Saturday, October 3, 2009

From the files of Twitter: Get dressed. We are going out to eat.

From Twitter:

Rookie night at Morton's.....May God take care of my wallet!
4:24 PM Oct 1st from web

(EXT. Morton's Steakhouse - NIGHT)

(The well dressed Chip Vaughn is standing outside a fine dining establishment. He checks his watch.)

CHIP: Man, I hope they aren't late. I had to slip the guy a fifty just get a solid 8 o'clock reservation. These rapscallions better get here on time.

(Cornerback Malcolm Jenkins pulls up in a BMW and tosses his keys to the parking lot attendant.)

JENKINS: Now, when I come out later, I want you to hang on to those keys and wait for me to swat 'em out your hands and claim 'em for myself, got it?

VALET: Yes, sir, Mr. Jenkins.

CHIP: Hey, Malcolm! Great you could make it out tonight!

JENKINS: No problem.


CHIP:'s it going?



CHIP: 'bout this weather?

JENKINS: Yep. Humid.

(Tumbleweeds blow by.)

CHIP: You, uh, talk to anyone else before rolling out here?

JENKINS: Can't say that I have cause I haven't.

CHIP: Oh. want to go inside and wait then?


(The two men walk inside. Minutes later, they are joined by Jonathan Casillas and Chase Daniel, who sit and wait with them for the final member of their party to arrive.)

JONNY: You told him 8 p.m., right?

CHIP: Absolutely. He knew that.

CHASE: You think he got lost, Malcolm?

JENKINS: ...Nope.

CHASE: Okay. You think I should try calling his cell?

JENKINS: ...Nope.

CHASE: Why not?

(Jenkins points to the front of the restaurant.)

JENKINS: He's here.

(The men at the table turn and look...)

TOMMY: Hey guys!!

JONNY: You gotta be shittin' me...

(Chase Daniel buries his head in his hands. Malcolm Jenkins stares into space -- he remains a vacuum. Chip gets up and greets him.)

CHIP: Yeah, uh, good to see you Thomas.

TOMMY: Thanks for inviting me out, Chip! Say, where's y'all's costumes?

CHIP: Dude, when I said "dress up" I didn't mean to go as one of the Thundercats.


CHIP: You got a change of clothes or anything?

TOMMY: Sorry, Chip, I thought this was, like, some preemptive Halloween party.

(Chip hangs his head.)

TOMMY: Well, look on the bright side: at least I didn't dress as a Furry, am-I-right?

CHIP: Christ...

(Minutes later, the guys have all placed their orders and are waiting for their steaks.)

CHASE: Man, I can't wait to sink my teeth into that steak! I'm so friggin' excited!

CHIP: I don't wish to sound rude or anything, Chase, but are you just trying to run up the bill for me?

CHASE: Hells no, Chip, why?

CHIP: Well, see...

(Jonny interrupts.)

JONNY: Cause you ordered a $67 steak, white bread!

CHASE: Yeah, but I got reasons for that.

JONNY: You don't see Malcolm ordering that much off the menu.

CHASE: (whispering to Jonny and Chip) Guys, he's only been eating sugar packets.

JENKINS: Good for alertness.

CHASE: Dude, how many calories are you operating on?

JENKINS: Don't know. Starved mind's a football-crazed mind.

CHASE: Oooooookay....

JONNY: You still never answered my question. Why you eating so damn much?

CHASE: Have you SEEN the SIZE of my HEAD? It's like a fucking asteroid is resting on my neck, Jonny! I gotta feed it every chance I get!

JONNY: Sheesh, take it easy, Chase, no need to get worked up about it...

CHASE: Worked up?!? My head's got its own orbital system for fuck's sake!!!! There's "Low Earth Orbit" then there's "Chase Daniel Orbit!"


CHIP: Shit, I hope you boys don't...Oh shit...

(Tommy comes up to the table with a friend.)

TOMMY: Uh, can she stay and eat with us?

CHIP: God damn, man...

(Ed. note: Again, this is a reminder that these vignettes are inspired by the work being done at Kissing Suzy Kolber.)

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