Monday, December 29, 2008

Fuck. Everyone.

Hey, Coach Payton! Come here a sec!

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WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING NOT PASSING THE BALL MORE AGAINST THE LIONS LAST WEEK?!?!?

Holy fucking Christ, coach, it's not like you had to sit on a close lead or anything! Oh, you were trying to be "honorable" or some such shit? When you're out of the playoff race and all the fans have to cling to is a passing record and you're playing the hapless fucking Lions, you PASS THE GOD DAMN BALL! Pass! You get a boner anytime somebody even mentions the word and suddenly you're thinking, "Hey, why don't we just leave Drew with more than 400 yards to go AGAINST Carolina in the finale?"

You know, never mind that the Saints lost the game in as brutal a way as possible. Shit, coach, I could've handled a 50 point loss, provided Drew Brees got the record. Now? We not only barely lose the season finale at home to a division rival, but we barely miss out on celebrating NFL history because you decided to not get pass happy in the last three minutes against Detroit.

Well fuck you in the ear, sir. Fuck you in the ear but good!!!

Okay...(deep breath) Let's hug it out, bitch.

Now that I've got my 'yelling at the coach' moment out of the way, here's a hearty "fuck you" to several others:

Fuck Jett Favre and the New York Bretts, fuck the city of New York. By extension, fuck Tony Kornheiser and Peter King.

Fuck the New England Patriots, fuck Bill Simmons, fuck Tom Brady's seemingly perfect life, fuck Bill Belichick, fuck the entire New England region.

Fuck Chicago and the Bears.

Fuck the Denver Broncos.

Fuck the San Diego Chargers.

Fuck the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Fuck Jim Haslett, Rick Venturi and the St. Louis Rams.

Fuck the Dallas Cowboys. By extension, double fuck Tony Kornheiser and Peter King.

Fuck the Detroit Lions.

Fuck the Washington Redskins.

Fuck the Arizona Cardinals and their "backing into the playoffs."

Fuck Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Interesting side note: my former boss, a life long New Orleans resident, is a Steelers fan. When did he become a fan? Late 60s and early 70s. Yeah, he's a fucking asshole. He, too, can go fuck himself.

That's it, I'm done.

1 comment:

Saintsational said...

Best thing you've ever written so far!

One thing...can you triple fuck Tony Kornheiser for me please.