Wednesday, November 18, 2009

NFL Power Rankings (Week 10)

I obviously don't have a formula for this, but it's some kind off half-assed "strength of schedule" meets "who would win on a neutral field?" discussion. For the first time, I've decided to add select comments to a few teams. I hope I don't start doing this to every team because that'll mean more work for me.

Here's one of my favorite things in the world: Brass Bonanza. RIDE THE WHALE!

32. Cleveland Browns (1-8): Mangini is better suited to be a coordinator than a head coach. Hell, some former head coaches aren't even suited to be serviceable coordinators (see: Haslett, Jim).
31. Oakland Raiders (2-7)
30. Detroit Lions (1-8)
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-8)
28. St. Louis Rams (1-8): Hell, I was exceptionally wrong about this game. And I had to sit through it with my family chattering away about my brother's wedding. I like to watch a game in relative silence, save for my occasional outbursts of "are you fucking kidding me?" and "run, son, run!!!"
27. Kansas City Chiefs (2-7)
26. Buffalo Bills (3-6): Dick Jauron, please pick up the white courtesy phone.
25. Seattle Seahawks (3-6)
24. Washington Redskins (3-6)
23. Chicago Bears (4-5): Think God I didn't get you in my fantasy league, Cutler. Christ, you fucking suck this year...
22. New York Jets (4-5): Since being embarrassed against the Saints, the Jets are 1-4.
21. Tennessee Titans (3-6): Bud Adams, FTW.

Know how I adore Keeley Hazell? Apparently she also "wants to be a singer." She even released a single called "Voyeur." Here's one minute of that song. One minute because that's all anyone could rightly stand of hearing her sing. Although she is wearing, uh...nice stuff...

20. San Francisco 49ers (4-5)
19. Carolina Panthers (4-5)
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-4)
17. Miami Dolphins (4-5)
16. Atlanta Falcons (5-4): Matt Ryan, still killing me in fantasy football, dude.
15. New York Giants (5-4)
14. Houston Texans (5-4)
13. Denver Broncos (6-3): Kyle Orton looks a lot like an old friend of mine named Tim. Both enjoy heavy drinking, and their facial features were dominated by a neck beard and puffy cheeks.
12. Green Bay Packers (5-4)
11. Philadelphia Eagles (5-4)

I plan on getting an Xbox 360 and Assassin's Creed II this Christmas. War, me.

10. Dallas Cowboys (6-3)
9. Baltimore Ravens (5-4)
8. Arizona Cardinals (6-3)
7. San Diego Chargers (6-3): Norv Turner isn't really that good of a coach, right? It's Andy Reid who's just not as good down the stretch, right?
6. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3)
5. New England Patriots (6-3): Here's why I kept the Pats at 5, ranked ahead of the Steelers. One, Pats were on the road whereas the Steelers blew it at home. And two...fuck the Steelers and their bandwagoning fans from New Orleans who became fans in the 1970s and never even visited the fucking city of Pittsburgh to begin with, that's why.
4. Cincinnati Bengals (7-2)
3. Minnesota Vikings (8-1): I almost marked them down as 7-1. Then I remembered they played the Lions. Practically a bye week anyway.
2. New Orleans Saints (9-0): Sorry, Saints fans, but a team that barely survives against one of the five worst teams in the league cannot--repeat, CANNOT--be ranked ahead of a team that posted a come from behind victory against one of the five best teams in the league. It just can't happen.
1. Indianapolis Colts (9-0)


Wang said...

I'm gonna have to go ahead and agree with bumping the Saints down a notch, and your reasoning behind it.

And man, that beef you've got with N.O. Steelers fan dude is fierce, huh? Rock on, HATE HATE HATE HATE! FINISH HIM!!!!

Mr. Held Over said...

Thanks for back up, Wang. Always appreciated.