(Sean Payton is seated in his coaching war room with Drew Brees and Jonathan Vilma.)
VILMA: Coach, we been at this for hours on end! It's 4 a.m., we need to get some sleep before getting on that plane to Frisco!
BREES: Jonathan's right, Coach. We've been running drills and watching game film almost 18 hours everyday. Don't you think that...
PAYTON: Guys, do you want everyone to keep writing you off?!?!?
VILMA & BREES: No, sir.
PAYTON: That's right! Cause everyone WILL keep on underestimating us if we ever give them an opportunity!!! You want Jaws and Schlerath to say we didn't deserve to be Super Bowl champions?
BREES: To be honest, Coach, I kinda don't care what any asshole on TV thinks...
PAYTON: WRONG! Wrong-wrong-wrong!!! Everyone thinks this is a trap game for us, like we're going to overlook the 49ers or something!!
BREES: Coach, Vilma and I know better than to look past any opponent. Shoot, I learned that watching "Road House."
VILMA: Yeah, what Drew sa-wait a second....You watched "Road House," Drew?
BREES: Shockey let me borrow one of his copies.
VILMA: Copies?
BREES: He's got, like, 12 of them. Some unopened and autographed by Ben Gazzara. It's weird.
VILMA: You right about that...
PAYTON: Enough! Now I've gone to great expense to get a guest speaker for you two. (Payton pushes button on his desk.) Send him in.
(Vilma and Brees turn around...)
VILMA: What the fuck is that?!?
PAYTON: Don't you know anything, Vilma?!? This is Admiral Ackbar! A member of the Mon Calamari race and leader of the Rebel Alliance's fleet! Christ almighty, Vilma, don't you watch TV or read the news?!?
BREES: So...it's a squid?
PAYTON: Yeah, sorta. Admiral, what are your words of advice for these guys?
(Admiral Ackbar paces about the room,
ACKBAR: IT'S A TRAP!!!
(Vilma gasps. Brees is unimpressed.)
BREES: Okay...how so?
ACKBAR: (thinks to himself) Uh...IT'S A TRAP!!!
BREES: Yeah, uh, again...how so?
PAYTON: Drew, the Admiral wants to remind you not to sleep on the 49ers...
ACKBAR: THAT'S A NAP!!!
BREES: Yeah. Okay. Well, thanks for the inspiring words, Admiral, but I've got to get home pack my carry on.
ACKBAR: TAKE A MAP!!!
(Brees leaves, shaking his head.)
PAYTON: What do you think, Vilma?
VILMA: I don't know, Coach? Yo, Admiral, what's your favorite movie?
ACKBAR: SPINAL TAP!!!
VILMA: And your least favorite movie?
ACKBAR: BAPPS!!!
VILMA: You got a least favorite singer?
ACKBAR: SCOTT STAPP!!!
VILMA: Right, right...Do you have any pregame rituals you'd recommend?
ACKBAR: TAKE A CRAP!!!
VILMA: Alright, I see where this one is going, I'm gonna hit the showers before hitting the road.
ACKBAR: BRING A SHOWER CAP!!!
PAYTON: Thank you, Admiral Ackbar. You've been a big help. Can I take you anywhere?
ACKBAR: TO THE GAP!!!
(End scene.)
1 comment:
I think Admiral Ackbar is becoming the new Betty White, unfortunately.
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