak through platitudes and empty promises, my fellow fans. I have a plan.

First, we select eight cities around the world that are capable of hosting NFL games. As of today, my suggestion would be as follows: 1. London, England; 2. Mexico City, Mexico; 3. Toronto, Canada; 4. Madrid, Spain; 5. Berlin, Germany; 6. Tokyo, Japan;
7. Sydney, Australia; and 8. Rome, Italy. These cities are only suggestions and others can be substituted in depending upon scheduling availability and facility accommodation. The important thing to note is that we have foreign cities that are invested in hosting two games per season. There are 32 teams in the league, meaning 16 games must be played, with each team making one appearance abroad.

The games will be stretched out between weeks 5 and 12, an eight week period. Teams will have their respective bye week following their game abroad, four teams each week. Rather than stretch the NFL's resources by having two separate cities host games on a weekend, one city will host two games during the weekend. The times have not been completely hammered out, but I believe that a schedule can be put into place where the NFL schedule does not conflict with commitments from the host cities, and vice versa.

Now, getting back to the coaches and players...the standard 53-man NFL roster will need a boost if coaches are to sign off on the deal. Playing another game period increases the chance of injury, and players are not going to want to throw in added risk without some sort of trade off. So be it. I therefore propose we eliminate one of the preseason games, thereby keeping the total amount of games played the same, and increasing the roster limit to 58 players.

By adding five players, coaches and general managers will have the luxury of adding depth at certain troubled positions. No, simply have more players does not ease the worry of injury to a star player (Tony Romo anyone?), but having more roster spots would allow a franchise to look for a perspective free agent without having to necessarily cut someone else. These measures to increase roster sizes would result in the creation of 160 new, high paying jobs, right here in America!

I can only hope that I have made a convincing enough case for this proposal to warrant serious consideration, discussion and
debate in the upcoming weeks and months ahead.

And for those of you desperate to see the NFL enact 17th game legislation, but hold fears of what the doubters might say, you need only recite that message of hope that has surely sustained fans of the Saints, Browns, Lions, Bills and Cardinals over the years: Yes we can! Thank you and good night! And God Bless America!

"I'm Mr. Held Over, and I approved this message..."

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 9 ed.)

Your politic free NFL Rankings are here, complete with zero analysis from pundits.

32. Detroit Lions (0-8)
31. Oakland Raiders (2-6)
30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-7)
29. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8)
28. St. Louis Rams (2-6)
27. San Francisco 49ers (2-6)
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-6)
25. Cleveland Browns (3-5)
24. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-5)
23. Houston Texans (3-5)
22. Denver Broncos (4-4)
21. San Diego Chargers (3-5)
20. Minnesota Vikings (4-4)
19. Dallas Cowboys (5-4)
18. Miami Dolphins (4-4)
17. Green Bay Packers (4-4)
16. New Orleans Saints (4-4)
15. Buffalo Bills (5-3)
14. New England Patriots (5-3)
13. Indianapolis Colts (4-4)
12. Baltimore Ravens (5-3)
11. New York Jets (5-3)
10. Chicago Bears (5-3)
9. Atlanta Falcons (5-3)
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-3)
7. Arizona Cardinals (5-3)
6. Washington Redskins (6-3)
5. Philadelphia Eagles (5-3)
4. Carolina Panthers (6-2
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2)
2. New York Giants (7-1)
1. Tennessee Titans (8-0)