Saturday, October 18, 2008

"I Need A Weapon." Yeah? Drew Brees has tons of 'em, Master Chief.

Drew Brees will make you a weapon out of a anything, Master Chief. Need a short range weapon, like one of those crazy swords the Elites were using in Halo 2? Yeah, Drew's got Deuce McAllister for you. Need something a little more versatile? How about something that could either blow up in your face on a regular basis or cause severe, crippling damage from long range, like a rocket launcher? Two words, sir: Reggie Bush.

Wait, instead of a rocket launcher, how about something that's either totally hit or miss? Ah, then we've got the perfect sniper-type, deep threat receiver duo for you: Devery Henderson and Robert Meachem. These two either catch the deep passes, or they bumblefuck it up with heart wrenching futility. (Note: Look, I couldn't find video of Henderson catching passes. And I still remember him as "stone hands" Henderson, anyways. Sorry, Grand Master Wang.)

But wait, Master Chief, perhaps you'd like to work a shotgun. The weapon, not the formation. Well, I've got a special for you: Marques Colston. Seventh rounder out of little known Hofstra University. Shit, Master Chief, they're more known for hosting debates than their football, dude. And this Colston cat has been laying hurt across the field.

What's that? Still looking for something else with devastating power...but with an alien-type background? #9 also has available a Mr. Jeremy Shockey. We're not totally sure where he comes from, but he's definitely a "Needler" kinda guy. (Note: Seriously, Jeremy? Wings? Arrrrrrrr!!)

Or...maybe you like old trusty, the machine gun? Drew Brees also has David Patten at his disposal. When all else fails, go with whatever you have available.

Now, some of you might be asking, "what's Drew Brees then?" Motherfucker's a pistol. And not just any pistol, but the pistol from the first "Halo." That shit was little, but oh so effective.

(Top image by Sports Illustrated, but a 'Hat Tip' to Deadspin nonetheless.)

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