Thursday, February 14, 2008

Baseball's other 'dark day'

Forget about Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee's game of 'Who's a Bigger Asshole?' in front of Congress on Tuesday, how easily people forget baseball's REAL dark day:

(Whitey Ford gets "whacked" by pretzels during a Springfield Isotopes game.)

Just as everyone is slowly about to munch in those delicious pretzels, the announcer reveals the winner's name of today's giveaway. The 1997 Pontiac Astrowagon goes to the fan in seat 0001 -- C. Montgomery Burns. No one's happy about this but Mr. Burns and Smithers, and Mr. Burns hops in his new car, which is pelted by the pretzels thrown by the angry, booing crowd.

Announcer #1: And here come the pretzels!

Marge: Oh, no! No, don't do that! You're suppose to be tasting them!

Announcer #2: Hall of Famer Whitey Ford now on the field pleading with the crowd for...for some kind of sanity.

Announcer #1: Uh-oh, and a barrage of pretzels now knocking Whitey unconscious.

Announcer #2: Wow. This is uh... This is a black day for baseball.

In the kitchen, Bart and Homer try to cheer up a much depressed Marge.

Bart: Cheer up, Mom. You can't buy publicity like that. Thousands and thousands of people saw your pretzels injuring Whitey Ford!

Homer: You could call them Whitey-Whackers.

(Just keeping things in perspective, folks.)

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