1. New England Patriots (11-5)
2. Miami Dolphins* (9-7)
3. New York Jets (8-8) Look, these guys went 9-7 last year and were LUCKY to even be in the postseason. And they DIDN'T win the division, either! I don't buy these guys as world beaters with Mark Sanchez at quarterback. Sorry.
1. San Diego Chargers (10-6) No Vincent Jackson? Rookie running back? Uh, no 11+ win season.
2. Denver Broncos (8-8)
3. Kansas City (6-10)
4. Oakland Raiders (5-11) I made this prediction on The Big Lead and I'll share it with you now: If the Raiders make the postseason, I will allow somebody to nail me in the head with a cookie sheet, tape it, and put it on the internet. Yes, this would be highly embarrassing and probably eliminate me from all future presidential contention. But the Raiders aren't making the playoffs, so I've got nothing to worry about.
1. Baltimore Ravens (11-5) Come on, Joe Flacco, you uni-browed bad ass! I've got you in my fantasy league!!
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-8) Pittsburgh is not making the postseason. Sorry, fat asshole who jumped on the bandwagon back in the 70s.
3. Cincinnati Bengals (7-9)
4. Cleveland Browns (6-10) Jon Gruden, line one...
1. Indianapolis Colts (12-4) It's Peyton Manning. Of COURSE he's going to win 12 again. And Jim Caldwell will undoubtedly do something utterly stupid during the regular season. Guy's got the Kathleen Blanco "what am I gonna do?" look on the sidelines AT ALL TIMES.
2. Houston Texas* (9-7) These guys are going to make us all right someday...Like the Washington Generals are BOUND to win one, right?
3. Tennessee Titans (8-8) Vincent Young regresses. Jeff Fisher stays in place.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11)
1. Dallas Cowboys (10-6) They're not as great as everyone is making them out to be. And yet I've got them going to the playoffs. Go figure.
2. New York Giants* (10-6)
3. Washington Redskins (8-8)
4. Philadelphia Eagles (7-9)
1. San Francisco 49ers (8-8) This is just wishful thinking. I'm so rooting for a team to finish .500 and still WIN their division. This needs to happen.
2. Seattle Seahawks (7-9)
3. St. Louis Rams (5-11) I can't believe I'm saying this, but: if Sam Bradford doesn't die behind that crappy O-Line, he'll give a lot of hope to the forty-five football fans in town.
4. Arizona Cardinals (4-12) The year after Kurt Warner leaves, the wheels officially come off.
1. Green Bay Packers (12- 4)
2. Minnesota Vikings (9-7)
3. Detroit Lions (6-10) Dude in my fantasy league paid out the ass for Jahvid Best. Like 30 bucks. Crazy. Then again, I paid $21 for Beanie Wells, so I have little room to talk.
4. Chicago Bears (5-10)
1. New Orleans Saints (11-5)
2. Atlanta Falcons* (10-6) The Falcons will be decidedly friskier in 2010.
3. Carolina Panthers (7-9)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13)