NBA First Round Playoff Picks: "Where Lameness Happens..."

Look, I can't get into too much detail here with these picks. I'm packing for a weekend trip to Chicago to compete in a Hurling competition. Not puking. The 2,000-year-old Gaelic sport in which a bunch of men run around with sticks trying to hit a ball in the air. Anywho...here's my first round predictions, in 12 words or less:

Eastern Conference:

1) Celtics v. 8) Hawks -- Atlanta is lucky to reach a game five. K.G. grins, Celtics' win.

2) Pistons v. 7) 76ers -- Pistons turn it on and off. Back on. Off again. Six games.

3) Magic v. 6) Raptors -- Magic cruising behind Turkolu (sp? indeed).

4) Cavaliers v. 5) Wizards -- Hibachi pulls off minor upset over King James in epic seven games.

Western Conference:

1) Lakers v. 8) Nuggets -- Kobe grabs the broom. Lakers in 4.

2) Hornets v. 7) Mavericks -- CP3 is awesome, D-West goes off for 40 pts. in clincher in N.O.

3) Spurs v. 6) Suns -- PLEASE GOD, let the Suns win in Six! Tired of Timmy Duncan!

4) Jazz v. 5) Rockets -- Sorry, Tracy, enjoy the time off. Jazz in Six.