Monday, December 31, 2007
According to profootballreference.com, Billick leaves Baltimore with a 79-64 record over nine years, including division championships, a conference championship and a Super Bowl title. The Ravens are 59-52 since the Super Bowl season.
I stand by my Dolphins connection.
Don't fret, Mr. Billick, Bill Parcells might call you. I said "might."
Ok, everyone I'd like to introduce someone to our prestigious society. This young man managed to do something that no Saints Draft failure has ever done before. He not only showed up to the team fat, lazy, and dumb. He not only didn't play the whole year but wasn't even active for a single game yet wasn't placed on injured reserve. Why it's such a spectacularly glorious failure I'm jealous."
This failure of a draft choice has made Lonzell Hill, Brett Perriman and Wesley Carroll look like actual NFL receivers. It's almost unbelievable but true!."
Gentleman I give you our Newest Member: Robert Meachem
Meachem walks to podium and Erxleben helps him put on 1970's leisure suit jacket.
Meachem: I'd like to thank Taco Bell and Hooters for making it so easy to gain 20 pounds, I'd like to thank the Saints medical staff for missing my fucked up knee in my pre draft physical but most of all I'd like to thank you guys.
"The support you guys gave me throughout the year when I thought about actually practicing hard and getting on the field was fantastic.
"Dave Wilson called me in October and said Robert you can make history. The Saints have dozens of shitty #1 picks but they all actually played as a rookie. You have complete ineptitude in your grasp. Keep being a lazy fuck.
And I did. Thanks everybody. I've never been happier. Let's all get shit faced and go to Visions and see boobs and get lap dances"
Sunday, December 30, 2007
The injuries continued to pile up for the Black and Gold Boys on Sunday in the Windy City, as Marques Colston, Terrance Copper and Jason Craft found their way to the sidelines before things ended. They join Reggie Bush, Deuce McAllister, Mike McKenzie, Jammal Branch and Aaron Stecker on the back of the plane home as guys who need to stretch out over two seats with the ice packs.
But on the plus side, at least we know who's kicking for us next year, right? Right?
What position do the Saints target in the draft first? Linebacker or cornerback? OR does that depend on who the Saints can sign in the off-season?
Speaking of the off-season...who gets their moving papers? Devery? Eric Johnson? Jason David? Olindo?
Why am I having flashbacks to the Jim Haslett era?!? FUCK!!!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Eli, call your older brother, Peyton. Fly him, your dad (Archie) and other brother (Cooper) up to the house for a sleep over. But it's not really a sleep over. Peyton's bringing as much video as he can on the Patriots to go with whatever film you got on them, too. You, Peyton and your pops are gonna sit in the 'TV Room' -- or whatever you call it -- going over game film of the Patriots' defense. You need as much help as you can get.
What's Cooper doing there? He's there to answer the phones and pretend he's your foreign butler who can't speak a lick of English...you can't afford to be distracted at a time like this. ("Eh...Hell-Oh? Ah...dis is Mistah Mannen's hoose... Ah, he's no home roit new...") Ah, Cooper Manning, you and your clever accents. I hear he's the impressionist of the Manning family -- not a painter, but a guy who's really good at doing voices. Glad I cleared that up.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Ah...fuck. That's about all that can really be said about Sunday's game, right? I should have known that things were not going to go our way from the get go. The signs were all around me; I just chose to ignore them:
1. Walking into the Superdome, I bumped into co-workers. Nothing against my co-workers (in this particular case), they're very cool people. But going back at least four years, everytime I've bumped into people from work or school at a Saints game...the end result is not pleasant.
2. I saw this guy I used to go to grade school and high school with. Total asshole back then; likely still is. He didn't notice me, though, but I sure noticed his Skeletor face. This douchebag is about two or three inches taller than me, but probably weighs AT LEAST 10 or 15 pounds less. Conclusion: He's a fuckin' beanpole and I should whopped his skinny ass outside the Dome. But no, I'm not bitter about my childhood...I digress...
3. Our section's unofficial "mascot" (a.k.a. The Psycho Who Screams the Loudest) didn't arrive in his seat next to my compadres until about mid-way through the first quarter. It just doesn't feel the same when he's not there at kickoff, screaming so loud his face turns red and veins pop out of his neck and forehead.
And 4. The fact that the Saints can surrender a massive, would-be touchdown run, only to force a fumble...but blow the chance to fall on it and allow the Eagles to recover the fumble IN THE ENDZONE...That was the big sign that things were not going to end well. Saints Notes: Brees breaks Archie's record; injuries pile up
And here's Ralph's column about the loss, too...
Forecast: Saints consistently mediocre
By Ralph Malbrough
Say this for Sean Payton: Since the Saints 0-4 start he’s had his team playing consistently almost every week.
Drew Brees usually plays very well in spite of crucial drops by receivers, the defense doesn’t stop the pass or create decent pressure on the opposing quarterback and Payton makes a poor challenge of an officials call.
Lather, wash, rinse, and repeat.
Usually they’ve won but whenever they played a team with a decent quarterback they’ve lost (Marc Bulgar, Matt Schaub, and Donovan McNabb) Do you see the trend?
It’s been said many times, many ways…Merry…. wait I’m confused… I lost my train of thought or maybe I’ve run out of ways to describe the Saints shortcomings?
Yeah, that’s it.
The Saints probably weren’t winning yesterday with Mike McKenzie, Marcus Colston, and four quarters from Aaron Stecker but they definitely didn’t win without them.
The Saints defense couldn’t stop the Eagles on third down (8 of 13), or keep Donovan McNabb in the pocket.
They gave up five plays of 20 or more yards in the first half and if not for a McNabb fumble looked completely helpless.
It appears to be a lack of players more than a coaching issue and besides I’ve seen horrendous defensive coaching by the Saints. See Venturi, Rick. So I’m not prepared to throw Gary Gibbs under the bus.
On offense, Drew Brees was literally the last man standing. If I told you in August the Saints would need Brees to lead a second half comeback against Philadelphia to keep their playoffs alive without Deuce, Reggie Bush, Marcus Colston, and 1st Round pick Robert Meachem I suspect the reaction would have been, “Playoffs? Are you kidding?”
Again ‘Doctor Drop’ Devery Henderson did what he did most consistently this year and David Patten even followed suit by dropping a huge 4th quarter throw.
The Saints lead the league in drops and even though he had a very good year Patten has had more than his share.
The Saints lost any chance they had when Aaron Stecker was stopped on fourth down from the Eagles two yard line.
Payton’s call was the right one because field goals weren’t winning yesterday and even though the play call was a bit puzzling from the usually hyper-aggressive Payton the bottom line is the Saints needed to get in the end zone. They didn’t. Game over, playoffs chances stuffed as bad as Aaron Stecker.
So with one week to go in the Saints 2007 season we’ve clearly learned two things.
First, when coming off an appearance in the NFC Championship game don’t have an off-season so bad fans say things like, “They would have been better not doing anything.” Or “Who was their first round pick? Is he even on the team? Did they even draft players this year?”
And of course don’t start the season 0-4 and then give away wins like really nice Christmas gifts.
When the story of 2007 season is written it will say, “The Saints F- off-season and generous gift giving to Tampa and Carolina ruined a season filled with more promise than any other in Saints history.”
So join me in singing a refrain that is as familiar to Saints fans as any Christmas carol, "Just wait till next year."
Ralph Malbrough is a Saints fan living in Houston. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Hey, Mort! Eli Manning called to let you know HE'S STILL PLAYING, DICKWEED!
Of course, Kissing Suzy Kolber gives it to him good. Sometimes, you gotta just sit back and let the pros handle things.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
According to my "Guy Who Knows a Guy," the search for WVU's next head coach is down to two guys: Clemson head coach Terry Bowden and Florida Asst. Coach John "Doc" Holliday. However, he seems to be favoring Wyatt Earp's good buddy over the young Bowden.
Holliday grew up in West Virginia and graduated from WVU as well...(wait for it)...after playing three years at linebacker. Here's an official media report on the Holliday thing from a non-ESPN source.
And just because I absolutely loved Tombstone:
Holy shit. TWO soccer-related posts in a row? Damn right. The WVHooligan posted his Ways to improve MLS on ESPN column a couple days ago but I noticed it on AOL Sports, so a hat tip for them.
I've long been fascinated with the marketing/packaging of the game on this side of the ocean and often thought about ways to improve the game. It's a pretty good list WVHooligan put together, although I'd add puting mics along the field so the home audience can hear the ball being kicked with some authority.
As for the "two man booth" idea...put me down for a Hell-To-The-Yes vote. I suggest taking Allen Hopkins off the sideline and putting him in the booth with Julie Foudy. As for the MLS highlights show, I nominate Rob Stone to host, joined by Eric Wynalda. Like 'em or not, those two seem to have a good chemistry and could be counted on for a half hour show. Plus, it's good news for the haters out there since they'd only be in your lives for 30 minutes each week.
Here's the sad thing: it's not the first time rape allegations have been lobbed at a soccer player.
I honestly hope this is a case of a deranged woman making up a story, but if it isn't, then this 19-year-old douchebag should be tapped to a chair in the middle of a pro-Chelsea tavern wearing his Man U kit. Those hooligans would make that scene in Reservoir Dogs look like a non-card offense.
Yeah, cause what better way to provide stability to a beleaguered franchise than bringing in a 66-year-old former head coach who's appeared to struggle managing the game in his last couple years. Read more.
Then again, it's Bill fuckin' Parcells, people. So what if he hasn't won a playoff game since 1998? He's AT LEAST gotten teams to the playoffs, right? And after the season the Falcons have had to endure, those schmucks oughta be THRILLED to be playing for something this late in the season (see: Washington, Minnesota and New Orleans).
Assuming Parcells takes over football operations for the Falcons, it immediately makes them a buzzworthy force to be reckoned with -- provided he doesn't name himself head coach. What Parcells needs is a guy who'll answer to him and do things the way he likes, when he wants them done.
So what if it's a puppet regime? Any troublemaking Falcon players would know that Parcells, a guy who's wallet likely says "Bad Motherfucker" on it, wouldn't accept any screwing around -- whether he's head coach or not.
Another thing to consider: with the Falcons finishing the season in the toilet, fate would seem to favor them for next year. Remember: the team that's finished in last place in the NFC South has gone on to win the division the following year. Getting Parcells on board to hire the next coach and help mold the coach, players and franchise into a competitor is a step in the right direction.
For Arthur Blank's sake, I just hope Bill Parcells stays away from all the fried chicken and fries and doesn't balloon any more.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
The following entry is from a new contribtor, Mr. Sports Nuggets, a.k.a. "A Guy Who Knows a Guy." He's kinda like Red in Shawshank Redemption: he knows how to get things. But in this case, it's information.
Top 4 candidates for the West Va. job:
Terry Bowden - dream job for him and he is "all in" for the gig.
Jimbo Fisher - the AD will be in contact w/ FSU and there is a chance Jimbo will talk now that the job in his native West Va. is open and he knows Rich Rod pretty well. His buyout at FSU is $2.5 mill and now, W Va can afford it.
Todd Graham - was the co-DC for the M'neers a few yrs back before going to Tulsa as DC and becoming Rice and Tulsa's head coach. IN 2 seasons as a head coach, Graham has led Rice to a bowl last yr and Tulsa to one this season.
Bud Foster - supp. heir apparent to Beamer at Va Tech, where he is the long time coach's DC. But, Beamer prob. isn't retiring in the very near future and Foster hasn't had many legit shots like he could have now.
Two interesting names:
Tommy Bowden - Clemson coach has a proven track record, and like Terry, played ball for the Mountaineers for their pop. Just received a nice contract extension after Arkansas offered, but in this day and age, that doesn't mean he wouldn't consider this job which holds a special place w/ the Bowdens.
Nick Saban - West Va is home to Saban and he makes reference to West Va OFTEN. W Va. would have to come up w/ some major bucks to take Saban away and Saban has also talked abt how tough it is to recruit kids to Morgantown. He once said that there were abt 5 good looking women in the state - Miss West Virginia, his wife Terri, and 3 models that got lost in the state.
Some second tier guys:
Butch Jones - was Rod's WR coach at W Va. and now head coach at central Michigan, where he led the Chippewas to a MAC title in his 1st year. Still short on "major" college head experience. Will probably get to talk w/ the AD.
Darrell Hazell - Asst. head coach at Ohio State that coached a while back at WV. Said to be interested and would want an interview.
In Conference coaches include Brian Kelly of Cincy and Randy Edsall of UCONN.
Would be surprised if the new coach was not one of the first five coaches mentioned here. But then again…nothing should surprise you in this industry…
Sunday, December 16, 2007
The headline I quoted from Bull Durham. Christ, I hated that movie. But Kevin Costner WAS right about clichés. They're a part of the sports world -- pain in the ass, though. But Gwen Knapp of AOL Sports has a pretty good commentary on who uses the most useless, uninspired jargon in the sports world. Read more.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Of course, my Yankee-lovin' dad countered, "Shouldn't the Red Sox title last year be taken away because of Eric Gagne?"
I replied, "You're implying that Gagne actually HELPED the Red Sox win the World Series..." ZING!!!
(Hat Tip to AOL Sports for the original link.)
Meanwhile, Will Leitch of Deadspin wonders, why the hell did we waste 20 months on that?".
Greg Brady, I mean, Jason Stark of ESPN.com states the obvious: this wouldn't stand up in court. Leitch makes a good point though: Who cares? We wanted our pound of flesh and we got it.
The guys behind 100% Injury Report are of the opinion that Roger Clemens ultimately has it much better than Barry Lamar Bonds. I think people hated (and still hate) Bonds was because he was marching towards baseball's all-time home run record. Chicks dig the long ball...not the 98 mph inside fastball. I know that sounds like an overly simplistic view of the 'Bonds v. Clemens: Who deserves more hate?' BOWL. The correct answer is, of course, both of them.
And finally, The Big Lead was utterly disappointed by the whole damn thing.
Bloggers sure seem disappointed by this whole thing. I think it's because most of them already knew/had suspicions about a number of players and were well aware of the rampart steroids problem plauging the game.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
So...a lot of people are piling up on the "Reggie's a bust!" bandwagon. Bollocks, I say! BOLLOCKS!! Look, Reggie is only in his second year as a pro and has played the better part of said season without a bruising complimentary running back (Deuce McAllister). As a (smart) Saints fans, I know Reggie is not an every down back. He shouldn't be. He's not built for it. He's a high-caliber weapon to be used in various spots. 100% Injury Rate seems to know why Reggie's struggling, and I'm inclined to agree with them.
(Hat tip to Deadspin for sending me there in the first place.)
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
When Blank uttered the "fried chicken" line, my buddies and I exchanged an "oh sh*t" look and immediately burst into laughter. Why laughter? Because we're certain that somebody's going to have a HUGE problem with Blank's statement--innocent and innocuous as it sounded--and launch a full scale "how dare he?!" commentary against the man. It's only a matter of time.
The funny thing is that, for reasons I don't understand, the whole "fried chicken" thing is considered racist. I don't even know how it came to that. I mean, show me somebody (black or white) who doesn't like fried chicken. I don't see how you stereotype people by what they eat because, chances are, the food's really good and so many other people of different ethnic backgrounds enjoy it, too.
Then again...I immediately jumped to the conclusion that some African-Americans would take Blank's comments the wrong way, so I don't know what that says. Maybe we're all wound up too damn tight: that somebody WOULD take offense to something that sounded so random and innocent, and that I would automatically assume that somebody WOULD be offended.
I almost wish Arthur Blank would've just said "fatty foods" instead.
When Saints fans (myself included) were screaming for the head of Sean Payton after last Sunday's debacle against Tampa Bay, somehow we all had to know the Saints would relish the chance to blast the Falcons on national television -- which they did. Read more.
David Patten and Marques Colston were lights out, and Drew Brees dissected the Falcons' secondary like a ninth grader cutting up a damn frog in biology class. Kudos to Payton for having the balls to run the reverse to Devery Henderson on the very first play from scrimmage...and additional kudos for having even more balls for going for it on fourth down (that means Payton has something like eight pairs of testicles, right?)
Spoke with Ralph tonight on the postgame show at Forecast Radio, and we had some jag-off Falcon fan call in and try to stir the drink with a Katrina comment. Classy, Atlanta. Ralph had a pretty good joke about Atlantans: "I watch 'Gone With the Wind' over and over just to see Sherman torch Atlanta time and again."
I don't want to think about the playoffs at this point...I'd rather savor the win against our bitter rivals for the week. But I do know that the Saints-Cardinals game WILL BE an elimination game of sorts.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Look, it may be true that Sean Payton didn't want Joe Horn after last season. Joe was getting older and his production had dipped (any one doubt me? look his stats THIS SEASON), but the thing that pisses me off most is that he signed with the Saints' bitter rivals, the Atlanta Falcons. It makes it very difficult not to boo this clown when the Falcons play the Saints.
Maybe in a few years I can get over it and appreciate the good years he gave this team and city, but in the meantime...you broke my heart, Fredo Joe.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
1. Yes, we're willing to part with Jacoby Ellsbury in a package deal to get Johan Santana.
2. No, we're not giving up The Ellsbury Doughboy (Like it? Made it up on the spot.) for Santana. The Twins are either taking Coco Crisp, Jon Lester and a prospect or two or else they can kiss my ass!
I've been firmly entrenched in that latter group. However, when the Detroit Tigers pick up Miguel Cabrera AND Dontrelle Willis, well...I've got only three words for it:
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
The Red Sox might not be the favorites going into the 2008 season. But hey, at least it's not the Yankees.
And by the way...kudos to My Brain Says Rage for posting instructions on how to build your own crappy sports blog. Wish I'd found this thing before I got started, but I think I'm getting the hang of it:
Thursday, December 6, 2007
But I come baring gifts, in the form of this tremendous post on Sports Illustrated's On Campus section comparing BCS teams to pro wrestlers. Papa Shango?! Seriously...Papa friggin' Shango?! If you wanna go obscure wrestlers, why not go with Max Moon or Saba Simba. Bonus points to Ty Hildenbrandt for bringing up Hacksaw Jim Duggan's Royal Rumble win in 1988. (Kudos to The Big Lead)
And I also bring you The Pro Bowl voting form!
Still not impressed? Well at no extra charge, I bring Deuce of Davenport's look at the injuries of daredevil Evil Knievel and quarterback Steve McNair. (Kudos to Deadspin)
Oh, and one more thing...
That would be Trish Stratus. She's a lady wrestler. At least, I still think she is. I haven't watched that shit in about five years.