Thursday, September 4, 2014

2014 NFL predictions sure to go wrong

It's been a year since I last posted (again). Here are my predictions for the final standings of the 2014 NFL regular season. And to spice things up, I'm also sharing my answers for the "4 people you have dinner with" question…MANY. DIFFERENT. VERSIONS. And I can't use the same answer twice. BOOM...

AFC South
Indianapolis Colts (10-6) *
Tennessee Titans (9-7) *
Houston Texans (6-10)
Jacksonville Jaguars (2-14)

Name 4 living people you'd have dinner with:
Eddie Vedder
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Jon Stewart
Cormac McCarthy

AFC West
Denver Broncos (11-5) *
Kansas City Chiefs (10-6) *
Oakland Raiders (7-9)
San Diego Chargers (7-9)

Name 4 dead people you'd have dinner with:
Ernest Hemingway
Abraham Lincoln
Sun Tzu
Beethoven

AFC East
New England Patriots (11-5) *
Miami Dolphins (8-8)
New York Jets (5-11)
Buffalo Bills (3-13)

Name 4 presidents you'd have dinner with:
George Washington
Thomas Jefferson
Teddy Roosevelt
Dwight Eisenhower

AFC North
Baltimore Ravens (10-6) *
Cincinnati Bengals (9-7)
Pittsburgh Steelers (6-10)
Cleveland Browns (4-12)

Name 4 stand-up comics you'd have dinner with:
Louis C.K.
Bill Burr
Lewis Black
Kathleen Madigan

NFC South
New Orleans Saints (12-4) *
Atlanta Falcons (8-8) *
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-10)
Carolina Panthers (5-11)

Name 4 athletes (active or retired) you'd have dinner with:
Drew Brees
Charles Barkley
Wladimir Klitschko
Ronda Rousey

NFC West
Seattle Seahawks (12-4) *
Arizona Cardinals (10-6)
San Francisco 49ers (9-7)
St. Louis Rams (3-13)

Name 4 actors you'd have dinner with:
Tom Hanks
Chris Pratt
Jennifer Lawrence
Samuel Jackson

NFC East
Philadelphia Eagles (11-5) *
Dallas Cowboys (8-8)
New York Giants (6-10)
Washington (5-11)

Name 4 Uptons (living or dead) you'd have dinner with:
Kate Upton
Kate Upton
Kate Upton
Upton Sinclair (and he's getting kicked out the dinner hall after 10 minutes anyway)

NFC North
Chicago Bears (10-6) *
Green Bay Packers (9-7) *
Detroit Lions (5-11)
Minnesota Vikings (4-12)

Name 4 pro wrestlers (living or dead) you'd have dinner with:
Nakamura
Dusty Rhodes
Mick Foley
Randy Savage

Okay, so I've got the Saints going 12-4. But how do they get there?

Week 1: @Atlanta Falcons - W, 33-24
Week 2: @Cleveland Browns - W, 34-17
Week 3: Minnesota Vikings - W, 41-24
Week 4: @Dallas Cowboys - W, 24-20
Week 5: Tampa Bay Buccaneers - W, 21-10
Week 6: BYE WEEK
Week 7: @Detroit Lions - W, 31-21
Week 8: Green Bay Packers - W, 45-31
Week 9: @Carolina Panthers - L, 27-21
Week 10: San Francisco 49ers - L, 28-24
Week 11: Cincinnati Bengals - W, 30-24
Week 12: Baltimore Ravens - W, 28-14
Week 13: @Pittsburgh Steelers - L, 23-16
Week 14: Carolina Panthers - W, 20-17
Week 15: @Chicago Bears - L, 28-17
Week 16: Atlanta Falcons - W, 21-20
Week 17: @Tampa Bay Buccaneers - W, 30-20