Sunday, August 31, 2008

Ralph must be one happy man...

Well, the Saints have trimmed their roster down to 53 players, and among those cut was rookie kicker Tyler Mehlhaff, leaving Martin Gramatica as our lone kicker on the roster. Ah, you magnificent bobble-head, you! I wonder how he celebrated the news of being named the starting kicker? Probably a bubble bath, a good book, and a fine merlot. And a soccer jersey. Gotta include a soccer jersey.

Other notables:

--The Black and Gold Boys have seven cornerbacks on the roster, including JD.
--Tyler "Deer in Headlights" Palko was cut.
--Adrian Arrington placed on IR. Done for the year. This just in: the Saints should be LOADED at wide receiver next season.
--The Saints are prepared to wait five weeks for Hollis Thomas to come back from his triceps injury.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Gustav is REALLY Cramping My Style...

Hey, psst! Gustav! Come here for a second!

Yeah, umm, who do you think you are? You're really pissing me off here, Gus. I mean, you wait to roll into the Gulf of Mexico the WEEK before the NFL season starts. On the anniversary of Katrina's landfall no less? Unbelievable.

I got friends and family living in New Orleans, dickhead. You need to step off, son, or else there will be, cumulus clouds.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Monday Roundup:Make up your fucking mind already!

Will somebody tell Ralph Malbrough over at to make his fucking mind about the Saints! Is the defense good or shitty Ralph? He changes his mind like a god dam teenage girl trying to pick a prom dress.
Canalstreetchronicles breaks down the Saints beat down of the bengals.
And Moosedenied, denies us his funny shit and only has a photo to make us laugh and Chickinthe huddle aren't overly excited over the Saints defense just yet.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Holy Shit, the Shogun is Dead!

I mean, I was JUST thinking about this guy the other guy. And last week, too. There's probably not a week goes by that I haven't thought about this cat. And now he's gone...and at such a young age, too.

That's right kiddies, pour a little bit outcha forties for the meaniest, prettiest, baddest mo-fo, low-down, around that town they called Harlem. Sho'Nuff himself, Julius J. Carry III, died August 19 at the age of 56 after losing a battle to pancreatic cancer. Top 5 80s Villain, without question. Right up there with Johnny Lawrence from 'The Karate Kid,' Duke Best from 'Rad,' Jerry Dandridge from 'Fright Night' and Xur from 'The Last Starfighter.' I'll be interested to hear what Berry Gordy, Vanity and Taimak have to say about Carry's passing.

So long, Mr. 'Nuff. And may a choir of angels kiss your Converse, sir.

Who'd you think I was talking about? NFLPA Head Honcho Gene Upshaw? Shit no, man. In fact, what'd he die of anyway?


Pancreatic cancer.


Holy. Shit.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Joe Horn for you on line one, sir...

Note to the Dolphins, Jaguars, Cowboys, Rams, people who like to use their cars when traveling large bodies of water, Joe Horn LOVES to burn bridges. Joe-Joe crushed the Falcons on his way out the door. I'll ask you again, Fredo: how's that whole 'stick it to my former team' thing going for you?

Some of you might think I'm rubbing salt in an open wound for Mr. Horn. To that I say, you're right. I am. Actually, I'm hoping to get all the venom out of me before his inevitable enshrinement to the Saints Hall of Fame. Terrytown, baby!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Radio! Now on the Internet!

Be forewarned...Forecast Radio is on tonight at 7 p.m. The 'Ralpha Dog' tries to wax poetic about the upcoming 'Who Dat?' versus 'Who Dey?" battle that is Saints-Bengals. NFL Preseason action! And Kevin tries to steal himself away from the Olympics (and his job) to call in and embarrass himself by not having anything to bring to the conversation -- like your typical sports radio call-in jabroni.

Horn Should Eat Crow, Hollis Thomas Ouchy, and Reggie Wins NFL's High Jump Award

Been kinda lax lately on posts. That happens when you're employer tells you that they're no longer paying overtime. You'd think that would mean extra time for me to write these little nuggets, but I spend more time wondering if I should start selling my blood or semen to the highest bidder. I MIGHT even consider quitting drinking to sell one off my kidneys. Fucking rent...Remind me to move out once my lease is up, okay?

Any who...let's take the three biggest things I noticed in the last week or so of Saints news:

1. Hey Joe, how's that whole 'sticking it to my former team by signing with a rival' campaign working out for you? Oh. The Falcons CUT YOU? The Atlanta Falcons, right? The destined to be 4-12 Falcons? Just wanted to make sure. Guess they didn't need your immense 36-year-old skills, then. And now you're trying to catch on with the Miami Dolphins? Say it ain't so, Joe. And you've expressed interest in joining the Cowboys, Rams, Jaguars and Titans.

Let's see: the Cowboys? Uh, no, they're fine, thanks. The Jaguars could probably use you, but you're not at the top of the depth chart. Hell, in Tennessee, when Vince Young decides to throw, he'll be looking for his new tight end before you. And the Rams? Shit, I would LOVE to see you join the Rams. You and Drew Bennett could have a "who would the fans be least offended by as the second receiver" contest.

2. Hollis Thomas injured. Excuse me...(slams head into desk. repeats.) Crap! So let's see: our defensive line is dinged up and our fifth round draft pick is on IR as well. Great. We're turning into the goddamn Cincinnati Bengals from two years ago. We'll score 31 points, but we'll give up 34 in the process. At least our games will be thrilling, right? Right???

3. So THAT's how he scales Kim Kardashian's ass...Well done, Reginald.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Roundup: Oprah can save Jason David!

Malbrough over at's lost he's fucking mind. But Jason David's shitty play will do that to us all. And the Canalstreetchronicles breaks down the Saints defense in all the messy details. Moosedenied uses a photo to make our dreams come true with Jason David.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Sweet, Sweet, Sweet...Sweet City Woman

Never thought I'd combine a Stampeders' lyric with a member of the women's U.S. gymnastics team, did you? Just found out Ms. Alicia Sacramone is 20-years-old. Nice. And, she likes to hug herself! She'll need to do that a lot I guess cause the Chinese, what with their underage gymnastics team--CHEATERS!--and all. Maybe I could help Ms. Sacramone hug the pain away?

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Can we keep the music stars off the practice field?

Hey, that's Bobby Hebert's number, man!!

Look, I'm sure Coach Payton thinks it's all nice and cool to have celebrities at camp, but why is Kenny Chesney out there catching punts and passes?

Musicians should not be allowed to come out and practice with teams, ESPECIALLY when they're open to the public. What's next, Eddie Vedder doing blocking drills with the Seattle Seahawks?

Maybe I'm less worried about the fact that celebs are out at practices, and more so that the Saints didn't do so well last year when Kenny Chesney showed up at training camp.

Hey Coach, you need to relegate this guy to the practice squad post-haste!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Saints defense looks awful...but Meachem was delicious!

Ralph Malbrough is jumping to conclusions about the the Saints defense and thinking of drafting Robert Meachem...somebody hit that fuck in the head so he'll CALM THE FUCK DOWN.
I chose a retarded picture to match his shitty column....

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Adjust Your Internet Radio Dials, Folks...

Forecast Radio, starring Ralph Malbrough and Kevin Held, has been postponed so that we may bring you...

FOOTBALL, BITCHES!!! Well, preseason football, anyway. But still...FOOTBALL, BITCHES!!!

Forecast Radio will be online at 11 p.m. We may even have a guest for the postgame show, such as the head honcho as Excellente!

See you then...

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Cue the Influx of Douchebags Betting on a Packers v. Jets Super Bowl at 1000-1 Odds...

Can't believe I'm typing this but...Brett Favre had been traded. More importantly, to the New York Jets. Yes, THOSE New York Jets. Now the only quarterback controversy brewing between Chad Pennington and Kellen Clemens will be who gets to be ignored by Brett Favre the most as his primary backup? My condolences to Brett Ratliff and Eric Ainge. Hey, I hear New York could always use another bartender. Or maybe you could become the next "Bachelor" or something?

Wow. I mean, So many emotions here; not sure even Rachel Nichols could help me dissect them all. So I guess this is our generation's Joe Namath in a Rams jersey? Then again...I've already witnessed Montana to the Chiefs and Rice to the Broncos, so maybe I'm making too big a deal out of this?

Although, now that scene from "There's Something About Mary" will make even more sense now that he's gonna be playing them twice a year.

As a Saints fan, though, I'm kinda disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing Brett's ass getting driven to the turf to open the season in the Superdome. Either that or watch him chuck unnecessary bombs into double coverage on a whim. Shit, even Jason David would've been able to nab a couple picks off Brett!

I mean, how much better does this move REALLY make the Jets? One win? Two, tops? Assuming his O-Line is up to the challenge, who's #4 gonna chuck it to? Laveranues Coles, who had a mediocre year last season (55 catches, 646 yards)? Or Jerricho Cotchery, who did make plenty of catches (82 for 1,130 yards), but only netted two touchdowns? Does he try throwing to Bubba Franks' old ass?

Now lets cast our attention to a guy who really deserves his moment in the sun: Aaron Rodgers! That's right, I'm rooting for #12 to show up and shut up all those douchebag cheeseheads this year.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

OMG, Shockey Blogs?!? LOL!

So far, I've had plenty of laughs during the Jeremy Shockey era in New Orleans. And stuff like this from Playing the Field ensures that I'll keep laughing about the Shock-Master at least until next week.

Tebucky Continues to Impress...NOT!

After voting for my all-time favorite Saints player on an poll, I thought to myself, "Where is the poll for worst Saints player in franchise history?"

About an hour later, I read that former crappy Saints safety Tebucky Jones was arrested for allegedly assaulting a woman and her boyfriend in a Connecticut casino last Friday. Shit, this story even says he tried to toss his own mother out of a condo unit he owns a few years ago.

If only he were this vicious to opposing receivers during his tenure with the Saints...