Thursday, September 5, 2013

Prediction: Saints finish 10-6, make playoffs...BUT HOW DO THEY GET THERE?!?

Damn, I haven't posted here in nearly a year?  I'm surprised the website's still active.  But hey, never turn away good news, or whatever the expression is.

So on Twitter I predicted the Saints would go 10-6 and make the playoffs.  That has me wondering: what did I predict last year for the Saints?

10-6; make the playoffs.

God, I'm such a gutless turd sometimes.

Anyway...here's my game-by-game prediction for the Saints' 2013 season.  I'm sure NOTHING will be wrong this time out.

Week 1: Atlanta Falcons - W
Week 2: @Tampa Bay Buccaneers - W
Week 3: Arizona Cardinals - W
Week 4: Miami Dolphins - W (Party in the MIA?  Party in the MIA.)
Week 5: @Chicago Bears - L (Saints STILL haven't figured out Chicago on the road)
Week 6: @New England Patriots - L (I'll smash my balls in a cabinet drawer after watching ESPN fawn over Tom Brady after he breaks The Brees Streak.)
Week 7: BYE WEEK!



Week 8: Buffalo Bills - W
Week 9: @New York Jets - W (Rex Ryan will probably be fired before this game.  I could TOTALLY see him trolling NY fans and the media by appearing on the opposite sidelines with his brother or some shit.  I would write a scenario JUST LIKE THIS, but Kissing Suzy Kolber would have my ass.)
Week 10: Dallas Cowboys - W
Week 11: San Francisco 49ers - L (The less I say about the better.)
Week 12: @Atlanta Falcons - L (ALL of the middle fingers.)
Week 13: @Seattle Seahawks - L (Can't wait to watch ESPN fawn over "great despite being small" Russell Wilson's performance.)
Week 14: Carolina Panthers - W
Week 15: @St. Louis Rams - W (F*ck the mustache.)
Week 16: @Carolina Panthers - L
Week 17: Tampa Bay Buccaneers - W (Saints clinch playoff spot with the win here at home.)

OTHER MEANINGLESS SAINTS PREDICTIONS:

1. Drew Brees throws for over 4,500 yards and 30 TDs.
2. Drew Brees doesn't even place in the MVP voting at season's end.
3. I go nuclear over the entire MVP voting process.
4. Jimmy Graham catches 80+ passes and has fewer than 9 drops.
5. Meachem has 3 good games all season, infuriating an entire nation of fantasy football players.
6. Kenny Stills finds a matching purse and pumps.


No comments: