Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 17 ed.)

This will be the final rankings of the 2008 season. I'll come back with my playoff predictions on Friday or something. Your babe today is Padma Lakshmi.

32. Detroit Lions (0-16)
31. St. Louis Rams (2-14)
30. Kansas City Chiefs (2-14)
29. Cleveland Browns (4-12)
28. Seattle Seahawks (4-12)
27. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11)
26. Cincinnati Bengals (4-11-1)
25. Oakland Raiders (5-11)
24. Green Bay Packers (6-10)
23. Buffalo Bills (7-9)
22. Washington Redskins (8-8)
21. San Francisco 49ers (7-9)
20. Houston Texans (8-8)
19. Denver Broncos (8-8)
18. New Orleans Saints (8-8)
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7)

16. Arizona Cardinals (9-7)
15. New York Jets (9-7)
14. Dallas Cowboys (9-7)
13. Chicago Bears (9-7)
12. San Diego Chargers (8-8)
11. New England Patriots (11-5)
10. Philadelphia Eagles (9-6-1)
9. Minnesota Vikings (10-6)
8. Atlanta Falcons (11-5)
7. Miami Dolphins (11-5)
6. Baltimore Ravens (11-5)
5. Indianapolis Colts (12-4)
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4)
3. Tennessee Titans (13-3)
2. Carolina Panthers (12-4)
1. New York Giants (12-4)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Chris Paul will f*ck your sh*t up.

So the Hornets beat the Pacers in Indiana the other night. Apparently a fan thought it would be a good idea to taunt Chris Paul before he went back onto the floor. Not a good idea. CP3 is one vengeful motherfucker.

(Hat Tip to Deadspin.)

Monday, December 29, 2008

Fuck. Everyone.

Hey, Coach Payton! Come here a sec!



Holy fucking Christ, coach, it's not like you had to sit on a close lead or anything! Oh, you were trying to be "honorable" or some such shit? When you're out of the playoff race and all the fans have to cling to is a passing record and you're playing the hapless fucking Lions, you PASS THE GOD DAMN BALL! Pass! You get a boner anytime somebody even mentions the word and suddenly you're thinking, "Hey, why don't we just leave Drew with more than 400 yards to go AGAINST Carolina in the finale?"

You know, never mind that the Saints lost the game in as brutal a way as possible. Shit, coach, I could've handled a 50 point loss, provided Drew Brees got the record. Now? We not only barely lose the season finale at home to a division rival, but we barely miss out on celebrating NFL history because you decided to not get pass happy in the last three minutes against Detroit.

Well fuck you in the ear, sir. Fuck you in the ear but good!!!

Okay...(deep breath) Let's hug it out, bitch.

Now that I've got my 'yelling at the coach' moment out of the way, here's a hearty "fuck you" to several others:

Fuck Jett Favre and the New York Bretts, fuck the city of New York. By extension, fuck Tony Kornheiser and Peter King.

Fuck the New England Patriots, fuck Bill Simmons, fuck Tom Brady's seemingly perfect life, fuck Bill Belichick, fuck the entire New England region.

Fuck Chicago and the Bears.

Fuck the Denver Broncos.

Fuck the San Diego Chargers.

Fuck the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Fuck Jim Haslett, Rick Venturi and the St. Louis Rams.

Fuck the Dallas Cowboys. By extension, double fuck Tony Kornheiser and Peter King.

Fuck the Detroit Lions.

Fuck the Washington Redskins.

Fuck the Arizona Cardinals and their "backing into the playoffs."

Fuck Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Interesting side note: my former boss, a life long New Orleans resident, is a Steelers fan. When did he become a fan? Late 60s and early 70s. Yeah, he's a fucking asshole. He, too, can go fuck himself.

That's it, I'm done.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

I may miss the season finale...

So I've got the girlfriend moving up to St. Louis later tonight. Yeah, that's actually the good news. The bad news is that her mom is driving up with her. Now, the G.F. has watched football with me when she visited up here about six weeks ago. If it were just her, I'd have no problem watching Drew Brees go for the passing record. With her mom up here too? Shit, we can throw all those well laid plans out the fucking window.

So I have to ask: is permissible to miss a football game to deal with getting the girlfriend settled in AND keeping her mother happy as well?

And before you ask, "Dude, how old is your girlfriend, like 12?" No. She's 23 but her mother is one of those, "my little snowflake shouldn't be driving 10 hours by herself" types. We all know those moms.

And before you ask, "Dude, why didn't you fly down there and drive up with her yourself?" Reasonable question. This suggestion was brought up to me only a month ago, when airfare was going to be about $290 for a one-way flight from St. Louis to New Orleans.

With all that information, I ask you again: is it permissible to miss a football game to deal with the girlfriend AND her mother?

And yes, I will be keeping track of the game on my cell phone every five minutes.

An ad campaign I can get behind...

For a guy I had pegged as a nonchalant, argyle sweater wearing point guard who partakes in bowling on the side, uh, Chris Paul knows how to market himself.

Producer: "Yeah, Chris? We got an idea we wanna run by you."

CP3: "Shoot."

Producer: "Well, we wanna do a series of Right Guard ads featuring you."

CP3: "That's great!"

Producer: "Best of all, you don't even need to show up!"

CP3: "Huh?"

Producer: "Yeah, we'll take care of everything."

CP3: "Don't you need my face?"

Producer: "Yeah, we're using your face. Your 'likeness' if you will."

CP3: "And you don't need me for shooting?"

Producer: "Nope."

CP3: "What about my voice? Is it an animated thing?"

Producer: "Sorta. But no, we will not be needing your face."

CP3: "Then what the hell are you doing?"

Producer: "You watch Conan O'Brien?"

CP3: "Yeah, when I'm not schooling punks on Xbox LIVE. Didn't he write the Monorail episode for 'The Simpsons?'"

Producer: "Yes he did. You know when Conan interviews people on his show through the TV set, but it's only a cutout of that person? We're going to do that for these ads. But instead of you being interviewed, it's just you talking about how awesome your armpits are."

(CP3 scratches miniscule facial hair.)

CP3: "I'm sold!"

Thursday, December 25, 2008

At least we're not playing the Bears, right?

After looking at the list of the Saints' opponents in 2009, I'm of the mind that this team could go 4-12 or 12-4.

I mean, the NFC South is like fighting the bad guys from "Kickboxer," "I Come in Peace", and "Three O'Clock High".

The Cowboys seem like they're a clusterfuck, but I'd rather not run the risk of playing them if/when T.O. decides not to be an asshole ... The Dolphins are resurgent ... The Redskins beat us this year on the road ... The Eagles many finally turn the tide against us thanks to home field advantage ... The Giants are the best team in the NFC ... Buffalo or Toronto is actually fucking colder than Chicago, depending on when the game's played ... the Patriots are still the Patriots ...

Yeah, so I'm not worried about the Rams, Lions or Jets. But everything else? Consider me worried...I mean, PANICKED!

Hey, look! It's a Christmas post!

Yes, maybe, just maybe, people will come here on this holiday and will be sooooooo desperate to avoid spending time with the family after exchanging gifts that they'll actually read whatever I post! Sheer genius!!!

Okay, here's three of my favorite holiday movies:

"A Christmas Story"

Remember when "It's A Wonderful Life" was broadcast over a hundred times during the holiday season? Well, now that (sweet, lovable) NBC owns the rights to broadcast the film, we only see it twice. And that feels just about right. If we had to watch the Frank Capra classic more than three times a year, society would likely keel over with laughter. What did George Bailey do with all that money in the end? Did he actually ever become an architect or go to college? Damn it, I want answers! And there's just enough of a cynic in me that seeing this movie more than once during the holidays might make my blood curdle like bad milk.

With "ACS," we get a full 24 hours of the film, and that works to a tee. It's the sort of movie that you can flick on at any time and not be disappointed with where you are in the running time.

My favorite thing "ACS"-related is that my younger brother and I will exchange 10 or 20 text messages with random quotes from the film or make obscure comments while the film airs on Christmas Eve. It's sort of a new holiday tradition with us.

"Edward Scissorhands"

Look, Tim Burton, I love "Edward Scissorhands." I love your take on "Batman." I loved "Pee Wee's Big Adventure." But damn it, you've got to stop making these films with a dark, gothic edge to them! I'm not interested in seeing this "Nightmare Before X-Mas REDUX" animated crap that you're peddling. You've got story telling talent, sir! I saw "Big Fish." You've got a gift for non-"the world is bleak" storytelling, so use it, for fuck's sake!

"Die Hard"

Note to terrorists: Don't fuck with us on Christmas.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 16 ed.)

Your babe this week is Sophie Howard. She apparently was voted as having Britain's Best Boobs or something. Good for her.

32. Detroit Lions (0-15)
31. St. Louis Rams (2-13)
30. Kansas City Chiefs (2-13)
29. Cleveland Browns (4-11)
28. Seattle Seahawks (4-11)
27. Cincinnati Bengals (3-11-1)
26. Oakland Raiders (4-11)
25. Green Bay Packers (5-10)
24. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-10)
23. Houston Texans (7-8)
22. San Francisco 49ers (6-9)
21. Buffalo Bills (7-8)
20. Denver Broncos (8-7)
19. Washington Redskins (8-7)
18. Arizona Cardinals (8-7)
17. San Diego Chargers (7-8)

16. Philadelphia Eagles (8-6-1)
15. New Orleans Saints (8-7)
14. New York Jets (9-6)
13. Dallas Cowboys (9-6)
12. Chicago Bears (9-6)
11. Minnesota Vikings (9-6))
10. Miami Dolphins (10-5)
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-6)
8. New England Patriots (10-5)
7. Atlanta Falcons (10-5)
6. Baltimore Ravens (10-5)
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-4)
4. Indianapolis Colts (11-4)
3. Carolina Panthers (11-4)
2. New York Giants (12-3)
1. Tennessee Titans (13-2)

Monday, December 22, 2008

Quite smart, this one.

Let's see, which adjective best describes the following:

"Why the hell was Sean Payton running out the clock at the end of the game against the Lions yesterday?! We Saints fans don't give a damn about sportsmanship! Fuck Detroit! We wanted Drew to keep airing it out to set himself up better to break Marino's record against the Panthers next week! C'mon Payton, if you can't get us to the playoffs at least let us fans revel in having one of our own break one the league's more prestigious records!"

--Cajun Boy in the City, at 5:32 a.m. on December 22, 2008.

Astute? Adroit? Articulate? Something else beginning with the letter A? I don't know. I do know, however, that his sentiments are spot on.

You know...

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the vaunted defense of the Carolina Panthers. Nice run blocking, fellas. Why, that deserves some clapping...

Thanks to that stellar run blocking against Derrick Ward, the Panthers now have to either win or hope the Falcons lose in order to clinch the number two seed in the NFC Playoffs. Okay, let's just check and see who the Falcons have to play here...THE RAMS?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me?!?

Way to screw the pooch with those running plays at the end of the Lions game, Coach Payton. God damn it! How the hell is Drew Brees supposed to throw for 400 yards against an inspired Panthers defense?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Sunshine, lollipops and whopping the Lions' asses...

And while you listen to that delightful diddy, I present this week's slate of game photos:

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Why this game scares me.

It's not that I think the Saints WILL lose, it's just that if any team is capable of lumbering to the finish line like a tranquilized elephant, it's this team. And the Lions are just the sort of disappointing bastards to hold firm for most of the game, keeping the game all too close going into the last frame, where even one mistake could tip the scales for either squad. Kevin Ferguson at 'Side Lion Report' says the Lions will disappoint their fans by actually winning instead of tanking the game, when it's obvious they ought to do it. Also, the Lions are 6-8 over the last two games in the last seven years. Picked that up from the aforementioned blog post as well.

I learned that Dan the Polish Guy will be starting for the Lions, after posting a 96.8 QB rating against the Colts. See, Dan-O is just capable enough of finding Calvin Johnson to torch (insert name of Saints' secondary player) repeatedly on Sunday.

That said, Drew Brees ought to shred this Lions secondary, which has given up 221 ypg through the air, pulled down only four interceptions and has allowed opposing quarterbacks to post a 108.4 rating, worst in the NFL.

My prediction? Saints win, 34-24. The Lions stay in the game through three quarters but ultimately cannot stop Brees and Pierre Thomas.

For pre-game music, I'm going with the song "Ecstasy of Gold" from the western "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly." This game features one good offense (Saints), one bad defense (Saints), and one ugly franchise (Lions).

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Giving a +1 to a commenter...on another blog.

Commenter's name: MtnExile
Blog site: Canal Street Chronicles

The Sporting News' Mike Florio turns in a real turd in the punchbowl column in which he attempts to argue that the Shockey trade could bring down Sean Payton.

I mean, is Sean Payton responsible for the past two years' worth of underachievement? Yep. But am I ready to pull the rug out from under him, ESPECIALLY after the 2006 season? Yeah, I get that the NFL is a "what have you done for me lately?" league, but don't tell me that Saints fans (those with half a brain) would be eager to can Sean Payton. I think an NFL coach gets a three year window of the bat when he lands a new gig. Well, a playoff appearance earns you another year for sure on that timer. A visit to the conference championship certainly nets you two years. So in my book, Sean Payton has FIVE YEARS before he's shown the door. And he's currently on year three of that. The NFC Championship appearance bought Payton some extra time. Hell, I'm really giving him SIX YEARS because of the swift turnaround from '05 to '06.

Anywho, Florio's diatribe ended up on Canal Street Chronicles, where it was subsequently taken apart by MtnExile.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 15 ed.)

Ah, Marisa Miller, you just love iPods, don't you, you little minx...

32. St. Louis Rams (2-12)
31. Detroit Lions (0-14)
30. Oakland Raiders (3-11)
29. Kansas City Chiefs (2-12)
28. Seattle Seahawks (3-11)
27. Cincinnati Bengals (2-11-1)
26. Cleveland Bengals (4-10)
25. Green Bay Packers (5-9)
24. San Francisco 49ers (5-9)
23. Buffalo Bills (6-8)
22. Washington Redskins (7-7)
21. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-9)
20. San Diego Chargers (6-8)
19. New Orleans Saints (7-7)
18. Denver Broncos (8-6)
17. Houston Texans (7-7)

16. Arizona Cardinals (8-6)
15. Chicago Bears (8-6)
14. Miami Dolphins (9-5)
13. Philadelphia Eagles (8-5-1)
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-5)
11. New York Jets (9-5)
10. Baltimore Ravens (8-5)
9. Minnesota Vikings (9-5)
8. New England Patriots (9-5)
7. Atlanta Falcons (9-5)
6. Dallas Cowboys (9-5)
5. New York Giants (11-3)
4. Tennessee Titans (12-2)
3. Indianapolis Colts (10-4)
2. Carolina Panthers (11-3)
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-3)

Monday, December 15, 2008

Can I Haz Saints Piktures, Puh-leeze?

Okay, so I keep seeing these hilarious pictures on Kissing Suzy Kolber and always assumed it was a special deal between those guys and the folks at "" Turns out, ANY asshole can do this stuff. That's why I'm here; to make light of last Thursday's terrible loss against the Bears. I may make this a running feature here.

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

I promise I'll get better at this. Honest.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Five quick things...

1. The NFL needs to go to college rules for overtime.

2. Anyone who thinks Drew Brees is overrated is a classic "turd in the punchbowl."

3. If the Saints don't draft a corner or safety with their first pick in the draft, I'm going to fly down to New Orleans, drive to the Saints' training facility on Airline Drive, buy one of those "We're number 1!" foam fingers, and shove it up Sean Payton's pee hole!!!

4. Pierre Thomas proved that acquiring another running back should be lower on the list of off-season priorities. (In order: cornerback, safety, linebacker, defensive end, running back, quarterback -- Brunell ain't getting any younger, and wide receiver.)

5. Fuck Chicago. Fuck them in the ear, the pants, in Dick Cheney's man-sized safe, EVERYWHERE.

(Bonus: 6. Hey Reggie! There are some fields in the NFL that are so shitty you simply canNOT make nine cuts on a dime and expect to stay upright. For fuck's sake, son, pick a direction and stick with it!)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Thursday night "ThreatDown!"

Stephen Colbert was right: those fuckin' bears are a serious threat.

So on Sunday following the game against the Falcons, I went online to check some numbers on the Bears. Specifically their defensive stats. I'd heard that the Bears were not as formidable on the defensive side as they once had been.

Total yards per: 325.4 (17th)
Rushing yards per: 91.2 (6th)
Passing yards per: 234.2 (28th)

Okay, so obviously their ability to stop hasn't diminished, but look at those passing yards they're giving up! I mean, Drew should be able to throw all over these guys, right? I then noticed these numbers, which paint a more accurate picture of the Bears' passing defense:

Opp. QB rating: 74.1 (25th in the league -- that's good for them)
Ints: 19 (tied for second highest in the NFL)
No. of sacks: 27 (12th)

They've also given up two pass plays over 40 yards, one of them that ri-donk-ulous 99-yard TD pass courtesy of Gus Frerotte and the Minnesota Vikings.

So what this tells me is that the Bears can get pressure on the quarterback, force him to make bad throws, and they're not giving up the big play.

If I'm Sean Payton, the way I'm winning this game is not through a heavy dose of running, but rather a good short yardage passing game. Billy Miller and Jeremy Shockey, you're on notice. Reggie Bush should be used for swing passes and possibly going over the middle. Although we have guys that can go over the middle, I'm scared to death at that proposition. In NO WAY am I saying we need to abandon the run; the Saints definitely have to rely on Pierre Thomas' legs throughout the game. But we don't need the sort of balance we saw last week against the Falcons. If Drew Brees throws the ball 35 times, I'd like to see us run it between 20 and 25 times.

I think the game will be won or lost based on how fast Drew Brees can get the ball out of his hands and to his receivers.

Our hero Drew needs to channel this guy tonight:

Cause when dealing with Bears, a flaming sword sure as hell can't hurt.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Let's wait and see how they screw CP3 this year...

Yeah, so, uh...Chris Paul has 13 games where he's scored at least 20 points and dished 10 assists. The rest of the point guards in the NBA? A combined 16. So...let's see who the writers decide "deserves it" more than CP3 this season.

(Hat Tip to The Big Lead.)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 14 ed.)

This is Debora Salvalaggio. She's an Italian model who dates some Portuguese guy that plays professional soccer in Italy. I've said it before, I'll say it again: I MUST get my future son interested in soccer early on, so he'll have a chance at, I mean glory. Sweet, sweet glory.

32. Detroit Lions (0-13)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-11-1)
30. St. Louis Rams (2-11)
29. Oakland Raiders (3-10)
28. Seattle Seahawks (2-11)
27. Kansas City Chief (2-11)
26. Cleveland Browns (4-9)
25. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-9)
24. San Francisco 49ers (5-8)
23. Buffalo Bills (6-7)
22. San Diego Chargers (5-8)
21. Green Bay Packers (5-8)
20. Houston Texans (6-7)
19. Washington Redskins (7-6)
18. Chicago Bears (7-6)
17. New York Jets (8-5)
16. New Orleans Saints (7-6)

15. Philadelphia Eagles (7-5-1)
14. Minnesota Vikings (8-5)
13. Denver Broncos (8-5)
12. Miami Dolphins (8-5)
11. Dallas Cowboys (8-5)
10. Atlanta Falcons (8-5)
9. New England Patriots (8-5)
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-4)
7. Arizona Cardinals (8-5)
6. Baltimore Ravens (9-4)
5. Indianapolis Colts (9-4)
4. New York Giants (11-2)
3. Carolina Panthers (10-3)
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-3)
1. Tennessee Titans (12-1)

Monday, December 8, 2008

Well, it was a good quarter-century, No. 5.

Saints all-time legendary kicker Morten Andersen announced his retirement Monday, one day after his former team beat his "other former team."

I would say this is the perfect time for "Carry on My Wayward Son," but I've already fired that bullet this season. So I have to go with this (forgive me, Dude):

Oh, and a big +1 to the guys at Kissing Suzy Kolber for their hilarious take on the Great Dane's retirement.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Saints win. I am the Man of 1,000 Dances.

So much for that "0-17 when trailing after three quarters" crap, eh?

Well, that was...what's the word I'm looking for? Thrilling, terrifying, electrifying, frightening, discombobulating, exciting, insane, intense? Heart stopping? Nah, that's two words. I mean, why do we have to cut these things so damn close, Coach? Why am I asking so many questions that I know cannot really be answered?

I would like to say that it's pretty damn nice when the Saints show some balance on offense. They ran 32 pass plays and 30 run plays. Yeah, I'd call that balanced. (Note: Pipe down with your calls for "31-31.") Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush proved they can shoulder the load (for now), especially when playing against a mediocre run defense. Obviously, acquiring a bigger, more "between the tackles" running back should be a priority in the off-season. It's not as a big a priority as filling the gaps in the secondary, though.

What can be said about the secondary? A fellow Saints fan at the bar this afternoon said our secondary couldn't cover a fucking Kinks song, let alone the Falcons' receivers. Jason David -- you all right, son. You might just make it back on the squad next year. That's a far cry from my opinion of you as far back as, uh, four or five weeks ago. Newsflash, Mickey Loomis: I don't care what Sean Payton asks or demands, you MUST, NEED, HAVE TO draft defense this April, okay?

In the meantime, I will not allow myself to get too worked up about any sort of a playoff run here. That's for those flip-flopping drive-by callers for sports radio. I'm just thrilled because the Saints won at home against the rival Falcons, all while playing a balanced game on offense.

Now...for fuck's sake, SOMEBODY needs to teach Usama Young how to stay on Devin Hester between now and Thursday!

There are ass whoppings...

...And then there are ASS WHOPPINGS. This was the latter.

Manny Pacquiao destroyed Oscar De La Hoya over eight rounds tonight. It wasn't even close. And I don't give two shits if you don't like boxing. Manny Pacquiao is: a beast, a storm, a raging inferno, a tornado of fists, a freak of nature, whatever you want to call him.

That's it, I'm done.

Friday, December 5, 2008

So maybe not "Instant Karma," but the "Karma Police" nailed him...

Why am I so fucking happy about this? Oh yeah, cause it's O.J. Simpson.

Justice Motha Fuckers!

Will Smith stuck it to the NFL..for at least one more week. Yeah. Smith and the Deuce get to play against the Falcons.

So the Saints chances to keep themselves mathematically alive for the playoffs gets a boost.

In other news... Malbrough at thinks the Saints should continue to throw every play.

And "moosedenied" agrees wiithhim.

"Canal Street Chronicles" think they're both bat shit crazy.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Deuce, Will Smith, Chuck Grant suspended.

Yep, we knew this was coming. How nice of the Commissioner to wait until the final four games of the regular season before making this announcement? No, seriously, that makes sense.

Oh, well. Personally, if Charles Grant and Will Smith were trying to enhance their performance, then they ought to beat the shit out of whoever sold them that shit, cause they're about as useful as a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. (Jim Ross'd)

That joke has been made before, I'm sure, but I don't give a baker's fuck.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Your REAL NFL Rankings (Week 13 ed.)

Week 12 in the books. Your hottie today is British model Keeley Hazell. She's got to be in the discussion for those "hottest woman" debates.

32. Detroit Lions (0-12)
31. Cincinnati Bengals (1-10-1)
30. St. Louis Rams (2-10)
29. Seattle Seahawks (2-10)
28. Oakland Raiders (3-9)
27. Kansas City Chiefs (2-10)
26. San Diego Chargers (4-8)
25. San Francisco 49ers (4-8)
24. Cleveland Browns (4-8)
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-8)
22. Green Bay Packers (5-7)
21. Buffalo Bills (6-6)
20. Chicago Bears (6-6)
19. Houston Texans (5-7)
18. New Orleans Saints (6-6)
17. Philadelphia Eagles (6-5-1)

16. Denver Broncos (7-5)
15. Minnesota Vikings (7-5)
14. Miami Dolphins (7-5)
13. New England Patriots (7-5)
12. Washington Redskins (7-5)
11. Arizona Cardinals (7-5)
10. Dallas Cowboys (8-4)
9. Indianapolis Colts (8-4)
8. New York Jets (8-4)
7. Atlanta Falcons (8-4)
6. Baltimore Ravens (8-4)
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-3)
4. Carolina Panthers (9-3)
3. Tennessee Titans (11-1)
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3)
1. New York Giants (11-1)