Friday, February 29, 2008
If you said that CP3 could fly so fast that he could disrupt the Earth's rotation and essentially reverse history for the better, I'd buy it, too.
But if you told me that Paul hangs out with Michael Jordan and actually drops some comedy on "His Airness," I'd have said no f-ing way...until now.
Chris Paul For Most Valuable Player.
Sorry, Kevin Garnett...
Thursday, February 28, 2008
By Ralph Malbrough
Miami Heat coach Pat Riley was asked this week about rebuilding the Heat from the disaster they are right now. He said, “I feel like a mosquito in a nudist colony. I know what I need to do I just don’t know where to start.”
It’s also the perfect way to some up what Sean Payton and Mickey Loomis face starting Friday at 12am when NFL free agency starts.
The Saints need to focus on making quarterbacks uncomfortable.
Ralph Malbrough is a Saints fan living in Houston. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
Sunday, February 24, 2008
If not for a spirited fourth quarter run against San Antonio the Hornets would have been blown out back-to-back nights.
Yeah…he’s that important. Who knew?
How many fans will head to New Orleans Arena to watch a crappy Wizards team that doesn’t even have Gilbert Arenas? But remember to check out his blog because you never know what crazy thoughts lurk in the mind of Agent Zero.
If the Hornets hit the magic number of 14,700 consider it a very good crowd.
If this game is half as good as the three overtime thriller these two teams played last week then the New Orleans Arena might have its best atmosphere of the year.
Ralph Malbrough is Saints and Hornets fan living in Houston. He can be reached at email@example.com
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
To St. Louis.
Land of "Hakim Drops the Ball!"
Land of Defensive Coordinator Jim Haslett. (I just felt a cold shudder run up my spine at the thought of 'The Haz Man' having another job in the coaching ranks.)
I moved downtown. Quite nice, actually. I'd describe it as such: it's like New Orleans, if New Orleans had it's shit together.
No internet in my apartment just yet, but the building DOES have a room where I can access the internet, hence this post. I'm in the process of getting adjusted to my new job, so I can't exactly post anything from there just yet either.
And if that's not good enough for you, consider this: my movers haven't arrived yet. I'm sleeping on a concrete floor with a few pieces of foam and folded moving mats to keep my back from revolting against the rest of my body.
'Betcha feel like a real asshole now, dontcha?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
I LOVE CUBAN!!!!!
AOL Sports' Tom Ziller breaks down the team's attendance woes.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
(Whitey Ford gets "whacked" by pretzels during a Springfield Isotopes game.)
Just as everyone is slowly about to munch in those delicious pretzels, the announcer reveals the winner's name of today's giveaway. The 1997 Pontiac Astrowagon goes to the fan in seat 0001 -- C. Montgomery Burns. No one's happy about this but Mr. Burns and Smithers, and Mr. Burns hops in his new car, which is pelted by the pretzels thrown by the angry, booing crowd.
Announcer #1: And here come the pretzels!
Marge: Oh, no! No, don't do that! You're suppose to be tasting them!
Announcer #2: Hall of Famer Whitey Ford now on the field pleading with the crowd for...for some kind of sanity.
Announcer #1: Uh-oh, and a barrage of pretzels now knocking Whitey unconscious.
Announcer #2: Wow. This is uh... This is a black day for baseball.
In the kitchen, Bart and Homer try to cheer up a much depressed Marge.
Bart: Cheer up, Mom. You can't buy publicity like that. Thousands and thousands of people saw your pretzels injuring Whitey Ford!
Homer: You could call them Whitey-Whackers.
(Just keeping things in perspective, folks.)
It's not so much that they disagree with Scoop (which they do), but it's the fact that they rip through his 'anecdotal bullshit' within the column. Pretty nice read.
In other news, the Hornets jumped back atop the Western Conference with a 111-107 victory over the very game Milwaukee Bucks. Hey, their name doesn't mean "the good land" in Algonquin for nothing, people. (Note: Get to the 3:30 mark on the video)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Simmons had a piece in ESPN the Mag supporting the deal as well, but I found Johnson's column to be far more in-depth.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
His numbers, year-by-year:
2006: 70 catches, 1038 yds, 8 TDs
2007: 98 catches, 1202 yds, 11 TDs
He becomes a free agent following the 2008 season. Note to Mickey...don't dilly-dally around (and yeah, I just wrote the words "dilly-dally") and sign this dude before training camp hits. Otherwise, you'll be hearing it from the fans on the drive-by-radio shows and such.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Look, I'm WAAAY late to the party on this one, but I wanted to make sure I posted it to Hakim Drops the Ball anyway. The Big Lead, Deadspin, Sports by Brooks, etc., you name it...they've split the uprights on this one, folks.
Chris Berman demonstrates how professionals should NOT act. And he maybe has learned one important TV journalism lesson (which I learned in less than a week as a P.A.) ... you DON'T LEAVE YOUR MIC ON!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Carl from 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force' decided to shave his moustache in celebration of the Giants' triumph.
Meanwhile, the boys at HomeStarRunner have a hilarious send-up of half time entertain. ("We played soccer in high school...")
And while I'm at it...I wrote my last column for WWLTV.com about the Super Bowl. I now get to ride off into the sunset...and move to St. Louis.
Monday, February 4, 2008
By Ralph Malbrough
I’ll be honest: I never thought the Giants even had a shot of winning the Super Bowl until David Tyree made the greatest catch ever. Argue that point if you want, but in 30 years people will still be talking about it. Go to YouTube and watch it again. How the hell did he do that?
Watching the game I had the sense of what an old English teacher of mine called ‘tragic inevitability’ when it came to the Giants and Eli Manning. It just seemed like the Patriots and Tom Brady would find a way to escape and attain perfection.
There was no way Eli Manning would win the Super Bowl, until he did. Manning became a New York legend and denied Tom Brady football immortality.
The interesting thing about the game was the simplicity of the Giants plan: grind Tom Brady into the dirt or become road kill. Five sacks and countless hits later, the Giants could say ‘mission accomplished.’
In a strange way I’m even more impressed with Tom Brady. He got the snot beat out of him and yet never made any bad decisions.
Any other quarterback would have turned in an all time bad performance under such constant pressure, but Brady was just slightly less than average.
Perhaps the most interesting thing was the absolute glee everyone outside of New England felt when the Patriots failed to reach 19-0.
On our internet radio show, Kevin Held and I set a record for people in our chat room. Maybe it was a combination of Spygate, Bill Belichick’s generally being a jerk, and New England’s fans combined with ESPN’s Bill Simmons being unbearable that caused the nation to turn against the Patriots?
I’m not sure, all I know is that America is happy we get to listen to the unbearable 1972 Miami Dolphins run their mouths about being the only undefeated team. That in itself is unbelievable, if you’ve ever listened to Mercury Morris for five minutes.
Eli Manning is now a legend in New York. The Big Apple might put their sports stars through the meat grinder, but all you need to do is deliver one time on the big stage and you get a lifetime of worship. Ask Joe Namath.
Is it the biggest upset in Super Bowl history? Probably, but everyone said that some unknown QB named Tom Brady beating the Mighty St. Louis Rams in 2002 was the biggest underdog victory in Super Sunday lore, until Brady won two more Lombardi trophies after that magical night in New Orleans.
Time has a way of deciding what is and what isn’t an historic sports upset. I know a couple of things right now, though:
--We may never see another team come as close to perfection and have most fans rooting against such a magical accomplishment.
--And former Giants general manager Ernie Acorsi was right to trade the San Diego Chargers a king’s ransom for Eli.
It was always easy to predict Eli Manning would be great just like it was easy to see the Giants would shut down the greatest offense in the history of football and use a circus catch to win the Super Bowl.
Yeah, like it’s easy to climb Mount Everest or watch any Lindsey Lohan movie all the way through.
Last night is why America stops to watch the Super Bowl, because we hope we might see something incredible and unexpected.
And we all wanted New England to lose.
Ralph Malbrough is a Saints fan living in Houston Texas. He co-hosts an Internet Radio show every week with WWLTV.com's Kevin Held. You can listen to their Super Bowl post game show or download archived versions of the show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/forecastradio.
Or if you want it on your iPod search Forecast Radio on Itunes.
Ralph Malbrough can be emailed at firstname.lastname@example.org
(And one final note: that picture up top was too fucking funny to pass up!!)
Sunday, February 3, 2008
In the words of Sean Connery, "Suck it, Trebek!"
Seriously, folks, who do you think feels like the bigger asshole right now: Tiki Barber or Bill Simmons? How fast did Tiki call in sick to work for Monday? Ten seconds after the game ended?
Is Simmons on suicide watch right now? Were his buddies banging on the front door looking for to make sure he didn't hang himself in the closet? I betcha Billy's wife answered the door and told everybody, "Guys, I don't know where Bill went." Meanwhile, Billy "Baroo" is locked in the garage, sitting inside his Dodge Stratus with the motor running.
Do you think Bill will pull the same shit he did last year, when he "took some time off" and came back with a lame mailbag and gave a half-assed acknowledgement of the Colts' Super Bowl win?
Wow, Billy boy, FIRST Peyton Manning comes back and beats your Pats when you guys had the game in hand...and NOW...baby brother Eli Manning comes along and beats you guys ON THE BIGGEST STAGE in front of millions!!!
How do you like DEM APPLES, ASSHOLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
There, I'm done.
It would irresponsible to jump out with the whole "athletes getting into trouble" again storyline....but here are my questions, in no particular order:
--Why was Charles Grant there?
--Who was the woman who was shot and killed? Was she connected to Grant? Why was she there if she was pregnant?
--Who did the stabbing and the shooting? Have they been arrested?
--Where is the nightclub located?
--What lead to the incident?
--Is there anything I'm missing here???
NFL Network's Adam Schefter gets the jump on the story. The Saints said they know about the incident.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
ESPN.com: Patriots 10, Giants 4
FoxSports.com: Patriots 10, Giants 1
CBSSportsline.com: Not counted because these pussies went with point spreads instead of picking a winner straight up. Douchebags.
SI.com: Patriots 9, Giants 2
Scouts Inc.: Patriots 7, Giants 0
USA Today: Patriots 7, Giants 1